Sundays with McRae

The age of 5 has just been so much fun for me.  I'm really enjoying my little man and his ever-budding personality.  Seriously...could he be any more like his dad!?!?  Chip off the old block, I tell ya!  Perhaps, that is why I love him so.  (And perhaps that is why he can also drive me crazy like no one else can, too!)  Those two boys of mine...oh, how I love them!

So today, McRae and I had a couple of conversations that I feel represent our current relationship quite well...a lot of funny and quite a bit of sweet.  I wanted to document some of them because you know how that memory thing works and, well....I don't want to forget!!!

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At Church today, it was testimony meeting--where members from our congregation--should they feel so inclined--are invited to share their faith and testimony of what they know to be true with the rest of the congregation.  One sister was becoming quite emotional as she shared some of the struggles and triumphs that her missionary son is currently facing while he serves a two year mission in Africa.  McRae became concerned and the following conversation ensued:

McRae: Mom, what's she doing up there?
Me: She's sharing her testimony, honey.
McRae: But is she crying because she's happy or because she's sad?
Me: She's crying because she's so happy...becasue her son is serving a mission in Africa and he's doing a really good job.
(At the mention of Africa, McRae's eyes got really big and super excited...because he still continues to LOVE animals...especially the animals of Africa.)
McRae: But why is he in Africa?
Me: Because that is where the Prophet asked him to go.  The prophet wants him to help the people of Africa.  Wouldn't it be neat to serve your mission in Africa?  Where do you think you'd like to go on your mission?
McRae: I want to go wherever the Prophet sends me!  Because I don't get to choose...I just go!

Gah!  Be still my beating heart!  Once again, out of the mouths of babes, I am blown away by the simplicity and pure love in that genuine statement.  We've never had this discussion with McRae, to my knowledge, which makes his innate desire to "go and do" all the more meaningful to me.  I am grateful for my children, who teach me with  perfect love a better way to live and to be.

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The next conversation occurred after watching a video of my Snatch PR last week:

McRae: Wow, Mom! You are so strong.  You are so, so strong!

Me:  Thanks, buddy.

McRae: Oh!  I didn't say that to be nice.  I just said it because you picked that whole weight up and put it over your head.  

Me:  Mm-hmm.  

McRae:  Maybe one day, I'll be as strong as you are...

Me:  Yeah, buddy.  I think you will be.  But you'll have to work hard.  And practice a lot.  And not ever give up...even if it gets really hard.  Just like me...

McRae: Yeah.  And if I REALLY want to be strong, I've gotta stop doing this...(takes finger and moves it back and forth between his nose and mouth to imitate eating his boogers)...and THIS...(puts finger in front of his mouth like he's chewing his fingernails)...and THIS...(puts foot up to his mouth like he's chewing his toenails)! 

Me: <<<<>>>>

Seriously, though.  It was the funniest thing ever.  The inflection in his voice.  The facial expressions.  SO. STINKIN'. PRICELESS!  And yes, buddy...you DEFINITELY need to quit doing all of those things.  So you can be stronger, and...you know...maybe get a wife someday.  :)

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And just out of nowhere, and certainly just because...

McRae:  Hey Papa!  You know what I told my class today?

Papa: No.  I don't.  What'd you tell 'em?

McRae:  I told them NOT to say, "King Kong is a ding dong!"  Yeah...I told them to never say that!

Papa, Dad and Mom: <<<<>>>>

A little backstory...We had a horse growing up whose name was King Kong.  He was my dad's horse, but he is certainly a family favorite to this day...and even the grandkids who never got to meet him, know who he is and how special he is to us.  When I was little, I used to tease my dad by teasing his horse..."King Kong is a ding dong!"  Which would then cause my dad to wrestle me to the ground and tickle me.  I've told McRae this story many times, so he has decided to test it out himself.  And...it gets that same reaction from his Papa that I did.  And McRae loves it just as much as I did, too...  So, you know...he just felt he should warn all of his fellow classmates, just in case!

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McRae: Papa, why do you have that thing on your neck? (Pointing to the loose skin under my dad's chin.)

Papa:  What?  This?  (As he grabs the loose skin...) Because I'm a turkey.

McRae:  No you're not, Papa.  You're not a turkey.

Papa:  Why, sure I am!  Look at this! (flapping the skin around...)

McRae:  Na-uh, Papa.  You're not a turkey...'cause you don't have a snood!

Oh, my animal loving boy!  Haha!  His preschool teacher doesn't call him "the biologist" for nothing.

