Life on the Other Side

I am in a bit of a reflective mood today. I am reflecting back on my life and the different things I have gone through, as well as the things I have been lucky enough to do. I honestly never thought I would be happy until I was able to overcome infertility and have a child of my own. Infertility ruled my life for so long. I was so focused on it that everything revolved around it. I got to my breaking point and decided I needed a distraction, so I started school. That was the best move I could have ever made.

I can honestly say I am happy. I never thought I could be happy without kids, but I actually am. Don’t get me wrong, I would still love a child, and someday hope to try infertility treatments again. For now, I am content. I honestly have the best husband in the world. I could not ask for a better man by my side. We have been through so much together but we are still holding strong. I love ever minute I get to spend with him. I can’t imagine my life without him.

We have been able to do things that we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to do if we had kids. We were able to get my 1967 Mustang restored, as well as take some neat trips like Alaska last June.  We have the big Mustang 50^th Anniversary coming up that we get to go to in April, and Mike has been able to run countless marathons as well as the Wasatch 100 a couple times. There are so many things that probably wouldn’t have happened if we had kids. I am grateful that we have been able to take advantage of our freedom and get out and do things. 

I still really hope that someday Mike and I will be able to have children, but I don’t dwell on that thought anymore.  Infertility no longer rules my life, and I like that. It is reassuring to me that happiness is a possibility, even without kids. I am in no way ready to accept a childless life, but I feel more at ease about it if that were to be how our life turns out. I know that no matter what, I am married to my best friend and will still be able to find happiness… even if it is just the two of us.

Life is Good

I have recently started reflecting on my life today versus 10 years ago. My life is so completely different. In fact, I am not entirely convinced it was me that lived that earlier life, or that I am even the same person. It’s almost like looking back on the memories and being so disconnected from them that it is like watching someone else’s life. 

I am happy. I look at what I have and I feel so blessed. I have the most incredible husband who treats me better than I probably deserve. I am lucky enough to have my dad’s first car in the form a nicely restored mustang. I have a decent house, I have the best pets ever, and I have a great job. I also was able to purchase not a brand new vehicle… but a really nice used vehicle that I LOVE! Even though we have not had any luck with the baby thing…. I have been able to take time to better myself. I am still enrolled in school and loving it! I really like knowing that I am focusing on me for now and bettering myself. I am sure we will try for a baby again sometime… but for the time being, I am happy working on bettering me.

Essentially I am just feeling very lucky lately. I am in awe of how my life has changed in such a positive way. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve so much, but I am not complaining haha.  So yeah… life is good!

Long Time... lots of changes

So I haven't been into blogging lately, as is clearly evident by the huge gab between now and my last entry. In fact I had kinda forgotten about my blog for awhile until I needed to go back and look at a past post as reference for something. Anyways, I was surprised to see that even though I am not doing any posts, I still have a steady stream of visitors to my blog. So maybe its time to do an update.

School is like a dementor. It seriously sucks your soul right out of you... ok more like sucks your time, but just sounded fun comparing it to a dementor. I have been loving school. It has been the best thing for me. I needed something to take my mind off all the infertility stuff, and it has really done that. So I have been working my butt off with school but remembering how much I really enjoy learning. Right now I am working on math which is rather frustrating, but still exhilarating when something finally clicks.

The downside to throwing all my free time into school is that I completely stopped worrying about my weight and what I ate. I will admit it was a nice break from stressing about weight but was a sad wake-up call when I stood on the scale and saw that my weight had snuck-up on me and I was dangerously close to being the heaviest I have ever been. So I decided I needed to at least try to eat healthier and do what I could to figure out the weight stuff.  So I decided to get some lab work done and get my levels checked out which resulted in finding out that even thought I am not trying to get pregnant... the PCOS still needs to be treated or it could cause serious issues down the road.

So my blood test came back and my cholesterol was fine but triglycerides were high. Also they tested my insulin which is borderline high. So I always thought I understood PCOS but boy was I wrong. I just knew it was what cause me to not have normal periods or ovulate. Apparently it goes so much deeper. So my body doesn't react to insulin like it should. Therefore my pancreas (I am pretty sure that is the insulin producing organ, but I am not a doctor and therefore could be very wrong in this fact) is working overtime producing extra insulin. So if I do not treat PCOS, my pancreas could eventually wear out causing me to become a type II diabetic.  So I had to make a choice... either face the potential of having to give myself shots down the road when I turn diabetic, or go back on the dreaded metformin. So metformin it is...

So this time it is a much lower dosage and extended release so it shouldn't be so hard on my stomach. Well I have been on it for about 3 days now and it is completely kicking my butt. That is actually the reason I wandered onto my blog was wanting to read about my symptoms from last year when I was on it for the IVF. So tonight we had pizza and a movie night. Well shortly after the pizza I got horribly sick. Infact I ended up in bed at 8 pm on a Saturday which honestly should be a crime. So two hours later I wake up feeling great and here I am on my blog. So I am reading an entry back in August 2011 that is appropriately titled Metformin (Glucophage) how I hate you! So I am reading through here kicking myself for not reading this sooner seeing as I say "

P.S. Sorry this entire post is highlighted. Blogger and I are not getting along at the moment so this is the best I am going to get on this post since I cant get the highlighting to go away.