Coloring Outside The Lines.

"What would your life be like if you were brave enough to color outside the lines?"  That is a question I asked a client today. She expressed her fears..."What would others think?", "What if I made a mistake?", "What would Heavenly Father think of me?".  After exploring these fears and a few others and also spending time imagining what life might hold for her without self-imposed lines. She started to see how she had really been holding herself back from sharing her spiritual gifts with the world.

Of course lines are in our life for a reason. We need guidance, structure and safety (iron rod, commandments, scriptures, etc.). I don't advocate that we should do what ever we want without any thought to right and wrong.   But what we were exploring was the self expression that can make life unique, personal, fulfilling and exciting, and still follow the  basic shape of rightness.   There are many different ways to do things in life and when we spend most of our time worrying if we are "doing it right" by someone else's standards, we miss the opportunity to find our own way, that in the long run, brings satisfaction and joy.

We ended our session with her agreeing to the homework of coloring outside the lines in as many different areas of her life as possible in the next 2 weeks.  She sounded excited and nervous all at the same time.  I can't wait for our next call to hear what she has done.  

I have been thinking all afternoon where in my own life I restrict myself by staying in the lines.  What would my life be like if I spend time adding color and texture to my chosen lines for family, gospel, love, adventure, mundane chores, and unique opportunities?

I want the masterpiece I am painting of my own life to be unique, filled with imagination, hopes, dreams, colors, textures, shapes, joy and light.  I know that there has to be contrast in art so darkness, fear and discouragement can also add an interesting and unique texture to our canvas.  We are the artist of our life and it would be very sad to find out that we spent our whole life drawing with a pencil when we could have chosen to use a very large box of colorful crayons!

Easter and Conference Weekend!

Easter from a few years ago!

What a great combination, Conference and Easter!  Now what would have been a really nice touch----warm spring like weather.  Oh well 2 out of 3 wasn’t too bad!   

Amanda has been after us to take her to conference for quite sometime.  We finally decided to try and make it happen for April.  After being blessed with tickets for both Saturday morning and afternoon sessions we made our way to Utah.  I always love to drive into the Salt Lake Valley and see those mountains.  Nothing is prettier--- I must admit I didn’t expect to seem them completely white!  We got in late and stayed at Drew’s brothers house and they left early Saturday morning to get to our seats.  Talk about a cold walk from the parking lot to the conference center...Arizona people are just not prepared for this kind of weather, and we never have warm enough coats IF we remember to bring them.  Even Amanda who has been living in Utah for the winter was complaining.  I must admit that even with the cold the city was beautiful and there was excitement in the air.  

I love being among 23,000 Latter-Day Saints excited and humbled to sit at the feet of the Prophet and Apostles. The conference center is always amazing and the spirit there is liquid.  My favorite part is sitting in the seats watching the place fill with people and then the hush take over and everyone stands and the Prophet walks in.  Its like The Spirit proceeds him into the room-and you are swimming in truth!  There is no words to describe hearing the Tab Choir sing and for that couple of hours the world is perfect!

Both sessions were amazing and we felt so blessed to have been able to be there in person. Not sure when I will be able to return to SLC but I love what is there.   We made our way back to St George on Saturday night to spend a little more time with the grandkids. We watched the Sunday morning session with Andrea and Jeremy and kids and then headed back to Az listening to the final session on the radio.

I am so grateful for a living prophet and to receive counsel from him and the Apostle every 6 months.  I can’t wait to get the Ensign in May so I can really study their words. What a blessing in this day and age to be guided by revelation.  I love the gospel and can’t imagine life without it. I am overwhelmed to think about the Savior this Easter Sunday and think of His gift of Resurrection and Atonement.  The magnitude of that gift is more that I can even wrap my head around.  I love Heavenly Father and trust in His plan.  

"Dare To Be Amazing"

“Dare To Be Amazing”...that is what was we wore on our T’shirts last weekend as a group of us hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon to see some of the most beautiful waterfall ever created.  The best part of the whole 5 days was that I had 3 of my daughters with me!  That was the most “Amazing” part of the whole trip.  Well, speaking of amazing, Drew and Alexis spent the same 5 days tending 2 of our cute little grandkids so the rest of us could go.  (More on that later!)

I love each season with my children.  When they were babies I would love to cuddle, and care for them, when they were toddlers I was fascinated watching them become independent and learn so quickly.  The teenage years were fun (for the most part) to watch them discover who they were capable of being, and then fearlessly face what life would challenge with.  But the season of having adult children and spending time with them, not so much as Mom/daughter but as friends who really love each other and have a blast just being together.  

