"Familiarity breeds contempt, predictability breeds boredom."

It's just too convenient to fall back to the familiarity of yesterdays.
too much, too often that we ended up the same pathway as it did the previous time.
did you notice that?
Just because the now is full of uncertainties.
how foolish,but we're just human.

on a different note, let's pray hard bf's baby brother's birthday dinner goes well.
definitely a pleasure to be invited. and yep, I feel officially accepted by all of them. :)
let's hope I won't overstay my welcome.HEH!

can I get back my weekend 2 weeks ago, please?
the massage, the pageant, the food, the shopping, the warmth.
or for the least, at least repeat my Halloween @ USS with bff,his partner & bf's baby brother.

Dalam Ingatan, Seorang Anak, Abang, Adik & Pakcik

dearest kak y/a/t/i shared this earlier on.
seconds gone,and out the tears gushed.

what hurts the most.
I miss you hunz.

This is what bf & I have to resort to when you make a fuss if I'm out late with my group of friends...
Lucky bf is supportive enough!
It's no wonder why he is mommy's fav!

I am pretty close to flipping out, both good and otherwise.

no matter how short it is gonna be.

this is cliche-ed,but heck,

wake me up when september ends.

meanwhile,

this shall be my sole motivation to hang on. =D
insyaallah.

Guy Sebastian - Battle Scars ft. Lupe Fiasco

this phase,
seems more confusing than ever before.
seems like I could do nothing more than hope,
hope for this to pass.
no matter how much I second guess myself.




what is it about men?

I have NEVER wanted anything so bad.
That I just wanna speed up & slow down at the same time.
you have turned out to mean more to me than I ever thought possible.

All Praises to ALLAH,
first official momsies meet-up went great!
and the brothers were being such angels. <3
post-babyshower was even better!
or I'd like to put it, my whole weekend was perfect!
alhamdulillah.

insyaallah,
the coming days, weeks, months, years & decades would be too!
but let's pray the next weekend would be a success first.
dear parents, pls be supportive! :D
lucky as I am, the youngest brother is ever so supportive! <3<3<3

Maher Zain - So Soon | Official Music Video

This is a yet again, another No-Mood-To-Blog-But-I-Am-Bored-And-I-Just-Want-To-Ramble-On-And-On post. what's new,right?

let me see, what happened while I let all the dusts in the universe finally settle in here?

• Aced family dinner with bf's family. (and actually had fun!)
• Brought Mr Caveman aka bf to his first prawning session. ;P
• VIP seats for the Lions XI Vs S League All Star match BIATCHESSSS!!!
• Painted my room with a simple design overnight,ALONE.
• Became a body-builder & carpenter overnight.
• "Lost" a dearest gf to wifehood & familydom.
• Contemplated plastic surgery after that fateful "Cappucino Incident". either that, or I moved out of the 'hood.
• Successfully went on holiday with bf & clan.(see,it's not just plans okay?)
• Bonded with the girls! <3
• Survived all the rides (those lame and otherwise) despite down with friggin diarrhea.
• First flight experience with bf! <3
• House-breaking scene & the legendary giggles & victorious hugs!
• Heart-to-Heart talk with bf's lil bro
• Ate an almost-gross amount of superbly delicious cupcakes in a week.
• Popped my Vespa cherry at such age.(jakun I know!)
• Managed to drag bf to the Titanic Exhibition.
• Welcomes a pretty gorgeous babyniece,QN! :D
• Witnessed Babe's re-proposal surprise.
• Scared the shit of myself the night after. 
• Finally got a sneak-peek of how bf is with babies! *skips around*
• Bought 4 new friggin pair of shoes in a day! *lalaallalalalalalala*(bf had me sentenced to 4 months sans shoe shopping) that's even worst than crash diets!
• hmm....I think my life was more happening than all that? or I'd like to believe so?

9th July in 4 more days!!!
QN's babyshower the week after. ;D
*throws confetti*



all praises to you ALLAH.

