Archive
Conversations With A 4 Year-Old
“Hi Papa, I have to ask you something.”
“Of course Daybreak, what do you need to know?”
“Well,” I can practically hear her twirling her hair over the phone. “Mommy wants to know if you want to eat with us.”
“[Eva] wants to know or do you want to know?”
“Umm…umm…” She whispers (in the loud way kids do). “Mommy is just too shy to say it.”
Oh really? Your mom who is even less shy than I am? Riiiiiiiight.
“Well I have to work until tonight Sweetie but if you ask your mom nicely, maybe she’ll want to see me as well.”
She pipes a yes before I can hear her talking to Eva in the background.
“She said yes and…what was I supposed to say again Mommy?” I hear Eva sigh and speak before Daybreak continues. “She said we can have pizza tonight. So how has your day been Papa?”
“Eh it’s been just fine [Daybreak]. I’m just a bit tired.”
“You need a nap Papa, do you want me to read you a story?”
Before I can tell her no, it’s OK she has launched into a very spirited retelling of The Emperor’s New Clothes. As she finished she goes, “and the moral of the story is that you are just better off without clothes.”
“I don’t think that’s what the moral is supposed to be Sweetie.”
“But if he was nakey, he’d be free Papa.”
You know how people say you get what you did to your parents turned back on you with your own children? This must be what I get for those times I would shuck clothes as soon (or even before) I got into the house.
One Word That Made My Day
While my 21st birthday didn’t really involve alcohol (yes Mindy, I know this is blasphemy of the highest order), partying (postponed until the weekend), or gifts other than cards from Scarlett and The Bait, a short conversation with Daybreak made it fantastic.
Daybreak: “Happy birthday Daddy, I love you.”
You’d think that after being called Papa for months, it wouldn’t phase me all that much.
You’d be wrong.
Our Land
“This land is your land.
This land is my land.
From California to the New York islands
From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters
This land was made for you and me.”
I sat in my living room with my friends watching, utterly transfixed, as Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. I had known this day was coming since November 5th but I was still taken aback as I watch the absolutely record-breaking crowd at the National Mall during President Obama’s inaugural address. This is really happening.
And what made his speech even more powerful was that he addressed to not only the 300 million-plus crammed into the city or even the millions watching on televisions across the country but to people watching across the world. He reminded us all that now is the time to take responsibility and do our own parts in making change possible. That opportunity is a dare — not a door.
I watched, me and my friends largely snowed in, when Daybreak asked why I began crying silently.
I explained to her how I grew up hearing stories about how in my family’s time, they were not allowed to go to the same schools as white children. That they had different restaurants. That they were required to give their seats to a white person. That to see this man become President, one of the most powerful men in the world, was something that must have my passed family members smiling from Heaven.
I told her how proud I was of this country and how hopeful I was for its future. That I was ready and willing to do my part to help it prosper so that the children now, like her, would have an even better life than I did. And then I told her something that I hope she keeps with her for years to come.
That if you have the ability, there is little to nothing you cannot do.
This child — this blond, green-eyed child — nodded before snuggling back down into my lap while everyone else in the room tried to act as if they hadn’t been listening as well.
It won’t be easy, nothing worth doing ever is. But for those who will come later I fully believe it is worth the effort to change the way things are done in the economy to law-making to foreign policy.
We’ve come so very far.
But we still have so very far to go.
A Tale of Bucks, Pups, and a Kiss for Luck
And hello 2009!
My New Year’s Eve was spent with Eva, Daybreak, and The Devil A. K. A. my puppy. We played Monopoly. Me against team of Eva and Daybreak. I still say there was some money being slipped out of the bank but I’m not bitter.
Really.
More like impressed that they weren’t caught.
You know the row between Jail/Just Visiting and Free Parking? Yeah that was death for me. By the end of the game, there was a hotel on New York Ave., Tennessee Ave., and St. James Place. To make matters worse, there were 3 houses on the purple properties whose names escape me at the moment.
Like I said, death.
I tried to fight back in other areas of the board but after landing on two hotels back-to-back and needing to mortgage one set of my houses, the game was pretty much over.