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McRae has always been a baby lover...especially little girl babies.  He's always been so sweet and kind to younger children (except his younger brother, naturally.)  So...he has been asking (with a little bit of praying mixed in, too) for a little sister lately.  We've had some conversations about this, and today we talked a little bit more about it.  Of course, I've explained that we don't get to choose what kind of sibling we'll get (brothers or sisters), and that dad and mom would like to have more kids too, but those things take a lot of time sometimes.  I explained to him that children are a lot of work for moms and dads...that we love it, but it takes a lot of time, money and patience to make sure our kids have the things they need and know the things they need to know.  I explained to him that children can help their parents in these responsibilities.  We talked about being the oldest.  I asked him why he felt Heavenly Father sent him to our family first.  He didn't say much.  I shared with him that I believed it was because of his desire to choose the right.  McRae has always been a rule follower.  If you tell him what the rules are, he is going to make darn sure he follows them...and that everyone else does, too.  I told him that his younger siblings would need an example to look up to, and that he could be a good one.  He could help us teach his siblings about kindness, sharing, love and forgiveness.  We talked about the fact that the best way to teach those things to others is to show them how to do it.  As I shared these things with McRae, I couldn't help but feel a glimpse of the love that Heavenly Father has for this sweet boy.  And in turn, my love grew for him, too.  We are currently in a stage of life where fighting amongst the boys is an all too often occurrence.  It is seriously my very least favorite thing about parenting.  And I'm feeling a little beside myself with how to deal with it appropriately.  So far, no discipline tactic has seemed to help.  I don't mean to guilt trip McRae in to being kind to his brother, but the fact remains, that I can't live in a house full of contention.  I won't.  And, if adding more kids to the mix only increases the chances of contention, then we will wait until we feel like we've got a little bit better of a handle on it.  I explained to him that he can help with this.  Obviously, I know he is 5 and that NONE of us are perfect...the bickering is inevitable on occasion...but it certainly doesn't need to be as commonplace as it is at present.  I'm praying for some kind of enlightenment with how to deal with this in our household...because momma kind of wants to hold a little baby again, too.  :)     

  

    

Extra Space, Empty Cupboards: Moving and Metaphors

Well, the move has finally occurred.  We spent the last three weeks living out of suit cases with Brian's parents while the contractors finished up some final touches on the home.  There are still some "final touches" to be done (*ahem), but that's another story in and of itself.  And somewhat of a frustrating one, too.  But, I digress.  While Brian's family were wonderful hosts, it kind of prolonged the reality of moving for me.  It felt more like we were on vacation and that this was just a temporary thing--complete with being totally out of our routines, normal diets, etc... Let's just say the boys and I were driving each other somewhat bonkers.  Or A LOT bonkers!  So, I was somewhat anxious to get back to our own place and our own routines.  Enter a rip-roaring case of pink eye and ear infections for each of my boys this week (aka "our home is now our prison") and then add to that trying to pack/unpack/move with a next-to-absent husband since October, and finally the reality of leaving a dearly beloved home and friends behind and you've officially got a full-fledged basket case on your hands!  Quite simply, if we survive this, I'll pretty much be my own hero!    

Does it sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself?  Good!  Because I definitely am.  :)  But in between all of the self-pity parties, I am most assuredly counting my blessings and telling myself it could always be worse.  This little game of back and forth self-pity and gratitude seems to be the theme of this move.  While this move brings with it extreme heart-ache and longing for what's familiar, it also brings an abundance of opportunity for growth and prosperity in all aspects of our lives.  As I've reflected and pondered on our current situation, I've found a few metaphors in moving that are helping me to cope with the chaos of it all.  

A friend at the gym told me the other day that she had heard experts compare the physical and emotional effects of a move to the loss of a loved one.  I know first hand the magnitude of feelings that come from loss of a loved one and I couldn't help to feel some truth in this statement.  While they may not be felt on quite the same level, there are a lot of similarities between the two life events.  Your heart aches for what once was, wishes it could change the current circumstances, and looks towards the future with great uncertainty as it struggles to pick up the pieces and start over again.  Eventually, it settles in to a place of gratitude for what has been and what you've known.  And even though you're moving forward and grateful for where you may be now, you will never forget or replace what was.  The epitome of bittersweet, no?

