Category Archives: C+B

Mar6

Learning

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I did some research on betas yesterday because I didn’t know what the hell y’all were talking about regarding my numbers. I thought anything over 5 (?) was good. Wasn’t expecting to be at the high end for 4w.

Last night was the first night I got up multiple times to eat (peeing at night had already set in) – midnight, 3:45am, and 5am – until I got up at 7. Mainly because I had eaten all the food (we were overdue for grocery shopping).

This afternoon while shopping with Mom and Britt, we found that I am no longer able to fit into size small shirts. They all strain really bad in the back; they said they noticed the big bloat as well as slightly bigger boobs (had to bust up with the 34Bs today). I would think that would come some weeks later?

So I got 5 empire waist shirts from B. Republic and TJ Maxx. B.R is having a promo through the 7th where you can get between 15 and 50% off your purchase – think pick a card, any card – and every Wednesday (I think) in March, it’s 40% off in store purchases. So if that’s your store, mosey on over there.

Mom works in the pregnancy center of a county health clinic, so she brought me tons of magazines, some more prenatals, and eating guides. I’m trying to figure out all the new lingo and stuff. I feel so lost even though I’ve been reading lots of this stuff since we first started.

This evening Fred and I found out that I pretty much have to stay away from Whole Foods grocery stores, because smelling the soup bar and the olives bar made us dash out of the store so I could puke in the comfort of my own toilet. Also thought this would start up around week 6. Not now. Guess I was wrong.

I’m feeling really at peace. I thought I’d be borderline paranoid, but the same relaxed mood I’ve gotten from C+B has carried over. I need to start the new phase of it, but I haven’t figured out my sleep schedule yet (the only given is I get tired around noon). I’m glad for the peaceful feeling, though puzzled as to why I am, but I’m not questioning anything.

Only thing I’m nervous about -I get motion sickness real easy (plane, boat, car, elevator). The 4.5 hour plane ride to SF this month is not making me feel really happy. In the past 7 years, if i was flying, I’d take something to knock me out. I’m nervous about flying and dealing with that. And airplane bathrooms trigger my claustrophobia. So I hate flying.

I’m gonna try and play with the password protected posts to see if it works in the morning. So the Monday beta results will be password protected. Please let me know if you have issues. As always, the password will be on the “DH” tab if you forget.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend and is enjoying the beautiful weather if you have it in your area.

Mar2

My Dragonfly

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I love dragonflies. Moreso than butterflies. I had a bad experience with a butterfly some  years ago and it still makes me sad.  I was driving on the interstate, when a monarch butterfly flew into my windshield, and got stuck in the holes on my wipers. It couldn’t get out and it was horrible watching it struggle (and I was driving a ways). It was dead by the time I got to my destination. And I called Fred crying and told him he had to get it out from my wipers. Yeah, I’m a total softie. Just not to spiders.

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Anyway, there’s just something cool about dragonflies that I like. Not sure what it is, but I love when they’re all over the place in the summer. I bought a dragonfly bead for my bracelet in January.

Dragonfly-site.com says this:

The meaning of a dragonfly changes with each culture. The main symbolisms of the dragonfly are renewal, positive force and the power of life in general.  Dragonflies can also be a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. Also, as a creature of the wind, the dragonfly frequently represents change.  And as a dragonfly lives a short life, it knows it must live its life to the fullest with the short time it has – which is a lesson for all of us. 

There are many different representations of the dragonfly; it all comes down to which culture you happen to be in.  For instance, if you are in Japan, the dragonfly symbolizes a new light and joy. Some animal symbolism has the dragonfly representing good luck, prosperity, swiftness, purity, harmony and strength. Some Native Americans believe dragonflies are the souls of the dead. There are also many cultures that believe that the meaning of a dragonfly is happiness, courage and subconscious thoughts. It is also believed that if you see two dragonflies paired together that they represent love and maturity.    

