finally gt my hands on "ps i love you".
thanks dearest camiimiiiii!

all of the sudden i realized my tears flowed down
like i was in that movie.
and all i had in mind was you.

sometimes i cnt help but muse on things.
how it'll be if you're still around.
how long the dispute is gonna last.
whether imma still get a mgs or calls from your no,from you
whether or not,i stand a chance to get to know them closer.
and whether or not you still feel the way you do when things were normal.

sometimes i just hope to wake up
knowing that you're still breathing the same air as i am
you're still under the same sky as mine
you're still around somewhere on the same land
and that you're still with them loved ones.

but when reality came right back,
i just hope the world would swallow me whole.

i miss you shreky.
even more than words could explain.

sisters,(you know who you are)
i hope you're reading this.
if we're all alone,
then we're altogether in that too.
thank you for givin me strength.
both of you. (:

i dunno hw you guys go through nights like this,
seriously,im proud of you.
(:

itz okay if u didnt score that well,
i understand the mental torment tt you're going through.
we'll go through this 2geda okay?
im a phonecall/msg away! (:

be strong,we shall! (:

alfatehah.

i feel you.

really i do.

stay wimme through this night.

coz i miss you.

more than words could say.

soo much things happened.
soo much.
im tired of rushing.
be it physically or emotionally.
im drained.really i am.

ranging from
father moments last sunday,
emotional rollercoaster ride,
constant excessive worrying on stuffs,
getting over disappointments,
esp the major one when she refuses my simple gestures,
ending "stuffs" often on impulse,
finally gt myself pleasure-through-pain art,
taking extreme efforts to do stuffs,
concentrating,decision making,quick thinking,temper managing.
whatsoever.
itz all mere facade.
im soo gd at it!

its too damn apparent,
it didnt matter as much to you like it did back then,
itz too damn obvious,
you're missing on a hellot of stuffs.
too damn freaking in the face kindda thing.
so stop denying.

as much as i thought it's mere distraction,
my instincts tell me tt its producing sumtink good.
but just a note to self:it comes with a really great price.
a REALLY GREAT price at that!

i tot i should try some tests on depression rather than self-diagnosing it.
and here's the result.....
"Your answers show the presence of prominent depressive symptoms.
It is advised to seek a psychiatric consultation"

oh,look!
today shall be the day i start doing what i should do way before.
NOT TO BOTHER ABOUT A SINGLE FREAKING THING.
cz it's a freaking waste of time,
and itz wearingly burdensome.








































be with me,
stay with me,
through this period,
like you'll always do.
i miss you shreky.
i really do.

im finally done with the lit review.
and due to my kancheong spider-ness,
i've already submitted my ed's essay which is due next week.
bagus kan..very efficient nk mampos!
anyways,i hope mr keith wld be nice enuf to guide me thru.
hahah!fat hope.

im sooo frustrated nk mampos tkle angkat gila piiigggg...
flamboyancy at the very very very utmost wrong side.
seriously u knw,doesnt mean im quiet and pretty much neutral,
im enjoying whatever that you're doin.
urgghhh...
and pls eh,before you bitch about ppl,
i suggest you view the reflections on the mirror first.
annoying much!
omg! mr potatohead(with courtesy of ms camiiimiiii) pls la eh.
GROW-FREAKING-UP!

enuff of the depressing issues.
i need some time to de-stress.
mimiiii,let's go and have 'fish chop' soon!
*muahaha*

oh btw,she's right beside me,
she said "hi!"..
i know,what weirdness.hahaha.

atsl.
period.
im done with the efforts-making already.
so yeah.
read btwn the lines.
ATSL.

sister's moments with the sister on friday was pleasant.
frm bitching,heart to heart talk to just sister moment while shopping.
i never thought i could draw myself closer to anyone else,
but to you. :)
i never thought i could be so comfortable with that term,
but to you,i am. :)
thank you soo much.
and i mean both of you. :)))
i hope u know who u are.

c/o/n/g/k/a/k
i think it was just another mundane-hanging-storyline malay film.
claimed to be soo much better than 'jpb' but i think itz of the same standard,
bad.
im disappointed. :(
the only things that was scary abt the movie was the stooopid sound effects
and c/a/t/h/a/y did a stupendous job in destroying my ear drums.
it just exaggerate the sound effects.

but all in all,
jpb and c/o/n/g/k/a/k was memorable.
with two memorable people. :)
i miss that jbp pre & post moments with shrekyy...
:'(

from rushing like a mad woman just so i'll reach in time,
to just blocking out the whole world but only u.
from walking around the hawker center,
to sharing/ranting about that pathetic nasi goreng.
from debating which bus to the end of sg,
to starting the whole story.

from another debate which path would lead to the end destination,
to yet another debate which is,at what time.
from killing time stuffing with losta food(wtz new?),
to being a major camwhore by the waters.
from a constant need for a drink.
to constant wonders when the story-telling session would start.
from suspicious stares from everywhere around,
to encounter with some jerk along the way.

