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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

2 Months today

Today it has been 2 months since I got the news about Nigel's death. How my heart has broken again. As I have said before I feel int is getting harder not easier. I feel myself on my knees more and more. It has been a great comfort to me to know that my heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. HE has helped me through this tough time. It has not been easy by any means but I know with out him I don't think I could have made it this far. Some days it's hard when i am here all alone and my thoughts start running and then my tears start flowing. I try to keep myself busy. But then I feel it all gets bottled up and then when it flowes I get flooded. I just wish I could see him one last time. Hug him one last time, tell him I love you one last time. Would that be enough probably not but i can wish for it or i can get on my knees and tell the lord to hug him for me and then tell Nigel that I love him. Then I can go to sleep and dream of him so I can see hi one last time. you are truly my HERO! i know that you would say No I'm not I'm just your little brother but you are truly my HERO! You Had a dream and you lived it to the fullest. I am trying to find my Dream so I can live it to my fullest. thank you for setting such a good example. I love you and Miss you so much but i know that God needed you More! OXOXOXO from your Bis sis.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

On a lighter side

On the lighter side of things here are a few pictures of Mikey and Shelby at Jr. Prom. these two have been dating since Jr high so for about 4 yrs.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Harder not easier. Why?

I have had a rough few days. It seems to be getting harder not easier to deal with the fact that Nigel is gone. I still feel he is in Afghanistan and will get off that bus on June 2. But I know that this will not happen. I have had a hard time with having closure do to the fact that we were not able to see him. (yes I know it was him in the cassette) but not seeing him has been the hardest thing for me not able to see his face one last time to say good bye. Not seeing any part of him he was dressed in his dress blues and had his gloves on and his face covered. there was no part of him that I could say "YES this is my brother." This is my struggle and I know I need to come to peace with it but part of me wants it to be wrong. They got it wrong he is still alive and will get off the bus in June. I still have his voice on my phone and I listen to it often. He Say's "Hi this is Nigel I'm just calling to let you know I'm alright. I'm calling because there was a suicide boomer that hit not to far from us but I'm alright everyone else in my unit is fine. I also got your package and thank you for it. OK well I'm fine love you bye." I wish that day I had answered the phone but i am glad i have his voice to listen to. It gives my comfort some times and others it makes me miss him even more.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Funeral

This picture says it all. Nigel We love you and Miss you.

Nigel's Funeral was hard to get through but I felt him there. He stood by all of us as we all gave are talks. I have not seen that many people at a funeral. Unless they were some famous person. And Nigel was just a quite young man who died doing what he loved. I have said many times since his death that I have lost one brother but I have gained 160+. All the Marines from his unit here and in Afghanistan have been so wonderful. Writing to us and letting us know that he was their friend and that he was a great Marine. I have complained that I only have one sister-in-law and she lives in Idaho and so know i have so many that I can't wait to meet them all. The unit should be arriving here in Utah the first part of June. I can't wait to see them all and give everyone a big hug and thank them all for their service.

OK back to the funeral. What an experience we had the Patriot guard riders there to keep the protesters away (yes I said protesters this is a whole different post) they were amazing to see when approaching the church. They lined the sidewalks to each door holding flags and opening the doors for everyone. What respect they have. they heard that Cassi has had a really hard time with him being gone and she has worried about him a lot and he had called her to tell her that he was OK one night. so they made her a special bear that has the PGR vest and they had taken some of their pins off and put them on her bear. They even had the bear ride on there bikes and was hugged by all so that when they gave it to her she new that she was loved and when she felt alone she could hug this bear ans feel all the hugs from them.

If someone can tell me how to post videos that would be awesome I have a ton that I would love to post.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Nigel

As most of you Know I lost my brother Nigel on March 4 2010. It has been really hard to do much of anything . But i need to write down my thoughts and so I thought i would do it here. So If you are anything like me you may need to grab a box of tissues.

On March 4 at 10 min to 3:00 p.m I got a phone call from my mom she asked if Mike was home I told her no he was at work. She then said I was hoping he was home i did not want to give you this news when you are home alone. At that point I Knew what she was going to say. I yelled NO! NO! She said Nigel was killed this morning. She could not talk long because she had to finish calling the rest of the family and they were flying out to Dover that night. I was screaming for about 2 Min's and thinking what do I do now who do I call? When I remembered I had just talked to my good neighbor and Military wife and the wife of our great bishop just a day ago about this. So I called Lori and all i could say was Nigel is dead and I'm home alone. She ran over and no more the 5 Min's later in walked my Bishop her husband.

I had to call Mike at work and tell him to come home Nigel had died this morning.
I was suppose to go pick up my kids and the neighborhood's kids at 3:15 from school there was no way. Then the thought of having to tell my kids that there favorite Uncle was gone broke my heart. So Tatia the mother of the other kids i was picking up was able to pick them up and bring them home as they walked in the door they new what was going on we all sat on the couch crying and asking why?

Nigel was serving in Afghanistan he had left on Oct 15 2009 and arrived in Afghanistan on Oct 30 they were to return In June 2010. He was out with his unit patrolling the area. (this was only 3 days after Carlos Arogon was killed by an IED) They were out looking for the men who were planting the IED's. They had found them and Nigel was escorting a detainee out to the LAV when the LAV approached Nigel and the detainee it hit a IED and part of the Lav or the IED hit Nigel above the left eye and knocked him unconscious. After doing all they could 30 Min's later Nigel was gone. He left this earth and returned HOME!

Nigel Died doing what he loved!! He loved being a MARINE.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Not a big blogger sorry

So I tell you Blogging is just not my thing right now. I'm a face Booker. Life has been so crazy right now that there are some days I just want to stay in my bed all day long. But i get up and get all the things that need to get done done. We had a great Christmas small but great. With Mike being out of work for almost a year now. We have learned the difference between wants and needs so we all got one want Item and the rest was needs.

We have a few things in the works as far as jobs go but things seem to keep changing one moment to another. so I will not post what they are so i don't jinks them LOL. But for some of you out there thank you for your prayers and all your help. It means a lot to Mike and I.

I do have to tell a story here about my sweet Little Cass, She has had a really hard time with Nigel being gone to Afghanistan ( my Brother) She has had some bad dreams about him and so she has a hard time sleeping. my mom told me that the next time he called her she would have him call her. But my mom did not hear from in for about three weeks so it has been a long three weeks for us all. But on January 15 and 9:30 pm (9:30 am Afghan time) he called I ran down stairs and woke her up and she got to talk to him and so far she has gone to bed with no problems. ahhh It was so good to talk to him he is doing good and having as much fun as you can with 19 boys per tent and no running water. yuck can you imagine no running water for the last 3 months. I bet they smell pretty ripe. He is having a good time anyway.