Brothers

Bath time has become even cuter these days.

Funny Story

Our family was at Costco making our weekly trip for free samples *cough*, I mean milk, formula and the usual stuff. We were making our way through the maze of eager sample receipients, heading toward the exit, when a couple stops us.

Lady: "Excuse me, can I please ask you a question?".

*insert Janice's thoughts, that happened in less than 5 seconds*
Dadgummit. Can't I just get through one shopping experience without getting stopped by curious people?! Seriously. Ugh!

Wait. I have a horribly selfish attitude. Ok. Regroup. Try that again.

Do I have time to answer the multitude of questions about adoption right now? I guess I have time, but I kind of want to get out of this crowd and maybe get some ice cream.

Wow, this couple looks like they own a Harley. Well... maybe not the lady, but the man, definitely. Take that back, I bet he drives a Chopper bike.

Janice, focus!

*insert quick prayer*
"Lord, help me be kind and considerate of their questions."

Whelp, here goes nothin'.

Back to scene -

Me: "Sure thing! What's your question?"

Lady: "Do you know where the baby wipes are? We were waiting to see someone with small children, because we just knew they would know where Costco keeps their baby wipes."

Me: "Oh sure, they are all the way to the back and on the left side."

Lady: "Thank you, so much."

Me: "You're welcome!"

We walk a few paces to another isle, and as we turn in Kevin leans in and quietly says, "I was preparing myself for adoption questions."

I reply: *giggle* "Yeah, me too."

Please read this!

Dr. Russell Moore says all this (about adoption and how it relates to Chrisitians) so much better than I can. Please, please, please read this!

http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/10/12/dont-adopt/

Bloodlines

Our Pastor has a new book out. I recommend it. I will read it. I have no doubt it is good. Here is a short documentary concerning the book. Racism is close to our hearts, as parents to black children. May God give us eyes to see one another as images of God, FIRST!

Bloodlines Documentary with John Piper from Crossway on Vimeo.

Blog abandonment

SORRY! I have been abandoning my blog, but there are a few good reasons why and here they are, in no particular order of importance.

-Our basement flooded. We live in a split-entry home, so our basement is half of our house. Yeeeah, and our insurance did not cover it. Yay.

-We (I did a little of the work) have just finished painting the exterior of our house. Without a paint sprayer, I might add.

-We started school three weeks ago. Our eldest is now in 2nd grade and our middle is doing some preschool stuff when Mommy can find the patience and isn't feeding the newborn.

-We have had a few wonderful visitors (GRANDPARENTS!) and we decided to take them up north to see something rather Superior. :)

-Our new baby is super cute, SUPER chubby and extra cuddly. He needs lots of holding.

Crazy Questions with Thoughtful Answers

I have found it humorous, wonderful and yet frustrating at times being a mixed-race. I am half-hispanic and half-caucasian. My parents were the first interracial marriage in our town (in the South) and in our families. It was a rough road for them, as it was for me. I still receive questions on a regular basis about my race, such as "Are you Italian?", "Are you Israeli?", "What IS your race?", etc... I never felt white enough for my white family and Hispanic enough for my Hispanic family. I did not feel as though I fit anywhere.

*fast forward 10 years or more*

I know now that God was preparing me to be the mother of children that had a different skin tone and background than myself. I have three children of obvious contrast of skin color. We are an eye-catcher to say the least. I am not the type of person that likes attention, but when you have a family like our's you will get it - especially walking into a Southern small town cafe where everyone is white. (I can laugh now about the gaping-mouthed looks we received.) We are from the South, which is a small piece of why we felt lead to adopt. We know (in part) what it means to have African American children.

We have received some funny, hard and rude questions from people. They come from everyday places such as the paint counter at the hardware store, the check out line at our grocery store, the kids section of the library, the mall, etc. The questions give opportunities to deal with our hearts, protect our children (especially their birth stories) and show grace to those who do not understand. We never know when the questions will come, but we must be prepared.

