My progress

I am not procrastinate today. Alhamdulillah, sikit demi sikit siapkan kerja. Hopefully ok.

Diam xdiam, dah lama menyepi dari blog. I think i really need this platform to ensure my writing skills or at least to discipline myself to write. my precious..husband, kids, my mom n my arwah bapak, doa i tetap utk dorang. my question will be, mampukah anak2 i, fikir dan doakan i. apa bekalan i ada utk confirm di Jannah. Allahuakbar. Last month I ada nazar, malangnya i lupa nazar apa. Selamat Hari Raya n Maaf Zahir Batin.

Recap 2011

Hidup ini dilakar penuh indah. Allah Maha Kaya.

Ahmad Rifqi Aijaz lahir 24 Jan 2011

Cuti bersalin 90hari

Bapak pergi on 2 March 2011, forever.

Then all the days went blank in my writing world.

It seems i lost it.

Harini 9 Jan 2012, mak ada sebelah, nak bawak dia operation.

Dia takut. Emak bapak boleh jaga 4 anak. Sekarang ni bila tgk keadaan dia, sedihnya.

Nanti aku tua, camni ker? Aku cukup baik ke layan dia, dia kecik hati tak.

2012

one year exactly, without writing. at last, i am back.

banyak cerita 2011, i nak simpan, tahun ni Insya Allah, more good, positive stories.

37 weeks

This morning datang angin kus kus utk kemas almari buku i. biasalah jumpa macam2 :

1. stapler i yg hilang
2. calculator n note book kecik yg letak dlm handbag sebelum ni
3. ubat nyamuk elektrik n device nyer
4. CD gambar tunang, baru jer cakap ngan enab, simple jer tunang..
5. semua cd cerita termasuk cd "spice" yg aishwarya belakon (yg u punya enab)
6. stationery yg sepah sana sini
7. buku cerita
8. tin simpan duit 1 sen, 5 sen dan sen2 yg lain...

hehe, seronok lak bila dapat jumpa benda lama, kalau jumpa duit ratus2 pun ok gak.

i dah berangan, nanti kat spital nak bawak netbook n brodband..tapi masa contraction sempat ke nak pikir semua tu? based on previous xperience ---- errr....sakit jiwa je lebih..

apa2 pun.. masih berkira 60 atau 90 hari?

hehee

BALAI POLIS

warning : this entry based on my true xperiences, sakit hati xyah komen, diam2 baca n blah. sorrylah, takde nak jeopardise sesiapa..

ada tak yang pernah terpikir,masa kecik2 nape perlu gi balai polis. For me, i had a very pro n con xperiences visiting police station.

first xperience, was 10 years ago,my bro was remanded for mistakes that he never commited. It was a bad memory with police. Tak ramai tahu kisah ni. I hate police so much. Dgn bro in law i yg kena stroke attack,paralysed sebelah badan, masa tu nak raya. I remembered my bro nyer kasut mahal kena rembat dlm simpanan polis. I remember polis jerit kat sepupu i yang kulit gelap, kata awak tak tahu ke kitorang nak raya. I dari luar balai,menjerit,masa tu i pakai tudung, abis kitorang tak raya ke sarjan. I remember,i pesankan yassin kat polis muslim,but they dont want. Yang serahkan polis india. I remember my bro crying when it happens..thats it, in my mind masa tu,those were there listening n stand by me,tq. I remember, the sergeant mintak rasuah dgn my bro,once dilepaskan dari lokap. I swear masa tu, lepas ni visit to the police station, i will make sure i tak diperkotak katikkan.

Then masa kerja kat UTM,laptop bos hilang, aduhai..prosedur kena follow jer lah. masa tu baru tunang,lum nikah. Yg menggatal tu adalah. Then, Sampailah one small incident with my neighbor,masa baru kahwin. Parking sesuka hati depan rumah sewa i and marah i dgn all harsh words. Gi report n sbb dah kerja establish kan. So lepas report,terus diorang buat spot check. Thats it. Then accident kat fed hiway with enab. Sambut xmas kat balai polis. Ok,not so bad either. Sbb masa tu kitorang dah penat mencari balai polis yg patut dibuat report. Dicampak sana sini. Tu masa tu mengandung athira 5 bulan. Ok. Ingat dah abis, ada lagi...kes accident kereta i, dah settle luar dah siap bikin, tapi xsedar diri,ugut nak report.