from incessantly hiding behind the shoulder anticipating for next shocking scene,
to restraining from coughing like a mad dog.
from that L-I-T-E-&-K moves,
to efforts to keep the tempature at a tolerable rate.
from another ranting moments about everything,
to being grateful about everything.

from that bad decision making,
to that late night eerie walk by the bushes.
from that pretend-you-never-smell-anything look,
to keeping that comfort zone near.
from loong loong looong talks,
to reminiscing,'arguing',tsk-ing moments and all.
from tolerating the warmth of that night,literally,
to them tears that flowed down voluntarily.
from assuring talks along the way,
to yet another walk through the dark alley and out of the place.
from that difficult map reading acts & the desire to improve it,
to that decision for the next destination.

from mere walking around the area,
to worries seeing people around,
from effort to find a proper place,
to sweet encounter with the brother(how sweet ayye?)
from that electrifying moves,
to merely the eye contacts.
from the coldness of the dawn,
to the warmth of your words,touches.

from the not-so-rushing moments back to the other side of sg,
to breakfast at abc123.hahaha
from craving for random food,
to secretly hiding stuffs.

for the first in a very long time due to such reason,
i cant stop smiling.really i cant.
im glad.more than just pleased.
i hope this goes on...without a fullstop to it,neither another comma.

here i am in library with dearest cammiiiimiii
attempting to study yet all i have in mind is you.
you along with the future plans,
the intricacy of everything else,the messages that brings back my smiles
and whatnots.
ymtwtm.

Ku telah miliki
Rasa indahnya perihku
Rasa hancurnya harapku
Kau lepas cintaku

Rasakan abadi
Sekalipun kau mengerti
Sekalipun kau pahami
Ku fikir ku salah mengertimu

Aku hanya ingin kau tahu
Besarnya cintaku
Tingginya khayalku bersamamu
Tuk' lalui waktu yang tersisa kini
Di setiap hariku
Di sisa akhir nafas hidupku

Walaupun semua hanya ada dalam mimpiku
Hanya ada dalam anganku
Melewati hidup

if walking away helps,
i should just do it.
coz i bet,
it didnt matter much.
you dont even realise that until im long gone.

if that's what you want.

How do you deal when you can't be with the one you love
but the one you love is with somebody else
What do you do when you know she don't love him
but she love me but she cant stand lovin' you faraway
you just deal with it,deal with it
I don't wanna have to live with it
you just deal with it,deal with it
no,no,no
you just deal with it,deal with it
I don't want nobody else to lovin' you
I don't want nobody else lovin' me

trust me,
it isnt really what you think it is.
REALLY.

im upset. :(
i've done the lit review accordingly.
yes i've exceeded but it was within that 100+/- mark.
and the plagiarism mark is less than 10%
& tt includes the references
when itz nt supposed to be there
while checking the plagiarism thingy.

but superstar said it was lengthy.
:(

i just feel like all my effort is w.a.s.t.e.d.
itz okay,i shall not let this dampened my spirits.
a lil touch-ups here & thr wont hurt that much babe.

im particularly excited over the attachment @R2.
in more than 1 way.
since tmr is the last day there,
i shall only blog tmr,to avoid biasness! :)

oh,didnt ur mother teach you not to trigger the bitchiness
in a bitch esp when she's sick?
*tsk tsk tsk*

i gt hit by a n/i/g/g/a AGAIN today.
it wasnt much of a jolt to me like the other time.
but it still kindda traumatize me.
errr...no issues here.and i am not racist for goodness sake!
it just makes me wonder why?
why me?
i should have picked up the signs waaaay earlier.

omg!who's tt host on t/h/e s/h/o/w/d/o/w/n...
super sweet and haaawwwwwtttt laaahh.
esp when he lets one of the contestants sits on his lap.
omg pls laaaahh.
and his words of encouragements when the team is doin absolutely BAD.
quote unquote,itz okay sweetie/honey,you're doin great!
*swoon*

a favour.

that dream,your wish.

the do-it-at-you-own-phase,no pressure.

suddenly,i feel like i've been overfilled with something.

a sense of which i cant find an apt word to it.

there's nothing much i could say,

other than,thank you,for the guidance.
:)))))

hey sweetie,
i know soo much about you,
but trust me,
im starting to LOVE you.
pls grow up and be a good girl okay!
:)
and pls la,i wanna bite them cheeeeeekkkssss!
i LOVE you venus.
really i do.

whomelse did the lil one get the cuteness if nt from yours truly...
*muahahaha*

lit review,
here i comeeeeeeeeee!!!!

but wait,say whattttt?

man u won?
what's new?
once a champ,
ALWAYS a champ!!!!

kuharap hari esok

kilauan matamu terus bersinar

menyinari jiwaku yang kegelapan

dan dihadapanku terlukis raut wajahmu

tersenyum untuk seribu tahun lagi...

never underestimate
how much lil deeds could do to a tormented soul (:

like a random hug in the middle of everything
like a simple "i love/heart you" from ur relatives/friends
like a morning message/prayer for the day
like a sweet invitation for a family time together
like a smile from a kid in the train
like a short,simple phonecall just to check on you
like a lil smiley face drawn on ur notes,doodling stuffs

thank you every single one of you
whom made my day in a way or another today.
i cldnt ask god for more when i have special people like you guys.
YKWYA!
[u knw hu u are]





i seem to have issues with sleepin 2dy
tho itz late & itz bck at the hsp tmr
something just seemed to be amiss
the scorching haaawwwwwwtttt/humidity
or perhaps,
itz just my wandering thoughts.

