Madison to Florence...One Year Later

I have a lot of people still ask how things are going since we moved and if we like it and how we have adjusted. So appreciative and thankful for each one of you. This is a brief thought on the past year.

This time of the year probably every year for the foreseeable future will hold a strong feeling of change for me and my little family. Not only in the changing of the seasons but in that it marks the anniversary of when we came back "home". You know in wizard of oz when Dorothy is in the middle of that twister and wakes up and things are a total mess around her? Well that's about as closely as I can describe our move last year. I was sitting in a house I had just spent the last year getting just as I wanted it and then we sold it as quick as we moved in! I was surrounded by boxes in every room that I did not want to pack because it almost physically hurt to take down and pack all these boxes knowing why I was packing them. And if you helped us move....keeping it real....you know that eventually I did just give up on packing and we started throwing stuff in boxes left and right. In the end it all got moved and if it did not we didn't need it anyways. Unless it's pictures I don't have much attachment to "stuff" the way I used to have.

It was as if my life was going just according to plan (mine) that is and then a big bomb went off and destroyed the path that I so desperately wanted to go down and that I could clearly see but could not get to anymore. So, I had no other choice but to take a different one. You know what I mean even though it is quite the dramatic analogy. We all have those bombs from time to time don't we. Amen! I know you are thinking it so I just said it for you :-) In the meantime while I am still recovering from this bomb I asked God so boldly almost in a way I had never asked before ( I remember that so clear) to just get us home. I knew that Trey would need a job, we'd need to sell a house we had not much money in because it was so quick and we needed to find a place to live here. Well, God was so
awesome at this task that Trey got a transfer immediately and he was gone...working in Florence before we knew it. Then within a few months we were here too. It all happened so fast.

I look back on that time a year ago and I just saw the blessings literally being poured out for us. In the middle of such a difficult time where we were leaving some of the best friends a family could ask for , a home we had no doubt planned to raise our children in until Cooper was at least 10. I mean we pretty much had it planned out...seriously. A church that had been so good to us that we were involved in and our kids loved and we loved. I just honestly thought that even though we would be home with our family that there was going to be something that just wasn't satisfied because it was not my original plan.

The good news is that in spite of my ebb & flow of faith of how it would all work together all of this was in God's plan and his plans never lack or want for anything. They are perfect and he was just waiting for me to catch up with HIM. We have settled into a wonderful home that is a great place for
our boys to grow up. We have been able to spend time with old friends that were a tremendous
encouragement from afar and even more of a blessing now that they literally live on the same road as us as do many others who we have come to love so much. We have been able to see and keep in touch with many of our friends who are so much a part of us and our lives in Madison and they will always have a place in our hearts. We have found a "home" in a church that we adore. We have made new friends and obviously I picked up a new hobby in running because of some of these wonderful people. We have spent countless hours with family and countless number of meals around our table or theirs. Our boys see their grandparents/family at least once a week but usually more and that's really the way I prefer it. I want them soaking up this time and know how important our family is and also knowing how very lucky they are that we got this opportunity.

As of late I have given in to shopping at the "Pig" Piggly Wiggly that is and Big Star. My life revolved around Publix before this so I am coming around. We are getting used to the fact that there are not as many kids attractions/museums and that here you just go outside! To the park or fishing or just hanging out in our pretty huge backyard... it's a bit more low key than living right in the middle of Madison which is growing in number by the second. I miss my Starbucks but we got a Panera bread around the time we moved last year and it's a decent substitute

All of this to say that I really had no clue what we were in for once we departed from my plans but it has been the most awesome year. God doesn't really work in mysterious ways as many often say...I think he works boldly in pretty plain view from where I am sitting. I have also learned not to get too entrenched in what I would like for my life and to ask more freely of God what he would like to see happen in my life. Life is good...we are happy, healthy and quite honestly just blessed beyond what we deserve when it comes straight down to it.

This devotional that I clung to this time last year sums up pretty good how we should feel about change. It's harder to live out than say at times but it's good stuff and the TRUTH.

