needs

Lego Mania. My kids love them! When someone asked Ian recently what he wanted- he said, "Legos, I guess! I just love them so much!" Of course I am thrilled by this....and that it makes him forget about the popular DS (hand held Nintendo) that he also wants- since everyone else talks about it. It's also a nice quiet activity to do together. Now- don't misinterpret this picture and a later one to follow. My kids do NOT play quiet legos for endless hours. The boys probably could. But then Little Miss Thing walks up and tries to be a part of it and it always inevitably results in screaming and fighting.
She's kind of stuck- I get it. She's old enough to want to be included, but not mature enough to play with what they are playing. It is a CONSTANT challenge, and it's burning me out, to put it mildly. She doesn't want to just play with me or play alone, or play a modified version of what they are playing. I'm sure much of it is the age/phase she is in. But we have this new angle that I haven't had to deal with through this phase- not getting along with siblings. And we were completely wrong in thinking she was the passive easy-going one (as assumed during infancy) I'll take the baby stage any day- over this stuff. There are so many thoughts that fly through my head,while I attempt to survive and actually enjoy my family....Its difficult to untangle them, no less get them out through words. My natural strength of positivity seems buried and overthrown by the constant power struggles or demands of a simple day. I know my life or parenting is no exception. Moms have done this for years, and it was intense back then, just as it is now. I've been thinking about my past a lot lately. Thinking of exciting times, fun times, times I just felt so happy, so fulfilled. I've wrestled with the thoughts of how I can acquire that presently when so much of my actions rest upon theirs. And it isn't frequent that all 3 children are pleasantly obeying and doing kind, thoughtful things and the whole day and night is peaches and cream. At least with teaching, I had the mic. If fun seeped from my pores,....it was likely to be poured on others and ignite. Obviously it wasn't peaches and cream all the time either...but it is easier to get a group to go with you...than a diverse population of 3. At least that is what it feels like.
So I've then I realized several things....
a) Buck up Joy. It's not going to be easy. It is what you make of it. The hard days (months, years...) suck, but no phase is forever.
b) Quit living/thinking in the past. You won't be available for God to use you in the present. You'll miss everything around you.
c) It's not all about you. Yes, it's more "fun" when you aren't having to be responsible for 3 other human beings and your moods don't piggy off of theirs....and you can hang out with other adults without bending over backwards looking for a babysitter to tackle your family circus.
d)and this is my new prayer, asking God to give me peace in the here and now...and I sit here with tears knowing His answer:
Joy, I will fulfill you.
I made you, I know what you need.
I know you need people, relationships, and passions to drive you.
Trust Me.

Santa himself.

Program pictures. It was packed and hard to get any good shots. There were 2 other classes to the left of the picture.

Ugly sweater party with friends....Jer stayed home with Lib since it had been a "Toddler Day" and she was in no shape for an evening party.

Christmas Party with my girlfriends....

Have a good Christmas!

As hairy as the last few weeks have been, and despite a few days of break downs and tears (from me and the children)....last night I was reminded how rewarding and important parenting is. Ian had his school Christmas performance and he was......Santa! The day that he informed me of his role (months ago) I was shocked, impressed, excited anddddddd a little scared for the ham to come out during a serious performance. But he was so terrific. He had practiced for the part for weeks and the music teacher is so organized, that I was hopeful that he would pull it off. My stomach was in knots while we sat in the chairs waiting for it to start. During the day performance, that I just happened to witness because of helping at Luke's Christmas party, his Santa pants fell down and he had to deal with his first encounter of....the loud and cruel sounds of laughter seemingly directed at you. Once we talked about it in the evening, and I explained to him it was a "funny" thing, not that they were making "fun of you"- he laughed about it and told everyone he knew about the incident.
My dear friend watched Libby during the program and Luke (of course) sat so perfectly for it, and we could just watch and be proud of one child at a time. He did amazing. I was sooooo proud of his focus, his ability to stand still, his courage (huge audience and four 1st grade classes) and his precious personality. How could this be the little 4 lb baby that I once held? I have a feeling I'll wonder that repeatedly as time soars by....(I'm trying to upload the video, but it is taking FOREVER!!!)
On other fronts-the boys also participated in the Living Christmas Tree program. HUGE musical with 5 performances. They made it through. I think it really opened them up to singing in general. We have a little preschool performance that Libby and Luke are in this Sunday night. It should also be precious....
maybe I should save my toddler venting for another post. This one is fairly positive thus far. But- it's a good thing this is the last toddler I will raise.....I don't think I'd get out alive with another.....