We did not live through "the years of hell" with the trials of blacks, but we long to understand that so our sons will understand their history. Understanding those years also helps us understand the history behind those asking us questions. We can field the questions as best we can, yet it's the dirty looks and rude passing comments that we try to protect our children from hearing. The majority of the questions have come from the Black community and with good reason. Examples are in these WONDERFUL posts on transracial adoption:

Vision Test

Hindsight

Foresight

Some of the most uplifting and tear-producing comments have come from those who have been adopted. We were eating at our kids favorite place (yep, Costco. They are 100% classy.) and a manager of the store walks up to us. She looks at our family and says, "I just wanted to tell you that you are doing an amazing thing for your kids. I was adopted by white parents that it was the best thing that could have ever happened for me. I learned about both cultures and was loved so much. It really is an amazing thing. I just wanted you to know". The Hubby and I teared up and he said, "Thank you so much! You have no idea how much that means to us".

My husband said to one of the Mothers we were matched with (but did not receive her child), "I want you to know that we love our son (African American)- all of him." She and I understood what he meant. We love our son's brown skin, micro-fro, his gorgeous lips and his African American heritage - because that is who he is. Now we have another son who has a darker complexion than our first son. We love that their skin is not the same color, because it makes them unique - just as God intended them to be.

We love our Vanilla Girl, Carmel Boy and Chocolate Baby Boy. They display God's astounding creativity and beauty.

On the other side of pain

A brief thought for those still in the midst of waiting for a baby:

After some time reflecting on this last year of longing, woe and tears during our wait, I realized how quickly those morn-filled tears became joy-filled tears. The deep aching in our souls turned into deep gratefulness to our God for the precious gift in our arms.

The swift change does not make those sorrow-filled tears irrelevant or less important. No, the hurt is real. The pain is real. Yet the answer to those gut-wrenching prayers is understood in the late night whimpers of a new child needing to be feed or comforted. Another stone of remembrance is placed in our life. That inconsolable child's cry reminds me of God's sovereign plan. God used those seemingly endless days to prove my lack of trust and show me my desperate need of Christ. He showed me again that He is indeed trustworthy. I say to myself, "Why do I ever doubt Him?".

During those days, I prayed over and over again, "God, I believe, help my unbelief!". He does that daily, through the eyes of my son I see His faithful hand.

Trust Him with the making of your family.

Late Birth Announcements...

I finished up the last of the addresses on our new addition's birth announcements. I was thinking to myself, "I have been working on these for 2 WEEKS! Why has this taken me so long?!".

Then I realized, oh this is why:

- I was working on getting our house in order after our long trip to get our sweet boy.

- 3 hour feedings...man, 3 hours goes by SO QUICKLY.

- Our basement (that is half of our house, including our master bedroom) flooded last Saturday.

- We took a 2 day trip up north, because my parents were in and because of said basement problem.

- Our little man was circumcised a couple of days ago. He's been fighting all diaper changes. Can't say I blame him, but really, shooting pee at Mommy in self-defense is getting old.

- Our "big boy" is extremely busy and I did not notice how busy he was until we were blessed with a newborn.


My days seem chucked full of little tasks that seem to take up most of my day. I know that this will only last a short while. Momma's blessed and tired. Off to change loads of laundry!

Baby Bliss and Such

We are in the midst of baby bliss, which includes lack of sleep and days that go by all too quickly. We wanted to post some photos of our new sweet son. He is such a good baby! He was met with tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving over him in the hospital. We are in love.

Our little beach bum...

Mommy meeting her little man for the first time.

Daddy holding his newest son for the first time.

Big brother holding little brother.

Big Sister is excited to have another little brother. She doesn't like to share when she's holding him. :)

We are doing very well and seem to be adjusting well. It is a little weird to think sometimes that we are now a family of 5, but that thought is a blessed one!

Introducing

Our newest addition! He was born on Father's Day, which was a great present to the Hubby. He weighed 6 lbs. 14 oz. and is perfectly healthy. We are praising God for this birth of our third child.

Mommy is just soaking up her alone time with him tonight at the hospital. :)

How do I prepare?

We have been matched with a Mom who is due in a couple of weeks. We have known about it for about a month, and have spent much time in prayer. Now we are at the point of preparing or not preparing - how ever you want to look at it. Domestic adoption is a paradox of prepare without preparing, at least that is how it is with us. Since we have an extensive history of failed placements, we are hesitant to prepare at all, but there are practical things that need to be done. I have washed a small load of baby clothes and baby bedding. I have bought one (yes just one) outfit.

My Hubby asked me the other night while we were on a walk, "How are you doing with this one?", meaning this adoption match. I gave a long pause because I was not exactly sure myself how I was doing at that moment. Honestly, I've thought about it at different points throughout the day, but it was not weighing heavily on my thoughts...