The second metaphor came while unpacking my belongings and putting them in their new places.  Having just packed and moved all of them, I swore we had too much stuff and that I would be better about making do and not buying "stuff" that just took up space in my home.  I also did a pretty thorough clean out process before we packed, because who wants to pack and move useless stuff?  Well...this house is a bit bigger and actually has built in storage, so I've been left with a few completely empty cabinets.  This experience has actually led to a couple different train of thoughts.  In addition to the extra space and opportunities the new home brings, the move has done the same in nearly every aspect of our lives.  We have a lot more opportunities financially, physically, emotionally and socially.  But just because we have more space (in our home and life) doesn't mean we just rush to fill it as fast as we can with more useless "stuff".  We need to be sure we're filling it with meaningful things.  True treasures..."that moth and dust doth not corrupt."  Those kinds of treasures take time to acquire.  A lot of time.  So, in the meantime...my "cupboards" are feeling a little barren.  Empty.  Destitute.  Lonely.  Especially in the way of friends and loved ones.  I know that with time, they'll eventually be filled.  And if I'm meticulous about how they get filled, I know I'll find the perfect balance of old and new.  The place where old treasures are still just as valuable and precious to me.  The place where what's new compliments and truly adds to what is old.  Meticulous.  And patient!  It will happen; this gaping hole in my heart will be filled.  And while I hope it won't take too long, I'm sure I'll be learning a lot about patience.               

At any rate, I wanted to take a moment to record the things that I will miss as well as the things that I am most looking forward to.  Surprisingly, they seem to fall in to the same categories for both places.  So here goes... 

The neighborhood/the house:  We loved our quaint, little home and neighborhood in Marana.  That was our first and only home thus far.  We purchased it as newlyweds in 2005.  It's walls have seen a heap of living.  We lived enough in the country, with mountain ranges behind us, but had all of the conveniences of the city (could walk to the grocery store) without the hustle and bustle.  The stars were also very visible and wildlife was in abundance.  It really was a little slice of heaven.  While we didn't really know our immediate neighbors all that well, we had some great friends in the nearby, surrounding neighborhoods.  Sunday evening walks as a family would usually land us with a boat load of friends in some cul-de-sac along the way.  We will miss those times for sure!

Our new house is 1/4 mile south of a beautiful, new LDS temple.  It is still under construction, but the outside architecture is mostly done.  It is the perfect centerpiece of our dining room window.  We quite literally have a temple in every room!  I love it's presence--both physically and spiritually--in our lives.  We hope to feel of it's influence often.  Both boys beam with excitement when they see it.  When driving in the car, it's a race to see which one can see it first and call out, "I see the temple!  We're almost home!"  One of life's little pleasures.  We live on a quiet, dead-end street.  There are only four houses on this street without any probability of more coming...which means I don't have to worry nearly as much about the boys riding their bikes and scooters around the house!  We live on an acre lot, with fields in the front and in the back.  We see horses and cows and farming every day.  The boys love it!  And I do, too.  In a couple more months, we'll probably have some  horses/mules on our property.  Talk of a dog is in the works, as well as a trampoline and swing set.  One of the beauties of extra space!  Remember how I said I didn't want to fill it up with "stuff", though?  Ha!  As for our neighbors...we couldn't ask for better!  We live next door to my dear Uncle Dave and some long time family friends (both to Brian's and my family), the Haggards.  Their association will be priceless for our boys.         

The ward--We now have a 2--instead of 20-- minute commute to church.  Really, we could just walk.  It's that close--just 1/4 mile south of us.  We've only attended the ward one Sunday, but I'd say it's one of the friendliest I've ever attended.  I mean...the very first night I had an email with the ward directory and a list of YW in the ward who want to babysit!  How can you not love that?  There are some dynamite, rock-solid members and families in this ward and I am looking forward to learning from them.  One of my cousins was just made the Bishop, so this should be interesting.  We loved our Picture Rocks Ward and all the opportunities that it gave us to learn, grow and especially, to serve.  But, I'm gonna go ahead and admit that I hope to fly under the radar in our new ward for a little while.  :)

The friends/family--I have so many dear friends from my Tucson era.  I mean, I spent the last 12 years of my life there.  I'd put down some roots, for sure.  It's funny how most of those 12 years, I really couldn't wait to get out of there, but in the last 12-18 months, it really started to feel like home.  Go figure.  I will miss those dear friends, terribly.  I already do.  Thankfully, I'm not so far away that visits are impossible.

One of the greatest blessings of this move is that we are now surrounded by family.  All of my siblings live within 30 minutes.  My parents will live here with us part-time.  My in-laws, a BIL and SIL are also within 30 minutes.  My children will grow up near cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  We are blessed.    