The dragonfly has been a symbol of happiness, new beginnings and 
change for many centuries and even though the representation of the dragonfly seems to change throughout the cultures, there are still a few things that are similar; the dragonfly means hope, change and love. Since cultures vary, others may see the dragonfly as a symbol of financial wealth like savings. With the constant changing of the world, it is no wonder that more and more people are adopting the dragonfly as their totem and admiring this beautiful insect.

 

It arrived the day before AF showed up last month. I bought the bead to specifically represent the child that Fred and I would have one day through some means, and the start of stopping all IF stuff. I clung to that bead like crazy during that sucky week.  I look at it everyday and it reminds me to keep hope alive and not get sucked into the bog of IF.

I realized yesterday, that during the time using C+B, or anytime I’m just imagining our child, I’ve been calling him or her “Dragonfly”. Sometimes “Dragon” because Fred and I dig dragons as well and have a cool one sitting on our mantle…but I dont have a dragon charm yet, lol.

So today, I’m holding onto the belief that Dragonfly (shoot, and maybe Dragon, too) is hanging out all comfy in my ute and is ready to spend the next 36 weeks there.  And that momma has loved them for years already.

And if they aren’t there this month, then momma loves the little egg that will grow up to be my Dragonfly. Whether it’s my egg or an egg sitting in another woman’s body.  Or if it takes another couple of cycles to get to that perfect egg.

Regardless, they are already well loved.

Because we will have our little dragonflies.

Feb28

And So It Begins…

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No, AF hasn’t started.

I started to catch up on my blog reading and quickly realized that I’m at that point where I dont want to hear about anyone’s treatments, that AF is here, they got a bfp, or pregancy updates. 

I’m in that bad spot where all you can think about is “did this cycle work? When is AF coming?” and you’re constantly alternating between being really angry and bawling your eyes out.

The storm is here.

Feb27

It’s back!

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So way back when during cycle 2 (and part of cycle 1), I had to buy a Bella Band because the bloat I had was insane. I went the majority of that cycle wearing my trousers unbuttoned and unzipped throughout the day with that over it until about cycle 3 I think.

Well the big bloat is back and combined with Chowder (my clomid pudge) caused me to ride the hour and 15 minutes drive home with my jeans unzipped, unbuttoned and pulled a little ways down and it was still not enough. Today is a little more manageable, though I am bloated, but  I forgot the Bella Band.

I feel better today, though I haven’t eaten anything. Yesterday I went to bed at 9pm because the nausea had turned into a  tummy ache and I was pooped. Insert another crazy dream. Something about male demons possessing a house (didn’t recognize the house, but there was a bunch of us women there) and we had to reverse all the reflective surfaces or pack them up in a car and send the car away from the house because that’s how they gained entry or took control of (or gained your soul??) of your body. Ummm. Yeah……….

My subconscious is so wack.

Tonight and tomorrow I’m gonna go back over everyone’s blogs.

Feb26

Celebration!

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So the folks in charge cancelled the madatory overtime requirement for the month of March.  Whoo-hoooo!!!!!  We’ve been doing overtime since April and it went mandatory sometime in June or July to do 20 extra hours a month. Then in September it went to 24 hours a month. To spread it out, I was doing a little bit during the week and then 4-5 hours on Saturdays.  I tried working all through the week, but it was just rough on the eyes and body.  And doing 8 hours on Saturday was just as rough. But I’m thrilled. Yay! And I hope we’ll be able to keep our numbers up, so they dont go back to enforcing mandatory OT mid-March. Since no more OT – that means I actually have time to go and check out the blogs of the new commenters. Yay. And comment on my regular blogs.