This adventured started out with us meeting in Peach Springs, Az to spend the first night at a motel where a train came by every 20 minute all day and night blasting its horn.  The very nice lady that check us in did offer us a set of ear plug free of charge! How nice! Drew and Alexis came along because they were going to be taking Kylie and Jase back to Gilbert to tend them when we started our hike the next day.  Well, not much sleep that night between Jase not liking be in a new environment, Drew’s snoring (he gets offended when I tell him he snores so please don’t say anything to him) and the train I was pretty tried the next morning but excited all the same.  

On Saturday, during our 90 minute drive, through he middle of nowhere to the trail head I realized I had not gassed up.  I knew I could make it to the top but not so sure about getting back to civilization on Tuesday. The day was very cold, as we drove into the parking lot.  Lots of cars already there and people getting their packs on to start on their way.  We unloaded our bags for the poor little donkey’s to take down for us and we gathered for our first of many group pictures.  (My new camera got dropped and broken in the first 5 minutes...bummer!--good thing I had my video camera.) 

We strapped on our backpacks, which contained water, our lunch, sunscreen, camera, and ipods and started on our way.  The first step was a doozie!!  Well actually the first 2000 feet was switchbacks then we started on a gradual down hill descent in some of most beautiful red rock and blue sky you have ever seen.  We walked, and talked, and snacked, and took pictures, had lunch, walked, and listened to music, and snacked, and walked, and walked for about 5 hours until we came to the village of Supai.  The village is home to about 400 supai natives, and at least a couple hundred horses,and  lots of dogs.  There were two churches, (one LDS), a store, helicopter pad, cafe, medical clinic, school for K-8th and a lodge (really a beat up motel 6 that had 2 beds and a shower-no TV, etc.) It was like taking a step back in time. The locals are not real friendly but not rude either.  I think they tolerated the tourists and that was about it. By the time we made it to the lodge and got checked in our bag had already arrived via mule back so we unpacked and then headed to the cafe for dinner.  As we packed most all our own food (poor donkeys) we only ate there once.  (Once was enough!) 

After a little devotional among the 15 women participating in our little adventure we all slept good that night. 

Sunday found us preparing to attend the little LDS branch scheduled to start at 11 am.  We had our breakfast of instant oatmeal mixed with warm tap water off we went through the powdery dust of the village for the 20 minute walk to the little chapel.  We arrived to find a cute young Native American couple with their adorable daughter waiting for us.  They had flown in on the helicopter that morning to conduct the sacrament meeting.  They were from Bullhead City Arizona and they had requested a turn at coming down to the village.  It seems that their stake is in charge of supplying someone each Sunday to make sure services are held.  They were told to prepare for between 5 and 95 people.  We were the only ones there until about 45 minutes into the meeting.  We supplied the music, & prayers and even a bagel for the sacrament.  The priesthood holder was a pretty new convert to the church and they had just gone through the temple.  The wife was a returned missionary.  They each gave great talks.  Right before the sacrament was prepared a native women came in and sat in the back.  Durning the second talk a native gentleman came in dressed in jeans and a denim shirt came in and walked to the front and sat down where someone in charge would have sat.  After the meeting we visited with both of them, he was the 3rd counselor or the branch and she was his wife.  A little laid back to say the least,  they were very kind and friendly and make us feel welcome. They told us that there was about 60 members in the village but most weeks have very low attendance.  When I had been there 3 years ago there was a missionary couple that actually lived in the church and things seemed to be going really well, I guess times have changed.  After church we were anxious to have our picture taken with the cute young couple and interesting enough they seemed pretty anxious to have their picture taken with us also.  It was a memorable experience. 

Sunday afternoon and all day Monday we spent hiking to the falls.  They were so beautiful.  It was so fun for me to share each new discovery with my girls.  It truly felt like natures playground.  One of the most amazing falls to get to was called Mooney Falls.  It required climbing through a short tunnel and then scaling down the face of a cliff using chains and old ladders.  It was worth the effort as the Falls were breath taking.  

We had a fun picnic and then explored more falls.  It was a day to remember.  

With Tuesday came the dreaded task of hiking out.  We had been trying not to let that thought spoil the fun days.  We got up early packed up, left our bags, (much lighter as we ate most of the food!) for the donkeys to take out and we started on our way at about  6:45 am.  To see the sun rise over those magnificent red rocks made you feel so small, the world seem so big and amazing.  We walked at a pretty good pace for about 2 ½ hours at a mostly gradual uphill climb and then we knew we were getting to the dreaded switchbacks.  We stopped for a few minutes got something to eat and drink and then started off. I was so impressed and proud of my girls.  