The gym--In the past year, I have discovered and fallen in love with CrossFit.  It is frequently called a fitness "cult" by some.  But, what I've found there is an incredibly supportive and inspiring community.  It's a fun and competitive outlet for me that pushes me in every way and recharges my drained mommy batteries.  Some of the dearest friends that I am leaving behind in Tucson are from the gym. What's more, there happened to be some amazing athletes and coaches at this gym and they pushed me in incredible ways.  I learned so much from them.  I had opportunities to compete on levels that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise without their assistance.  The only negative thing I can think to say of that place is that perhaps my abilities were somewhat stifled because I never saw myself as ever being able to reach the level of many of those athletes.  I stayed within my comfort zone and never believed I could (or tried to) keep up with them.  At my new gym, there are some fierce competitors as well.  Maybe not as many and maybe not as fierce, but time will tell.  But, what it has done for me is made me get outside of my comfort zone.  It's made me have to prove myself, which has made me push harder than I otherwise would've believed was possible.  Also, the programming is different, and I believe this will help me develop into a more well-rounded athlete.  I am a little nervous about the environment, though, and wonder if I'll ever come to love and respect this group of people like I did my last community.  Time (there's that word again!  Time--always time.  And patience!) will tell.

Well, I better wrap up this sob story because, as you can tell, there is much for which to be grateful.  Time to start filling up that extra space with more love.  More talents.  More friends.  More wisdom.  More treasures.    

        

Christmas 2012 Update

After a 3 year hiatus, we are sending out an update.  It's not too thorough,  however, so you may just have to call, or better yet...come visit!

                           

Brian—hard worker, tax preparer, trip planner, business seller, bedtime story teller, political news watcher, accounting practice buyer, children entertainer, super spouse supporter, dreamer

Janette—meal preparer, rotating preschool teacher, addicted CrossFitter, part-time worker, rule enforcer, scheduler, upcoming move supervisor, story reader, happy wife and mother

McRae—4-years-old, preschooler, super-hero fantasizer, animal lover, patience tester, muscle flexer, belly laugher, snuggler, little brother teaser/entertainer, imaginer, lego builder

John—20 months, good sleeper, broccoli eater, mess maker, climber, what’s this button do-er, beginning fit-thrower, dog lover, big brother admirer, monkey-see, monkey doer, cheer spreader

Highlights—Family trip to San Diego (Zoo, Sea World, Safari Park, beach).  Purchase of Expert Tax & Accounting in Tempe.  Moving to Gilbert in January.

We are grateful for our many blessings—good health, good friends and family, and most especially, our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Wishing you all the Happiest of Holidays and a Wonderful New Year! 

Thoughts of late...

I can't even count the amount of times that I have desired, thought about, and/or schemed about updating my blog.  It just hasn't happened.  (Uh, yeah...obviously!)  But I certainly want it to.  Let's be realistic here, though...I can't possibly go back and catch up every little thing that is blog worthy.  Shame, shame.  I'll just do the best I can...when I can.  :)

I spent some time tonight reading through old entries.  And while doing that is somewhat reminiscent of hearing your own voice on a recording (yikes!), I can't deny how grateful I am that I have recorded some of the things that I have.  (You know...those things that I was certain I'd never forget.  Ha!)  And since I feel grateful more times than I do embarrassed, I guess that's grounds for continuing this ole' bloggity-blog.

It's an interesting thing to read through old journal entries.  And I imagine that each entry will mean different things at different times in our lives as we re-read them.  I use my old entries as a meter of comparison.  How have I changed, grown, improved since then?  For this reason, I try to keep my entries as real as possible.  I don't want to look back at old entries and be comparing myself to a facade.  I want to see real progress (and hopefully it's progress--not regression--that I am seeing!) and be encouraged by the results.  And, in difficult times or the ordinary fluctuations in emotion that we humans are so prone to, I want to know that I survived previous difficulties and lack of passion.  I want to know with certainty that "this, too, shall pass" and I can make it through once again.  And most of all...I want my writings to be a source of strength to my children and grandchildren some day.  I want them to know me for who I really am--with all my faults and triumphs--even if it exposes me to some temporary embarrassment or seems incredibly narcissistic on my part.    

