Thursday, March 31, 2011

breakeven.

You break me at the right fucking time,
when I'm at my most fragile state.
You got me real good.

And it's all going down the drain from here...
Trust me on that!
it is during
these tough times that
i needed you most,
but you still chose to leave.

yea,i wanted this to happen.
all the bad things in my life,
was all because i wished for it isnt it?
at least there's such logic.

at work,feeling fucked up altogether.
naise.

ps:this is a new LOW.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

tonight.

There's something about my life now that I can't quite put a finger on it.
It's not something quite like a depression kind,
neither it is of sadness or grief even.
perhaps disappointment.
but like I said,
I just can't put a finger to it.

I feel numb.
Jaded in more ways than one.
Like nothing.
No determination to whatsoever that may have pique my interest in the past.

I know you're doing all that
just for the sake of rebellion.
Like in-your-face thing.
I'm quite done with arguments,
I'm too tired to debate on anything anymore,
It's been more taxing than I could visualize,
Perhaps I need to figure out my life,
Back in that war within my soul thing.
quarter life crisis,whatnots.

To say that I don't care where exactly this is going,
isn't quite the right words to articulate now,
but I'm just feeling numb,
too numb to feel/care/bother about anything.
And by trying too hard to piss me off doing things you jolly well know I hate it will only make me more numb than ever.

Don't take it too personally,
it's not just you,it's about work,family and other things too.

There's not much that I can do,neither can you too.
So causing another tirade,
Talking to me when I refuse to,
Isn't gonna make me tell you how I feel.
Coz I've yet to hear that too.

Sara Bareilles - Uncharted (VEVO Presents)



No words, My tears won't make any room for more,
And it don't hurt, like anything I've ever felt before, this is
No broken heart,
No familiar scars,
This territory goes uncharted...

Just me, in a room sunk down in a house in a town, and I
Don't breathe, no I never meant to let it get away from me
Now, too much to hold, everybody wants has to get their hands on gold,
And I want uncharted.
Stuck under the ceiling I made, I can't help but feeling...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...

La la la-a-a-a.
Oh-h-h.

Each day, countin' up the minutes, till I get alone, 'cause I can't stay
In the middle of it all, it's nobody's fault, but I'm
So lonely, Never knew how much I didn't know,
Oh, everything is uncharted.
I know I'm getting nowhere, when I only sit and stare like...

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, of foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted.

Jump start my kaleidoscope heart,
Love to watch the colors fade,
They may not make sense,
But they sure as hell made me.

I won't go as a passenger, no
Waiting for the road to be laid
Though I may be going down,
I'm taking flame over burning out

Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere

I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
Oh-h
I'm going down,
Follow if you want, I won't just hang around,
Like you'll show me where to go,
I'm already out, foolproof idea, so don't ask me how
To get started, it's all uncharted...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

mbs.

They say,
When you're experiencing something amazing,
Enjoying a picturesque view,
A god-sent gift of whatever nature,
The one that's on your mind,
Whom you wish were there with you
Sharing that very moment,
Is the one closest to your heart,
The one that you missed the most,
The one who gave you strength,
and at the same time,makes you all weak.
Is your home.
Where you truly belong.









Here I am alone at MBS with the water/lights performance on,
a spectacular view that soothes the very much disturbed mind,
just a frap that's depleting very soon,
a box of ciggs that I've been chain-smoking,
group of families,couples and friends.
and I'm in my own bubble of thoughts,
well make that an ocean,
and I'm about to drown.

I know this is temporary.
This too will go away very soon.
This too will be history.
At least,that's what I hope.

ouch!

"Take care of yourself. Don’t use drinking or smoking as a way to mask your pain."