And….yesterday we booked our flight and bed and breakfast for San Francisco! I zero’d out my Amex rewards points on the flight and we got round trip afternoon tickets for about $250  per person. Without it, the tickets would’ve been between $400 and $500 per person.  And I’m really excited about the B&B we’re staying at. It’s my first time staying at one (Fred’s too) and we think we’d be getting a more “at-home” feeling than if we stayed at the Westin or Intercontinental or Hilton or some other well known hotel chain.  Plus the cost is cheaper 🙂

I’ll take tons of pictures while we’re there, but you guys wont know when we left until after we get back – make sense? I’ll still be blogging through my phone and I have some random posts (aren’t all of mine random, lol) that I can set up to post, and have a massive posting when we get back.

I’m not feeling too well right now. I just had the second Fruit2day cup (cherry-grape. It’s ok, but not as good as the strawberry-orange which is my favorite). Soon after I drank it a huge wave of nausea hit. Hasn’t happened before, since I’ve been downing these things all week, but it may be because today is the first time I tried that flavor? I dont know. But I’m feeling pretty miserable right now and I’ll try munching on the crackers I have to eat with my tuna today.

Feb25

Checking In

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Ok so sometimes next week AF is due. Your guess is as good as mine as to what day. Number-wise I’d say between Tuesday and Sunday.

I’m still having cramps. Tuesday was tough – it was really bad cramping. Like AF was already here cramping. All day. Wednesday was better, not much cramping, but when it cam, it still resembled AF cramps.

Some folks will remember back to the late summer – I think August or September. During the 2ww of one cycle I had the metal mouth symptom for a few days. It’s back – started last night. Much worse this time. It’s like each time I swallow I imagine myself sucking on a mouthful of pennies and quarters. And then cue the gag reflex for a few seconds….and repeat. Absolutely gross. Brushing my teeth is gross – the toothpaste amplified the metallic taste.

Here we go again with the crazy symptoms.

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The girls loved their booklets, but didn’t get a chance to read it, so I’ll post more later.

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10:00am:  Kelly just reminded me that I didn’t add in what I was going to do for testing. Seriously, my mind has been shot the past few days….ok, yesterday and today. I just can’t seem to focus on anything for very long.  And I cant remember anything for the life of me.

Anyway, ummmm as for testing plans – I have no hpts in the house.  I dont plan on getting any…yet.

And my mind just went blank. How annoying. Well happy 499th post!

Feb24

Last Night’s Project

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So y’all know that Michelle got engaged a week ago and Ashley got engaged a few days ago. Tonight is our monthly girls night out, and I decided to make something special for them; I know Jenn (the other married one) is doing something for them too.

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So behold my wedding cheat booklets! I modeled them after the style I did my wedding programs in. I’m a little upset I didn’t have enough ribbon to bind them (thus the ugly binder clips) but oh well.  I have this great embossing machine (a cuttlebug) that pressed the swirls into the covers. I couldn’t find my fancier embossing sheet, so I went with the swirls and used the swirl pattern that showed up in the background of all our wedding stuff and carried it into the background of all the pages. You can sorta see the shadow of a swirl in the second picture behind the paragraph curling around their names and you can see it in the space between the paragraphs.

 Sorry about the crappy pictures. I took them with my phone during my lunch break.  I probably should’ve turned on the cabinet light, lol.  The second pic is the opening page I wrote about what the book is for. Each booklet is 7×5, which is small enough to take around in your purse, has 24 pages, and each opposite page is for taking notes.  Because I like places to take notes and stuff to fit into my purse.

They’re chock full of  advice and fabulous websites I learned/found from planning and attending bridal expos – we got to have a lecture with celebrity planner David Tutera, which was soo cool and he gave us the best advice for our planning: always put yourself in the guests shoes and ask “if I was attending this, would I be bored?” and keep things changing every 30 minutes to an hour to make it fresh….and stuff I had going through my wedding day that I thought was great advice. I realized I collected a TON of stuff. I mean damn! I’m still thinking about stuff I should’ve added but forgot. And who remembers all that stuff after 1.5 years? I mean down to the website where I got my garters from?