I think I've done a fairly good job of keeping it real, and I intend to keep doing just that for all the reasons I've mentioned above.  And with that being said...when I began this entry tonight, I was feeling an incredible lack of passion about my current stage of life and wondering why I don't feel an immense amount of joy.  Don't get me wrong.  I absolutely LOVE my spouse and my children.  I always do and I always will.  But some days...and today was one of them...being a wife and mother was not bringing me the amount of joy that I know it's supposed to.  It wasn't my favorite thing to be today.  Today it just felt extra hard and I was feeling extra selfish...like I could just use a little break or get-away.  Although I'm sure these feelings are perfectly human and incredibly influenced by shifting hormones, it still bothers me.  Very much so.  It's hard when you know how you should feel and yet you don't feel it.  If nothing else, it's caused for some pondering and reflecting on my part as I try to pinpoint the problems and discover solutions.  And now that I've taken the time to sit down and put these feelings in to words, I'm fairly certain that a good night's sleep will bring the renewed perspective and energy that I was previously lacking.

This post, itself, is a step in that direction.  Golly, it feels good to get that out.  *sigh*  Now, I can sleep a little more peacefully.  I'm sure the clarity and insight I've gained throughout this therapeutic blogging will be anything but clear to those who may read it.  But then, that wasn't really the point of this blog in the first place.

Christmas Season 2011

Attempt #1 at self-timer family portrait...awkward

Attempt #2...still awkward, but at least we're all looking in the right direction.

I think I already mentioned what an impression Halloween left on McRae this year.  He was still trick-or-treating to our front door clear in to December.  But, when December came and we switched gears into all things Christmas, he was all aboard.  Since I knew this would be the first year McRae would understand some of what Christmas was all about, I wanted to make sure we got him started out on the right note.  I got a fabulous idea from my college roommate and friend, Manda--25 Days of a Christ-filled Christmas.  Using the Gospel Art Book, I took a picture from the life of Christ and paired it with a scripture and a  primary song.  So, for the 25 days leading up to Christmas, we would talk, sing and read of Christ.  McRae absolutely loved it!  He loved to talk about the pictures and hear the stories.  I loved the simplicity of it and how it kept us focused on the true reason for the season.  I may tweak the template a little more for next year, but this will definitely be an annual tradition!

Other holiday festivities included a good old fashioned paper chain.  Each night before bed, McRae would get to pull a link off the chain.  He thoroughly enjoyed this activity.  So much so that it nearly made him excited to go to bed!  (Which has left me wondering if I should have an ongoing paper chain for random things!  hehehe)  We also talked a lot about doing service and being kind.  He loved picking out gifts for loved ones and some for some less fortunate kids he didn't really even know.

For neighbor/friend gifts this year, we made homemade caramel sauce.  Like 40 jars worth!  And then, because it was so good, I had to make some more for my family too.  Seriously...DE.LECT.A.BLE!  It was fun delivering it to so many people we know and love.  I seriously had to force myself to stop and cut my list down.  Wasn't easy.  I felt so blessed as I pondered on all the people in my life that mean so much to me.  And then...I loved sharing with people I hardly even know--my neighbors.  I loved spreading the Christmas cheer.  My most favorite recipient was the UPS man.  He was in our neighborhood every day in the month of December.  One day, I chased him down at our neighbor's house and handed him some caramel, told him I knew he was working hard and I appreciated it.  He literally wrapped his arms around me, squeezed me tight and couldn't thank me enough.  So humbling.  So simple.

Another one of my favorite memories of the season was attending our ward Christmas party.  Incredible is an understatement.  We all came dressed in biblical attire, sat on the floor and ate traditional fare.  The program was about 8 minutes long...all set to Christmas music.  Very simple and yet so beautiful and perfect.    It kept McRae entirely captivated.  That's saying something when we're talking about three-year-old boys, here.  When the curtains closed on Mary and Joseph during Christ's birth, we sat and listened to "Silent Night" by Josh Groban.  When the curtains opened again, McRae gasped and excitedly said, "Baby Jesus!"  He then looked at me and said, "I want to go see Him."  Ah...the sweet innocence of children.  I never want to forget the way I felt when I saw the sheer excitement and wonder in his face.

Along those same lines, McRae could NOT get enough of his Little People Nativity set.  In fact, once Christmas decor was put away, he demanded that we bring his nativity back out.  How can you refuse such demands?  He is still playing with it and every once and a while, I'll hear him belting out "Away in a Manger" or "Jingle Bells."  In fact, just a week or so ago, we were getting out of the car at Costco and McRae yells, "Merry Christmas everyone!" at the top of his lungs.  Pretty uncharacteristic of him, and needless to say, his enthusiasm garnered quite a few chuckles (and admittedly, some embarrassment on my part).