"You know, I'm not totally sure how I'm doing. I think my heart wants to go full steam ahead with the possibility, but my mind is sabotaging any acceleration, for good reason. I'm confident that I will be let down if this one falls through. I am also just as confident that God will flip the switch of attachment as soon as we hear if the baby is our child."

He agreed. He does not talk much, but I know his agreement meant he felt the same way. We've been through so much down this adoption road, but we've been through it all together knowing that God has purposed each step for our good.

Please pray that we would continue in deep trust in God's plan and that we would hold each situation presented to us with open hands. He is faithful and we believe Him.

On your birthday...

7 years ago Mommy and Daddy were not certain you would be born alive. You were fading fast, even under the watchful eye of the Doctor. But the GREAT Physician knew what He was doing, and He was giving Mommy and Daddy much grace through preserving your life. Your name signifies what He did for us on this day. You were and are such a blessing in our lives, and we are so thankful for the young lady you are becoming.


A Newborn Baby Girl....

Our 1 Year Old...


Beautiful 2 Year Old...


Silly 3 Year Old...


Pretty 4 Year Old Princess...


A Whole Hand, 5 Year Old serving her brother...

Everyone is celebrating our 6 Year Old...


Our 7 Year Old Wonder...


You have such a heart of compassion and service - we want to help that grow. You enjoy God's creation in nature, animals and people - we want you to enjoy it deeper. You have a heart that is quick to repent and seek forgiveness of those you wronged - we want that to remain and get stronger. We know that the only way you will grow and deepen in these strengths is to come to faith in Christ and through enjoying Him forever you will pour out His love, care and mercy on others.

I prayed this over you while you were in the womb. I sang it as a lullaby, to settle you as a baby. I continue to pray this over your life.

Matthew 6:33, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."

We love you, Sweet Girl!

Ramblings from a longing heart...

I know I sound like a broken record, but God is so faithful. If you do not know that personally, I pray that you will learn His character soon. We have been in such a fog lately. Hubs company had announced impending doom *cough*, I mean lay offs. His department was expected to get hit HARD. They announced it 6 weeks in advance, which I think it ridiculous but whatever. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was affected by the prospect of the ol' chop'n block moment. His department did get hit hard, but God saw fit that he did not get laid off, which was a huge answer to prayers.

Now we can update our home study. It is PAINFUL for me to even grasp that thought, yet even more painful to say it. I feel as if I say we could go another year on this Merri-go-round, then it will become a reality. I simply struggle to face it. I put the thoughts out of my mind that there is potential for more failed placements, mainly to (as Eric Clapton puts it) ease my troubled mind. I do not want to cry any more tears over it. When I pray, tears inevitable come to the surface no matter my efforts to stifle them. There are times I struggle to make eye contact with others when I talk about it.

Someone said to me recently, "Do you think that maybe you should just put off the adoption for a while and try for a biological baby?". I responded with a simple, yet forced, "No, I do not feel God leading us in that direction". It felt as if they were looking at a pregnant woman, while touching her protruding stomach while saying, "Seems as if the timing is not best for you, why not just end the pregnancy and try again at a better time". I may not be physically pregnant, but in all other aspects I am. My child(ren) is out there, and I will not abandon the adoption just because "worldly" timing seems off. (I'm sure they meant well, as most do.)

God has been showing me through my time in the Word that I can fully trust Him...with everything. I know that seems obvious, but humanity struggles with belief that God is doing what is in their best interest. We've struggled with it from the beginning. I know that He wants me to not grumble and question, like the children of Israel did in the wilderness for 40 years after being brought out of Egypt.

I am praying that my heart will say, "Manna is enough, Lord because I have You".



*disclaimer*
I do not want to condone being foolish in adoption when God is obviously not leading. It is wise to seek God's direction through Scripture and those God has placed in authority over your life to shepherd you. Seek counsel, prayerfully and Biblically, then move. But DO NOT go forward if there is not a peace.

Adoption Prayers

Would you pray right now for our family and our adoption? This has been a long and hard year for our family during this adoption process. We have had some changes in our road, with more changes on the horizon for our family. None of this is a surprise to the Lord. He knows, has planned and purposed our steps. We prayerfully, trust Him completely.

African American adoptions across the country have been more difficult this past year, not just for us, but for many of our adoption friends. Abortions are up in urban areas. We do not understand why, but again, God knows.

