自己的家

Friday, 21 November 2014

最后一篇

很久很久没写了
因为很多事原来都没必要说出来
还觉得很肉麻
这是这里最后的一次肉麻了，我尽量写得不肉麻。

回到了马来西亚
兴奋参杂忧伤
时间很残酷
感触很多很多很多
车上和朋友出去早上逛到晚上
就像我不曾去过澳洲
像以前那样
很开心

这年来
学会坚强
学会接受
学会放下
学会承受
学会隐形
学会付出

真的很重要

这年来
也幼稚过
蒙蔽了自己的心
不成熟的感情用事
任性的傲慢
自赏的孤僻

最后
懂得看待那个自私，幼稚的自己
懂得自己安慰自己，自己开导自己，自己陪伴自己
懂得最后一个能依靠的人永远是自己
懂得要把自己爱得最真才有资格疼爱别人
懂得吞噬负能量，唤起开朗的自己，输送正能量
懂得先思后言
懂得发脾气没用
懂得有些事不值得去赢
懂得有些事值得隐藏

时间真的很快很快
我怕我赶不上你
因为我梦想依旧，我向往未来，我要活得精彩。
我还要学很多新事物，我憧憬建立自己未来的家。
我觉得成熟是无止尽的，而我想要不断往前进

最后，
谢谢你，让我变成一个更好的人，我很珍惜，也明白了。
我那位永远最熟悉的亲人，最亲爱的朋友。

为什么最后一篇？
因为我已经能把自己的心照顾得好好的了。

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Untitled

I am the toughest guy in the world.

Friday, 14 February 2014

A little diary

There was a little boy who cried hard in the bed beside his mom,
using his finger to test if his mom is still breathing.
He was afraid that his mom will die.
Mummy noticed it and told the boy she won't die.
So the boy fall asleep.

Everything is only in his imagination world.
He imagined that he dropped the hot dogs made by his mom on the floor.
He was going to cry again.
I never know I'm still the same little boy who worries too much for those who love me.
I don't have the qualification to own because I fear to lose.
I don't have the qualification to love because I fear not to be loved.

Say Hello to 14/2/2014!

I think I went toilet for 7 or 8 times from yesterday.
I vomited twice after my dinner for both days.
In fact I wish to vomit more, I want to end the feeling of nauseous.
Spotted a scorpion in toilet too haha.
Was not get used to the toilet in Australia which has no pipe.
I have to go to shower my ass every time after I have done with my diarrhea.

The dinner in hostel tastes so bad, I really mean it.
Terrible.
That's the worst pasta I ever eat. cold, hard, I doubt the chicken is fresh.
I hope it won't lead me to phobia to cheese.

Have to solve the problem of dinner for tomorrow.
Hope I'm healthy enough to visit the supermarket tomorrow,
or else I'm going to try the instant noodles.
finger crossed.

Enjoying the free laundry, yes, included dryer and iron,
made my life easier.

I went jogging in the empty rugby field.
It is big.
Outdoor jogging is suddenly becoming so difficult for me as I spent 3 years jogging on the machine.
The wind was strong. I sat down on the grass.
Made a lot of thinking, and a lot of 'if'.

Time please flow faster,
I can't wait for orientation and commencement of class,
no more empty street, empty field.
Time please don't walk, run, ok?
so I can go home earlier and meet those I love.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

New life

This blog is meant to be open to everyone.

My 7th day in Australia.

Today is the second day I stay in the hostel,
yet it's still so empty and quiet.
I never expect this challenge is coming to me.
I thought I'm good enough in adapting loneliness,
throughout these years.
but this is another level of loneliness,
I need my friends so much more than ever.

Since my family left me,
My emotion has been completely broken down,
in front of laptop, on the bed
My memories in the past is rewinding.
I hated how good they treat me,
buying anything I need for me.
It reminds me of some events in the past,
all the feelings are coming back just like it happened yesterday.

For the nights at hotel in Melbourne and Launceston,
I hope they switch off the light earlier and get to bed.
so I can cry in my own bed silently,
I can't really know what's wrong with me.
I'm so afraid of splitting more than ever, I really cant take it anymore.
Am I really such a weak person? or being sensitive..maybe both
I don't want to disappoint them but the pressure is building up every second while I can't even control my own emotion well.
I'm just that lame in handling personal emotion and I rather wish that I don't have any emotion towards anything.
How much I wish to stop my brain from functioning that time.

Very tough nights in Launceston,
the city is so much different to Melbourne,
foods are more difficult to get,
public transport service is limited.
sister and I got food poisoning and parents sent us to hospital at night.
Sister's condition was more critical, she is recovering
well my diarrhea is just starting now.
the feeling of nauseous is worsen my emotion and affected my appetite much.
but I guess I will go through it well.

I wish to grab, to hold, to hug.
Perhaps the most painful thing in the world is you cannot tell a thing to who you wish to tell.
Hiding in the heart.

Now they have reached Kuala Lumpur safely and giving me support all the way,
:)
I have to tell myself,
Everything will be fine,
you will be okay and be tough,
new life chin kong, new life.