Macam2 ragam sepanjang i berada kat balai,baik polis mahupun pelapor.

Recently,my husband punya worker aka staff. Laki aku ni baik,sifat menolong dia memang tinggi. My hubby opened a bengkel kereta 2 bulan lepas. Modal semua kamilah..first week kerja,pomen dah buat hal. Attitude gone. Masa dtg kerja,ikut sukahati jer. Then we went to the house,kononnya I nak sound n kata this is it. Aduhai rumah kecik,anak kecil 2 org,xsampai hati. Give another shot of chance but dgn nasihat berjela. After one month,dgn keadaan my father in law tolong jaga n bukakkan kedai,attitude makin worst. Dia buat kerja malam. Bengkel mana buat kerja malam. Pagi,either dia xsampai bengkel ataupun tido kat bengkel. I memang dah suruh hubby let go the shop, kesian nyer pasal. Oh,ye sebulan kereta i diberi pinjam kat dia sbb dia xde transport. Then, i get my car back,lepas dah kena bebel. The first visit n thats it. Then ajak dtg umah,utk slow talk. Stil berlagak, dia memang pandai buat kereta,but attitude suami isteri..off. Sampailah hari Isnin lepas (27 dec),my hubby,my inlaws(father n mother) n athira went to his house cara baik. Nak settle. The wife naik suara with my mother in law. The pomen,naik suara with my father in law. Oh ye, i xde dalam insiden ni,sbb ilham takut i smash them with my killing words. Haha. Akhirnya,baik dibalas tuba. Tak cukup tu,pomen berkeras nak amek barang malam tu gak,i kata tak payah. Nape dia berkeras sgt,apa dia letak. So my father in law smsed him suruh dtg selasa pagi jer. Bermulalah drama sms dia, dia tuduh pondan, dia busukkan nama hubby,dia mengugut and last sekali msg dia berbunyi "Aq silap patut aq kerat ko org dlm umah aq jgn kasi lpas da lps abis kna blit r smua dasar pmblit ckp org sndri pmblit aq ko suruh anto leher sok pg x pyh tua klau ko org bik anto brg aq kt umah aq k be jentlman jgn jdi p0ndan k ". Wohooo...jgn main2 o. Ini msg ugut bunuh. In fact,dia dah start agresif masa kat umah n kedai sebelum tu,ilham bukan xboleh fight,but dia ada kerja yg nak dijaga. So, being profesional, report was the only way.

Hmm..dari 930mlm ilham n i gi balai polis,menunggu dia dtg utk settle cara baik. Dia siap maki n menyindir "besok aku cium bontot bapak ko n mintak maaf". inspektor narkotik masuk campur sbb kitorang suspected something but without proof kan,panggil lagi dgn cara baik. Berapa banyak turn kitorang lepaskan sbb nak tgu dia jer. Sampailah 12lebih,report dah dibuat and sepanjang tu i witness these cases :

(a) suami otw nak amek isteri kat ofis lepas main bola, otw sesak napas, singgah umah kwan terus meninggal. sbb kematian luar spital kot, so kena report. seisi keluarga ada di balai polis. young couple baru kahwin 3 tahun no anak. its sad, but the police cant come out with the statement bila kawan dia tanya, nape ramai2 tu..yg amek report boleh jawab "alah kes meninggal jer"...nak ajer aku cakap, i know they penuhkan balai polis, but thts their rite kan, nak comfortkan isteri tu. i nak jer cakap dgn polis amek report tu, nanti isteri ke anak pakcik meninggal, takpe itu meninggal jer..but tak guna lah kan..u diam ajerlah kalau tak suka pun.

(b) anak lari ikut lelaki lain. penat mak bapak dia dtg. muka malu giler. keluarga decent sgt. ni sape yg baca pikirlah, kita didik anak kita, tapi bila benda nak jadi, readykah kita..nauzubillah

(c) gaduh dgn jiran..aduhai..

