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26 (Part 2)

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One of my favorite things about life in Tokyo 2017-18, apart from my weekly meetups (or let's be honest- pigging out sessions) with Winnie, was my weekly yoga class with teacher Yuki Matsui at Deus Ex Machina, Harajuku. The class helped center and relax me after a week of intense work, so much so that I was willing to wake up earlier than a work day for it. What's ironic was the location- it was a 2-minute walk away from my office. After yoga, I'd sit around for an hour or so sipping my soy matcha from Deus, getting on my phone, listening to music or better, reading a book. Then I'd head to Singapore Holic Laksa near Omotesando street for a nice bowl of Laksa with Loh Shi Fun (mouse-tail noodles). I loved Sundays. It took an awfully long time, much longer than I would have preferred, to feel at home in Tokyo. I felt as though I was throwing, or that I had to throw, my whole identity away when I moved there. As a young, fresh grad who happened to be Asian, I felt a h...
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26 (Part 1)

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It's been almost 1.5 years since my last post. It's quite crazy how much life can change in such a short time. There have been times when I would bump into some acquaintances and they'd seem like they knew what I'd been up to, the challenges I'd faced, how I'd been feeling. They would act like they actually  knew me, while that feeling wasn't reciprocated. I'd feel transparent and vulnerable, and if I'm really honest.. a bit of regret in my gut. But I'd remember all the messages I got that said they were glad they weren't the only ones feeling that way. I suppose if it helps even one person feel less lonely, or less lost, then I'm okay being a little vulnerable. I like reflecting on my life occasionally. What would 22 year old me say? What about 17 year old me? If I met 5 year old me today, would she be proud of me? Or would I be a disappointment to her? How much did 22, 17, 5 know about growing up? They knew about the apparent acc...
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The shittiness of it all

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A friend wrote to me several weeks ago, and asked my opinion on what it's like to move to a foreign country, and implied that if he were a young, wide-eyed 20 year old, it would be a thrilling experience, but at 25, would he be simply be fooling himself by going through such an experience. At first I thought it was such an odd thing to say, but as I thought about it more, I started to wonder if I'd feel very different if I had come to Tokyo at 20. Perhaps I would be more open to this journey. At 20, I would most likely still be a student, free from adult responsibilities. At 25, I'm counting every penny I'm spending, feeling the pinch with every dollar (yen) I'm taking out of my purse, silently berating myself for spending money that I don't have. And of course, at 25, you're expected to figure it all out. But how the hell does insurance work in Japan? Taxes? What's normal, what's acceptable? What's not? Why is everything so fucking complicated...
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Japan and Quarter-life crisis

This week marks the beginning of my 6th month in Japan. I know how it looks to an outsider, reactions I've gotten span from "Oh it's a good opportunity" to "Oh my god, you're living the dream!" I didn't really understand why so many people (especially Malaysians) love Japan. But I'm slowly starting to see its appeal. It has such a rich and unique culture, so obviously different from what we're used to. Yet it seems mysterious, kind of like that sexy artist you can never quite figure out. At 25, I'm at that place in my life where I'm becoming increasingly aware of where I'm at physically, intellectually and emotionally. I want to say I've seen quite enough of life in the East and West, but I only know what I know. I think we all crave both comfort and adventure, and it's difficult to strike a balance - to be able to tiptoe out of your comfort zone. I think we all know what it's like to be comfortable, to be confident...
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Courage blanket

Tonight, I have two options: walk all the way home by myself for 40 minutes, or take the crowded train for 10 minutes. I chose the latter. A week after arriving in Tokyo, the discomfort finally kicks in. Before taking the train, I stopped by this food place. To be honest, I don't know what that is. I only know it serves Soba and Udon, and Tendon.. Tempura.. and they don't provide seats, so you'd stand and eat your delicious bowl of noodles. The last and only time I was there, I couldn't understand the old Japanese man, so he pointed at the Soba noodles, and I just nodded. It was delicious and cheap, so I decided to go there again. This time, I noticed the vending machine in the restaurant, hidden in a corner. Nothing was written in English. I picked the cheapest thing that I assumed wasn't going to turn out to be just a boiled egg. I brought my ticket to the same old Japanese man. He asked me something in Japanese, no mention of "soba" or "tendon...
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What post-graduation life is really like

This was my original plan: Apply for LA jobs during my last semester in Boston, get some interviews (maybe some Skype ones), secure a job I like with a fair pay by the time I step out of college, and off I ride, into the beautiful sunset of the wonderful Adultworld everyone else has been complaining about. Alas, life didn't go as I planned in my neat little brain. Before long, I realized that under normal circumstances, employers want you to be in the same area before they decide that you're serious about the job. Which is perfectly reasonable. They ask you to check in again when you're "here". Fair enough. You have a lot on your plate at this time. Final projects to wrap up. A lot of goodbyes to be said. You wonder what awaits you on the opposite coast. By now, you've heard a lot of horror stories about the industry, its competitiveness and the (perceived?) discrimination. "I didn't get the job because of my race." "I didn't get ...
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My 2015-2016

It's been more than 2 months since my last post here. Honestly I'm surprised some people still come here to check for new updates. I had so much time on my hands in the fall semester, so being too busy isn't my excuse. I always enjoy reading articles that express unconventional or unpopular opinion. So when I write something here, I prefer offering readers something atypical. After all, your time is precious, you could be doing a million other things right now, but you are choosing to spend your time reading what I have to say, and that is such a HUGE honor. That being said , here I've come up with a list of lessons I learned in 2015, and my goals for 2016 - which is personal and may not contain many unconventional points.  This year, I learned. If I find that there is no one around to help me through difficult times, the least I could do is be there for myself, and be kind to myself. If I am upset, I would comfort me, bring me a cup of warm water, wipe my tears awa...
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Location: Selangor, Malaysia
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