What I wouldn't give to be anywhere on the globe with you guys again!






one of the most shortest,terrific,awesome,legendary & amazing weekend of my life.

Amazing how you sometimes make resolutions, tell yourself everything will be a certain way from now on, and then all it takes is a tiny movement of the lips to shatter your confidence in a certainty that seemed eternal.

- Delicacy, David Foenkinos

bf just made me cry... :')
well in a good way of course.
way beyond melted could be.







I'm the lucky one.<3

HUNZ.....

a few days back, your sister spoke to me, she asked to listen to So Soon by Maher Zain.

she said the first time she heard it, it totally reminded your whole family of you and some did even cry actually. when I first saw the lyrics, I couldn't help but to shed a tear. Tonight I finally got around to listening to the whole song, right about now, the tears just can't stop rolling down.

I knew this day would eventually come, the day where I falter yet again for your demise no matter how long you've been gone. no matter how perfect my life has been lately, you're still and will always be in my thoughts, in my daily prayers.

I know deep down inside, from your brief "presence" that you're at the better place than all of us. but I just can't help wishing you'd still be here seeing the changes everyone is going through, Mik, Huda, Nana, Faisal & Kesha, your sisters and dearest Ibu. I know you'd be so proud of them.

I miss you hunz..

We all miss you dearly....

Please watch over us from up above,angel....

So Soon Lyrics

By: Maher Zain

Every time I close my eyes I see you in front of me

I still can hear your voice calling out my name

And I remember all the stories you told me

I miss the time you were around (x2)

But I’m so grateful for every moment I spent with you

‘Cause I know life won’t last forever

Chorus:

You went so soon, so soon

You left so soon, so soon

I have to move on ’cause I know it’s been too long

I’ve got to stop the tears, keep my faith and be strong

I’ll try to take it all, even though it’s so hard

I see you in my dreams but when I wake up you are gone

Gone so soon

Night and day, I still feel you are close to me

And I remember you in every prayer that I make

Every single day may you be shaded by His mercy

But life is not the same, and it will never be the same

But I’m so thankful for every memory I shared with you

‘Cause I know this life is not forever

CHORUS

There were days when I had no strength to go on

I felt so weak and I just couldn’t help asking: “Why?”

But I got through all the pain when I truly accepted

That to God we all belong, and to Him we’ll return, ooh

and I realized today, I can just be doing the simplest things in life
or perhaps just seating in silence with you, and it will still give me the sense of fulfillment and euphoria within.
like there's no pressure to be doing any activities like most relationships has.

like today, helping Caca move stuffs to her new place with you, just gives me pleasure.
like just listening to the radio while enjoying the view.
like holding hands, talking about all other mundane issues under the stars while we drive through KPE till we end up missing the intended exit.

Alhamdulillah, I am blessed!



“She was struck by the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people...”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Lucky One

why is June so far awaaaayyyy....???

I desperately need a holiday okay...since bkk is out of the question, we would have to settle for the next next best...(thank me later bf!) the fuck am I gonna wear to keep me warm?bf's arms around me?nyehehehe...

oh, it's the 27th April again! 3rd year baybehh..just 2 more and the "reward" is MINEEE!!! apart from the bitches, backstabbers,nonsensical workflow, incompetent fools, work is fine actually. :) I just need to be abit more patient. A BIT, who am I kidding??

That brings me to a point....
Between the stolen glances,
between the furtive smiles,
You took my breaths away.

No matter how I tried ignoring,
mother nature just seem to have something up her sleeves.

And little did I know, my life was about to change.
365days has flew by, there's nothing more I want, than spending more months, years and insyaallah, decades to come, with you my love! <3

finally, I can put my Anatomy & Physiology knowledge to good use! :)))
at least I could be some help to bf's brother. hee! nothing means more to me than a determined "student". well of course, the rapport built along the way too!