Friday, March 25, 2011

i'm not asking you to guess who i am,
i'm telling you it straight to your face.

i'm not into telling you fibs,
especially when it comes to principles,
religion,or anywhere along the lines.

i may have love to exaggerate things at times,
but when it comes to serious talk,
i would greatly appreciate open minds.




you know what i feel like doing,
oh nevermind,
you couldn't care less.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Cali Swag District - Teach Me How To Dougie




finally!
it's been a loong search!
but i want the remix! D:

David Guetta & Chris Willis ft Fergie & LMFAO - Gettin' Over You (Offici...






haven't i tell you lately,
i love LMFAO already?
:P

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

it's really a pity that these are the kinds of people who make you D.R.E.A.D going to work...*tsk* sungguhmerepek.com.sg
really ah,got issues with me,man it up ah.
or for your case,"minah" it up.

just a story,
it changes my whole perception.
180 degrees.
ps:i'll be there for you. :D









best part of the morning?
i miss the late F/a/i/z/a/l,
i could hear his voice vividly.
*alfatehah*

Maroon 5 - Goodnight Goodnight




You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place her

I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem ft. Lauren Bennett, GoonRock




ADDICTED IS A SUPERBLY UNDER-FRIGGIN-STATEMENT!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Pesanan Rasulullah SAW kepada suami:

"Jadilah engkau bagi istrimu sebagai seorang ayah,ibu dan saudaranya;
kerana dia telah meninggalkan ayah,ibu dan saudaranya dengan mengikutimu.
Karenanya,dia mengharapkan engkau memilikki
kasih sayang seorang ayah,
lemah lembut seorang ibu
dan belas kasih sayang seorang saudara."
“In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation- but it’s in the middle where all the emotion resides that makes the whole thing worthwhile.”
— The Last Song - Nicholas Sparks

something to remember

Be with someone who knows exactly what they got when they have you. Not someone who will realize it when they've lost you.

ahuh.

I'm not bitch, I just speak my mind. I'm not slut, I just get every guy I want. I'm not a heartbreaker, I just get bored easily!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

lazy eff-ed up saturday.

On days like this,
I just feel like aborting ALL plans.
Just be lazy.drink it up or something like that.
It suck waking up to feel this way.
It really suck.

Should I give a damn at all??

Friday, March 18, 2011

everyday im shuffelliiinnnggggg......

ain't nothing gonna stop us now!
*muahahahahhahahaha*

Ok dah!
Byeeeeee.....

Thursday, March 17, 2011

you have just successfully mind-fucked me.

so im gonna go not giving a damn,
be back once i give a shit about things.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

globetrotter,not again!

11th March 2011

1935-right on board 2nd link baby!
everyone's warming up slowly.and yep,virgin trip crossing the Thailand borders!

2038-R&R at Machap.
We're given an hour to perform solat & have dinner.Couldn't do much reading on the way here as I planned.thank god "magika" was on air!an hour of sleep since night shift yet I'm still wide awake.Blame it on the nagging cough! :(
And oh,no makcik kaypoo-s spotted on tour yet.YET.

2338-we've jut passed-by Seremban!woohoo!

12th March 2011

0014-stopover at Dengkil to we-wee!

0401-woke up and i just couldn't stop coughing like mad to the point I teared.Passing by Bukit Merah!goodness!!usually it'll take only 15mins here.this time it took 8hours!!okay,definitely different place in context! :P

0650-apparently we're at some place super near to Hadyai to perform Subuh.but we have yet to cross the customs.think along the lines of Wlds liddat. :)

0715-bfast at Singgah Rasa.Jln Teja8. And the map of this plc is supaaa cute! :)

0830-at CTC.well apparently it's the customs before we enter Thailand.believe it or not,it looked just like any other stop-over eating place.

1645-we have just reached the hotel after visiting the local food shop.it's actually 1 hour difference.so technically I have 25hours today!:)

13th March 2011

so we had massage in our room yest.I supposed Batam one is soo much betta!and we got to try one of the humongous prawn!$10!as huge as my fist!now I gotta watch them cholesterol.

1130-bfast at the rest nearby the hotel n did some shopping already at local shop selling stingray/crocodile skin.wait,some??I gotta be kidding eh?aloottttt..wohoo!okay,so I need some more cash for floating market!I'm psyche! :)

Oh,the reason i didn't update like every movements I make is coz....
Something happened to my phone and now ALL the songs n videos are G.O.N.E!
:'(

14th March 2011

0555 local time-and that is 1hour earlier than in sg.
Yesterday was whack!shopped like I never did before.hahah.

went to Samila Beach where legend has it,a man married a mermaid.and villagers spotted them by the beach and it frightened the mermaid that it never came back again,pity the man.he actually waited till he went loco n eventually died there.oh before that,we had a great lunch with yet again Tom Yum just opp the beach.imagine having Tom Yum by the beach!kick woooohhhh!!!

