Six months later....

I haven't wanted to write much, as I got tired of writing bad news. The short version of the last six months is that, yes, we did have to go to my parents' house, and yes, we're still here. We did move downstairs into my brother Alan's apartment after three months of sleeping on their living room floor. Now we all share a bedroom in his two bedroom place, but it has a full closet and a built in bookcase-thingy to put our home school books on. I bought new (old) dollar desks and chairs from Alpine School District surplus, and we finished our school year here. All of our things have been in storage since February 1st, and the kids are still sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor. Our air mattress got popped, but I get to sleep on a mattress Alan doesn't need anymore, which is very appreciated.

In fact, I'm grateful for a lot of things I didn't remember to be grateful for before, including a door that closes, one and half closets, and only one possible sink full of dishes. Good packing skills that mean we brought almost everything we really need in one suitcase each and a box of books. We visit our furnishings every few weeks to get something, and it's like visiting old friends. Each time someone says, "Oh Mom, I remember our old _____ (couch, table, toy, etc.)." Our life in Payson has become "the good old days" standard against which the rest of the world is measured. We went back to visit once, but it ended up being stake conference. It kind of feels like we're shut out of what was once our life, and we're in a holding pattern waiting for a new life to begin. Hanny and the kids want there to be a dog in that new life. I'm not sure how that's going to happen yet.

Simplicity is nice in a lot of ways. We've tried to help a lot with the housework, and Hanny's helped my dad completely redo the backyard with built-in raised planters with trellises everywhere, a grape arbor, and now a portable chicken coop. We've been able to help Christene out during a pregnant summer, and we've started a habit of hiking to the Y most Saturdays. Alan and I watched Eureka together at night and we all watch the Next Food Network Star together. I do schoolwork, Hanny goes to work, and the kids try to stay busy.

Hanny finally got a job in April with The Safety Team, a different fire sprinkler company in Layton. He stays at my brother Ace's house in West Haven during the week, and then comes home Thursday night late. Weekends are crazy busy, as we now live at the Cottle family epicenter where there's always something going on. I miss living with him, but I'm grateful for long weekends. My parents' ward has been nice to us. We baptized Teva soon after we got here, the kids are in primary, and Hanny's hometeaching is our only calling. They just asked me to sub Kiki's Sunbeam class until we leave, so our weekly date to Gospel Doctrine and R.S. with my mom have met its end. It's strange to visit a ward for six months, but my comments in class count as a contribution, right?

I registered at Weber State in order to finish a teaching certificate and a couple of minors rather than just graduating in history from Ashford online. It adds almost two years to my schooling, but a Pell Grant can keep paying for undergraduate credits rather than forcing me to find graduate funding options. It seems like I'm going to need to work in the long term, and I can't find or think of anything other than teaching. I've taken classes online this summer, except last week I had to start a class in Layton because there is literally not one more online class I can take from them, and I can't afford to pay the financial aid back. So I drive to Layton twice a week and have to find a babysitter for my four kiddos.

Hanny loves his job in construction, and they love him, but the industry slow down means they have to pay him less than he's made in 5+ years, and we don't really make enough to live on yet. It's also the only reason Firetrol couldn't hire him back. Hopefully another raise will come at the end of July, when we're trying to move. We tried for many other jobs, but nothing came of all those efforts. We'll be all right when I can actually start working, but that's down the road for now.

Plans for another bambino are also on hold. Kiki's four now, and will have to do the preschool/day care thing this year while I'm in school full-time. I hope to get into the Education program in January, and then next fall when he's in kindergarten will be my English teaching block, with student teaching the next spring. I'm still trying to arrange for his school, and Abby's still on the waiting list for the nice charter school I got the boys into. I might have to put her in a public school by our house (when I know what town that's in). I'm looking for a house to rent in Roy, South Weber, or somewhere up there that's not too busy and under a thousand bucks per month. We wish it could be in a rural place, with room for a dog (& chickens) but beggars can't be choosers, right?

Anyway, August 7th is the date our storage contract expires, August 6th is our 12th anniversary, and my brothers and dad have all planned their big Wind Rivers backpacking trip that weekend (of course). Something's going to happen around that time, and I think it might involve a bedroom I can share with just my husband again.

So, I hope this isn't as depressing to read as it has been at times to live. We're doing fine, actually, and I blame my dark thoughts on basement living. :) We have everything we need, and we're trying to make the best of this journey to I'm-not-sure-where-or-what, exactly. I think I'm transforming from a homeschool mom to a career mom via a couple years of full time student. It's kind of a dramatic transition when you realize I've never even undergone the kindergarten weaning normal moms go through with their oldest. My husband loves me, and I love him like crazy, my kids are good and learning to work and deal without, and I get to learn and teach and serve regularly. We've still got more material wealth than the vast majority of the world's population, and I only have housework to do for a small apartment.