They were first group out of the canyon that morning at 10:15 am and stood at the top and cheered every one else as they came to top.  I loved seeing them standing shoulder to shoulder being excited for each other and the others.  And Oh by the way I made it out at the same time!!!  Not so bad for a 50 year old!   The donkeys came shortly after us with our bags and we said our goodbyes to our Utah friends and we all headed back home.  


Just to add an exclamation point to the adventure we ran out of gas on way home! (I said we... it was really me...first time that has happened since college)  We flagged down a car and  Andrea and Ashley got in with a nice young women who offered to drive them to the next town, and I realized after they left that they had no money with them...oops, we had no cell service  and  after about an hour a policeman finally stopped and went and got us gas and let us use his cell phone.   It all ended well and we were finally on our way. 

We arrived in Gilbert early evening to find all was well with Drew and the grandkids (well the kids were well except for Kylie being dressed in Jase’s pants--Drew thought they were capris) How grateful we all were for Drew and Lexie , Erin, Adam, and GrannyAnnie who cared for the kids so we could have such a great trip. 

The back of our T’shirt had the saying “A journey is best measured in friends not miles”-- 

Thanks girls for being some of my best friends as well as my daughters!!

It was a trip I will remember forever!

Can I Earn Heavenly Fathers Love?

I spent more years than I want to count thinking that if I was better, (pretend or real) Heavenly Father would love me more and to me that meant I could live with Him again.  In my humanness I fell severely short in my attempts to be perfect and I lived in desperation and despair. When I finally understood that Heavenly Father loved me as His daughter no matter what I did I was stunned.  Could that really be true?  When the Spirit whispered “Yes” to me I was released from a self imposed prison and set free to learn about and use the Atonement with out shame of my own imperfections. 

Now that certainly has not released me from doing my best, keeping my covenants, and enduring to the end.   But I now understand what a blessing repentance is and I can go to Heavenly Father each time I make a mistake and know he will still love me. No matter what I have done.  Satan wants me to think I can be so bad that there is no forgiveness.   

I have also learned that the way the world works for me is if I make poor choices I am unhappy and if I make good choices I am happy. When I keep the commandments I find peace if I do not keep the commandments I will experience the consequences of that. This is not always immediate-the world seems at times to show just the opposite. We can always look around and see those who seem to be making poor choices and are happy.  That happiness will only take them so far.  Eventually it will catch up with them.  Sometimes, sadly I am afraid the realization comes after Satan has them neatly tied up with flax cord. I can’t imagine living with out the “gift of the Holy Ghost”  but I know millions live each day that way.  Thank goodness everyone has the assurance of the light of Christ (conscience) but in the world today I fear that those ignoring this light is growing even more alarming. Darkness seems to be everywhere. 

 Many times in my life I have had no control over outside circumstances and those situations can bring unhappiness into my life, if I choose to let it.  I have also learned that even in unpleasant circumstances, that are no fault of my own, if I turn to the Savior I can still find happiness and peace amidst the turmoil. (This is not an instant thing for me, I have to spend lots of time praying, and pondering and submitting my will)  I do have my agency (choice) in any circumstances about how I feel. The Atonement heals everything! 


Back to the original question...Can I Earn Heavenly Fathers Love?  No...He love me without any effort on my part.  He love me just because I am His child.  What would the world be like if we had that same ability to love each other for no other reason than we are all children of Heavenly Father?   

 I love that we are all on this journey together and also at different places along that journey and am blessed by what I learn from each of you along the way. 

The Fall

It is such an overwhelming responsibility to be an instructor in Relief Society and I feel very blessed and humbled by the challenge.  The lesson on Sunday about the Fall was an amazing learning experience for me and as usual, I stress as much after the lessons as I do before in what is presented and how the discussion is facilitated.  I have decided I wanted to blog about some of the things I learned.  

President Benson taught: “No one adequately and properly knows why he needs Christ until he understands and accepts the doctrine of the Fall and its effect upon all mankind.”   Bruce R. McConkie commented: “Our Lord’s infinite and eternal atonement...rests on two foundations.  One is the fall of Adam; the other is Christ’s divine Sonship.”

Understanding the Fall is confusing and as was mentioned in class, it hard to get our mind around what seems to be two conflicting commandments from Heavenly Father to Adam and Eve.  Elder Oaks has some thoughts on that:

The Great Plan of Happiness by Elder Oaks

For reasons that have not been revealed, this transition, or “fall,” could not happen without a transgression—an exercise of moral agency amounting to a willful breaking of a law (see Moses 6:59). This would be a planned offense, a formality to serve an eternal purpose. The Prophet Lehi explained that “if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen” (2 Ne. 2:22), but would have remained in the same state in which he was created.