I really hope they like it. I mean it didn’t take me very long to do – the longest part was cutting it down to 7×5 on my machine  and the last time I did this I was cutting and assembling 80 programs (I think each had 10 or 12 pages) – so I don’t want them to like it because of the effort per se, but because it’ll be helpful. Fred and my buddy JJ loved it (I have the program saved for when JJ gets married and when our other friend gets engaged).

Feb24

POF Musings

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A little convo I had on twitter with Al about premature ovarian failure (POF, or I think it’s now being called premature ovarian insufficiency or POI) got me to thinking.

Quick background for those of you stopping by for ICLW – POF affects 1 out of 1000 women between 15-29 years old. No one knows what causes it these women to lose eggs rapidly.  Some stuff I recently found is that those with POF have one or more of the following symptoms:

  • lack of breast development during puberty
  • lack of menstrual periods
  • decrease in breast size
  • hot flashes
  • vaginal dryness
  • mood swings
  • insomnia

With the two most common being lack of breast development and no periods.  The boob thing is a new one that I’ve seen in my research. I wondered out loud if the fact that I’m so small is an indication of that (Fred gave me a look, lol). And if that’s the reason why I can find very few bras in my size outside of the training bras. Thank godness for places that go down to a 32A. Though that’s probably not the reason, lol. And the other symptoms I’ve had, but I get them so often (minus the insomnia) that I figure it’s normal and I dont know when they started.

Anyway, what caused me to start thinking is that I told Al that eventually it’ll get to the point where our periods starts coming later and later until it eventually stops. Since I’m in the borderline-low category, I have no clue when that’ll happen.

And then I hit a brick wall.

My periods ran on clockwork pre-bcp. Always showing up the day it’s supposed to. Once I got off and started charting, my LP was always 12 days.

And then one month it changed, and it stayed at 13 days for a while.

And then one month it changed to 14 days and stuck.

And last month my LP was 15 days.  Is this where it’s going to be for a while? I’ve never seen any one else’s LP do this – they’re always constant with the exception of one or two cycles. Comparing now to this time last year, my period is coming 3 days later. And the flow is different. 

When will it completely stop?  I know that I have some good eggs left of great quality because of my age, but are the good ones making the cut to be released? Will  they even have a chance to be released? Are there any good ones left? And why does this seem like Russian Roulette?

And that’s what went through my head last night. None of it was in panic or anger or sadness, just curiousity.

Oh, and follow @Infertility_Sux on twitter. She just started following me yesterday and is looking for a group of IFers to communicate with, since she’s not ready to share with people her struggles IRL.

Feb23

What Dreams May Come

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Now, y’all know I can’t get through a 2ww without some kinda crazy dream….at least I think I’m in the 2ww. That pesky post O cramping has been going on since cd 14.

I’m not sure what the gist of mine was last night, but it was disturbing.  I dreamed I was having a miscarriage – when was I pregnant and who dreams about having a miscarriage if they’ve never experienced that and being pregnant before???? But then after the miscarriage there were 2 babies there. Again, when did I find out I was I pregnant? It was just some random bleeding that didn’t stop so I went to the doctor. And then there was a whole bunch of fussing about how I couldn’t have been carrying triplets when I wasn’t even on any fertility meds. Granted, having triplets with no meds is possible, but it’s like less than a 25% chance.  I was told that it probably happened because I’m releasing more eggs per cycle and that’s why I’m running out and that’s how I ended up with triplets.  What???

Miscarriage according to some dream dictionaries: loss or grief over plans gone awry. The idea of something in your life being not in the right timing or not meant to be.  That dream gets the side-eye (-.-) 

Mom had another one. I swear, she’s getting them more than I am.  She and dad were outside eating in a bistro. There was a bird flying around them. He was bright green and about the size of a small parrot, but mom kept calling him a hummingbird because he was flitting around like a hummingbird and eating like one. So she was watching this bird and she asked the Lord if Jin is ever going to get pregnant for the bird to bite her. And it did. Hard. And it bit my dad hard too.

Go figure. All I could say about that was green is my favorite color. Lol. A hummingbird is seen as a messenger or the stopper of time.