Excerpt from passage: Jesus Calling Devotional Book by Sarah Young

The best response to losses or thwarted hopes is praise: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Remember that all good things-your possessions, family and friends, your health and abilities, your time- are gifts from Me. Instead of feeling entitled to all these blessings, respond to them with gratitude. Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you because it is all a part of my perfect timing, but never let go of My hand.

Almost one year later...

I have started and stopped writing this a thousand times but today I sat down and just wrote. I still have so many people ask how we are doing and how my dad is doing. I know that as we draw closer to the actual date I may or may not be able to get what I want to say down in writing but it was important for me to do this so I went ahead. I wrote just as an update for everyone on where we are. You know a lot of the day to day things but this is a bit deeper if you care to read. I cannot in any way shape or form thank everyone enough for the support over the past year. The number of messages, texts and calls I still get on holidays or really just on any given day of people letting us know they are still thinking of us is just so amazing. We love you and pray you are well and blessed ;-)


I can say that although it has been the toughest year of my life we have survived. It has been hard on days to see past the grief but we have overcome because we know that mom got the ultimate reward. Despite having many tough days this post is not meant to be a negative one. We have all hurt a lot this year but we have had some great times too and I feel like I have grown so much as a person. Out of the ashes of hurt and pain good does rise up ;-)

This year has opened my eyes to the world around me. It has taught me that God's grace and love never runs dry no matter how many times a minute, day or hour we have to call on HIM . Ask for what you need and if you have faith you will see HIM working. It has taught me to be a more empathetic person. I look at people now and assume that they are fighting a battle that day. Be it small or large it doesn't really matter does it? My goal is to be kind to them and love them. Be the hands and feet of Jesus to someone. Lift them up and edify them not tear them down. You never know how your interaction with someone could change their day. It has taught me that good friends are priceless and worth their weight in gold ( something I already knew but when you see your friends being Jesus to you it takes on a whole different meaning). It has taught me to be less selfish and more grateful. It has taught me to appreciate all the little things in life. Those moments with your family, husband, kids and friends that might just seem insignificant that those are the things that you will remember the most at the end of the day and the memories and moments most important to hold on to when that is all you have left.

I hope that because of this I am better version of myself. Although still a bit broken (aren't we all) I know that God is continuing to work on me and thru me. I know that his plans take time and he's in no rush. He's still writing my story and molding me into the person he wants me to be. I feel like he's pricking my heart and trying to turn me towards a ministry or work of some sort but I have no idea what it is yet. I'm still holding out to see what comes of it. I know when the time is right he will reveal his plans and not only that but he will make a way for me.

This year has been filled with old friendships that continue to sustain us and new friends that we are so fortunate God has placed in our path. A new church family and a home that we are slowly making our own. More family time than we could ever imagine and the growth of relationships between our boys and their grandparents like I never even imagined. What a precious gift to be able to give to our children for them to be so close to family. My dad is doing as well as I think anyone could expect. I absolutely could not be more proud of him and how well he has taken care of all of us during this past year even though I know it's been extremely difficult on him. He's getting back to old routines of going to the gym and regularly getting the boys and taking them out on excursions.

As for Cooper he still one year later will ask about mom 1-2 times a week at bedtime when we do prayers or he will randomly be looking out the window and say that he misses his Gigi. It just makes me realize even more how awesome my mom was being a grandma. No two ways about it she rocked it ;-) Cooper was just shy of 3 when she passed and he still misses her like it was yesterday. For now I do the best to explain heaven to him and let me tell you that is no small feat. Explaining something like heaven to an almost 4 year old can be almost comical at times. Bless the sweet innocent heart of our children. My biggest prayer is that he always keeps the memories he has now of how much she loved him and how close they were.

On the morning of July 21, 2013 we will remember how far we have come. One year after suddenly losing our precious mother we are living life. In many ways we are living a better more aware and God centered life. Doesn't make it any easier necessarily but to know we are living for HIM makes it bearable because we know we will see her again some day. I know that she is looking down on us with love and saying I know it is hard but job well done and.I miss you but I am absolutely where I am supposed to be and so are you.