So The Floating Market wasn't what I expected.what I found out/guessed was that they actually have the one that I have envisioned in mind in the heart of their country.but still it was a floating market.the food there are one of a kind!pretty nice...they actually cooked it right there and then in the cute lil boat!and itz only 20baht.that's like less than a dollar.and for drinks,we can actually have it in a clay vase thingy that we can choose from the many2 designs!even the soupy food come in a small claypot bowl!supaaaa cute.
And one of the best part of it all was the jelly covered peanut thingy.the shapes comes in soo many diff fruits shape.super uber cute.i'll load it in my fb.

Like all the shopping done in the day wasn't enough, I actually went down to the shopping center opp the hotel to look for more stuffs to splurge on.pretty much the same as our shopping ctr here in sg.and that's not all!I walked all the way down to the streets where itz almost the same as Petaling Street kind.t-shirts,belts,you name it! Walking in the streets alone isn't as cool as I thought,with naughty eyes around.yikes,exactly!but overall,I'd give myself 7stars out of 10 for the courage.itz a totally foreign country,which barely speaks English.and alone,I managed to negotiate pretty darn good!I'm so the makcik!!!

Went back to the hotel,did some packing.and I found out from the other group that they went to Krabi Island!!!and that's where they have lotsa pareos!!the sole reason I came here!!!darrrrnnnnn!!!!!itz fine,end of the year or next year for my birthday!definitely baby!!

Okay,currently,0617 local time,we're otw to the Thailand borders.my head is spinning tryna type this entry.so Imma buzz off! :)

1455-we're stranded in one of the R&R in perak.itz raining heavily and we're supposed to be moving out frm here at 1440 but it has waaayy passed the time.lucky thing I have lbd.thus far,the current book I'm on is the next fav aft "simply irresistible" and I am soo gettin that book once the search is over!:))

1755-Johor Bahru 265km!
That's like more than 110 times of 2.4km run!sooo farrr....and I'm done with the book and I'm bored!! :'(

1946-yet another stopover.this time is for dinner and maghrib.And, we're in Johor already.Little did I know Johor stretched from all the way after Woodlands to Batu Pahat to Kluang.Like for real kan?goodness!!!anyways,all those days spending time in the gym is missed.I've gained back my belly.in just a few days right??!all the good food in Thailand! ;P

Friday, March 11, 2011

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video



I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?
I wasn't born a bitch,
men like you
made me that way.
hell yeah!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Image
Men who are financially dependent on their female partners are more likely to cheat than men who contribute equally to the couple's bank account, according to a new study.

But the relationship between male dependency and infidelity disappeared when factors like education, age and relationship satisfaction entered into the mix, suggesting that cheating is a more complex matter than who signs the checks.

The study revealed that men who depend on their wives' or girlfriends' incomes are five times more likely to cheat than men who are not dependent. Women who made much less than their husbands were less likely to stray than women who made more.

"Men and women react very differently to economic dependency," said Christin Munsch, a sociology PhD candidate at Cornell University who is scheduled to present the study today at the annual meeting of the American Sociological Association in Atlanta.

However, Munsch told LiveScience, the results shouldn't be taken to mean that a low-earning man is a cad in training; rather, she said, the findings suggest that economic disparity is just one of many factors that play a role in infidelity.

Cheating hearts

The study took data from a nationally representative survey of heterosexual couples between the ages of 18 and 28. Each year, the participants in the survey answered questions about their relationships, income and other life circumstances.

Munsch looked at responses from married and cohabitating couples between 2001 and 2007. To find out if people were cheating, she compared three questions: One, whether the person was still in the relationship they'd been in the previous year; two, how many sexual partners the person had had in the past year; and three, if they'd had sex with strangers in the past year. If the relationship was the same but the number of sexual partners was more than one, or if the person had hooked up with a stranger, the respondent was counted as cheating.