Orang prasan maner punya Latino Chico!
menyampah sehhhh...

maybe it's because I'm just bored to death,
maybe because I'm too tired from the night duties,
but maybe, it's just because it's the 21st April.

it would have been your 28th birthday hunz.

so much things have changed since you're gone.
Faisal & Keisha was born,
putting smiles on everyone's faces just like you did.
your lil sis is now doing her post-secondary studies.
and our dearest elder sister, is now a changed woman.
we've been hanging out.
we've been exchanging stories/gossips.
been onto wild manic adventures,stake-out,long lunch/dinners,you name it.
and this is far from what I've imagined it would be when I first met your family.

though it's been 5 years, your absence is still very much felt.
no matter how much it seems like we've moved on and long forgotten about your "existence",
you're still deeply etched in our daily thoughts.
and 5 years on, I'm glad I could still feel you around me,
it's like you know I need to seek refuge from the insanity.
like you know, you're where I seek solace.
and right at this moment, I could feel you near.

stay with me tonight.
tell me how coaching the angels up there have been so far.
we miss you hunz.
i miss you.

alfatehah.

insyaallah.

<3

yours truly has finally aced the meet the folks session.
despite being absolutely unplanned.
I'm getting the idea that, that's the whole idea of these things usually.
ALHAMDULILLAH...

and yes, I've been forewarned by bf about those issues that he have been hinting on for weeks!

So, this proves that I wasn't hallucinating and I am not excited for nothing!
but fret not, wedding bells ain't gonna be that soon.
INSYAALLAH.









for everything else,
thank you ALLAH

most awesome moment when someone FINALLY proves to you of being juvenile.
such a gift early in the morning! :)


just in case you're having doubts, yes YOU!
who first made the move and now, unfriend my whole family just because.
kesian kan?
anyways, it's pretty frustrating being dormant when you're flooding my newsfeed with your perasan-maner-punya-hot-stuff-nak-hangout-dengan-hot-chicks check-ins/statuses.
SERIOUSLY DUDE!

and please, un-invite yourself to read my blog too.
that would complete the whole process isn't it?
thank you very nice.

if you're expecting a change in my blog's link soon after,
oh trust me, you're not worth the hassle of changing my url just because I don't wanna keep you here.
and honestly I just won't stoop down to that level. pretty much unnecessary.

wrong morning to mess with the fire-breathing dragon ayye?
but then again, not your fault too, the agony of having to read your thick-skinned updates just blew up from gettin suppressed to the limit.

*bitch hair-flick & walks off*

maybe I have finally solved the conundrum.
maybe that is what that has been playing in your mind,
every single time we stay silent in each other's embrace
for far too long.

as much as I am taken aback,
I am much too ecstatic, it's beyond me.

first was the mini talk,
then along come the passing questions.
and then *BAM*,
you spoke of it.

I've been too good at suppressing,
and now when I finally have time to myself,
I am finally awake.
this is way too surreal, and scary at the same time.
though honestly, I think I might just be a wee bit too excited
over stuffs that hasn't happen yet.
but being real here,
this is the closest I have ever been.

this is purely unprecedented.
so,note to self: freaking dont try to be funny.
donotscrewthisup.

for the love,hope,trust,faith & dreams I have of you,of us.
for all those times you've been my strength,my weakness,
my euphoria,my adrenalin pumps,my intellect,
my motivation and my pride.
for yesterdays,today and tomorrows.
for all this and more.

ku ingin kuatkan hatimu,

yakin ku hanyalah milikmu,

besar cintaku tak berubah,

walau kini rasa itu luluhkan hatimu.

ku harapkan hanya padamu,

ketulusan ini nanti kan ku jalani,

tetap ku milikmu,

mengertikah bila cinta ini,

memang tak pernah sedikit pun pudar,

selain untuk mu....

Jennifer Lopez - Dance Again ft. Pitbull

OHHHMAAAIIIIGGOOODDDDDDDD!!!!
I came 34732748536489265628974 times just within 4:27mins.
all of my fantasy in just one MV.

that aside,
I can already envision bf & clan rocking this song like they did with the rest!

