"When or how did you know?" was the question.
I didn't until knowing was all I knew and I didn't know otherwise.
That you cannot be saved and loved until you save and love yourself first.
That my 'Oscar' will be my Yangs and my Greys because "I will literally die of sadness" are car conversations and pillow talks with wet pillows and wet steering wheels.
That it was okay to break into pieces and it is okay to now be put together.
That it is okay to say that he helped and is probably still helping my pieces.
That I want a few days off and then more days on.
That some things will be put in boxes and opened only when they need to be aired out.
That I want a strawberry onesie and walk proudly between Eastlakes and Gardener Road.
"That is what turning 26 gave me. Peace. Dan semua benda yang nak jadi, akan jadi no matter."
Sabar, tabah dan doa.
There's something in the air these past couple of days. Something is changing.
I must remember what turning 26 taught me.
And whatever happens - sabar, tabah dan doa.
When I faltered
I found in you (surprisingly!)
Stable grounds.
And when you do
You'd (finally) find it in me too.
It is a gift I believe, to share silence with another soul.
And leave feeling just as satisfied as one filled with conversations.
Here's an excerpt of a stranger's reply on a conversation i intentionally (without foreseeing the backlash!) took part in quite recently:
"Perhaps I understand where they're coming from, but i have been at a disadvantage for way worse and way too long to care."
And so their suffering took a higher plane because they wanted to comprehend only their side of the story.
Maybe we've become too sensitive. That in the quest to defend our rights, we tend to dehumanize (and perhaps demonize) those we think stand in our way.
When most times, we're the only ones who stand in our own.
**
What do we do?
Would menjadi manusia yang baik suffice?
Words can only go so far and until and unless it parallels with our actions, there's only so much we can say.
I don't know. What say you?
It will be written
And find itself
Both bitten
And smitten.
(Inspired by Iylia Elena, unconsciously. Possibly. Hehe.)
Not knowing how to feel in halves has always been one of those things that can go both ways.
It's going a certain way now.
And I quite like it.
I think I must learn the difference between someone who is merely ranting and someone who is actually open for a discussion.
Statements with question marks isn't necessarily an invitation for other opinions to make themselves known.
There is no point in pointing out points to people who are so stuck in their ways.