(d) tuan rumah found out umah dia jadi aktiviti berasmaradana satu couple 18-19 tahun, muka budak pompuan tu mmg x bersalah, siap berkepit lagi dgn boypren. dorang dtg without the family. kengkawan jer. astaghfirullah..

ada lagi cases yg dtg, masa ni i dah kat luar, tak larat wei tgu 2jam setengah utk lepaskan turn kitorang kat org lain smata mata nak bagi peluang kat pomen tu. Pegawai dah call mamat ni..dia kurang ajar dalam telepon, silapnya kitorang alamat dia xingat, kereta polis ikut nak gi umah dia..dia takde. bini kata dia dah gi balai polis. sampai balai polis, dia takde gak. polis naik angin. So, confirm bukak case. sbb harta benda di bengkel n takut kena pecah masuk. By the time, dah bukak kes, dia sampai kul 1 lebih..dah terlambat, polis interrogate, i tak nak duduk dalam tu, polis paham, ilham pun xnak. dia masih lagi berlagak. dia kata perkara kecik, polis kata ko sms ugut bunuh, itu perkara kecik?

we know he will end up being arrested, kitorang turun n terserempak dgn kakak pomen n his friend, kakak dia cool n i think kakak dia tahu adik dia attitude gone. I cuma cakap,"kalau betul adik akak tak salah, urine test clear, dia tak yah takut. cuma lepas ni jangan main2 bila org dah bagi peluang. kami bagi peluang kalah sedara n adik beradik sendiri". Salah dia, bila polis suruh datang balai, dia main2 dalam telefon.

dari 930 malam sampai kul 230 pagi dgn keadaan i baru masuk 9 bulan. Ilham tahu i was there because of him..(ehemm...tu lah baik sangat). I memang tegas n strict, mungkin laluan hidup i yg dh macam2 kena kot,so, takleh buat baik sgt dgn org. laki aku ni suka tolong org. KONTRA giler beb!!!so, apa jer dia nak buat, I against. bukan taknak support but i foresee people wil misuse the chance. But both of us, did learn a lot..balik malam tu, i tanya ilham, kejam ke kita? persoalan yg tak mampu dijawab bcoz masa dia turun dr tangga dia menangis panggil ilham and kata aku ada bini n anak ham. I nak jer cakap tapi tak terkeluar.."masa awak tido kat bengkel, masa awak bukak bengkel sesuka hati awak, masa org dtg nak hantar kereta, awak tutup kedai, masa awak markup harga barang..ada pikir anak bini?" "2 months kitorang rugi almost 7k but dia tetap dapat gaji and duit belanja umah, and sebulan dapat pakai kereta free.. cukup kot. ENOUGH.

esoknya i demam n selsema. MC, ilham pun xlarat,but dia settle hantarkan i ke klinik. Banyak lagi yg boleh tulis. but this is something i want to get it out from my head A.S.A.P. nak bersalin, jangan stress, baby i dah melintang pun. so, menunggu kuasa ALLAH jer to turn i t back to normal position. I tak berniat nak burukkan polis, ada yang ok dan ada yg tak ok..belum lagi bab being racist. tapi takpelah. Last incident ni, polis banyak membantu..and I had to thank them. sampai skrg i tak tahu dia dah kuar ke belum, we dont want to know pun. and tgh deal nak cari pomen baru.

S.E.K.I.A.N.

MIRACLE

Its very hard for me to write this story, but niat I, nak let it go and to share with those yang membaca my blog (yg sekian lama tak diupdate).

Last Saturday (4 Dec),pukul 730 malam, i received a call from my sister, a very serious call, my father muntah darah 1 pile. then another after one hour. They were coaccidentally menziarahi my parents masa tu. they rushed him to HKL, kat sana pun the same situation, muntah darah lagi terus masuk ICU, by that time dah 1145 pm. My sisters dah suruh I balik becoz the doctors worried it will become worst, panggil je semua anak and sedara.

Ilham baru balik kerja and I packed some clothes,bawak yassin n quran..we were off from house around 1230..sbb i selesaikan baca quran, mandi and baca yassin. just me n ilham, my inlaws nak ikut, but athira punya keadaan, i withhold dulu, i cakap anything happened then you guys come.

at the hospital, my DEAR FATHER buat perangai, he refused treatment. He refused endoscop (masuk tube dalam badan nak tahu sama ada salur darah bocor atau luka). He kicked the palang besi and yelled at my mother. After all the drama he made, and he requested to the doctor, kalau dia nak pergi, dia nak pergi kat rumah. So, by 240am, dia dah ada kat umah balik and stil vomitting. Dr dah cakap, his situation will let him to death. We took the risk, signlah surat.