Along with all of the spiritual aspects of the season, we introduced him to Santa and reindeer and elves.  This didn't have quite as much of a hold on his attention, though.  I'm thinking next year, with the help of Elf on a Shelf, the whole "Santa's watching" business might have more sway.  Fingers crossed anyway!  :)

It was a beautiful Christmas season filled with love, family and most importantly, the Spirit of Christ! 

 Children just make Christmas magical!  I LOVE these handsome boys!

 McRae's loot

  John's spoils

Since Christmas was on Sunday, and we had 9 AM church, we were pretty rushed Christmas morning.  We kept waiting for McRae to wake up.  Brian even turned on all the lights and opened his door.  By 8 AM, Brian couldn't stand it anymore--he woke McRae up.  We quickly made it through about half of our presents and then headed to church.  Thankfully, there were no protests about the intermission.  In fact, it was really nice to just stay home with our own little family this year.  McRae was able to really just be himself and not be too shy to show his emotions or enthusiasm.  He was so excited for each person as they opened a new gift.  "What is it?" he would say with the sweetest, most excited inflection in his voice.  Hugs and kisses and "thank yous" were ever present.  Such a sweet morning!  When we got home from church, we slipped out of our Sunday best and into our comfy attire and went right back to gift opening.  It was a wonderful day!

When gift opening and exploring of said gifts ceased, we loaded the car and headed north to enjoy Christmas dinner with all of my family.  We stayed with my sister's family for a few extra days, mingled with Brian's family some, headed home and stayed here for two days, and then down to SD for a New Year's bash at my parents' house.  Lots of late nights, good food, exercise, good chats and hearty laughter...always a blast!

And here's one more photo that depicts the nativity enthusiasm that is still present around these parts.  He walked in to me like this and said, "Hey, mom!  I'm Joseph, and the donkey is Joseph, and this is baby Jesus!"  Needless to say, I've had a hard time locating my dish towels as of late!  :)  

Doin' My Heart Proud

All the kiddos at the starting line

Early in November, our good friends hosted a kid's 1-mile fun run.  It was basically a loop around our neighborhood.  A lot of the children in our ward have seen their parents in some sort of race and have wanted to be in one themselves.  So, our friends had the genius idea of creating a race for their kids to do and they invited others to join in on the fun.  I can't tell you how proud I am of McRae.  He ran a mile!  I mean...he really RAN a mile!  I carried him for about 50 yards on two different occasions, but that was it!  Seriously.  He would then tell me, "Ok.  Let's run!"  He ran the whole way except for those two times I carried him.  And his time?  14:33.  Seriously?  Some adults can't even walk a mile that fast.  To say I'm proud is an understatement.  I'm sure I'm getting carried away, but I'm already envisioning running races together in the future.  Now that just sounds fun!!

See his number?  I might have had a little something to do with choosing that number.  Hey, old habits die hard.  Plus, I still like to pretend I'm an athlete.  Ya...call me Uncle Rico, I know.  :)

Brotherly Love

McRae loves to be my big helper and I won't pretend for a second that I don't appreciate it most of the time.  Although, sometimes he thinks he's capable of more than he really is.  For example, he has been carrying John around the house as of late.  From one room to the other.  Makes my heart skip a beat every time I see it.  Especially since John is 50% of McRae's weight.  We've had lots of talks about that and are still working on getting it to sink in.  It mostly happens now when McRae wants John in the other room because John is getting in to his toys or something.  Which happens quite often now that John's been officially crawling for the past two weeks or so.  :)    

Before having kids, I used to think that I had a pretty good understanding of Heavenly Father.  After having McRae, I realized that I really didn't know that much about Him after all...but becoming a parent sure helped to increase my understanding.  Then, after having John, I realized yet again that there is still so much more to know and understand about Him.  I've learned how much love a parent truly has for a child and gained a better appreciation of God's sacrifice in behalf of the world.  (John 3:16)  I've learned how it is possible to love all of your children equally...even if they are completely different from one another.  But perhaps the sweetest lesson that I've come to learn is how much joy a parent receives from seeing their children treat each other with love and respect.  And conversely, I'm sure that discord among siblings fills a parent's heart with sadness.  I remember my mom telling me at one point that the hardest part of being a parent was watching her children argue.  I can't help but think that it's the same way for our Heavenly Father--only magnified a million times.  This thought has opened my eyes and caused me to consider how I treat my fellow man--my brothers and sisters.  Am I adding to Heavenly Father's joy or am I diminishing it?  I'm grateful for this lesson and am determined to bring more joy to my Father's heart.  I love this time of year when opportunities to bring joy to others--and to my Heavenly Father--abound.