“And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin” (2 Ne. 2:23).

But the Fall was planned, Lehi concludes, because “all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things” (2 Ne. 2:24).

It was Eve who first transgressed the limits of Eden in order to initiate the conditions of mortality. Her act, whatever its nature, was formally a transgression but eternally a glorious necessity to open the doorway toward eternal life. Adam showed his wisdom by doing the same. And thus Eve and “Adam fell that men might be” (2 Ne. 2:25).

“By granting Adam the ability to choose for himself between things that were allowed by the Lord (the good) and things that were forbidden (the evil), the Lord allowed Adam his “agency.” (The Hidden Christ. James Ferrel)

Agency is what we were all fighting for in the pre-existence.  In our ability to choose for ourselves when the day of judgement comes for each of us we will then at last be required to take full responsibility for our own choices.  There is ALWAYS choice present.  It is Satan who want us to thing that there are things in our life that leaves us no choice.  We may not always be able to choose our circumstances but we can ALWAYS choose how we respond to them. 

Conditions before the Fall, after the fall and as a result of the Atonement:

Before the Fall:  Adam and Eve had 1. Immortality (+), 2.Lived in Gods presence (+), 3. Lived in a state of innocence ( having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin)(-), 4. Childless (-) 

After the Fall:  1. Mortality--death pain, suffering  (-) 2. Spiritual Death- (a) First Spiritual Death (born outside God’s presence) (b) Second Spiritual Death(seperated from God because of individual sin) (-), 3.Knowledge of good and evil (+), 4. Children (+)

After the Atonement:  1. Resurrection (+) unconditional for all. 2. Overcome Spiritual Death (+) a. Unconditional, because all will return to God’s presence for judgment purposes, b. Conditional, because second spiritual death is overcome only if we repent. 3. Unlimited knowledge of good and evil for the exalted (+), 4. Children forever for the exalted (+)  (The Infinite Atonement. Tad Callister)

The Atonement turns all the results of the Fall into a positive situation if we are willing to repent and come unto the Savior.  What the Fall blessed us with is the opportunity to have agency and to use that agency to return as exalted being and live with Heavenly Father again as Gods ourselves.  This could never have happen without the Fall and the Atonement. 

Adam and Eve were truly amazing individuals that had the courage to fulfill their part in our Father’s plan which was to bring mortality into the world. I pray we will each prayerfully discover our part in our Father’s plan and have that same courage as we live our lives.

M-I-C-K-E-Y --- M-O-U-S-E

This past week has been Spring Break for Lexie's school. She had been invited to go to Disneyland with her cousin Raquel and we decided to tag along. Drew was like a 10 year old on Christmas Eve he was so excited to go. His family would go to Disneyland every year when he was growing up and it has been a few years since we have taken the family. Talk about a different experience being there without any little kids, in fact we rarely saw Lexie and so it was just Drew and I riding the rides. We spent 2 days there from early morning until late at night. We were exhausted when the trip was over but had some great memories. Here are some pictures that shows some of the fun:

Can't wait to go back and take the Grandkids!

Take A Bite Out Of This Little Dish!

A few weeks ago I was trying to think of something to fix for dinner. I stood with my head in the refrigeration and looked at what was there. As I looked over the items I remembered a tasty little dish that I had as a kid. Now I am not sure who to give credit to for this little masterpiece, it could be Mom, my sisters or school lunch ladies, but anyway I decided to make the world famous..."Hot Dog Boats" Now they are not real complicated to make and please don't let the name fool you, they don't really float. I made them for dinner and they were a hit with my mother in law and for me they brought back lots of childhood memories. Lexie turned her noise up at them. I mentioned this great little meal to the other kids a few days later and they assured me that I had never made it for them. How sad, what kind of a Mother have I been?

I decided to make Hot Dog Boats for dinner tonight and put the recipe in my blog so anyone who would ever like to try this little piece of my childhood could have the opportunity.

Hot Dog Boats

Hot Dogs

Mashed Potatoes

Cheese

Cut the hot dogs open and lay opened. Place warmed up mash potatoes in nice little scoops on top. (I use the mash potatoes that you can buy and just warm up in the microwave) and then place a narrow slice of cheese on top. Bake at 375 until the cheese melts and the potatoes are hot. Then serve up this little piece of heaven!

Doesn't this look yummy?!

28 Years of Amazing Sunsets!

Today is our 28th wedding anniversary. Could it really be that long? Some ways yes, some ways no! What I do know is that I can't imagine life without Drew. I remember laying on the back lawn of his parents house in Cedar City, before we were married, talking about what our life would be like in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. We talked about where we would live, how many kids we would have, what Drew would be doing for a job, we talked of our hopes and dreams. Even 10 years down the road seems like forever, and here we are way past that.