Jeffrey Gaines - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move in my hands
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command my love

The first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the Earth
And last, and last, and last till the end of time
The first time ever I saw your face
Your face
Your face
Your face

I have always knew bf is a romantic at heart,
but he just doesn't know how to express it.
however, this time, I am absolutely caught by surprised.
"listen to this song....it's for you." in a most unromantic, almost platonic way.

it has been odd nowadays I think,
he stares deeply into my eyes without a word.
only smile & deny it when I asked why.
and I pretty much have the idea that,
he is getting comfortable with the family as much as they are.
too comfortable that during bowling the other night,
he randomly cupped my face and kissed my lips in front of all of them.
"oh! am I not supposed to??"
very sardine I know!*tsk tsk tsk*


alhamdulillah.
i can't thank god enough for you.

After everything & anything at all,
why would I wanna give room for infidelity?
tell me one brilliant reason,
why I would wanna go on jeopardizing this?

Wouldn't risk it all,
not now,
insyaallah,not ever.

Shila Amzah - Patah Seribu (acoustic)

the first time I heard it,
you came straight to my mind. instantly.
it's been close to five years now.
though we've all moved on with our own lives,
we still miss you, each and every one of us.
it's still as agonizing when my ipod decides to surprise me with your songs.

I know deep inside,
you're in a good place.
best place for a beautiful soul like yours.
and I know, you're watching over us. all of us.

it's just one of those nights.
stay with me tonight.
talk through me my very decision.
make me understand every little moves I'm making.

Coz Germans' awesome like that! ;p
And bf would agree to it biiiiig time!

"We're so arrogant, aren't we? So afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair."

they say,
"curiosity kills the cat"
but I guessed, this time, it wasn't the feline that got harmed.

we got it all planned.
taking it slow & steady.
get comfortable and stuffs. you know, the likes.
but we can only plan, THE ONE up above does all the works.

it was just unfortunate it was through that medium.
but I still think it wasn't such a bad idea.
just that it was done in a....not so appropriate way.

I just wonder, why are we so bogged down with what people will/wanna say about us.
do we owe them a living? do we depend on them to put the bowl of rice on our table?
at the end of the day when all else fails, we are the ones picking up the pieces.
I have seen a lot of other couples going out without an engagement ring on her finger,
but still end up till death do us part kindda thing. so why?

thing is, I am absolutely not against the idea,
I love the works of it. every single part of it all, trust me.
but I am just taken aback.
perhaps, once I become a parent, maybe then I will understand.
but till then, it's gonna be a wonder.

so this is what I have been waiting for eversince I learnt of engagement, weddings and having a family.
I am not putting a pause because I am in doubt with who I am with.
but I am just not too sure if I am worthy of him.
and I am, gladly, happily & with much excitement, in preparation to be one. :)

insyaallah, things will be just fine.
More than just a dream; an epiphany.
And I know right then and there... ♥

Florence + the Machine - Shake It Out (Lyrics)

the depth of it.

i can just feel the darkness in it.

What I wouldn't give to have time turned to 24hours ago; snacks,jokes,mindless teasing & movie marathon with you & your bro.

Despite the silences while concentrating on the TV,
It felt so right.
Coz having your warmth near,
Makes perfect sense.
And I feel at home.

Nevermind that I had to massage your aching shoulder till my muscles ached too.

A perfect idea for an awesome Saturday night-in!
How I miss you already.... :(

deep-seated animosity for confrontations.
blessing or a worry.
i can't quite decide.
but to date, alhamdulillah. :)

one after another,
first was the persistant friend pursuing stuffs he shouldn't be doing,
then this.
this was a big blow to us.
comparatively to the rest.

i'd be lying to say,i didn't see it coming,
right from when it started,
i know that this day is coming,
sooner or later.
but what i didn't expect was, it came just the week after.

i thought,i might just be over-reacting,
so i asked around,
someone told me i was merely "reacting", not "over-reacting"
and my emotions are pretty much justified.
even mom expressed her concerns.

it's never about trust issues.
it's just me.
i dislike the idea.i am not comfortable with it all.
endofstory.

i HATE fighting with you.
i DESPISE how much attitude i gave you when we do.
so much so that i end up re-thinking,
"why am i being so ridiculous?"