And today’s horoscope for Taurus brought to you by my horoscope.com app:

This definitely isn’t a good day to stay home and do household chores, Taurus. If you do, some sad and rather irrational thoughts may plague you throughout the day. No matter what the weather’s like, it would be far better to get out and do anything that keeps your mind focused on something positive. Go shopping, attend a sports event, see a movie, or visit a friend. Whatever you do, get your mind off yourself. Go enjoy your day.

Hmm.

Feb22

Blog Award!

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I got this one from Quintel over at Urban Paint – check her blog out sometime. She’s an interior decorator and has some awesome stuff on there. Thanks so much!

Rules:  Post where you’d like to be in 10 years and then give it to 10 bloggers

Well, this one is hard for me. I dont have anything concrete like a job or anything – I just want  Fred and I to continue to be happy.  Of course, by that time we’ll have our 4 kids and a dog and they’ll all need to be elementary school age, because I dont want to be chasing toddlers at 35.  And I’ll have a career that I love as well.

I’m passing this along to everyone (Cara you better grab this one!) because I’m curious to see what everyone has to say.

 

 

Feb21

Weddings

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So Ashley got engaged this afternoon. Two down, one to go.

But as much as I love weddings, it also makes me sad. Because each one is another marking point for IF. And it sucks.

Wedding #1: December 2008, I didn’t think we’d be pregnant on the first month trying, but there was a little hope and my crazy symptoms made me think I was.

Wedding #2: late May 2009, cycle 6, I think. I bought a empire maxi dress because I was sure, SURE, that I’d be pregnant by then. No such luck.

Wedding #3: July 2009, cycle 8, another empire maxi dress for same reason. I even found blog posts from earlier that year saying that i needed to find a dress with enough room for a 25 or 28 week bump. This wedding was rescheduled.

Wedding #4: late November 2009. Cycle 12 or 13. I was bummed because we started IF treatments and the meds made me crazy (this was the rescheduled wedding).

Wedding #5: August 2010. Who knows what cycle. But I checked because i had a number in my head that wouldn’t go away and if this cycle worked, I’d be about 28 weeks along. Since I’m not a bridesmaid, you better believe my first thought was to find something that would work, even if I bought something from the maternity stores now when the spring stuff is coming out. Yeah, my mind is still effed up.

And it didn’t help that my mom had a dream where I was arguing with her about the fact that I knew I was going to have a boy, even though I was only 6 weeks along. She said the dream seemed like present day. Six weeks from AF would be the middle of March.

Wedding anniversary #2: August 2010. Figured we’d have a tiny third person ruling our lives by this point.

Wedding #6: Possibly October 2010. Automatically figured I’d be a few weeks from giving birth. Since its cool here at night, I could get something now when fall stuff is crazy discounted.

When will the madness end??? I’m not sure how to even get rid of these thoughts, but it truly is better than the others – when these gals start TTC (because one will right away since her cycles are wonky and bcp doesn’t regulate them) and get pregnant, will we still be trying for number one?

Feb21

ICLW

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Hello folks stopping by for ICLW week! Thanks for stopping by.

I’m Jin and my husband is Fred and we’re somewhere in the middle-end of cycle 16.  I think when I signed up for this month’s ICLW (at the end of January), I said something about this cycle being our IUI #2. Um, well no. That’s not happening. If you read the subheading below the blog title, you may have a clue as to where our mindset is right now. Here’s the quick backstory (click the “About Us & Timeline” tab for our whole TTC journey): Last month we saw an RE for the first time (before it was just my gyno) and after finding out that my FSH was slightly elevated and my estrogen was low, they had me undergo another blood test to check for ovarian reserve (Anti-Mullieran Hormone Test).

