these are the memories I will never forget! They have changed my life, my perspective, and how my life has changed. At the time, I didn't see it that way, but now looking back at how God has worked in my life, I am clearly amazed!
Back in August, Simon began school at Walton Rural Life Center and at Kindergarten Orientation, the Principal asked me if I would like the Greenhouse position at the school and I said, "Yes!" This on my part was an impulse answer of me saying, "Yes!" If you know me at all, I love to help others and I have a degree in Landscape Design, so I could help the kids learn about plants and how they grow and how plants benefit our lives! After saying yes, so quickly, I immediately realized I didn't include Justin or our children in this decision or pray about it before giving my answer. After talking it over with Justin, we had decided that it would be good for me to use the knowledge that I had with Horticulture and do the position at the school. At this point, we still didn't pray for this decision. The job was not funded yet, so we waited, and waited, and waited.
During this waiting period, I had noticed some brown lines on my fingernails, which raised a concern for me as I had these back in January/February 2013 and they were the first sign of ulcers on my fingertips. I went to the doctor and he recommended that I wait and just watch them. They began to get worse and I was referred to my Rheumatologist and a Hand Doctor. At my first appointment with the hand doctor, he recommended that I take some medicine that would help to break up the blood vessels causing the blood to flow better, since I don't have good blood circulation in my hands, also known as Raynaud's Phenomenon. In more simple terms, my
fingers tend to get cold very easily and turn white, blue, and red,
swell, and go numb. In October of 2012, I
was diagnosed with Scleroderma and Raynaud's Phenomenon. Since the
Raynaud's is secondary to the Scleroderma it makes it more severe and
this is what causes the ulcers. When seeing the hand doctor for the second appointment, he was very concerned and it was to be below 40 degrees and very cold outside the next day. He strongly recommended that I not go outside when the weather was below 40 degrees. The reason for his concerns
that day were that my fingertips would ulcer out more, which in turn would cause my fingers to get gangrene and then amputation. Leaving the doctor that
day, was very hard as I had no idea what I was in for. Thankfully my
Mom was with me at that particular appointment, so I knew I had someone
to hold me accountable!
This changed my world...
I was surrounded by walls, I couldn't go out, which I love to see people, go places, I'm definitely not a home body. I began to wonder why this was happening to me and I started feeling depressed as it was getting colder and colder outside and I was confined in my house. I had to set my pride at the door and say "no" to the things I loved. I had to tell the principal at the school that I couldn't take the greenhouse position. I had to ask my friend Stacy to pick Simon up for school and bring him home afterwards. I had to ask my Mother-in-law to pick Zoey up for school and bring her home after school. This was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, because being a stay at home mom, this was one of the most important things I wanted to do, be able to pick my kids up from school and see how their day went. I had to quit doing jewelry shows with my Premier Designs Jewelry business, as it was too cold to get out and I was beginning to lose my fine motor skills in my hands. This made it hard to carry things and open and close necklaces. I loved doing jewelry shows, because I was able to meet new people and I was able to serve others! Staying in, meant I wasn't able to go to Bible Study, Church, and the meetings for New Anthem Community Church Plant, as often as I wanted to. I couldn't go to the gym to exercise, because it was too cold outside and the temperature in the gym was too cold.
All this wasn't easy to take at all as I was trying to figure out why this was happening to me, how could I fix this, what doctor would help me get better. Nothing was working, the medicine I was taking for my hands in turn made me lethargic, I didn't feel right with it, and I began getting very depressed, so I started taking an anti-depressant, than I began itching and developed a rash, so I was taking medicine for that. I began seeing a Nutritionist back in September and he recommended that I quit eating Wheat & Dairy, as these were foods that caused my body to be inflamed and swell. Honestly I didn't want to listen to him as I had given up all the things I loved doing and now I had to give up what I was eating and take lots of supplements! But, I tried it and you know, I felt the best that I could ever feel when I went Wheat and Dairy free, but then after saying no to everything else, stress got the best of me and I started to not pay attention and I hit a brick wall, meaning I didn't want to do anything!
But, God had a different plan...and so I began cleaning more as I was home, I might as well start doing something constructive! I've realized it is a lot easier to clean when I don't have all the stuff in our house. So I began donating the things we no longer need in our home! I began to pray more and I began to have a change in my perspective...God had
another plan for me and that was to stay at home Mom with no added stresses right now! I love to help others, why not be a servant in my own household and serve my family! A clean house makes me calmer, why wouldn't it make my family calmer! I still have a ways to go on donating and selling items, but I'm getting there! And I'm lacking in my organizational habits as I've developed a paper trail. I may not be able to take my kids to school, but I can be the one that helps them get ready for school and a smiling face for when they come home! I get to see at least one other person besides my family each day during the weekdays and that is someone that I appreciate so much beyond words! Someone that is a blessing to our family! Thanks so much Stacy for being there to help encourage me as I am on this journey and for taking Simon to school and bring him home safely! I can be a Prayer Warrior for others! When I'm cleaning, I have been praying more fervently for others and for what I am thankful for and for what I'm able to do! I am able to prepare meals as I have realized what a benefit that is for my family and how it affects our body by what we put into it.
So far on this journey of being sick and not able to get out, I've learned that God has a plan and it is up to me to be intentional about following Him! He doesn't want me to be in pain, he wants me to be happy! It is up to me to face the challenges that I may have and figure out what is best for me and what medicines or supplements to take or eat to keep me healthy and able to care for my family! God has put people in my life to fit in His strategic plan! One that He has laid for me! There is a
reason to the waiting, because it is in His timing, in which we should
wait. So what God has planned for our
family is His and we shall obey Him, because He wants what is best for us!
It has been 5 months since the memories of Fall and what I would say was a real eye opener in my life and now God has opened a new chapter in our lives...a dream that only He can make come true...and so we
wait...for a contract to be approved and signed so an offer can be made...we
wait for another week or two to get a call, to see if the job that Justin is pursuing in Arizona is the one! A place we might be able to call home, a place where I can go outside and be warm, and the best thing of all, as Simon put it, a place I can go out and play with them! The ultimate reason we are looking into a new warmer place to call home is so that we can play together and have fun as a family!
