Rustman,
9 nine years old. What words are there to describe you - truly - the essence of you? You are gentle but wild. You are contemplative but slapstick funny. You are so deeply sweet and sensitive but explosive. You are remarkably thoughtful but consistently forgetful. My Gemini baby, my two sides of the coin boy. I love both sides with all my heart.
At nine years old, you are still ten toes down in imagination. You will not give up the line and I love that for you. You come home from school, drop your backpack in the yard and jump right onto the trampoline to beat the holy heck out of your stuffed wrestling dummy, shouting, "Mom, watch this" as you do a Superfly Jimmy Snuka across the trampoline. You fight zombies with nerf guns alongside Reddy, will sit patiently as a student for Olive the teacher, and you still want to believe in all the magic of holidays so much that you convince yourself to hold on for a just little while longer, even as you hug and thank me and Dad for all your gifts never once mentioning the big man with the red suit.
You haven't quite figured out which sports you love the most, although you do love being on teams. We've encouraged and supported you to try lots of things (more than any other kid!) and you still don't know which ones you like the best because you still hate practice and being on a schedule. (Although it does seem like after your first year of tackle football, you are locking that one in!) You want to just play all day and never have a clock exist and you'd also just like to show up on game day because you hate practice. You probably could actually just show up on game day because you are so strong and athletic anyway, but babe, practice is important. We will keep trying to convince you.
It's that way with most things actually, you like hunting and fishing just fine but you're not committing all your time to them. You like reading Harry Potter, and watching NFL, and building legos, and boxing, and watching pro wrestlers, and playing Madden on the Xbox - but you're not making anything your whole personality. You just bounce all through the different things that everyone else is choosing to be their schtick and trying them out and not ever really wanting to pick any single thing. And honestly, good on you, Rust.
Honestly, no one has as many friends as you. Like on this Earth. Every where we go, kids are always calling out to say, "Hi, Rusty!" I look at you and say, "Who even is that?" You tell me that its some kid who you played with at an older siblings' game three weeks ago...ya know, so and so's brother that you've seen literally once in your life but apparently you made an impact of friendship on them.
You really are a friend to all - older kids, younger kids, kids your age. You are kind and patient with adults who want to yap with you and you stand there and let them speak and then answer thoughtfully back when they ask you questions. You can hang with the big kids because you are tough and strong and so freaking funny. You go all in on games with kids your age always everyone's first pick on their kickball or recess football teams. And you are the most silly big kid when you are with little kids - they love playing with you because you act so goofy and make them feel like the main character in your life. All your little cousins say, "Where's Rusty?" first thing when they walk into our house because they want to play with you most.
Dude, you will probably grow up to be a politician or a stand up comedian because the charm comes off of you in waves. Aura (as the kids say these days), you've got it my Rustman.
Rust, your laugh. I love it so much.
You have lots of a laughs because you are such a chameleon among people (you get that from your Dad). But there is a real laugh that doesn't come for free and it can't be faked.
You are sensitive and always reading between all the lines of situations and conversations. You are very good at reading a room and a vibe and I think that means that maybe you know the world can be a little brutal out there. You are always ready to be the one to pick someone up with a kind word or an offer to play. You hug me multiple times a day just to say, "love you mom" and when I ask you if you had a good sleepover or playdate you say, "it was great, only thing was - I missed you." and you don't even really mean that (LOL) but you say it because you just wanted to be a sweetie and remind me that even when you are not with me, I matter to you. (how did I get so lucky to be your mom?) Like somehow you know the world is lonely and harsh and we need to remember to tell each other we're not alone. You get that because you are brilliant and kind and soft hearted and no one deserves you (not even me, baby).
But, when you find something truly funny and you are honestly surprised and delighted in the humor of the world - your laugh comes from the deepest part of your belly; so genuine and fully rounded and good. I can hear it from the front seat of the car when you're in the third row. I can hear it from the kitchen when you're in the living room. It is like a honing signal that grabs my attention and says - it's all going to be okay. It gives my heart a jolt of relief and joy to hear that real laugh come out of you. One of my favorite sounds on Earth, Rustman.
Love you forever and ever
even if you make me crazy
even if you forget a million things
even when you are so much bigger and stronger than me
forever and ever and ever
I love you, Mr. Handsome,
Momma