The details are fuzzy, but maybe that's just how the view is from a cocoon?

Still Waiting to Exhale

So, I didn't send holiday cards again this year. This time, it wasn't because I lacked the time, or even the cards. I did every other Christmassy thing on my list, but sending out a summary of this year just felt wrong.

Whenever I talk with anyone, the first thing I hear is, "Any news?" Meaning, does Hanny have a job lined up for when the Air Force is finished with us (at least full-time) on Feb. 17th? Actually, because of the leave he's accrued, we'll move away from here Jan. 31st and go to....a storage unit in Salt Lake? If we move back where we came from, the A.F. will pay for the move. The military is generous when it comes to moving yourself, as in, you pocket thousands of dollars. So moving is not a bad thing. The only problem is the where, and the what?

We've submitted several dozen job applications to every place I can find. Everyone's tried to help, from our bishop who recommended an experienced wilderness fire chief position w/the Forest Service, to scores of jobs H is actually qualified for all around the country & overseas. We don't own a house and are ready to go anywhere really. But what if the only place to go is back where we came from (or even worse, my parents' house)? We've felt guided every step of this remarkable journey we've been on the last two years or so, but have arrived at the point where we just don't know what's next. And time is running out. But no pressure.

So, it seemed premature to be sending out holiday greetings without a forwarding address. This state of affairs was a little overwhelming to me the week after Christmas, and I got a little panicked. Last weekend, peace caught up with me again. I'm focusing on the things I can influence and letting the others go. The kids' school has gone well so far this week. My housework's caught up. I have filing and mending and organizing of photos to keep me busy. I'm praying for my Hanny and trying to laugh as much as possible. No sugar yesterday and today feels like a major accomplishment. Hopefully tomorrow I'll fit in some Yoga and move on to chapter 2 of First Nephi. I'll take some more of that power flowing into my life that President Benson promised by starting to read it through again.

I just watched Sleepless in Seattle tonight. I hate it when you have to wait until the very last second to have things finally work out against all odds, but I guess it makes for a good story afterward. And our story's always been a good one.

BMT Graduation

We made it. It was an intense week getting ready to leave, but it happened. I will write more about it when I'm not holding a sick infant in my arms.

For now, Hanny's not staying at Lackland, as I thought, instead, he's at Keesler AFB in Mississippi for 2 months. He has a cell phone with unlimited minutes, and is mostly free in the evenings. This weekend is Labor Day, so no class until Tues. He has to stay in his dorm, but he's free to talk. It's way better than where he's been, so he's doing well.

Pictures are posted on my Facebook page!

Love my kids

This morning, Abby walked around naked because her clean laundry is not where she can find it. She decided she'd rather just be that way, so we said she could just be the wild "naked sister" who lives in the back bedroom that no one can see.

Kiki's priceless quote of the morning, "I NOT DUDE! Mommy, Jonah say I dude!" He's been walking around our house dragging the big kids' suitcases everywhere since we got them out a few days ago.

Teva just had his first Jonah takedown as they wrestle on my bed. (I love wrestling on my bed, not!) Jonah is more than 2 1/2 years older and more than a head taller than Teva ( think Jo's 4ft 8 or so), but he's a skinny butt. He started taking ADHD meds last year, when he weighed 65 lbs. This March he weighed 63 lbs still, but this last visit this week to the pediatrician he only weighed 58 lbs, which means Teva at 60 lbs has officially passed him up. We're working on the weight thing and getting Jonah to EAT, so I thought pointing out this weight advantage to Teva might help Jonah push himself to eat more. Sure enough, Teva jumped him and got him down! It will probably be good for both of them. Jonah's not a very gracious big brother, and needs someone to keep him in check.

I think they're done with the stomach bug, but I woke up with the runs. We'll see if the 3 little boys we have scheduled throughout the day want to risk it. I certainly have enough to do to keep myself busy if they don't show.

FOUR DAYS OF WORK LEFT, THEN WE FLY TO OUR DADDY!