We long and eagerly await for the arrival of another precious baby in our home. We are trying to not grow impatient, but to replace those thought patterns with Scripture Truth of God's timing. We still have quite a bit of financial need in completely covering our adoption expense needs. At times that is nerve-racking, but we know God owns it all. He will equip us with all we need, because He has called us to adopt.

Please pray for us! We have a Great God who hears the prayers of His people, and loves to answer prayers to make Himself seem strong. He is FAITHFUL!

Growing up!

Our sweet girl is soon to be 7 years old, and has begun to take on more responsibilities around the house. This has proved to be SO helpful in her building character and learning her important place in our family. It has been surprisingly difficult for me to give up "perfection" in the areas that I have released to her care, but the training has benefited her and myself.

She has begun to help me with food preparations. She is a great help in the kitchen, and is learning simple kitchen tasks. She enjoys it, too which makes it fun! Here she is preparing a salad for her Great Grandparents' Anniversary party.



I sew (or try...I'm learning), and as I am busying doing that, she is beginning to work on simple projects. Obviously these tasks do not take away from her silliness, of which I'm glad! :)



I sure do love this little girl, who is growing up so fast! I am blessed beyond measure to mother such a precious baby woman.

"Stars at Night...

Are big an bright, deep in the heart of Texas!"

We are back from a seemingly quick trip to Texas. We had a wonderful time! We come back to the frozen north with eager expectation for Spring.

No adoption news...we are hopeful!

For the Grands!

We haven't posted pictures in a while, so I thought the Grandparents might want to see a few new ones. We took Sister to ski school, because way up here by the North Pole you need to have some winter fun activities to do. She did really well and had a fun time.







Little Brother hung out and was not happy that he wasn't skiing, too. His time will come soon enough.



He likes to work out...in his undies. He says that it's more aerodynamic. Whatever works.




The kids got bubble bath for Christmas this year. Sister did a dunk...



Then she decided that Brother should go under, too. That was sweet of her.



Don't worry, he loved it! At least he laughed.




Squeaky clean siblings!




Brother and Sister got new boots from Texas for Christmas. He wanted to model them. Sister was too busy working on her puzzle to model her's.

Needed Post

This one is for the adopting families out there. Keep these things in mind....

1. Understand your audience. Know that there may be secrets (like abortion, adoption, abandonment, etc) in your audience's past. Consider that you do not know the drama unfolding in their life or what has happened in their past that colors their comments to you. Be understanding.

2. Be patient. God is patient with you, extend that whenever possible to those you come into contact with. Adoption is foreign to many, be gracious to them in their ignorance.

3. Do NOT paint the birth parents of the child you are waiting on or hold in your arms in a negative light. God used them in your lives. They made a HUGE sacrifice out of love for this child that you love, too. Honor them with your speech. Bless them with your tongue.

4. Tell your Social Worker how much you care for them and pray for them. Adoption is their life, too - and it is NOT their fault for your situation. God decides who your child is, not them. They are merely God's tool in the adoption. They are stressed beyond belief. Let them know you are praying for them. Just as much as it ministers to you, it does to them, too - even if they are not Believers. Tell them anyways! :)

5. Bless those who hurt you. If an adoption falls through, continue to pray for the family. Just because you did not get your desires fulfilled does not mean you stop interceding for someone that God brought into your prayer life. It is hard to hold bitterness against someone when you are asking God to bless them. It will benefit you more than you realize. It has me!


God is so faithful in all that He does. Remember that while you are waiting!

Waiting and building spiritual muscles!

Blurb from a DG Post by Paul Tripp - Here is the whole post, but this is helpful for us who are WAITING!!!

"So, what happens inside of you when you are asked to wait? Is waiting, for you, a time of stengthening or weakening? Have you ever stopped to consider why God asks you to wait? Let me point you to one of his purposes.

Waiting Is Giving You Time

When God asks you to wait, what happens to your spiritual muscles? While you wait, do your spiritual muscles grow bigger and stronger or do they grow flaccid and atrophied? Waiting for the Lord isn’t about God forgetting you, forsaking you, or being unfaithful to his promises. It’s actually God giving you time to consider his glory and to grow stronger in faith. Remember, waiting isn’t just about what you are hoping for at the end of the wait, but also about what you will become as you wait.