Well that came back borderline low, meaning that my egg reserve is on the lower end of normal for a 25 year old and that I’m going through eggs a little faster than I should be.  Dr. K wasn’t too convinced about that test, because it wasn’t really matching up with the fact that I ovulate on my own each month and I have regular periods.  I think it’s legit, because while I do have regular clockwork periods, they’re not like it should be in duration and heaviness. Plus, there’s so many different forms it can take in women – some ovulate, some dont, some have regular periods, some dont. But most have a higher FSH and low estrogen.  

Anyway, cycle 15 was my 3rd cycle on clomid. Dr. B, my gyno first put me on 150 mg of it – yes, you read that right. Starting out, I was placed on the highest dosage. Dr. K lowered it to 100 mg. I was sick of it. Especially since I dont take medicine for anything (unless I need antibiotics). It was doing a number on my system. When AF came earlier this month, I found out that Dr. K wanted to put me on another round of clomid, and by that point, I think I snapped.  No more IF treatements or appointments (we were paying quite a bit for it), no more medicine, no more charting (after 15 cycles, I’ve got a pretty good idea), no fertility sex, no more checking cervix or cm. I wanted our lives to go back to being how we were pre December 2008; I wanted us to be happy again.  We’d continue on our own and not schedule sex during fertile periods – if it happened, it happened. If it didn’t I can’t freak out.  The break is permanent – in the meantime we would save up for adoption (after paying off the last little bit of our credit card debt – which’ll be paid off by the end of April – yay!) and start that process at the end of the year – because, I dont need to be pregnant to be a mom. Fred agreed, which I was a little surprised about because he was like “we need to try everything we can”.  And we started the phase of “trying for a baby while giving IF the finger”.

I’m somewhere around day 17 or 18 of this cycle. My cycles are usually between 26-29 days long, with ovulation occuring between days 12-15. Last week was hard to get through, because I knew I was close to ovulating. I started doing relaxation (C+B) and meditation exercises (and yoga)  which are  helping a great deal to calm me down.  The first week of March will be tough, since that’s when AF is due, and I have no clue when she’s going to arrive.  But we’re both happy and getting back to a good place, and so far, we’ve been hiting more really good days than bad days, and that hasn’t happened since Cycle 1. Lol.

Enjoy the end of the week!

Feb20

::Yawn::

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The show yesterday was pretty good.  There was parts that I didn’t care for in the first 2 sections, but I loved the third section. I’d totally go back to see them. The bad thing is that we got home around 11:30 and we had to get up early.

The graduation was about an hour and a half, it was boring (sorry, but it’s the truth) and  the room was stifling. Now, I’m not sure if this is a little of my claustrophobia speaking, but I’ve always hated being in crowds. And if the room is anything above freezing, I get agitated very quickly. I get really warm, and then start having tunnel vision. The few times that I’ve gone to Church have been horrible. I have to sit at the end of a pew in the back, because at some point I’ll need to run out and go outside or somewhere where there’s open space and cold air for me to breathe.   And our Churches are fairly large cathedral types.  So needless to say, to get my mind off of the heat and the crowd yesterday, I was playing with my phone. As soon as it was done, I was outside in the 40 degree weather coming back down to normal.  Luckily we didnt do lunch or dinner as a whole group – I think if we did, my mood would’ve been darker than usual due to the agitation.

I’ve got nothing for today. It’s super quiet here, and my coworkers are done with their overtime in about an hour, and it’s just me through the afternoon.  I’m bored and restless and that means it’s going to be a long day. Maybe I’ll do some streches in my cube once they all leave.

I’m slowly gathering some info on meditating, I’ll post whatever I learn on here. Fred says he’s thinking about trying it and seeing how he likes it, once I find enough music and get comfortable doing it on my own outside of the C+B stuff.  Which – the ovulation session was slightly hilarious. Maybe it’s just me. But the topic for that session was to think about the time before sex was about getting pregnant and think about the time when you first became sexually active.  Which is a time I dont want to think about because that was disasterous (all 2 times, lol) and for all I care, Fred’s my first real sexual relationship. So I spent that session like “oh God, why did I do that?”  Hardy har-har.

