The roller coaster continues. Marlee is still with me, defying all odds. One minute she acts like she’s still fit as a fiddle, the next minute she collapses. My nerves are strung tight as banjo strings. My brother-in-law stopped by yesterday. She greeted him like she was a puppy—then immediately collapsed. After maybe 5 minutes she rallied. When I say she collapses, she literally just falls over, goes rigid, her heart and breathing stop, a couple of times she has voided her bladder and bowels and I’ve been sure she was gone. Then she will ‘come back to life’. The not-knowing is aging me in a big hurry. Every night when we go to bed I wonder if tonight will be the night she leaves me. I try to figure out in my mind what I will do if she dies during the night. I guess I feel like some kind of plan, any plan, will help me prepare for mechanics for dealing with that possibility.
So my pharmacist, who is such a good friend to me, has suggested that I just delete February from my yearly calendar. My birthday is the 26th, and not only did my other three dogs cross the bridge around my birthday—-one the day before, one the day after, and my beautiful beautiful Bayley on my birthday—-but my beloved, Randy, died on my birthday. So so hard to believe that he will have been gone 4 years on the 26th. Makes for some strange ‘celebrations’ but I do celebrate the beauty in each of those relationships. Of course, one has to have some distance from those sad events to be able to look back and cherish and celebrate the riches in each of those unique relationships. So, now, the question is, is Marlee waiting for my birthday to cross the Bridge, you know, just so we don’t break the tradition? π
I pulled some fabric a couple of weeks ago, cut and sewed and reverse sewed and sewed again one single Bear Paw Block. How hard can that be, right? Well, evidently for me, very hard. Of course it’s been ages, literally ages!, since I have tried sewing anything. I eventually got it together but it was a struggle. I am now working on piecing a bee block. We’ll see how that goes. I have really been hankering to just cut and sew for months now—-like I need another agitation in my life. LOL But there you have it. Sometimes I think I’m just a glutton for punishment. π
I took my Christmas tree down yesterday. I got it up just days before Christmas, and it’s artificial so why not leave it up for the whole month of January. I love the lights at night and in the early morning hours and on cloudy days. And I did so enjoy it. But now it’s in its box and headed to the basement. Maybe I need to think about hanging some fairy lights just for the warmth and coziness that they would cast. I’ll think about that.