Then to add insult to injury, Daybreak takes a handful of their winnings, fans them out in her hands and gives her best attempt at a diabolical laugh. If you remember the classic nicktoon Rugrats, think Angelica’s.
After my humiliating defeat we watched Mrs. Doubtfire and then Mulan, during which Daybreak fell asleep curled up against Eva’s lap. After getting her ready for bed and then tucked in, we sat on the couch and sat talking for the last half hour of 2008.
When my clock struck 12, I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her. She put her arms around my neck and we stayed that way for a long minute, leaning our foreheads against each other after breaking apart.
Not a bad end to 2008. Not bad at all.
To Mr. Kris Kringle, A Thank You
Dear Santa,
I know, I know. You must be wondering why I’m writing again when I just wrote that letter earlier in the week. Well since I just posted about appreciated things while you still have them I would feel remiss if I did not thank you.
Me and Eva have had several long talk and as of approx. 6 PM today, we are back together. I spent part of Christmas morning with her and Daybreak before heading to The Godmother’s and later on in the day at her mom’s who then insisted I stay for a while.
I found myself started to question if I was right during the summer. If needing people was only inviting trouble. But I would like to think I have felt all I have just to prove that my younger self was wrong. That I cannot make it through life without others. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn’t miserable.
Now seeing as how Mami will be giving birth soon, I can only pray that you make it two for two.
Humbly yours,
Kendall
On Appreciation
You never know quite what you have until it’s gone. I thought I had all ready learned that lesson last year, really DID NOT need the remedial course.
I remember being afraid of Eva developing feelings for me, thinking I did not deserve a second chance. That she could do so much better.
I remember feeling terrified and simultaneously amazed that Daybreak would adopt me as her dad and that I would come to think of her as my own.
Slowly but surely, these two carved out a home in my heart. So when Eva told me we should stop seeing each other, it was like my world stopped. My heart pounded and my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend why.
Yet despite how horrible I felt and still do, I almost hissed a negative response when asked if I regretted dating her in first place.
From her using my legs as a pillow while we studied, to picnic lunches in the park and lazing the day away playing, to the days I would keep an eye on Daybreak while Eva worked, to teasing each other like a family would, the past seven months have been some of the happiest of my life and I would not trade them.
One of my greatest fears was that I would do something to screw up this relationship. In the irony that seems to govern my life at times, I did too well trying to prove I could do right by someone and Eva broke up with me before we got too close for lasting damage.
My simple response was, “it’s too late for that hun.”
So Internet, I turn to you in my time of need. Especially those of who you are single parents or have dated them.
Is it OK to be selfish and want this to work even after she broke up with me? Or should I just try and be her friend? I’m at a lost here as I want so badly to just say screw it and kiss her senseless the next time I see her. I probably won’t (not saying never as I know how my emotions take over at times) but it won’t be for lack of desire to.
I know when to admit that I’m in over my head. Now is most definitely one of those times.
Wednesday Workshop: My Christmas Wishlist
Sorry for the serious lack of posting as of late folks, between trying to do well on my exams on top of the…well, the end of me and Eva’s relationship my heart hasn’t really been set on blogging. So hopefully this week’s assignment from Mama Kat will improve my mood some.
1.) Write or share a letter to Santa
5…4…3…2…1…
Dear Santa,
I must first apologize for the long communications blackout. I lost my faith in your magic when I was 6 and I suppose I’m trying to find it again. I would like to hope you remember the kid who along with his little sister would leave you a PB & J sandwich along with a mug of chilled milk. After all, you have to know the address of every little kid in the world, so I figure it’s not too much a long shot.
Normally this would be the part where I tell you what I want for Christmas. I’m a tad bit old for toys despite the saying about “boys and their toys”, although I have to be honest and admit that a Macbook would not be unappreciated.
What I want can be summed up in two items:
One, I want Mami to go through a safe and successful labour and for Los Gemelos Nuevos to be born as a healthy little boy and girl. She has lost too much as is and I want my little brother and sister/godchildren to grow up, be happy in what they do, and give me nieces and nephews to spoil.
Two, and I know this one is a biggie, I want to be able to keep my promise to Daybreak and see her on Christmas. Consider it my last request as her father figure.