Waiting always presents me with a spiritual choice-point. Will I allow myself to question God’s goodness and progressively grow weaker in faith, or will I embrace the opportunity of faith that God is giving me and build my spiritual muscles? (see Psalm 27:4)

It’s so easy to question your belief system when you are not sure what God is doing. It’s so easy to give way to doubt when you are being called to wait. It’s so easy to forsake good habits and to take up habits of unfaith that weaken the muscles of the heart. Let me suggest some habits of unfaith that cause waiting to be a time of increasing weakness rather than of building strength. These are bad habits that all of us are tempted to give way to.

READ the rest here, it is SO GOOD!

How to Care Pt. 2

Here is Part 1 on How to Care for your friends/family who are adopting. I want to open up to others who are adopting or have adopted - PLEASE send me what you think would be helpful, too... I know I'm not covering all the bases, thus I need you. :)


1. Be a distraction when necessary! Bring over a movie, invite them out, take their kids (if they have them), etc. Part of being a good friend and a fellow Believer is seeing a need or a way to bless and doing it.

2.Don't say, "Let me know if you need help." Generally, (out of pride probably) they are not going to call you and say, "Remember a few days ago when you told me to call? Yeah, that time. I'm calling now". Probably not going to happen. KNOW them and make time to talk to listen to their heart cries.

3. Don't ask EVERY TIME you see them or call them, "Sooooo, how's the adoption going?". Too much of a good thing can be bad.

4. REPEAT: Let them know you are praying for them! When you talk to them, STOP what you are doing and pray for them. May be awkward in the grocery store, but don't be ashamed before men.When you are on the phone with them, pray for them before you hang up. Its love in action. Going to the Father on their behalf is a gift.

5. Use your gifts to help - for instance I have a friend who is a artist, she sold her paintings and used the profit for another friend's adoption! AMAZING. She used her gift to bless others in their need for financial help. Christ looked so beautiful in the serving she did. Precious.

To be continued...

How to Care Pt. 1

I've done many posts on adoption, because that's our life. God has called us to it. We are walking through it. I wanted to post some things that would be helpful in how to love your adopting family and/or friend(s) well. This is not an exhaustive list, but some ideas.

How to care:

-Ask how they are doing and be OK with a short answer. They may not want to talk a lot or they may want to spill their guts (including fears, too many details, etc.), so be ready for both.

-Send an email, FB message or Tweet that just says that you are thinking and praying for them. It means so much to receive that even when you aren't going through a difficult season, but I feel it especially comforting during the treading water phase of adoption. It's almost as if I feel God say to me through those, "I am here. I see you" - so it's appreciated!

-It is NOT helpful to give adoption horror stories from the news or someone you knew who had horrible things happen. The adopting couple already has those fears, so it is not loving them or building up of their faith for you to tell them that.

-Common sense, I know - but if you do not agree with what they are doing (adopting, transracial adopting, sibling group adopting, etc) keep your mouth shut and just pray for them. Do not feel as though you are their "Holy Spirit" called to trail blaze into their life. Let go and let God deal with them. (Hey, I struggle with keeping my mouth shut, too.) But this is helpful, Eph. 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
**edit by Hubby** If they are not asking you for advice, they probably don't want it.

- Pray WITH them. Hug them. Help them financially, if you feel led.

-If they have a failed placement understand that emotionally it is very similar to a miscarriage. I know from personal experience. Be understanding and do not slam them with Scripture. They are mourning. It may not be "real" to you, but it is to them. Show empathy.

-Read adoption books. On the left side of this blog are some links to a few GREAT books on adoption. The best one we have read is Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore. I think it should be a prerequisite to anyone adopting, but that's just my humble opinion. :)

more to come... (My mind just went blank as soon as my 2 year old's feet hit the floor after a nap!)

**What more would you add?**

Pain is an adoptive road

We thought we'd have a baby girl with us this Christmas. We thought we would be working on our post placement now. Alas we are not. God knew we would not be the parents of that precious baby. No matter how hard it seemed to swallow my pride again, it has been good for me to tread through the all too familiar path of pain and rejection. God was the Engineer that designed that road for our journey. Now we stand on the precipice of the next step in our adoption and the horizon before us is scary, the possibility of another failed placement makes me quiver in my snow boots, not gonna lie BUT, this is my marching anthem...

Mark 9:24
Immediately the father of the child cried out[1] and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”


May we all trust Him Who laid our steps and will guide us along each path. And may this New Year be blessed and filled with more faith, more trust and more belief in our Sovereign Lord!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!