Saturday August 15, 2009

One drawback to our choice of AF Reserve is that we're so far away from the base, and it's not even his base anyway, so I've found an online forum as my only link to anyone else in the Air Force. There's like nobody from McChord on there. I'm sure there are kid programs somewhere, but we're too busy to track them down, and most are for deployments anyway. We just had a long hard week of work, and I have to get ready for new kiddies next week starting at 6:30am. My house is trashed from the summer schoolers, but I've got to reconfigure it all for the preschoolers. I've been trying to get my bedroom clean for more than 8 weeks now, so that's first on my list today. We've all got diarrhea today, so I don't think I can send my kids away. I don't love deep cleaning with kids around, but I've got a ton to do and only this chance to do it. We'll be fine, it's just the last 11 days when I have to pull everything together, and I need a whole series of miracles to make everything happen.

From Hanny 8-08-09

Dear Sweetie,

I received pictures from Mom and when I saw them, I remembered everybody's faces again. It seemed so real that you guys were with me at BMT. So cool. So, before going to bed, I look at our pictures and say, "I love you" to each and everyone of you.
What a week! :) I got to shoot the M-16 weapon with 75 rounds. I had a blast. Out of 50 rounds, I got 26 on target: just a little over 50% which qualifies me. I was relieved! One trainee in the flight did not qualify, so he'll have to shoot again. His nickname is "Eagle Eye" now. Our MTI has a nickname for almost everyone: we have "Baba", Forest Gump, Frodo, Pointdexter, Serial Killer (he looks like one), Motown, Blue, Sunshine....Among trainees, I am known as Terminator because I sound like him. Go figure!!!
We had classes about benefits of the AF, being aware of your surroundings, how to prepare mentally for combat, and how to get ready for deployment. Next week, we are going to BEAST (mini-deployment). We have the potential to get BEAST Excellence, which is "best of the best". What really touched me was the TI told us if we don't get BEAST Excellence, don't come back with your head down but chin up. What really matters is in the real world. When you get deployed to Iraq or Afganistan or anywhere else, will you come back alive to Mom & Pop or Significant Other or will you come back in a box? I realize again how important my mission in the AF is: to get the job done with perfection and come back home alive. Dear, I want you to know that I will do everything possible to be good, to be the best at my job and become the best airman out there. Sometimes, to become an Airman is overwhelming, especially when I have a beautiful family. To leave you behind while I am defending and serving the interests of the U.S. is heavy on me. For 10 years, I have been along your side. For the next 20 years, I'll be serving our country at any moment's notice. You are still my number one priority. I want to leave on a positive note, though. We will be traveling a lot, I hope!!! :)
We also did pugil sticks. I had fun beating another trainee and vice versa for 1 minute which is very long.
How was our 10th year anniversary at home alone? What did you do?
All of us in the dorm are getting ready for BEAST: we are packing our bag pack. From Monday thru Friday we will be on our own, no TI (his name is Staff Sargent Prye). We better behave otherwise he will be so mad, we will be pushing. (I think he means doing push ups)
I have a good wingman. His name is McCall. Same height, skinny and a black dude. We get along very well. He likes to read the Bible and likes to write. I have read his writings: it is very impressive. He is 27 years old. I will remember him for a long time. He says our last name very well.
Our TI is a cool one. He smiles a lot when we do good. He is short and very demanding. He is demanding 100% everyday; less than that, we are screwed. I am glad he is my TI. This week, he recycled 2 trainees for 2 weeks. One was sleeping while as a guard and the other one brought a granola bar to the dorm from chow. He warned us from the beginning concerning these 2 rules. He was so mad that morning that he made us open our security drawer to check if we had hidden some food too. He did not find any food at all. Huh!!! :) He knows his TI responsibilities.
You take care of yourself. Only 19 days left until we meet again during the airman's run. Until then, gros bisous.
Love,
Hanny
P.S. Stanley (the guy I call Dear) says hi :)
We hug each other most every night. He is the enforcer of the rules. He is not afraid to tell you in your face the ugliest swearing word, but he is very good to me. (Hanny told me on the phone last week that this guy yells at anyone who swears at Hanny and tells them not to talk like that to him. He swears while doing it, but it's a nice guesture.:)
Abracadabra

Monday, August 10th

Our wonderful neighbors across the street, the Rittmanics, decided it would be fun to take all four of our kids along with them to the Hogle Zoo on Monday. The kids adored it. The Rittmanics packed them special lunches and treats, took great care of their every need, and used my entrance money to buy each of the kids a stuffed animal. What an amazing act of service! If that were the only amazing thing they'd done while Hanny is away, it would be great, but it's only the last in a very long list of ways they've helped us. Anyway, I'll try to add add the pictures here, but it may take some time for me to figure it out. Check back soon, Mom, if they're not here right away!