Nine Years

On Thanksgiving Day my husband and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage. It's hard to fathom that it's really been that long. The day that I walked down the aisle to marry my best friend I had no idea what God had in store for our lives. How tough things would be at times, how much fun we would have and that we would be blessed with two sweet boys. All I knew was that I was marrying someone who was going to take care of me and that I could always count on. He's been that for me every day since we said I do.

Most recently with the loss of my mom I had to depend on and trust him through one of the hardest things in my life. He did not for one second ever let me down or waver in his strength even though it was an extremely tough loss for him too and he's still grieving as well. He has stood by my side every day for the last four months and been exactly what I needed him to be without me saying a word. He knew when to talk and when to be silent and just let the tears come. I have not always made it easy but he didn't let that stop him ;-)

Thankful to God for this man that he placed in my life. Thankful that when he asked my parents if he could propose that he promised my mom and dad that he would take care of me, love me and provide for me and I can say with pride that he has gone above and beyond to care not only for me and the boys but for our extended families too.

To my husband I say...I love you and I appreciate you. Thank you for loving me and the boys so unconditionally ;-) I look forward to many more anniversaries with you!

Fall 2012 Family Pictures

We have really made more of an effort in the past year to get more professional pictures of the kids and us as a family. With Cooper we did all of our own pictures and took them all the time. Now, life with two is a bit more hectic and busy so we just don't take many pictures at all now. That is about to change! Once a year I plan for us to get some good family pictures where someone else does all the tough work and we just go and have fun. This time we used A Green Field Photography and I highly recommend her! She was super patient and sweet with all of us and made it feel easy and stress free. That is what I am talking about ;-) Also, we got a CD that we can make our own unlimited prints from AND we got it on Thursday in the mail....and we had pics done on that monday. Crazy Fast. Here are just a very few of the 154 amazing pics we got!!! This is Parker James at 1 Year and Cooper Benjamin at 3 years old.

Moving Update!

Big news around our house is that it sold last week after being on the market less than two months I believe! We will close on our house here in Madison on November 1st or 5th and we will close on our house in Florence on October 25th. We will be able to get into our new home around lunchtime on the 28th. We are so excited and cannot wait to begin this new journey but we still have such heaviness on our hearts about the friends we leave here. Some of the best we could ever ask for to be exact ;-)

One thing I will say about this process is that Trey and I have very much put our trust in God and his path for us through this whole thing. I prayed every few days just to have an ease and a patience through this even though I could not see how it was going to play out. I prayed the verse over and over about being anxious in nothing and I've prayed and prayed that what my heart feels is right for our family and that in HIS time if it was right that he would take care of it. The day we went to sign the offer on a house in Florence is the day that we reevaluated and once again had one of those we are going to trust HIM moments. It was also the day that a very probable candidate came and looked at our home. Then 2 days later on Monday we had an offer.

God is certainly good and very much in control which takes so much pressure off of us ;-) I know my family is so happy and we are so blessed to be able to realize that we have been given the gift of a new perspective on life and just how truly precious and fleeting it is. 

As of October 28th we will be spending most of our time in Florence painting and doing some odds and ends before we move in officially and as of no later than the 5th we will be official Florence residents. To God be the glory........

Parker's First Haircut

I guess I should preface this blog with the fact that I do not intend to make every post something that is tough or sad and about my mom. I have a separate blog I am using to blog for a year to turn into a journal to have for my boys & myself about anything and everything but some things will overlap and sometimes they will be tough so if you read this blog just bear with us. I hope to blog some pictures from our beach trip soon and Parker's first birthday is coming up in a few weeks and we have found a few houses that we are excited about. Lots of things coming up that we are determined to make positive for our family. God is good and we thank those that read for sticking with us through this difficult time ;-) XOXO

This was a tough day because Gigi always did first haircuts for the family. Back in the day she used to be a hair stylist before I came along and I guess some after I was born. I don't ever remember her doing that as a profession though. By the time I was old enough to remember she had moved on to other things. She still kept her licenses up through the years though so she could shop at the beauty supply store though and kept current. She cut our hair growing up and when grand kids came along doing the first hair cut was non negotiable. Doing the first haircut was such a fun thing for us. I remember when she did Cooper's we had to bribe him with a Popsicle or two. It was so hilarious with me holding the it to avoid getting hair on it. Cooper not really sure what to do with it and mom trying not to cut him with the scissors. Quite humorous. That was a day I will always cherish and I am so glad I will have that memory to share with Cooper.

