Mostly, I want to update about the baby, since he is definitely the biggest part of me right now . :)
These are from about 22 weeks, just about at the first ultrasound. December 18th-ish, right before Christmas when we learned that he was a boy!
Really, I'm starting to feel huge...wait...what am I saying? I've "started to feel huge" since about Thanksgiving, haha. (That morning was the first time I felt him kick. What an amazing feeling! Brought tears to my eyes to realize there really was a something inside me!) Well, I guess I'm just feeling hug-er. But it's wonderful. He is super active and I have enjoyed watching my belly move and roll as he practices tae kwon do inside me. My favorite movement was about a month ago when we were over at Heidi and Austin's watching a movie. I had a glass of water balanced on my belly and he was exploring it. I could feel his little hand or something checking it out. At first, it was just random big kicks, but then it became more focused, like he was gently touching the place where the cup was going, "What is that?" It was cool.
The two ultrasound techs that have seen him in-utero have both commented on how busy he is! In fact, the second, who has been seeing babies in ultrasound for many years, chuckled at how much he was wiggling around. It made us all happy because it means he is healthy. On that note, I thought I'd mention the shirt from Mom McKinney that I'm wearing right now says, "Hey What's Kicking?" Happily appropriate.
Our first ultrasound at 22 weeks was amazing! We saw his beautiful heart and all the chambers as they swooshed the blood around his little body. His cute little noggin didn't even look alien-like anymore! We saw all his ten perfect fingers and got a great 3D picture of him with this arms above his head, fists punching up as if he were saying, "Wahoo! I've got a body!" We also got a shot of his legs casually crossed at the ankles. So cute. We had the tech separate the gender picture and write on a piece of paper boy or girl which she then placed in an envelope that we mailed to Michelle and Heidi to prepare a surprise cake that we'd open on Christmas. It was so fun to do that. Because Josh and I had felt that it was girl up until this point, we were quite surprised to see BLUE cake come out on the knife! Mom and Dad McKinney were on webcam on my Mom and Dad's table so everyone (minus our missionaries Jackie and Ben) could be there. It took me a few hours to change my thought process to BOY, but soon it was the perfect fit. I was mostly nervous about having a boy first, not knowing how to take care of one, really, but I am so so excited for my little guy to get here!
Also at that 22 week appointment, our doctor informed us of a growth that they saw on the ultrasound that they were concerned about. He didn't tell us much except that it was called CCAM and that he wanted us to come back in a month to see if it had changed and do determine if we'd need to be referred to the University of Utah Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialists in Salt Lake City. He showed us the whitish spot on our little sweetheart's lung. It looked huge to me. What was that? And what was it doing? Was he okay? What was going to happen? So I did some research and found out that Congenital Cystic Adenamatoid Malformation was a cystic growth in the lungs that can cause problems with the other organs in the body because of oxygen supply and space taken up by the mass of cysts. All I could find said that it was removed with surgery, either in-utero or at birth. I looked up all the risks of both and tried to determine the quality of life he'd have. Of course, there are huge risks with surgery, especially if it has to be done before baby is born, as well with the "workup" procedure to determine extent of harm that the cyst is doing, including an amniocentesis. But, there was still no "but this is your situation," so, yeah, that's all we had to go on. Then, mid-January we had a second ultrasound which revealed to our doctors here that it had not shrunk and not necessarily grown, but that it could be pressing against his aorta and that it worried them enough that we needed to be seen by the specialists. Deep breath. Okay, we'll do it. What can we expect? All they could really tell us was that they would be making the decisions now, be our doctors and that they may want us to still work with the doctors here in Rexburg, but that they'd make that choice once they saw us. Oh boy. They did say that this is the third case they'd seen (ever) within the year and that the others had turned out just fine, but it was better to have those doctors who see it more look at it. And that's what we went on for three weeks before our appointment with Dr. Clark in SLC. Basically, "We just don't know."
After having seen Dr. Clark, though, we feel lots better about what it is we'll be up to for the next three months. She helped us understand what the plan would be and was very reassuring with her expertise. We will be delivered at the University Hospital, probably being induced one to two weeks before the April 25th due date to ensure I will not be somewhere outside the hospital (or in Rexburg) when he comes. But having a plan, whatever it is feels so good. We were saying afterward how nice it is to go to the specialist because they see problems like yours and worse all the time. So when they see something that is out of the ordinary, they can say, "Oh your baby looks great! Yes, he's got this thing, but it looks relatively small and it doesn't seem to be pushing on the other organs, so we'll keep watching it. But I don't see why if it doesn't change, you wouldn't be okay to deliver in a regular delivery room here, instead of the one with a direct window through the wall to the NICU." I'll tell you it was very nice to hear that, coupled with the aforementioned chuckling from the experienced ultrasound tech about our little guy's constant movements. Of course that doesn't mean we're completely out of the water, but with a plan in place, we felt a great worry lifted. We could feel all the prayers and fasting that many many friends and family had been offering for us. The support has been sustaining and faith promoting. There is strength in numbers and we THANK YOU. We knew from the day we learned we were expecting our first baby that Heavenly Father was in charge. We learned through that first loss, that He doesn't abandon us, even when we feel far from Him and pain and doubt creep in. We have learned and are reminded that He is the One in charge of our lives and of our family and that if we let Him, He will truly give us all we need, including hard things. So it is with this hard thing. It is for our profit and learning and we will come out all the stronger and wiser for it. For our benefit as well as to help others. As long as we stick with Him. I know it will all be okay, physically, financially, spiritually.
So, we have a road in front of us, but for now, I'll keep enjoying the peek-a-boo games Josh plays with him and the little conversations about his movements, his hiccups and rollovers, his quiet-times and the times he seems to be saying already, "I'm hungry!"
So Buddy, your Mom and Dad love you and can't wait to meet you, our little angel.