Good news is that I’m caught up on all the blogs – yay! But now I’ve gotta collect some blog awards, which I’ll do tomorrow when I post for ICLW.

Feb19

Chipper

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Mom emailed me from work after I had finished writing yesterday afternoon’s post.  She said that when Dad got off the phone with me on Wednesday afternoon, he said I sounded “chipper”.  And they’re both shocked about it. Because they haven’t heard me sound or act like myself in a very long time. 

So Mom being Mom, wanted to make sure I wasn’t having periods of depression followed by periods of really good moods. Gotta love her.  She said she was asking because she wasn’t sure that going cold turkey would have an almost instant change for me.

I’m not sure how long the good mood is going to last today  with IL interaction – I imagine until the first “that’s not how it’s done in NY/that’s odd/is that a southern thing?” comment. Ugh.

Tonight I’m gonna see the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater with the fam tonight. I’m so excited. I heard that they’re absolutely amazing.  So maybe that’ll keep my mood in check.  Fred’s coming too. He’s not too sure what to expect, lol.

Feb18

Mid-Cycle Mind Check

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Ok. So, I’ve been feeling pretty good so far. Fred and my IRL friends have noticed a big change in me these past 2 weeks. I feel a big change in me too, so I think I made the right decision.

As y’all know I’ve been doing the C+B thing for a few days now, and I think it’s helping me relax. I do it right before I go to sleep. I made the mistake of doing it and then getting up afterwards to use the bathroom and I pretty much stumbled along the whole time – I was that relaxed.

There’s some good points in there too. The creator suffered from secondary IF and the message, if you will, for day 12 was along the lines of packing up doubts, issues, jealousy, whatever into a box, and attaching the box to a giant helium ballon and just letting go. I’ve been keeping that in my mind whenever I get bitten by the IF bug.

I do, however, need to stop fussing when she says anything along the lines of “your body knows what it needs to do, trust it”. I always come back with something like “if my body knew what to do, I wouldn’t be here in the first place!” yeah, I think that defeats the trusting my body memo, lol.

I have been sleeping much better too. Minus last night, but that was due to something else. I’ve also been taking weekly baths with the relaxation salts for my back and shoulders (complete with candles, lol) and I think that’s working as well.

I do have a collection of new age music (think Enya or Yanni) from when I was big into that in high school, so I’ve been listening to that as well too to relax throughout the day. And seriously, I can see the difference in my stress levels now and the past X amount of months. I’m afraid to know what damage that stress has done to my body – I think probably around 10-15 lbs worth – so I’m on the path of getting rid of that. Because I’m certain that that wasn’t all from getting off of bcp…

Oh and I forgot sex! As panicky as not hitting every fertile day made me, it’s so nice not to be “forced” into doing it, and incidently we have hit 3 of the 5 fertile (??? I have no clue just going by the cm that has been visible a few times) days. But it’s not “honey, it’s time for fertility sex!” anymore.

Note: if one of y’all makes a “since you relaxed you’re gonna get KU’d” crack, consider yourselves virtually kicked in the shins, lol. Love you!! 🙂

So here we are mid-cycle and feeling good (minus the crazy bloat and boob pain), and I think Fred is happy I’m on the way back to “normal”. That’s it. I’ll have another update next Thursday, when I think I’ll be halfway through the 2ww. Hmm, should probably start wearing pads sometime at the end of next week in case it’s a 26 day cycle instead of 28.

Oh! And one of the lovely ladies on 20SB, gave me the link to this blog – Life in the Polar North Defrosts – and said she has several friends going through or have went through IF and thought the blog would help.  I’ve only scanned through it, but it seems like a super sweet story. The gist – they went through 3 rounds of clomid, 5 IUIs, 4 IVF, then a junior bridesmaid from their wedding 10 years ago, got pregnant and asked if they would adopt her boy. They did and then she got pregnant a little while later. Thanks for the links Stephanie!