.demi waktu.

it's gonna take tonnes and tonnes of a thing called,
C.O.U.R.A.G.E
aint gonna be as simple as to spell it,
or to say it out,
but insyaallah i'll make it through.

perhaps,
it's high time i make good use of the time now till then,
to bring myself closer to god.

coz perhaps,
soon,
it's me.

the feelings came around again tonight,
i'll take it as a reminder,reminder that u're always around :)
and that i shant feel alone.

at any point of time :)))
coz both of you are around,
tho not physically,spiritually.
thank you from the bottom-est of my heart <3

as i sat through the evening with her.
i heard her worries,going through all her inquisitions
if physical and emotional support is all that she wants,
i've given my very best.
she wanted more,she insisted.
but she aint sure what.
and i wonder.

perhaps....

she should have known.......
when he repeatedly chants the same exact words time and again,
when he caused sucha massive impact on her life over the little-st things,doin things she wldnt have done before,
when things was made relatively soo simple with him,
when he serenade that song to her,
when they went through a couple of unexplainable phase,
when they started to drift away from each other,
when he turned that cold shoulder,
when the cold treatment went out of hand,
when he dedicated that song,in that very last email,
when she saw that specific photo being displayed,
when she felt something amiss on that morning,
when she fell really sick the night before,
she should have known...
she should have.

now that he's gone.

she should have known.......
when things happenned soo fast,too serious too soon,
when it just seemed like itz just him and her in this world,
when the period peaks each monthsary,
when he was all that she saw,
when he was all that she wanted,for life,despite the impossibilities,
when he left without a trace,but somehow trackable,
when he peeks back into her world as and when,
when he tried almost all he could to get her attention,
she should have known...
she should have.

now that he's causing soo much annoyance to her life after putting her into mere mental torment.

she should have known.......
when the chemistry works wonders,
when the coincidences were soo over-whelming,
when the patience was being tested,without fail,as days pass,
when time,place,mood just doesn't deem fit with most of them sweet thoughts,
when the efforts remained unseen,just coz it was never there,nt because it has remained unappreciated,
when the insecurities over-excites her soul,
she should have known...
she should have.

now that thing's are happenning,
she's not regretting,she's just helpless,of the uncertainties.

she told me she's not worthwhile,coz she's not appreciated,
but i told her,perhaps,it's their problem,their lost.

she told me she's giving up,
though in my heart i know it's not the end,
but im sure,she's pretty bitter about this.

lil girl,i guess all you need is time alone.
time off from everything else.everything.
trust me,it'll get better sooner or later.
even if it gets worst,u'll come out a stronger person.

i hope she gets better with time.
coz i know,she's got no one else but me.
she trusts no one else but me.

Yeah,
You know it's funny
seems everytime I, try to forget about you
my feelings pulled you back in
its crazy
cause i got somebody else
and you got somebody else
but you and i both know
how it really it is
but still you know what im sayin b?

Ran across a picture you took of me
And you cross my mind
I still hear you sayin you love me
when i close my eyes
If i didnt go away for school
then where would we be?
Probably still together
and somewhere happy.
If im supposed to be moved on
to new relationships
,darlin why are you still hauntin me?

They say
if you love somethin let it go
and if it comes back then
thats how you know
i got up to the stop light
then i made 4 rights
now im back where i started
and you're back in my life.

The further i go the closer
i get back to you
i say i moved on till im reminded of you
can somebody help me
help me get out of this circle
out of this circle?

I drove past your house the other day
I didn't even mean to i went the wrong way
I ain't seen your mama in a while
When she looked at me she smiled
and asked me if im doin ok

Took everything i had not to
think of your name
and wonder if you came
home for the holidays
she asked if i could stay a while
cause you were comin too
and you were just five minutes away

Everybody who's listenin to this
if you got that person that
makes you wonder what if
Let me hear you say yeah
(yeah)
say yeah
(yeah)
say yeah
(yeah)
hoa yeah (hoa yeah)

If you understand how i feel
then grab that person now and
let em know whats real
let me hear you say yeah
(yeah)
yeah
(yeah)
yeeeeaaaah, hahahah, hoa

i dunno what have i got myself into.
i have no idea.


i just needed time out.
from everything.
everything else,
everyone else.
cept only a certain group of people.