The weekend she passed away I had told Trey several times that week I needed to get with her about doing Parker's hair and oddly enough when she passed in the first day or so that was one of the first things on my mind. I hate that I waited because it would have been so very special to me to have had her do that and have pictures but it won't do any good to dwell on it.

Parker actually has had tons of hair from the get go and his hair was out of control! I have debated now for a few weeks on where to take him and who to get to do the haircut. When I would think about it all I could do was think about how tough it would be. Today it just got the best of me. He needed a hair cut and I needed it to be over. We have a girl at Cost Cutters that does Cooper and Trey's hair and she is super nice and great with kids. She knows us but in a very casual way and she does not know what happened to mom. So, I thought I would just go there and take the big emotional factor out of the equation. Lord knows I have cried enough over the past week to last me a while. While it was so tough being in the situation I tried to make it as easy on myself as possible by doing it this way and I think it worked in my favor. I took lots of pictures and Parker did wonderfully. He played ball with Cooper, ate some hair (super gross but the more I tried to stop him the worse it was) and laughed. When it was over we went to Publix and both kiddos got a cookie ;-)

These milestones and "firsts" without mom are coming and will continue to come fast and furious but I think we just have to continue to hold firm in the Lord and lean on each other. Mom would not want to see us grieving ourselves out of a full and happy life or missing out on precious moments that should be soaked up and taken in. She would want us to go on however hard that may be some days to come to grips with. To love each other and to love on the these sweet kiddos we are trying to raise. So today with that milestone past us even though we miss her like crazy life goes on.....and I am so thankful for this sweet pea and my other sweet fella who through their innocence and unconditional love will help us all heal as time goes on.

Poopy Prodigy...or not ;-)

Well it has been almost two months without sweet gigi here and Cooper still struggles just as we do. Sometimes three or four days pass without a mention from him although we still try and talk about it as often as we feel is appropriate without bombarding him. This past week was a week that he talked about her constantly from Thursday to Sunday pretty much non stop. She was already on my mind and add in constant consoling and talking about heaven with a three year old and you have a big ole emotional vortex.

That set the stage for Sunday night. Sometimes it is in the mundane or silly things that I think of my mom and one moment I am laughing hysterically and then the next crying uncontrollably. Sunday night Parker pooped in the tub and while that in itself is not really funny I was immediately brought back to a similar scenario with my mom and Cooper.

We were bathing Cooper one night and he was a little over one or not even one yet and he began to poop in the tub. I was screaming and laughing so hard I was crying as I was fishing poop out and mom was holding Cooper over the toilet. As she was doing that he pooped in the potty...as a default ;-) But mom was convinced he would potty train early and be a prodigy. She just knew he "knew" what he was doing. We laughed about that for days and laughed at her for thinking that! Little did she know he would actually be the most difficult child on the planet to potty train. Over six months after starting he is finally potty trained...unfortunately mom never got to see that and see the excitement on his sweet little face the day it finally clicked.

She worked so hard with him and just knew he was on the verge and stuck up for him daily when he had to give his daily potty progress report to his "G". He always knew she had his side. They were just the best of buddies. The morning that she passed away she sat with him in the bathroom for about twenty minutes according to my dad just convinced he'd poop.

It is a silly memory and one I can think of and get a laugh out of. One that I can think to and remember just how much my mom loved and cherished my sweet boys. Although I did laugh I also cried most of Sunday night because it just never occurred to me that it would not be in God's plan for her to be here to see these precious boys grow up. I'm still not doubting HIS perfect plan I just had a moment of intense longing and wishing it were different. So, I cried and let it all out. I've been so positive and I feel like I have not lost that but for one day I just needed to let go and to be emotional and to grieve in such a physical way. While I was crying on the outside that precious memory is one that made my heart smile and one that I want to remember forever.