We were not written by Terence Winter

Please ignore what you read on Yahoo! Movies: We were not written by Terence Winter. Rather, this sentence, which was written by a Yahoo! person, has a misplaced modifier:

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We would expect nothing short of embarrassing gaffes from Yahoo!, including one that elicits smirks. At least the writers aren’t engaging in illicit behavior (as far as we know). They are, however, engaging in grammatical assaults with this claim that both Mr. DiCaprio and Ms. Lumley play the same characters in an upcoming film:

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(To indicate that the actors’ characters are different, the writer should have added a little apostrophe and S to DiCaprio.)

Military units, glasses-wearing Oreos, and potential wrong

One writer, one article, lots of amusing gaffes. This must be Yahoo! Shine:

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Some are minor, like neglecting the camel-case in YouTube. Others would embarrass any writer who takes pride in her work:

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(A regiment is a military unit of ground troops or a  large group of people. A regimen is a system intended to promote health or other beneficial effect.)

A bad headpiece includes a hyphen. Not such a gross error. But an Oreo cookie wearing glasses? Brilliant!

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(That’s actually a dangling participle — wearing is the participle (or verb acting as an adjective) and it’s dangling because the noun it’s supposed to modify is nowhere in sight. Instead, it appears to modify the noun following the participial phrase “wearing the glasses.”)

The eyes, it seems, are a single window:

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And extraneous words are the essentially the same as unnecessary words:

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So, let’s get to the point: This article sucks. It has its potential grammatical uses — but only as an example of what not to do.

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Ack! Running out of red ink!

Help! I’m running out of red ink! There are so many errors in this article on Yahoo! Shine that my computer and my brain can’t handle them all. It starts with the first sentence, where a dangling participle indicates that the stars of TV were growing up:

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I guess that could happen, but it would make more sense if it were the viewer growing up watching TV stars. I’m just sayin’.

Ugh. Did this writer really watch TV, or is she just making stuff up? Mallory wasn’t the middle sister on “Family Ties”; she was the middle child in a family with one son and two daughters. And she wore Fair Isle sweaters and laid-back styles:

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There’s a hyphen missing in close-up:

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There’s something missing here and I don’t mean just words. It’s accuracy: Denise Huxtable was part of the Huxtable clan. Kinda makes sense, doesn’t it?

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The character played by Farrah Fawcett was Jill Munroe, not what the writer alleges here:

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I don’t know why the writer had to tell us that something (was it blouses, dresses, or something called blouses dresses?) was “pastel colored” and not simply “pastel”:

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Poof! I wish there were a magic way to get rid of the errors. What the hell is a “guys-guys”? It makes no sense to me. Holy crap, there’s another error!

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No, no, no. There are no hyphens in the verbs “mixed and matched.” There just aren’t. And adding them is kinda kitschy:

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I think the writer has confused the character Mary Richards with the actress who plays her, Mary Tyler Moore. Kinda a careless (or worse) error:

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If a gal is from the southeastern portion of the States, she’s a Southern belle, with a capital S:

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Whew! I think I need to go Office Depot and buy some more ink. Just in case this writer decides to inflict another article on the reading public.

Bad fiction writing about bad children’s books

I hate to be harsh, but the writer for Yahoo! Shine is something of an idiot, who can’t get the simplest facts right. President Obama is NOT writing a children’s book. As anyone who reads the news knows, the president’s book was completed before he took office.

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And he didn’t announce he’s writing a children’s book. His publisher announced the upcoming release of the kids’ book. It’s kinda different, ya’know?

But that’s just two of the errors in this article about bad children’s books written by celebrity.

Also really different: Whoopi Goldberg wasn’t published a year before she joined “The View.” Her book, however, was. But that kind of confusion ensues when the writer has no idea where to place a modifier:

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“The Sopranos” is the name of a TV show. Putting an apostrophe in there doesn’t make it a possessive. It just makes it wrong. And Steven Schirripa was the co-author of “Nicky Deuce.” More errors include the missing hyphen in 12-year-old and the undercapitalized Mafia:

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By the way, I know how to spell Mr. Schirripa’s name because it was on the book cover that the writer so helpfully included in the article:

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Dear writer, you know nothing of the British monarchy. You screw up titles right and left. So, please don’t try dealing with titles, like Sarah, Duchess of York. The duchess is not now Sarah Ferguson, except in your mind:

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Hey, so it’s not the real name of the book. Who cares?

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As long as the reader doesn’t look at the photo that goes with the caption, who’s gonna know?

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Never mind the misspelling, take a gander at the hyphen! Why, oh why, hyphenate an adjective and noun?

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This article, which is really a piece of fiction, may not be worse that any book it deals with. But this is written by a senior features editor, writing for an Internet giant. You’d think the writing standards would be a little higher. Or that there would at least be writing standards.

When writers break the rules

When a writer doesn’t adhere to the common-sense rules of writing and grammar, the unintended results can be too funny.  The first thing I noticed about this teaser on Yahoo! Shine was the to that should be too:

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By the time I finished, I was LMFAO. According to the writer, there’s something wrong with babysitters staying up too late and eating extra treats. Personally, I don’t know why babysitters would be going to sleep on the job — late or not. I’d be more concerned with sitters who let the kids stay up too late and who let them eat extra treats. But that’s me.

Kristen Bell’s missing dress

Bad. It’s just bad to misspell a celeb name, especially when you’re a professional writer specializing in pop culture and fashion. But the writer for Yahoo! Shine manages to do that with this caption for a photo of Kristen Bell:

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Even if you missed that error, you can’t help but notice the surprising description of Ms. Bell’s halter. The whole “shapeless on the bottom, and binding on the top” modifies halter. Funny, it really sounds more like a description of the dress Ms. Bell wears in the photo. But, of course, that word is missing from the description.

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