.please.

thank you janah for putting urself through this
at sucha crucial phase of life.
thanks arh.
much appreciated!

yours truly is soo damn smart.
watching some paranormal shows on tv albeit knwing she's gotta stay up to finish up what she ought to.
especially when she knows she's sucha scareddy ccaaattt..
damn right smart,i know.

i think i kindda have an affinity with being sick.may i emphasize,KINDDA.
i will elaborate more in the later part of the post. :)
but then again,i guess,being sick simply is sucha nuisance!*shrugs*

instead of doing away with the most common-est stereotype,"love you to death" is waaayyy magnifying it.to a great degree of it i should say.and why do i still wonder why we have this kindda media now that we're modernized.
whyy?

anyways,dedication first!

OMG!19 now ayyee?

it just felt like yesterday we celebrated you were whinning abt turning 18 isnt it?

time flies la pls.

last year in the tertiary edu babe.

scareyy marrey i know.

but we will pull it through.

all of us okayy..

:)

i hope u had a blast today!

happy birthday babe!

and,photos NEXT!!

just like what's on the pic.
one of our super donut tuesdays! :)
with such boring lecturers and dry lectures,
we simply cant survive the day w/o something to distract ourselves!
hahaha...both of this pics was during the m/u/s/t/a/f/a trip with mr brown eyes boy!
mr....boy?contradictory ayy?
and whattt?i LOVES lion?hahahah...

i loves u all laaa...!!!
i FORCED him to take pic with the monkeyyyyy just coz itz of the same colour as his sweater specially chosen by yours truly during the shopping trip weeks ago!
*muahahaha*

anyways,went for rumh '08 @z/o/u/k last friday & yes,it wasnt a blast but it was gooooodddd!!!

one of the many great performances on that night.
i simply love the colours and the music they were playin too!

and needless to say,the way the contestants were brought up the the front was pretty creative.
and yeah,the place we were at was super everyone-on-earth-will-pass-by-sooner-or-later!
of course it was merely annoying but the fact that majorly cute butches and hawt human beings passing by is too good to be true!

okok now....
let's play the game.....

spot the haawtneesssssss.......
*muahahaha*



*faints*



so yeah,i had a relatively longer weekend since my weekdays end on thurs.
all thanks to the notorious bacteria inside my body that causes soo much trouble.
the fever was playin with my body.
the sorethroat & bodyaches had me at the end of the line.
the headache killed me softly.

(omg!so drama pls!)

but it wasnt that bad i guess?
coz i received something!:)



gosh!im such an attention seeker!
but well at least i dont live in denial.


quote unquote,sorry eh.i've never done the flower thingy before.
and hell yeah,i can tell!
thank you awak!many manyy...



and yes,in case you're wondering,that's a ring.
a ring that i've been waiting for.
tho not from the expected person.
it looks pretty good.esp on me! :)


i dont have to clarify anything here.
i'll just let them say whatever they want.
coz doing so,they're just on the losing part.
they're losing out the truth that they refuse to find out.
in other words,ignorance.


if it excites you or bothers u,
ask me personally.


it was one of my cousin's wedding last weekend.
a small one.
and yes,the monkey thingy on the car super cute la pls.
i love LOVE love!!!!
oh!keep them mouth shut!
unless u can try to be nice.hahaha.

cute tak cute tak?

the lil one i mean!
:)

didnt managed to snap a pic of the beau tho.
shall just wait for the family pic loor..

:):):)

thank you sister and ibu for making all the way down from the other end to the event with the other cute lil ones.

it may meant nothing to the rest but to me,it meant alotttt!!

your presence is soo much greatly appreciated!

saaaayyyyaaannnggggg kaammuuu siiihhh!!!

so let's play the "spot the belo-ness" game!
and omg!look at the guy in stripes!
i may be cacat(read:retarded) but dont look at me like that!
style nampak!:)

the tired + in terrible pain pose!

and this one,the other version of the tired + in terrible pain pose!
after sucha looooong haaardd bumppyyyy road trip ard wlds with them bike.
no,not as in the bike vrooom vroom.but the one with two thin wheels.
*shrugs*


the sister is having a slumber parttayyy cum mini celeb to welcome the vesak day(lol!) over at the other side of the land and here i am blogging due to some unforseen reasons.
I WANNA BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!


oh wells..


a lazy attempt of picture editting.


























i dont wanna feel the way that i do
i just wanna be right here with you
i dont wanna see,see us apart
i just wanna say it straight from my heart
i miss you..

what would it take for you to see
to make you understand that i'll always believe
you and i can make it through
and i still know i cant get over you

i wish i could,

but time changes,

and you know it aint possible,

it aint coming true,

it aint,it wont,it'll never.

i need you,then

but you were never there,

i let my guards down,

i crushed my ego into pieces,

yet you shattered my dreams into atto-sized dust.

time and again.