The method was very conservative, Munsch said, because it couldn't catch behavior in relationships lasting less than a year. If someone cheating during a six-month relationship, for example, there would be no way to tell from the data, and thus the person would not be counted.

As it turned out, cheating was rare. Only 3.8 percent of men and 1.4 percent of women admitted to infidelity. (Underreporting is a possibility, Munsch said, but no more so in this study than in other surveys of socially unacceptable behavior.) Women became more and more likely to cheat as their income increased in relation to their male partner's. Men, on the other hand, were most likely to cheat if they were economically dependent — or if they made much more money than their female partners. Men who made 25 percent more than their partners were the most faithful.

When it came to high earners, who were more likely to cheat, the findings held true even when age, education level, income, religious attendance and relationship satisfaction were taken into account. For both genders, making more money may lead to more opportunities to cheat, Munsch said. High-paying jobs may require more hours away from home or on the road, for example.

For low-earning men, though, the correlation between cheating and economic dependence vanished when the same variables were held steady. That means that one or more of the variables is affecting the relationship, Munsch said. For example, lower-earning men may be unhappier in their relationships, and that unhappiness prompts them to cheat.

"We don't really know what that causal chain looks like and why it exists," she said. "So that finding needs to be interpreted with caution."

Faithful mates

One explanation for the finding could be that low-earning men feel that their partners' high wages threaten their masculinity. In this case, the thinking goes, men shore up their ego by cheating. In contrast, low-earning women aren't fighting any cultural stereotypes and may worry about how they'll support themselves if they're caught, so they stay faithful.

"The fact that the relationships are different between economic dependency and infidelity shows that men and women's lives are still not following similar paths when it comes to relationships," said Barbara Risman, the head of the sociology department at the University of Illinois Chicago and the executive officer of the Council on Contemporary Families. "It shows that men are still uncomfortable when they're economically dependent on their wives. That's a very interesting finding." (Risman was not involved in the current study.)

But the fact that the relationship between dependency and cheating depends on so many other variables suggests another possibility, said Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history and family studies at The Evergreen State College in Oregon and the author of the upcoming book, "A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s."

"The relationship between economic dependency and infidelity seems to be concentrated in the outliers — the kind of men who may have married someone they didn't love for mercenary or other reasons, or who may be just too irresponsible or damaged in some ways to earn a decent wage or hold a job," Coontz, who was not involved in the current study, wrote in an e-mail to LiveScience.

"The take-home message for me out of this is more encouraging for women: Yes, there are guys who still take advantage. But if you are married to a guy who does work, shares your values and background, is close to the same age, and is a good partner, you should not worry at all if you make more than he does!" Coontz added.



Credits to http://www.livescience.com/6870-financially-dependent-men-cheat.html


like WTF??
there is something depressing about tonight
that made me wanna wreck my whole diet/workout plan
with a sinful mcd meal.

it could be any of these...
not being able to get off work on the dates where i am very much needed with the family,

or

having many of my friends gettin hitched one by one,and hey,look where i'm at?

or

i may have upset someone before the clock strikes midnight just now

or

i am utterly BORED.

OR EVEN,
all of them!




chill chill!
looking at the scale now,
i'm very much not pleased.
i wanna LOSE weight
but with all that working out with them weights,
i'm just gaining MORE body mass.
but that shows,
i've got more muscle at such a rapid phase! :D

no muscle anymore okay.
i just wanna weigh lighter.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

"maybe,baby?"
:D
previous "fishbone attacks" rarely last for 5mins for me.
i'll just cough it out and swallowing ball of rice and it would be suffice.
but i had the most annoying episode during dinner.
i spent 15mins self-debating if the fishbone is inside
& even thinking of forgetting about it,in hopes that it'll go away by tomorrow.

so after 40mins of desperate attempts to get it out,
you name it,
coughing vigorously,
swallowing big huge ball of rice(only end up vomitting!),
vomitting the food,
drinking plenty of water(so i could work out the muscles & loosen it up abit!)
was just futile.

mom was forcing me to see the doc before work,
but no,i was soo determined that i could get it done MYSELF.
and i did!
with the help of a mini mirror,my phone and a tiny forceps.
there you go!