If I can have those two things then I would be entirely satisfied Mr. Kringle.
Please and Thank You,
Kendall A.
Her Christmas Wish
Before I tell this story, I need to give you folks a bit of background info about Daybreak’s shall we say…suspicious nature. She has been asking if Santa Claus is really real since yesterday when one of the kids she goes to preschool with made her cry by yelling at her that there was no such person. Little brat. So when she asked if we could go to the mall for her to see Santa we were, needless to say, a bit surprised and a bit more confused. You would think we knew by now that we were in for craziness.
With my fingers slightly numb — from shopping bags, not the weather — me and Eva watched as Daybreak tentatively approached her goal. I would not have been surprised to find little beads of sweat peppered across her forehead. She stopped a few feet short and wide green eyes turned to me and her mom with a classic deer-in-the-headlights expression. She shook her head and ran back into Eva’s legs.
Eva: “What’s wrong Daybreak?”
Daybreak: “I’m scared.”
Me: “Of what?”
Daybreak: *mumbles*
Eva: “Speak up, I can’t hear you when you talk into your coat.”
Daybreak: “What if…what if he doesn’t like me?”
Me: “He’s Santa Sweetie, if he liked me as a kid then you are a shoe in for the nice list.”
Daybreak: “Really?”
Me: “Cross my heart and hope to drink milk.”
Daybreak: “I believe you. OK, I am going to talk to Santa.”
She frowns in determination and strides forward, looking as if she were marching to war instead of telling the mall Santa what she wanted for Christmas. Me and Eva can’t look at each other because we know we’d crack up laughing if that happened.
Santa: “So little miss, have you been a good girl this year?”
Daybreak: “I think so. Although my mommy says I’m per–pre–precoash…”
Santa: “Precocious?”
Daybreak: “Yes! Wow you’re smart Santa.”
Santa: “Why thank you.”
Daybreak: “You’re welcome. So since I’ve been good does that mean I get to tell you what I want?”
Santa: “Yes I do believe it does.”
Daybreak: “Goody. I only have one thing to ask you for…”
And this point she leans into his ear and starts whispering while looking back at us every few moments. Finally, she gets off his lap and heads over to mingle with the group of kids playing and sucking on free candy canes. Seeing as how Daybreak was the last child at the moment, the Santa waved us over.
Santa: “Do you know what she wanted?”
Eva: “Considering how she kept looking back at us, I’m assuming we’re involved somehow. But for the life of me, I don’t know.”
Me: “Me neither.”
Santa: “She told me that all she wanted was for her ‘Mommy’ and ‘Papa’, you two, to be with her on Christmas morning. She told me that if that happened, then she knew I really must be real.”
Me: “Since we planned on being together for Christmas that is no problem.”
Santa: “Good. Listen I’ve done this for about 15 years and I’ve talked to a lot of kids. The ones who don’t want some new toy or the like are few and far between. Don’t disappoint her.”
Eva: “We won’t. Merry Christmas Santa.”
Me: “Merry Christmas Mr. Kringle.”
Santa: “And a merry Christmas to you both as well. Remember, ‘he knows.'”
Doing The Best I Can
I hadn’t planned on posting this week as between my test tonight, planning a Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, a new research project, and finalizing my plans for this weekend, I’ve been stretched a wee bit thin. However I felt I should share something with y’all.
Allow me to admit something, I have bouts of pretty low self-esteem. Which means that I have trouble believing people when they say good things about me. I’m better about it than I used to be, but I can never be called egotistical.
After our mini-Thanksgiving; me, Eva, and Daybreak were on her couch under a blanket. Daybreak had fallen asleep sitting on my lap while me and Eva were talking quietly. I never realized I was doing it but I had started stroking Daybreak’s hair and humming.
Eva just watched me, smiling.
Me: What is it?
Eva: Just enjoying the scene.
Me: What scene?
Eva: You and Daybreak.
Me: I’m still lost here.
Eva: You are very good with her for someone who thinks he would be a horrible dad.
Me: She deserves a better one.
Eva: In her eyes, there couldn’t be a better one. And I’m starting to agree with her.
The Confessions of an Odd Duck 
Those Who Know That To Share Is To Love