Record Keeping

So much change has happened in our lives. We live in Red Deer now. We have lived here for a little over a year, and I am still 'adjusting'. I still look at real estate listings of our former town and wish I were there. I told Nathan if I had to make the decision all over again I would not make the same one. I would choose to be there again. The stress has been immense for him. Our family functions differently and I don't like it. 

Change is hard.

But regardless of likes or dislikes, time moves on. Days go by, and my choice is to live with gratitude, happiness and peace, or to wallow, be sad, and drag others with me. Like it or not I am a leader in my family, and was put in their lives for a reason. My choices affect them. 

It is so easy to disengage. To hide in a room and watch a movie while everyone else disengages in their own way too. It is so easy, and divisive. 

It is easy to spend my time doing 'taking care' things, like laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc, and to do them all myself. My kids are old enough to leave home with an older sibling.  I enjoy time to myself. I like to shop without the begging for treats and non-essentials, I like folding laundry while watching a show. But their time is precious and so important. 

I want fun memories. I want kids that want to be with me and each other because we genuinely like each other, and care about each other. I feel so much better about my day when I have spent my time with my family, payed attention to each of my kids. It fills me in a way the quiet time never does, because I am fulfilling my most important role. This I have come to know for certain.

It seems so silly that it I can know what I need, what most fills me, but still be too lazy or withdrawn to do it. 

Change is hard...but so worth it.

Better late than never

I have only a moment but an update is long overdue. We have had so much fun and busyness in the past few months. The school year seems to fly by. Christmas was wonderful and relaxing, I think back on the day and remember walking around in my pajamas most of the day with my new moccasins on my feet, listening to the kids karaoke and watch the boys put together lego, and greatly anticipating the assembly of my new spin bike. Yes I was greatly spoiled.

We also went to Waterton and went cross country skiing. I love that place.

My sweet girl has turned 6! Really I have no little babies anymore, sadness. 

In March I took Laurel and Emma to the general Women's broadcast in Utah. It was a quick but fun girls trip. Emma enjoyed seeing the sites and all the Temples as we drove around. The girls were amazed that they could just look out and see so many churches and temples as we drove around. We hit Cafe Rio and few times too. 

The kids got to do another hut trip this year although the numbers were less as there is not enough room as the crew grows larger. Still, this forced family fun is a yearly tradition so off they went.

Emma turned 11 in April, and has wowed us this year with her paintings. She loves art and is loving her art lessons as well.

Spring and summer have gone so fast. We bought a trailer this year and have loved camping in it. We have one last trip this year planned, then we pack it up for winter. Time seems to be going so quickly now, I remember being in grade six thinking the years go so slowly, now I blink and another year has passed. 

Simplify

We are getting back in to the thick of things, only this year I was more cautious with our time.

I want to see my kids, not taxi them everywhere.

I want to have dinner together and not be rushing everywhere.

In previous years I have been too easily caught up in developing talents, that I miss the mark;

piano, swimming, sports, art...all these things are good, but what is better, what is best?

Cramming everything in puts me in survival mode, survive not thrive. 

I think the moments we will remember most are those we spend together laughing, playing, creating, reading, talking.

My Sister's Keeper

Yesterday morning I woke at 5:30 to study scriptures and sit in quiet.

Katelynn's cries broke my silence, 

she had a nightmare and was crying every 20 seconds or so. I read for a minute or two then got out of my chair to see what was the trouble. I walked in the room to hear Allison say, "come into bed with me Kate." She pulled back her covers and Kate sleepily got out of her bed and into her sister's.

It made my heart smile. The girls didn't notice me. Kate settled back to sleep and I went back to my scriptures. Good morning.

Birthdays and such

It is May already. Time blows by so quickly it amazes me. Last month we had Emma's birthday party. I am sorry to say that I am a Party Pooper (note the capital P's). I really hate having to plan parties and activities for kids, then go out and get all the stuff, I would much prefer to go out with the family and do something fun. Regardless, Emma enjoyed her birthday, simple as it was.

Some great beachball volleyball

Decorate your own cake

This month we have the twins baptism! They turn 8. I can't believe we have had these two awesome kids for 8 years now. Now to plan that. I think I will keep it as simple as possible. Simple with family to have fun with will be great.

Crazy, fun twinners

Moving forward

The past few months have gone by so fast. Every time I look at this blog it just appears as one more thing to do in my list of things to do. Today I want to take some time to write. My teenager is great. I love her. I think if I make that my mantra for the next few years we will all reach the finish line. William and I are still homeschooling this year and planning on next year. This is really not a venture I saw myself on. Perhaps it is part of the refining process for me, who knows. Most days are good ones, some not so much. I wonder daily if I am doing everything I should be, but I suppose that is better than a complacency and prideful assurance that "all is well". I often think its the blind leading the blind. Emma is in art lessons and loves it, art and creativity are her passions. Michael and Allison are turning 8 soon. They are looking forward to their baptism in May, time has gone by so fast with them. My Kate is 5! She is still my baby, she still makes my heart smile.

I want to move forward every day, to move to the good. I want to be better every day in some little way so that in a year or a decade I can say I am becoming who God knows I can be. That makes my heart happy too.

Nathan and I on vacation together

I miss that...

I have been listening to a recorded introductory discussion of a book on mathematical symbology that I am reading, and have been learning so many things as my mind absorbs what is being said and how I can apply it to the learning of so many important things in life. As I have been listening my computer is going into a screen saver mode and scrolling through various pictures I have saved. Looking at these pictures has made me think also of the lesson I seem to need to learn over and over; that is to live in and enjoy the moments. Too often I am looking ahead at what I want to come next, not quite happy in the now. I have looked forward to all kids out of diapers, to nights I can sleep and not have a baby cry me awake, of living here then there, of the next thing that will always be better than now. Looking at the pictures of my kids three years ago makes me miss their cute faces and funny things they would say out of innocence. I miss the hugs from the little arms that can't reach all the way around. I miss being in Red Deer and our friends there. How much of my time did I spend complaining or setting my eyes to something "better";while being too busy each moment to really enjoy them. I wonder if its really possible to balance the two. Look ahead and plan, enjoy right now.

The discussion I have been listening to talks of steps to approaching math, but I think they apply to all things we wish to know, understand, and teach. Each step looks at the subject in different ways. Understanding its history, those who were good at it and loved it; falling in love with the elements of the subject, having an example close to you of someone who loves and does that particular thing, or is passionate about it; applying it to your life in realistic ways, reading great literature that adds a wholeness to your understanding, and then working with the elements and figuring out how to manipulate them and how to manipulate that sphere of knowledge.

The good thing is my kids are still young, I still have time. I can use the things I learn now to make my kids my subject, and where I am now in my life my subject. I can read to my kids, study and love their talents, gifts and quirks; help them use their elements to find out more. I can treat them like a treasured book I never want to put down.