I was driving at 80-90km (what do u xpect, ur dearie hubby dah terkelip-kelip memandu, kang lain yang masuk spital, lain yg pergi). so i took over at machap. terpaksa drive perlahan, hujan..dgn accident treler, and u can see flesh on the road (ya Allah...), tawakkal jer I. dah tak tahan, I masuk pedas linggi. Masa tu 245am, kakak I dah tanya kat mana, and I asked why, dia kata bapak dah muntah darah balik. kesian tgk hubby, tak sedar i berhnti. I drove all the way smpai Bdr Tun Razak. Dia uruskan parking coz, i failed that part. kat perumahan tu, penuh segala ceruk.

Naik atas (umah i kan flat), tengok semua dah melepek, my father still vomitting..

Bermulalah kisah..no solid food, just air bubur sahaja. air suam. Sedara keep coming coz they thought my father dah nak gone dah. but seriously, at the age at 85 and the situation like that, i tak nafikan. but kita kena mencuba kan, buat yg terbaik. berperang dgn org yg datang and my own mother. they said bagi jer apa dia nak, becoz its his last wish. for me, he avoid treatment. kalau dia dah amek treatment n dr cakap macam tu takpe. so, its a BIG NO for me, ada yg dtg bawak favourite food dia. manggalah, semua macam makanan. I scream n yelled, my mom mmg kecik hati with me, my sisters dah risau sbb i pregnant. takut I susah beranak. That was not my concern, yang penting, kita jaga dia. That was one whole Sunday.

Ilham pun balik that Sunday nite, and I stayed. Ikutkan I pun nak balik. dah tak larat, but he said at least try to get him to the nearest hospital. Kalau apa2 jadi then he will rush back to KL.

So, on Monday (6 dec), berjaya pujuk dia masuk HUKM. Ya ALLAH, dari kul 8 malam sampai 4 pagi I was there, nasib baik ada satu makcik sampai and berjaya pujuk dia sign surat nak terima darah. HUKM come with two solution, masukkn tube atau transfer darah. He lost too much of blood. Yup, i kena marah dengan doktor sbb ikutkan kehendak patient. Masa tu sepatutnya my sisters boleh buat keputusan, tapi i tak leh salahkan dorang, habis semua org kena maki dgn bapak I. Sama gak bila i bwk masuk HUKM. kena cucuk sikit dah menjerit macam kena hempap batu. I know, dia org tua. Ya ALLAH, i sempat cakap dgn nurse2 kat situ, ini semua salah MAK i sbb manjakan sangat bapak I masa dia masih sihat. Semua benda my mom buatkan. dia nak apa semua mak I bagi. now, he couldnt think anything exceopt going back home and being taken care of the "assistant" cum my mother. I sempat cakap dgn dr lelaki, nanti jgn nyusahkan bini..dia gelak jer, mgkn dia tahu kot i tgh temper. Akhirnya, 2 cucu tinggal dgn my father and I balik.

Startlah crancky dia masa terima blood. dia usik tube masuk darah, dia usik tube kencing, dia marah cucu dia. dia marah nurse. actually not marah, MAKI. Last2 i have to accept ini bkn dugaan dia, dugaan anak2 dia, nak layan dia. semua org tua yg seangkatan dgn dia,siap solat, mulut diam, lagi kronik ada, tapi behave jer. ada gak yg meronta but then they accept the treatment,my father being a difficult patient. 4 doktor utk assist dia sorang jer, 2 of them specialist.

On wednesday, dari 4 pint cell blood yg dipersetujui, hanya 2 pint jer. actually tak sampai 2 pun. satu setengah jer,dah dia asyik memberontak..dari Hg 5.9 naiklah 8.4, still low and he still refuse scope. hmmm...i discajkan dia dgn semua dr datang jumpa i, pahamkan what risk i take sebenarnya. nak buat camne, dia waras and alert, kalau dia nyanyuk 100%, ok gak..boleh gak i n adik beradik yg lain buat keputusan. semua org yg ditunjuk dr dia ingat, tinggal kat mana ingat, so dr kata dia sedar dan boleh buat keputusan lagi sekali.

aiyah, selamat discajkan dia..bawak balik umah and I siapkan segala ubat n surat menyurat utk kedua kakak I ready utk second attack or situation. They actually can manage, but macam2 influence dari sedara mara n jiran tetangga yg menyebabkan dorang goyah, so I asked them to be strong and faced whatevar consequences dari kita sedih tak buat yg terbaik..I called Ilham and mintak dia arrange my flight..siap pesan dgn mak, jgn manjakan dah, kalau mak still bagi apa dia nak, kita dah macam jadi pembunuh lak. so, bertampal2lah do n donts kat umah..ayat mak I lepas kena maki dgn bapak I, "kenapalah ko bawak dia balik dari spital, tera?, ko letak jer dia kat spital lagi bagus"..hmm, nak tergelak pun yer, nak sedih pun yer.