"I thought you’re gonna ignore me & not talk to me anymore…”
in that sad little boy tone, who dare tell me that's not even cute?

you have no idea how much comfort you gave me with that hug.
how i felt at ease. how things just seemed to be at the right place, at the right time.
despite how freely the tears flow.
like i said, i know how it felt back then,
to go through it again, would be just crazy!
i am not taking any chances.
i'm gonna hold on to that promise,for life.

im sorry numnums.
i love you.
more than you think i do.

coincidence.
what are the odds?seriously?
same exact words.
and if you think i actually felt it was for me,
realized it only when you've texted me.
i am honestly sorry.
it just happened on the same time.
and to be honest,no "misery" caused.
not a tinge bit.
thanks anyways.

ps: if i were you, i wouldnt even bother.
hate it soo much when you proved me right. but oh wells, to each his/her own.

It's appalling how you keep on telling people you don't give a rat's ass about what's happening in my life,
but seriously, why do you care so much that you actually bothered to read my updates?

Come on, like I said before,
break the rusty hatred, coz I don't love neither do I hate.
About time to grow up isn't it?

JUST SAYING.

All in all, I wish you & your family well.

Gave it a try,
And I guess, it's not my field anymore.
I just want to start on a clean slate.
I don't want to let history repeats itself.
I am clearly not ready to risk this.
What more lose this?

No matter how murky things seems to be.

This is not based on how things should be,
More of a judgment call.

NOTE TO SELF:

if ever one day you start to have even a tinge of doubt on life.
on the people you love.

please watch Tsunami - Caught On Video.
and count your blessings,for it could have been you.

truly a horrific 70mins without a single moment not wincing.

syukran ya ALLAH.
alhamdulillah.
subhanallah.
masyaallah.
nauzubillah.
innalillah.

we are always looking out for answers,
but what exactly are we gonna do about it,
once we've found the answer?

• hide and pretend that the revelations didn't happen.
• react and change what needs to be changed.
• or just admit defeat.

i just wonder,how does it feel to be in your shoes,
right at this very moment.
to see me the way you do.
to know exactly what's going on in your mind.

strange thing is,
the tormented past is more appealling than anything else now.
those times where tears and wasted efforts are in abundance.
those times when disappointments and betrayal lurks in as and when.
but honestly?do i really want all of those?
NO.

i am just petrified beyond words could explain.

despite the opportunities,
i can't do shit.
despite the temptations,
i know this mean more to me than my whole life.

you know what?
i should have gone for a holiday the previous time,alone or otherwise.
i fucking need it!

James Blunt - If Time Is All I Have [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

this feels all too familiar,
i'm afraid,just so afraid.
tell me this is not happening.
just tell me it's just my overreacting mind.

soul mate.
two little words.
one big concept.

i hate how constant my thoughts are lingering manically.
and it always boils down to you.

i miss you.
10 hours and counting.
5days in total.
(if you're reading this,
I DON'T CARE,it's still 5days!Friday still counts,
even if i've spent my afternoon with you! :p)

let's hope i dont fall sick this time.
*ughhh*

there will be a point in anyone's life,
for a change.
to be someone better.
someone's worthy.

i dare not say mine is here.
but i think i like where this is going.
i told you,
slowly but surely.
all praises to god!

vulnerable,
and there's pretty much nothing i could do about it.
i barely could remember the last time.
paradoxically,
the more i muse on it,
instead of finding the answers,
the more i find it beyond my ken.

it almost felt as though,
i just wouldn't know what to do with my life,
if it won't work out.
hopeless i know,
but i hope and pray,
i am stronger than that.