JUST LIKE THAT.

i dont need nothing else,

just a miracle and guidance from ALLAH.

amin.

imma pop in some of them pills now.

toddles!

i wish the emotion called paranoia didnt existed in the first place.
like how shreky would spell my name as P.A.R.A.N.O.I.D.
itz tormenting now that each time the emo vibes enters me,everything seems to be outta plc.
and i miss you the most.

suddenly it felt like i just entered the jrg fish port or sumtink.
freakingly fishy pls.

one of the most significant mr past who habitually peeks into my life recently just did what he does best.current major annoyance.pls eh.enough annoyance in my life for now already.you can choose to come back later.

time,
im behind time.
lacking of time to complete them many assignments.
lacking of time to embark on the fyp and other pbls journeys.
lacking of them quality time with them people.
but i guess,if there's a will,there's a way.
when there's no effort made,i'll take the hint.
i will.

a new addition to the family last tuesday.unknowingly.what a surprise.
a major major MAJOR-est one at that.
itz altogether a mixed,messed up feelings. :)(

i hate that we're just holding grudges with each other.
just coz the both parties wont hurt their pride.
i hate that we're just bickering,
not with each other,but behind the back of the other.
i hate that there's not much respect left,
coz the passion to pin people down is rather more appealing.

just so that you'll proof to the rest that you're being the most innocent person ever ever on earth.but soon they'll know.

if this is the best for each and everyone of us,
the best that we'll learn something from it,
the best that we'll come out a stronger person,
i'll accept this with my whole heart.
oh god,gimme you strength,love,care and guidance the most.
amin!

itz four in the morning and im still up.
brainstorming for ED and FYP is makin me sucha bitch.
long day tmr mayynn...i betta catch up on my beeeeyooooteeefoooollll sleep...
toddles!

relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi

tapi benarkah hidup aku kan selama ini

relaku mengejarmu seribu batu jauh lagi

tapi benarkah kaki ku kan tahan sepanjang jalan ini

i dunno just what i've been doin lately.
it just seemed like itz something soo heavy.
coz im soo shagged.
and this is soo disturbing.

i dunno if whatever that im doing is whatever that is essential.guess,that's life?but it's a different story altogether since this time it's like simply hard to adapt.*shrugs*

who made it so difficult this time?
why is it beyond my control now?
what am i still holding on to?
where did things went wrong?
how do i go about doing this?
when is this gonna end?

if only...if only.

i just wish someone could actually understand itz waaay too damn right taxing on my mental quotient to do that truckloads of thinking at one point of time.this is unhealthy.this is bad.i gotta get out of this soon.somehow,somewhat.

if at all,you've gt issues with me,i appreciate transparency.coz itz super dee duper childish to potray it in such manner.like you're one brainless idiot.*tsk tsk tsk*brainy but rude.how sad.i'll just try to be nice and blame it on your deprive-ness of attention.itz okay.im pretty much a nice soul.i'll retaliate accordingly. :)

somehow,i cnt remember what,the term "ayam masak merah" came across my day today.it rings a bell,the church bellthe school bell,an safety alarm and whatsoever.soo hard.may i emphasize,ayam masak merah.i remembered that last time i had that other than those weddings was with late shreky.that ayam masak merah being the most favourite-d dish ever ever in my entire life with him.what a combi?and yes,i miss massively ayam masak merah.and shreky.

if only u can proof to me you're at all worthy of me going tru the whole hassle,den i'll convince myself to reconsider.but i suggest,you move on.move on with life.im sorry.itz better left this way.

too much attention from people makes me a bitch.a total bitch at it.and honestly,i hate this.i just wish them ppl could have seen it through.shit!wth did i just rambled about?see,i told you my thoughts are all over the place and itz not coming out right!

i hope this is just the pms speaking.not on behalf of me.

this is so taxing.physically and emotionally.
i wish it was not as complicated.
perhaps just within my ability to handle.

you're supposed to guide me through this.
you're supposed to give me trust when i lost it.
you're supposed to comfort me when im hopeless.
you're supposed to show me love when i lost faith.
you're supposed to appreciate those lil things i did.tho little,it came right from the heart.

but perhaps i forgot that itz the word "supposed"
that is ALWAYS stuck with the issue here,
not compulsory,nothing obligatory.
none.

the world knows im nt a gd tolerator of that cavalier attitude.
just the right target you'd used.

it felt so weird,like i've never known you before.
like im merely pickin a fight with random stranger,
not the person i trust my soul with.

how do you want me not to label you
each step that you take substantiate with the mentality
your coldness turned me off.TOTALLY.
appalled,disappointed,disgusted,you name it.
if your pride outweighs whatever that is at stake,
i'll read them signs.

i just wished to ignore my own intuitions,
coz they dont agree with my idea of the future,
coz they dont feel the way i do,
about you,about me,about us.

itz nothing much,seriously.
but coming from you,was a big hit.
indeed it was.
it hurts soo much im left here wishing the world would tear itself up into two,
and swallow me whole,not leaving anything,even my fingerprints.
the idea of some physical torment could alleviate the emotional agony,i supposed.
OD is soo out of qns pls.

for the first time in my life,
i feel so woefully disorganized.super sloppy.
like everything is soo out of place.
these inner thoughts are in such mess that they are merely rushing their way out.somehow.
but they just cant decide who shall go first.









i wish i could still be damn right sure,that nothing has changed.
nothing.

ps:like i already said,nothing i say will change ur idea.it just seems like some monstrous,frightful,hideous devil have just entered your body or sumtink.what a bitch!a total bitch at it.

pps:this gives me the feeling like it has happenned before.7months before.when you were still around........

if i could just ask god one question,
why arent you here with me tonight.