Image in case you are wondering wth is the white ball thing on the right,
it was (yet again!)my futile attempt to gauge the length of the fishbone.

very sakit hor!
and up to this moment,it still is.

im famished but i just got no mood to eat,
cause gawwddd,it hurts.
and i could feel it slowly swelling up. :(
blearghhh..

2more nights and i'll be on my short vacation,
but why in the world am I not looking forward to it???

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

i have ALWAYS LOVE the thought of
my date/bf/fiance/husband to be in good terms with my brothers.
the kind where they have conversations(other than about me) with each other,
hang out,have that "secret" man-handshakes,have smoke breaks and such.

well,definitely i'm not asking them to really hangout strictly every weekend,
or hug each other and stuffs.*eww*
i am quite reasonable. :P

it's pretty amusing to see them post things on fb
and the other responds stuffs.
it's kindda cute don't you think?

to me that is one of the best moments to cherish.
coz I know both parties are making efforts,
coz my brothers & above-mentioned categories
meant quite abit to me.

but to the point where my brother decided to back them up,
in arguments instead of me.im doomed!

but what if?
the person in view here is not gonna build a life with me?
they fall in the category of the past?
what a waste isn't it?

oh well.
one day it'll be.
insyaallah.

Don't wait till it's too late.

Nobody's gonna be able to talk things out with you if you continue to just focus on your agony.
Not even the mayor,the president of USA,
Not even God.

Everyone has their own pain too.
Everyone of us.
Don't wait till it's too late.

*argh*

I dreamt that I was 3 months pregnant,
And I accidentally eat a meds that is harmful to the baby,
And was having terrible abdominal pain.

As I woke up,I really was having terrible abdominal pain!*argh*
in case your kaypoo minds are wondering,
no,I'm nt pregnant yet.LOL!

0520,080311
:D

Monday, March 07, 2011

:S

My flabber-is-gasted.
Like for real?? :S

Sunday, March 06, 2011

believe it or not.
my mind is still fixated on the happenings of yesterday.
ALL of it.

19 hours ago.
first breakfast.<3
*swoon swoon swoon*
goodbyes & EXCITING STUFF happened.
another bitchy/girlie moments with cuzzie.

24hours ago.
i was wrecking the dancefloor without much care.
i was inebriated.

27hours ago.
i was flying high like a G6.LOL!
*swoon*
and and and,i managed to wink wink wink.
first in like,my whole lifetime?

29hours ago.
i was VERY MUCH anticipating...err..ya know?stuffs.
bitching/<3 to <3 talk with cuzzie.

31hours ago.
my world crushed/shattered/fragmentized/overturn/pulverize/scrunched.
best of all?i was sick.

twas a 360degrees turn right-away!
i could get use to it very soon.
why?i hear you ask.
coz there's nothing much left.

and guess what?
im craving for roti john special.from spize.
specifically ehh...

okeh,up next,
membership for both places. :D

Saturday, March 05, 2011

feels like
it's a crime if
i miss you.

we wrecked th dancefloor.

"Freak it off kick it up
Raise the roof wreck the dancehall
Tear these walls light it up
Make some noise ohhh"

fuckk jyeaaahhhh!!!!
We did it again!

It's been a fuggin while bitches!

That aside,
to all them haters who obviously think I can't wink,
I can do it baybehhhh....

Thursday, March 03, 2011

never ever.

i realized many times in life,
the decisions we make affects all that's gonna happen to us.
we choose for it to happen.
but of course,
there are some too which happens just cause it was written in our book of life.

i've never wanted you to go through things alone,
coz i was sure,we're stronger together.
no matter how much it hurts,
no matter how hell-ish life can be,
no matter how much it doesn't bring any satisfaction,
i've never really gave up on us.

i dont know,
i wont understand how you could go on,
walking on this earth's surface,
knowing all that,yet you choose to walk away.
knowing that,we're gonna make it through.
tell me again,
where's your heart?