i despise how different "Above & Beyond" is without having you around.
barely 12hours since you left for JB and here i am fixated on thoughts of you,
like there wasn't anything else before you.
i miss you.alot already. :(
come back chop2 okay?

only 2D1N and im so hopeless already.
imagine the coming CNY holidays,let's just not get there! :'(

all praises to Allah,
things are doing fab!
almost every aspects.
i can't express the joy im feeling.
but all in all,
alhamdulilah!

i might as well change this blog into a relationship blog rather than a personal one.
coz all i ever blog about is him!*nyehehe*

was never a strong believer of deadlines in things apart from projects,
but i guess,like it or not,
sometimes,
it's pretty much helpful.

i wonder why these sentiments at this time.
too much at one go?

Jason Derulo - Fight For You (Official Video)

[Chorus]

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There's nothing that a hundred men, or more, could ever do

Just like the rain, down in Africa

It's gonna take some time but I know you're worth fighting for -

I'd fight for you

Hey ba bum ba eh ba bum ba eh eh ba bum ba eh

I'd fight for you

Hey ba bum ba eh ba bum ba eh eh ba bum ba eh

I'd fight for you

[Verse 1]

Friends are cool but we both know - they don't wanna see us together

Don't wanna lose what I live for - I'm willing to do whatever

'cause I don't wanna see you cry

Give our love another try

I bet we get it right this time

As long as you're prepared to fight

[Bridge]

I don't wanna live another day without your body next to me

I'm not gonna let them break us down

'cause baby I know now

[Chorus]

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

I'd fight for you

There's nothing that a hundred men, or more, could ever do

I'd fight for you

Just like the rain, down in Africa

I'd fight for you

It's gonna take some time but I know you're worth fighting for -

[Verse 2]

Lesgo

What they say - It don't even matter

They don't really understand

Without each other, we are barely breathing

Let's get air in these hearts a gain

'cause I don't wanna see you cry - give our love another try

I bet we get it right this time

As long as you're prepared to fight

Prepared to fight

[Bridge]

I don't wanna live another day without your body next to me

I'm not gonna let them break us down

'cause baby I know now (know now, know now)

[Chorus]

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

I'd fight for you

There's nothing that a hundred men, or more, could ever do

I'd fight for you

Just like the rain, down in Africa

I'd fight for you

It's gonna take some time but I know you're worth fighting for -

I'd fight for you

Hey ba bum ba eh ba bum ba eh eh ba bum ba eh

I'd fight for you

Hey ba bum ba eh ba bum ba eh eh ba bum ba eh

If you've got someone that's worth fighting for

Don't let nobody hold you down let me hear you say

WOOOOOOAHHHHHH

If you've found someone that's worth dying for

The one you can't live without let me hear you say

WOOOOOOAHHHHHH

[Chorus]

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

There's nothing that a hundred men, or more, could ever do

I'd fight for you

Just like the rain, down in Africa

I'd fight for you

It's gonna take some time but I know you're worth fighting forrrrrrrr

WOAH

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

I'd fight for you

There's nothing that a hundred men, or more, could ever do

I'd fight for you

Just like the rain, down in Africa

I'd fight for you

It's gonna take some time but I know you're worth fighting for

Anuar Zain - Sempurnakan Aku

Aku di sini sorang diri

Berharap waktu kan terulang lagi

Saat ada dirimu bersamaku

Aku di sini yang menyesali

Menangisi kepergianmu kasih

Semua begitu salah tanpa dirimu disisiku

Tahukah dirimu

Kau bawa setengah hatiku hilang

Bersama hampa di hidupku

Hanyalah dirimu yang mampu lengkapi

Oh mencintamu

sempurnakan aku

Menangisi kepergianmu kasih

Semua begitu salah tanpa dirimu

Tahukah dirimu Kau bawa setengah hatiku hilang

Bersama hampa di hidupku

Hanyalah dirimu yang mampu lengkapi

Oh mencintamu sempurnakan aku

Kembalilah kepadaku
Aku mohon kepadamu...