These past 28 years have brought lots of laughter, and some tears, 6 amazing children, some now married to equally amazing spouses, they are working hard, and or going to school, planning and dreaming like we once did. We have 3 adorable grand kids and I pray lots more where they came from!!

Drew has worked hard all these years to provide for our

family and we have been so blessed. He has always provided me with a beautiful home, full of love and warmth, learning and growing. He has lead our family as a righteous Priesthood holder. He has made sure we have always had Family Home Evening, scripture study and family prayer. He has given more fathers blessings than I can count. Our weekly date night has happened without fail. Drew has wisely insisted on taking family vacations as often as possible and that has blessed us with amazing memories. I could go on and on.

Now I don't want to paint our marriage as perfect...I can assure you and my kids can back me up on this, we have had our challenges. Sometimes it takes hard work to become united especially when from two different backgrounds. Sometimes I think that one of us sees the sky as blue and the other one sees the sky as green, but after all these years of seeing in different colors we shared some pretty amazing sunsets.

Where will the next 5, 10 or even 20 years lead us, I don't know but I can honestly say that I pray they will all be shared with my best friend, partner, motorcycle nut and remote control collector. All I can say is that I love you "Dear" very much and I hope and pray we have many, many more years together and share many more amazing sunsets in the future. XOXOXOXOX Happy Anniversary! And thanks for the beautiful flowers!!

Ouch! That Hurt.

Look what I got in the mail today.....Are you kidding me? Talk about rubbing salt in a wound. Isn't this what they send to old people? What does AARP stand for anyway? The definition I found on line: Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons: an association of people to promote the welfare of senior citizens.

Oh Brother ! That makes me feel better. Junk mail for sure. I need some chocolate.

One "Blessed" Weekend

There are moments in life that you know you will remember forever. This weekend had several memorable moments for me. Friday night or should I say Saturday morning (1 am) Andrea, Jeremy, Kylie, Jase and Amanda arrived from Utah. I love it when they come and our house get loud and messy. Saturday morning the rest of the kids started to gather, and the fun began. Now, my definition of fun might not sound too exciting! To me fun is just being together doing what ever makes us laugh.

First off, while everyone was gathering Drew and I took Kylie to Princes and the Pea at the Hale Theater. We all loved it and Kylie has a way of talking Grandpa into most anything, including a $6 princess magic wand (plastic stick with streamers) and a cookies the size of her head! My favorite part of the play was watching Kylie laughing at the girl playing a cat.

Once we got home we tried to get Jase to walk so we could see him take his first steps but no such luck.

Next we headed to San Tan Mall to walk around and window shop. The weather was great and we took Kylie to the little play place and of course it was positioned right in front of the Build A Bear store. (Great marketing location!) Of course Grandma and Grandpa fell for it and the next thing you know we had Kylie in there building a bear . I had to admit it was a ton of fun. I wonder if Kylie thinks she is the center of the world as she had 10 adults watching her every move! She came out of there with a pink and yellow Teddy Bear named Olivia. Jase was so patient as he was pushed around in the stroller with a smile on his face. Alex slept through the whole thing! Next we headed home for a BBQ in the back yard and then the kids gathered on the back lawn and started playing games.

Here comes the moment I stated the post about. Here are my 6 grown kids with in-laws thrown in all sitting in a circle laughing so loud I thought the neighbors were going to look over the fence. As I listened to them enjoying being together I thought for just that moment all was right in the world. I love those kids and what they mean to me. I love what they have taught me, I love who they are, I love who I am because of them. I admire what they have accomplished in their lives so far and I wish and pray with all my heart for their futures. I can't even put into words what that laughter felt like as it entered ears and sank into my heart. It lasted for about an hour and then of course it ended as they started to throw each other in the pool (still very cold). Sooo... these moments don't last forever but I cherish them when they come along.

Today we all attended Adam and Erin's ward and witnessed as Adam did an amazing job blessing little Alex. He was a little angel (Alex I mean!) Testimonies were shared and thank goodness Jase kept us all awake! As I looked down the row and saw my whole family gathered to support each other my heart wanted to burst.

How thankful I am to be the mom of this family. We had a family dinner afterwards and then the house became quite again as the kids all headed back to their own homes and lives. Poor Lexie is back to being an only child again.

I wonder how many of the moments in life I miss because I don't look for them. Maybe 50 means I will have to start slowing down and I won't miss so many of these amazing moments. Life is good!