"there are some people who we have not seen for a long time and will never be able to see again"

im telling you....itz a major ouch pls.it just hits where it hurts.
as soon as i read them words,it just felt like all my internal organs are rushing itz way to sqqqquuueeeezzzeee the heart with much agony.

but i know he's doing better in the other world.
thus,i gotta be strong. :)

i never thought the day im out 'shopping' with someone's bff would come,EVER in my life.
but i guess,it just happened today!hahahah...
you gotta start somewhere isnt it?
tho it was pretty much nerve-wrecking but oh wells.
i hope you had a GRREEAAATTT time with "whoever"...
quote unquote,
ya with .... itz to die for pls.
omg!shit i feel soo evil!

yours truly is enjoying herself procastinating lotsa shitzel pls.
if she's gonna continue doing so for the next few days,she is soo in danger.
seriously man.i gotta work them lazy ass!

oh wells,let today be the last day coz i want to satisfy my durian craving eh...
geyyyllaaaannnngggg,here i commeeeeee....
:):):):)

from the bottom of my heart,
im genuinely,truly disappointed.

it just felt like i heard my heart shattered into atto-sized pieces.
like as tho,aft the fall frm 93727854628362352738th floor,
it was ran over by a bulldozer or sumtink.

i thought frequent exposure serves like a great vaccination,but i was mistaken.
i guess,that was just my last straw.my last freaking straw.
may i emphasize it again,LAST.

im disgusted.appalled.wearied.horrified.whatsoever they call it.
but honestly i am.

if only there's this one person whom i trust who can point it out to me where did i went wrong.

chey chey chey...
lala,my friend is a star now laaa....

masok tv nampak!
*muahahah*

yours truly is uberly proud since her dearest course has finally been given the exposure to the public.we need to educate ppl that such course do exists.i'll prolly upload the vid when i have tym tho. :)

quote unquote,
anw i knew u gonna appear cos eh? ngee an pharmacology?? then the clip starts from the back of the class... ahakz... that curly hair girl must be j/a/n/a/h... skali betol hehe

quote unquote again,
saper je yang ada rambot kerinting....

oh wellssss......

im hoping that the next tym i tell ppl the course im in,they wont say....
"oh...nursing eh?good prospects laaa...."
or WORSE...
"oh...cool...den aft graduation you'll be a farmer lah?"

ya i know,like wtf?

on a different note altogether,
dearest sil got admitted yest,for the 2nd time,ectopic pregnancy.
i hope she's strong going through all these.
i'm always around sister! :)
get well soon hokayyyy.....

i cnt wait to paintttttttttt....
let's go T-O GO!!!!

i had the most cutest test ever!
i swear many of us studied like it was the final exam or sumtink only to get a piece of paper that is like rarely 2 full page printed and all the qns are soo damn straight to the point.
think along the lines of these qns....

what is the colour of shrek?
a)green
b)colour?what colour?
c)errr...what's that qns again...?
d)rainbow!

yeah,cuteness pls.but pls,i doubt yours truly will get full marks anyway.yack jek mcm faham!

2dy's niecey and brother's bdaaeee!happy birthday both of you.tho i dont always vocalise this,but i truly love you. :)

feels like i've just been sent to cloud 9 today.in more ways than one.one of which,itz the half a year mark.not too long,but its long enough to test our patience,to test our perseverence,to test our understanding.thank you for your patience all these while,thank you for everything.i cldnt thank you enuf sunshine! :):)

i guess,the purity of the song "dua insan" still stays just tween the late and myself.
coz i realized when dearest cousin and i performed tt song the other day,thr's a couple of unavoidable cock-ups that happened.and im not talking abt me horr.
i'll take the hint shreky. :)

went over to ibu's plc just now,and yeah,albeit the strong,cavalier front,itz undeniably true tt she's still hurt.i dunno.it just hurts me too.in a way,a way which i cant understand why myself.but it was great.was just for a short while but it was pleasing to them ears to know that during his last days,he actually went through the gifts i got him for his last bdae.somehow or rather,i felt a sudden great sense of relief.

dreamt of him last night.while i was questioning him,he just gave me that look.the look that he always reward me each time we teased each other or perhaps the same look upon seeing each other.that same loving look den he smiled.that sweetest smile he'll give everytime i see him back then.the smile i missed the most.and i woke up.instantaneously.

but of course,it felt so real.i know it aint just another dream.it was really him.and im not insisting!im glad that he's better in that other world.insyaallah.and i hope he do knows too that each and everyone of us miss him dearly.really really dearly.

just these two incidents makes me feel soo contented.perhaps for the mere reason that i know,he didnt ignored me because he hated me,but for some reason.only ALLAH knows.and perhaps too,someday we'll know.but whatever it is.im lacking of words to explain how much euphoria/ambivalent of emotions that dream brought me.

