38 Weeks - The Feeling

There i was in my heels carrying my keyboard from one end of Sunway hotel to the other end of another hotel and knew that something was different.

My sudden annoyance with people on stage kicking and stepping on our equipments.
My sudden OCD-ness of making sure noone touches my keyboard, because "settings lari bro" when you and i both know that my keyboard requires the least setting up to do.
I walked so much from the table to the stage that i was in A LOT of the pictures from that night (lol).

But it wasn't just hormonal annoyance. It was also mixed with a sense of weird elation at everything and nothing at the same time. Plus i was late by a week or so haha.

So there we were, some time early March, 5 of us on stage plus one tiny heartbeat.

Spaces

I won't lie. I miss writing.

And whether it's the time or the situation or the fact that I sort of regret not blogging my wedding (or the days that led to it), I will start. Here.

The 38 weeks.
The delivery.
The days after.

When the baby's asleep then.

Tihi.

(Ohhellohi!)

(Lin)Cat Got Your Tongue?

There are things I don't write about because I don't know how to start.

I don't know how to use words to beautifully describe how my heart will swell and my knees will meet the ground and how my nerves will flutter and my tummy rumble and my hands will sweat and how I find myself constantly learning and still wanting to learn more.

I am finally at peace with losing my words.

One and one and one is three

She sat three and a half hearts away from me, counting her fingers.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

"Why is this happening to me? What karma am i paying for?"

6, 7...

The voices chirped in.

Her tears left her for awhile replaced by a smile.

And then left so suddenly. Just like he did.

Her tears along with her Whys forced their way back in the room leaving no space for anything else.

My left sniffled, my right now silent and i buried my head in her pillow hiding my tears.

It was all we could do from three and a half hearts away.

8, 9, 10.

Selective Memory

"When or how did you know?" was the question.

I didn't until knowing was all I knew and I didn't know otherwise.

I Have Decided

That you cannot be saved and loved until you save and love yourself first.

That my 'Oscar' will be my Yangs and my Greys because "I will literally die of sadness" are car conversations and pillow talks with wet pillows and wet steering wheels.

That it was okay to break into pieces and it is okay to now be put together.

That it is okay to say that he helped and is probably still helping my pieces.

That I want a few days off and then more days on.

That some things will be put in boxes and opened only when they need to be aired out.

That I want a strawberry onesie and walk proudly between Eastlakes and Gardener Road.

Naluri, You Keep Me on My Toes

"That is what turning 26 gave me. Peace. Dan semua benda yang nak jadi, akan jadi no matter."

Sabar, tabah dan doa.

There's something in the air these past couple of days. Something is changing.

I must remember what turning 26 taught me.

And whatever happens - sabar, tabah dan doa.

The Curvature of Time

Time will tell.

Love,
Linch.

The Curvature of Space

When I faltered
I found in you (surprisingly!)
Stable grounds.

And when you do
You'd (finally) find it in me too.

Nothingness Sharer

It is a gift I believe, to share silence with another soul.

And leave feeling just as satisfied as one filled with conversations.