Thoughts of the Worm

 this species is amazing. They can't bear the thought of you succeeding, and when you do it all by your self, without their support, they want to show that its them who let this happen! This so called "i-give-people-what-they-want" person has his own insecurities when it comes to a woman stepping up and being an equal. I have seen him liking the concept of women being equal, but unable to adjust to this concept when turned into reality. On Friday, he got to know about the announcement that will be sent. Also, I shared my disagreement around the setup and my confidence about taking the interim job. These 3 things changed everything on the weekend. He, without talking to me or anyone, played his dirty politics and got us out of the w-7 program. On top of that tried to manipulate into not sending the announcement. God, thanks for being there and sending this human - he was confident in his decision and trusted me... and sent the announcement. Instead of congratulating me and...

Trusting was always difficult for me. Being vulnerable has never been an option for me because people take advantage when you are vulnerable. And today, I come across this - We need to trust to be vulnerable. We need to be vulnerable in order to build trust. What if I don't want to be vulnerable? does that mean I will never be able to trust or build trust? here is another exercise - people whos opinion really matter to me:  nick baba, big daddy, hell's warth, gotya, jhula, door bhala... that's it. what did I learn from the process of thinking about who belongs in the list? - these are the people who when provide me an opinion I sometimes simply let their opinions engulf me.. like letting them influence me. these turn into motivation factors for me. do i always steam-roll over these important people in my life to gain the acceptance and approval? - NO do i sometimes steam-roll over them if they provide any inputs? - Yes. So, now on i can be conscious when taking advice. list...

Things that might get in my way of practicing and learning new ways of showing up. For the leadership program and this dare to lead exercise, I give myself the permission to - 1. Fail and be okay if I miss a day. 2. to be consistent and submit the assignment by Tuesday eod always. 3. do one exercise per week from the dare to lead workbook. 4. be intentional and really learn rather than mug up, because I know I learn the best with practical unlike school and college where mugging up destroyed everything! 5. ask help and assistance from trustable people around 6. tell my parents of the classes 7. put my video on during the classes :) For the leadership program and this dare to lead exercise, these things I need to show up and do the work - 1. nothing at all - just get my ass up. For the leadership program and this dare to lead exercise, these things will get in the way of you showing up and doing the work - 1. nothing - everything can wait For the leadership program and thi...

I don't like birthday presents or any such presents - giving or taking. presents creep me out. I literally run away from birthdays or occasions where presents are given. I think it all stems from few of things from my past that are itched on my soul. 1) that night, few hours before my mom's birthday, she was sleeping on the floor bed in the living room. I woke her up with all the excitement and I gave her a hair clip. She just nodded, said "what's this? a clip? okay." and just went back to sleep. 2) friend's birthday - I painted a flower vase for her with love. Few days later, I heard her mom saying "painted flower vase is not a gift to be given for a birthday, isn't it?" my friend however told me that she kept that vase in her bedroom on her bedside table. 3) dad's office friend with his family had come over. they had a daughter, maybe same as my age. I liked her and out of love, I went to the fridge, opened it and gave her a kitkat. Once th...

I guess its time for a break. break not for taking some rest, but to let the world know that I need to grow. A break to prove that whatever I am destined to do, I have achieved it. A break to bring a breakthrough. Whatever Naradmuni did, Gyaani-baba is aware that I am pissed off. But the problem is he is self-centered. Not once anyone has asked me how can they help me except the Cadbury gem himself and the hell's warth himself. Hell's warth is the most heavenly person i have met. We converse so well and are aligned so well. That's the effort he is taking, not me - i can sense it. but what the hell... I have things to achieve and do for the folks globally and that's my objective. i will successful only if I am able to write the research paper, complete the ops excellence assignment and complete the program partially successfully. and what troubles me when I am about to sleep is... what next. what after all this is over? I definitely need a family - someone who can take m...

basically i connected my TV to my laptop today. wanted to do something different.. something new. like the way i am... cant stay with the same regime everyday. i guess that's the way my personality has been built. 1) not comfortable with everyday changes. inspect when its getting monotonous and gauge my level, then trigger the change based on my need. 2) maybe i always react to situations that don't show integrity - the case with Billu baba, something always makes me uncomfortable. Am I just like him? Do I advise instead of coaching? Do I manipulate instead of coaching? How do I balance between directing vs coaching vs advising? Should I wear different HATS to think and then take actions? So here is how i start with a purpose of learning a new skill - COACHING Situation:  Naradmuni  comes to me with all situations, dumps on me who said what and directly starts advising based on his assumptions and self- introspection .  Naradmuni   does not spend time to listen ...

The fact is - I have morons around me and if I continue to work with them, I will soon turn into one. Not that everyone is perfect. But its not crime to wish to be working with a group that is incredible and makes you wish to be like them. I always wanted to be working with strong folks upward so that I can be strong and protect my folks. I still want to work with strong folks.... just not sure where to find them. The folks I thought cared for me, are nowhere out there. Folks i thought cared for me in a professional front proved me wrong. Not once they reached out or dropped a note to know about my whereabouts or health or safety.  I am now stuck with folks who are insane, display some of the worst qualities of a leader, always highlight their drawbacks and enacting that weakness are a fad to have. AR doesn't even know how to talk to his reports, show 0% coaching skills and rely on being high gossip mongers... simply mediators and messing up communication instead of letting us...