but that nite, I balik dgn perasaan lega. Its not his time yet, but we already assume its his time. Doktor cuma nak buat treatment, sbb dia avoid treatment, dr cakap its 50-50 situation and yes dr did mention its a MIRACLE to see him still alive,for me its kuasa ALLAH.

Hari rabu petang tu gak aku balik..and naik flight 920 malam. sampai kat KLIA, terus gi check in, jumpa Maliah..gi relax kat OSIM, urut badan tu, baru rasa badan nyer sakit..and makan..sampailah rumah.

but this story yg nak I share ni bukan pasal I. I cuma nak tekankan adat berziarah orang sakit dan cara nak tangani tekanan. tolonglah, kalau gi ziarah, takyah menyusahkan tuan rumah, nak air or anything, datang terus berdoa, baca yassin and serahkanlah buah tangan (kalau ada,takde pun lagi bagus)..jangan mengumpat, jangan menaikkan marah tuan rumah. ada yg ziarah my father, siap cakap, "penuh rumah ni yer, kalau bapak tak sakit, semua tak balik kan..", ada yg cakap, "bagi jerlah apa dia nak, dia nak pergi dah, tu tanda2 tu dah ada" masa first day dtg melawat, org yg sama dtg melawat hari Rabu, terperanjat dgn keadaan bapak I..

jaga org tua memang stress, tapi jaga bapak I, I think memang sakit jiwa, dia maki dgn perkataan yg kurang menyenangkan sampai cucu dia menangis, sampai my sisters cakap sapa cakap besar, suruh jaga bapak i dua hari, boleh bagi rm2k. bayangkanlah..so, kitorang memang paham, ini dugaan kitorang. nak membaca quran n yassin pun tak sempat kalau org dtg berziarah tak tahu adab, dah 11 malam..my father kat spital, yg dtg umah buat apa?umah kecik, ada 16 org kat umah, tgh tido,patutnya kalau camtu balik ajer,tak, insist gak nak masuk n nak jumpa my 2nd sis yg dah tido sbb kena kaki bengkak gajah, siap tolak bilik..Ya Allah...sabar ajerlah dgn makcik tu. ada yg dtg lepas masa dah masuk darah, ari rabu tu, "bapak u dah sihat, dah bolehlah bagi makan macam biasa" Banyak sangat doktor and ustaz masa datang berziarah. I remember, my first sis, baca kuat2 yassin bila my father start buat perangai mengong dia tu. baru dia diam.

i redha dgn dugaan my father being cranky but xleh terima perangai org yg dtg berziarah..then my advise, nak jaga orang sakit kena ada kekuatan, kena SIHAT. Alhamdulillah, i bukan cakap besar, dengan keadaan 8 bulan, I manage and yes I did collapse on Monday, muntah2. sbb dua hari tak muntah, i mengandung kalini, every day muntah kuning. but jaga makan. both my sis ada darah tinggi, sorang tu suspect buah pinggang. kesian diorang, my advise, kita nak jaga orang sakit kita kena sihat mental n fizikal.

i balik on wednesday, i was overslept masa landing, biasanya masa landing i dah bangun..tapi penat sangat terZzzz. I terhentak,sakit sangat sampai semalam MC. arini masuk kerja balik. penat memang penat. ni pun stil on call and asking what the progress.

semua adik beradik dah buat yg terbaik and kami redha apa yg terjadi. we pray for the best. thats it for now

doakan sekali ok!

another one more day....PERJUANGAN BELUM BERAKHIR

some updates


yg nak buat tapi belum terdaya :
* sarang semut (dah berjaya buat)

yang kat bawah ni tak jadi buat sbb kilang dah tutup..kalau rajin lepas raya...
* arab
* aloha

i nak gi buka pose kat hotel harini, pagi tadi selamat shiftkan some my things to enab. tak sabar nak balik KL, but in the mean time, rasa sayu sangat, sbb Ramadhan nak berakhir...banyak benda xsempat nak grab masa bulan mulia ni.