*al-fatehah*
YA ALLAH,
from you i seek protection,love,comfort,security and everything else.
coz god,there's nothing else,in this whole universe who's greater than you oh god.
forgive his every sins,retaliate his every kind deeds no matter as small as an atom,
blessed upon his soul your great love,your great 'rahmat'.
place him amongst the ones you love,the ones you protect most oh god.
AMIN!

YA ALLAH,
please blessed upon the late's family,loved ones and friends who are missing him dearly,
who felt the great loss of a beautiful soul.
grant us your divine love ya Allah.
blessed upon our souls great happiness,in this world and the hereafter.
oh god,fulfil our every needs,spiritually,emotionally,physically,in EVERY single way.
protect us from any misfortunes whether big or small.
do not let us lead astray,please lead us to your right path
give us your great strength oh ALLAH,to go on with life just the way it should be amidst the great lost.
AMIN!

YA ALLAH,
though this whole experience is excruciating,
i know that this is the best for everyone of us.
coz oh supreme one,only you and you alone knows what's best for your creation.
AMIN AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN....

omg!i thought this day will never come,but ima actually uploading pics in my blog!is that cool or whattt??? so here are the picassss......lemme start with the most memorable event first hor...

if last year i got soo hyped 21st april,this year itz 24th april!
but of course,like last year too,the plan didnt really went on as planned but oh wells,it was goooddie goodieee laaa... :)

deepest thanks to dearest cousin and the pretty one in helping to make the surprise a relatively good one.muahahaha...esp during the balloon blowing & poppin..soo farniee laaa....

other details,safe in my pocket! :)

29th was my dearest cousin's bdae.the bdae surprise clan had planned a surprise for the bdae man but since most of the committee members felt guilty for nt wishin the bdae man well on his bdae,we had a teeny weeny itsy bitsy partaay/surprise @e/s/p/l/a/n/a/d/e.HOW COOL IS THAT!!i didnt even have that!*shrugs*oh wells...

this is what i can officially call last minute cake.
just like the plan.
soo damn last minute!
i wasnt even given like 15mins to prepare as mr better-than-F1 zoomed frm one end to the other.i swear mr h/a/m/i/l/t/o/n will resign as soon as he sees mr better-than-F1 drives.
but i bet,the plan wont be much of a success w/o his presence!
thank you soo much for your kind-heartedness... :)

and yes,mr supporting actor.
i bet it must have been hard on his part to pretend nothing is happenin.
quote unquote,im pretending to shit to buy time....
farnie la pls.w/o him pretending to shit,w/o him tryin to convince the girl who walked past them wasnt yours truly,w/o him offering the sweet just bcoz bdae man's head was spinning,
the surprise wld be nothing!
thank you dearest mr actor.
will call you again if i need help hor.
to my dearest partner in crime,

thank you for making the whole thing works.
thank you for everything that you've done for this whole week.

thank you for your willingness to see me almost EVERYDAY for the past few weeks just to plan and all.thanks horr...

and not forgetting,thank you for the i'll-put-cream-on-my-nose scene since cousin & i was utterly running around e/s/p/l/a/n/a/d/e just so we'll escape frm the sabo-ing acts.

i cldnt thank you enough.

i love how the background just fits perfectly with us.
or is it the other way round?
*muahahaha*
:D

dearest cousin,
i hope the very long poem had given you a rough idea of how much you meant to me.
thank you for everything.
eversince my first appearance on earth till this very day,
and years to come.insyaallah.
i love you,no question asked!

unfortunately,the only pic i have over at the saturday's surprise is only this one.
p.a.t.h.e.t.i.c i know.
but oh wells,it was semi-well-planned but it was great.
thank you everyone who came down and actually dressed according to the dresscode.
thank you for making the whole thing a great success.
thank you for staying eventhough its super dee duper late.
i told you,each and everyone of you guys matters as much.
i love you laaah!

thank you 'tuan tanah' for the place. :):):)
for the great plan.for the great food,for your great presence,for being sucha HUGGAY sporting person,for being the best & understanding co-organiser cz i had another event prior to that.
for EVERYTHING!

thank you mr-better-than-F1 fr driving us around,to get the food,send ppl home and for always being on the ball for almost everything eventhough you've gt work on the following day.

thank you mr super-gorgeous-hawtness-pls for attending the lil surprise,for being a sporting person,for 'lying' to the bdae boy to cover things up,to staying out with us soo late even when you're supposed to be home asap.i'll see u on the 9th horr..stylish white yaaawww....

thank you mr one-whom-i'll-always-share-a-cab-with-after-midnight for the GREAT company home,for makin me believe he left wit the money only to receive a phone call saying the money was thrown into the cab!

last but nt least,
thank you to the little sweetcandies for still being the dangerously,addictively cute lil ones.

puput!!!!!!!!!you ought to be there!!!!!
:(
next time okehh..

hmm....when was this?
was prolly one of the lazy sundays @the beach with sunshine.
a family unit playin by the beach.TOGETHER.
how sweet.

look look!
my fishy fishy is DEAD!
:'(
disappointing much.
hahah.like as if the thing was really alive in the first place!

told you,we got a couple of keraazeeee/cacat shots in campus.
talking about mere cacatness.
(im nt talkin abt me,the other person in the pic!)
love you nenehx!

okaaayy,i think the following pics are frm the day where we had the spring cleaning with the sister.i tell you,soo fun lahh....but errr.....minus the fact tt our hardworking-ness semangat kekentalan was caught on camera.so unglam pls!

(mr im,you better dont show it to other people hor...i can sue you for that you know!for what reason,for showcasing my unglam-makcik-ness!!!)

super cute i swear!
OMG!
this was the kindda reaction she had while the waitress was taking our orders.
itz like as tho she's ordering too!

WHYYYY AREEE YOUUU SOO CUTE LITTLE ONEEEE!!!!!!!!??!?!!?!?
one of her amazingly cute antics while tryna imitating her uncle's monster-look.
failed terribly doin so,but aced gracefully w/o a doubt looking DANGEROUSLY ADORABLE pls.
look at them lips!
see-lah,she wanted a pic wimme but in the end she dowan look at the cam!
yes,itz ms curlywurlyfurly laaaaaa...
cuteness pls.
oh yeah,i had a terrible experience with massages!
the first ever time yours truly opt for a massage using the coin thingy,
i end up going home with a super hawt red marks on my neck.
just made me look like a red stripes tiger. :(
painful hokayyy.....
*ahem ahem*
and yeah,the show tt i was talking about.
so how so how?
2nd pic alr,one question,
JUST WHEN ARE YOU GONNA SNAP A PIC WIMMEEEEE.....???
i demand one now now NOWWWW..
i hope you had lotsa fun precious one! :)
so prior to the surprise on saturday,
dearest cousin,mommy and yours truly had an event at g/e/d/u/n/g k/u/n/i/n/g aka t/e/p/a/k s/i/r/e/h rest for ex o/b/e/r/o/i i/m/p/e/r/i/a/l m/a/n/p/o/w/e/r.

i bet i have sooo many damn effin things to ramble about but just start with one,
hire a better host,or just stick to one.

dearest hosts everywhere in the world,
'gorgeous' is not the only word you can find in the dictionary that equates to beautiful & doesnt mean you just learned that word,you could use it just abt anytime ypu like!like puh-leeaasee..
and pls,terrible english cld just be covered up if you have a nicer,respectful sounding malay but if you have neither,sorry,the rostrum aint for you! ala-ala bali gitu kannn... it needs no introduction,
artistes of the day!
it wld have been sooomuch better if the dj gt an ORIGINAL vcd pls.
soo the imitation!

hmph!
spoil my "spesel" & too much of the sentimental value song only hor!






OKOK,
now look at the following pic,
spot any weird/unusual thingin this pic.
(itz soo foolproof pls!)

OMFG!
paintings like this you can find outside a kindergarten????
like......are you for reaaallll?

*tsk tsk tsk*

i dunno who or what should i put the blame on.
the lethargy from the weekdays or mere lack of time.
seems like im nt obliged to blog anymore.
like most of you knw,this dont usually happen last time.
hahaha...guess this is just another phase.
i hope.

yst was great!
it was supposedly another family outing but due to unforseen circumstances,
only a few went.
seriously,it seems like thr will always be sumtink hindering
but i guess,im nt easily dampened by that.
:)
a few seconds of fame is soo not needed now pls.
but oh wells...

been seeing the sister almost everyday now.
i think she's gettin tired of my face.hahaha.
tho we're mostly doin the same thing,
it felt like thr's something different tho.
:):):)
the value of them connection i'd say.

another niece in a month.
im damn right excited pls.
but then again,thr's always pros and cons to things.
i think i'll just pretend tt the cons arent ard.
im caught tween two great stuffs for the gift for my future niece!!
something to wear or something to use.....
hmmm...

speakin of gift,
mother's day coming laaa.
let's get mother sumtink of not the ordinary.
and ibu something....like...err....
whatttt eh?
*shrugs*
i suck at buyin gifts pls.

soo much haf been happening.
soo damn much.
im glad i've gt great friends in sch.
and yes camiiiimiiiimii,you're the best.
i cldnt thank you enough.
i love you la nenehxxx....

oh did i already tell you?
my friend who passed away shortly aft shreky's demise aint dead.
dont get it?
it was a stooopid joke.
a joke that got me crying like a stoopid shit.
got me walking around the cemetary just to look for his grave but to no avail.
and the stoooopidest reason given ever.shall not blog abt it tho.
ok at least he's still alive.
im soo gonna get a revenge.and pls,cliche but truth,revenge is sweet.
*muahahahaha*

2nyt's the night!
wooo-hooo....

i'll be back with LOADS LOAADSSS of picas frm god-knows-when...
frm fyi,the meetups with the sister & kids,ibu,bdae surprise @esplanade,random sch cacat poses with the nenehx,picnic during the last weekend to dunno what laah...

shit!i lost the mojo to blogggg........
:'(