Pop Quiz

Who can tell me what the very best part of this picture is.

Tooting My Own Horn

My whole life I've hated running. It was something forced upon me by mean P.E. teachers who got to kick back and laugh about how they're 'actually getting paid for this'. If someone would have told me to go run for fun, I would have spit in their face. So I have no idea what was going on in my head 3 weeks ago when I decided to try and run the Turkey Trot. But I did it, and I loved it. I ran the 10k in 58 minutes. Maybe not a huge feat for some, but it was for me and I'm totally proud of myself.

Before

During

After

4th Tag

I'm new to this Tag business. I don't really know how it works. I just saw this one and I wanted to do it. Go to your 4th Picture Folder and get out the 4th picture. You have to use that picture. NO CHEATING. I obviously didn't. This is me about to give birth to Ellie. Be grateful I didn't have to post the next picture.

So... this is a weird picture. I finally put my finger on why it gives me the creeps. It's because I'm smiling. I'm in labor, and I'm smiling. Clearly I just didn't know what else to do when my darling husband pulled out a camera and started taking pictures.

I Love You Almond Joy

I Love Almond Joys. While driving home from church I was explaining to Luke how much I love them, when he says to me,

"I would like Almond Joys if it weren't for the coconut."

As a fan of Almond Joys, this statement was both absurd and offensive.

"What? You can't take the coconut out of an Almond Joy. If you did, it wouldn't be an Almond Joy... or even a candy bar. So you can't say that you 'would like Almond Joys if it weren't for the coconut', because what you're really saying is that you hate Almond Joys, and instead, would like two chocolate covered nuts."

He'll think twice before ever saying something like that again.

Couple's Skate

Brittney and I have been wanting to go rollerskating forever, so we went for her birthday. We had so much fun. It was also very interesting to see who hangs out at the skating rink on a Friday night. There is a new generation of cute hip-hop kids that are dang good at dancing on skates. I was jealous. I wanted to be one. Then there's a bunch of old-timers that must have roller skated in the 70's, and are still awesome. There is also an Asian man who wears tight, stone washed jeans and a white tucked-in polo, who does spins, double axles, and triple sow-cows. He was awesome too, except when he would skate by with one leg up and we could see his walnuts. That was not awesome.

If you haven't roller skated for 10+ years and you think you can just pick it up again, like riding a bike, don't be so sure. Luke however, was fantastic... even in the dark! He was turning corners on one foot and everything! It was spectacular.

I started off holding onto the the side walls, but I got better as the night went on.

Aw... Couple's Skate. This picture was a reality check. I didn't know my butt looks like a saggy bag of garbage. Thanks for telling me jerks.

Nana's Bananas

A friend sent me this story about her Nana.

"The other day I walked by her room and the door was open a little bit and she bent over and her boobs were hanging down and she was trying to put them in her bra and they were swinging everywhere and it was hard for her to get them in."

Is this really how big jugs get into a bra?

Funny... and a little bit sad.

A conversation between Luke and Raegan on their daddy-daughter date.

Raegan- "Dad, I made a new friend today."
Luke- "Oh? Did you play with her on the playground?"
"No, not really."
"Did you guys talk about stuff?"
"Kind of."
"What did you guys talks about?"
"I told on her for chasing boys and she said, 'I’m never going to play with you again.'"

Poster Contest

Raegan's school was having a Fall Festival Poster Contest and she wanted to enter a poster. "We" drafted a design, got the materials and started to work on it. As I was busy cutting and gluing, I did not notice that Raegan had stepped away from the table, and for quite a while had been watching me hard at work... not until she lovingly said,

"Mom, If you win I'm going to be so proud of you."

I dont need you anymore, pumpkin!

BeforeAfter

This year instead of pumpkins, we did shrunken heads. It was easier, less mess and they turned out way more creepy. I'm totally for giving up the pumpkin.

A skele... what is that?

After being dropped off, Kendal ran through the front door waving around what she had made in Preschool that day.

"Look Mom! I made a Keleton!"

"Wow! Let me see!"

"See? I made the head, and I made the arms, and I made the legs, and I made the pee pee!"

"Oh yes, you did."

Quirky or Crazy?

I hate talking on the phone. It's not that I hate people. I just don't know how to get off the phone. There must be a technique to it that I never learned. Whenever I try and get off the phone, it's always a minute long back and forth good-bye. I say bye at least 5 different times in various ways. When I finally do say, "Okay, Bye"... it's at the exact same time as the other person. So then there's a moment of panicked silence as I'm thinking "What do I do now? Do I say bye again to make sure they heard me or do I just hang up?" I usually just hang up. Getting off the phone gives me so much anxiety I avoid even picking it up in the first place.

Also I hate that Spell Check always suggests "dint" when I leave the apostrophe off of my "don't". No Spell Check! Is that really your best suggestion? What is a "dint" anyway? Well I'll tell you because I just looked it up. Dint: force; power: "By dint of hard work she became head of the company." Also another word for Dent. You're a jerk Spell Check! but don't leave me baby I need you.

Do these things bother anyone else or are these just some of my quirks.

I hope my house doesn't get shot at

Some Tips for a Happy Halloween

This is a very fun costume to wear. Do not wear this costume to a Ward Trunk-or-Treat. You will be subject to some not-so-funny jokes and impressions. Polite chuckles will be expected. Also do not wear to any Hollywood events or fundraisers. You will be shot at.

Do not wear this costume at all. Not as many people watch Heroes as you think. People will not ask you who you are supposed to be. Instead they will go the whole night thinking you have a dumb costume. The more you try and explain who you are, the nerdier you and this costume will become.

Do let your son be whatever he wants, despite your warnings that he'll have a difficult time eating, drinking, and possibly breathing. He will be happy and his costume will be so cliche it's cute.

Her Hidden Talent

Check out what Raegan can do. Sometimes I wonder if teaching my kids not to pick their nose was a good thing.
10/20/08

NKOTB- if you dont know what that means... get out

Oh yes I did. I waited 17 years for this concert. As a 3rd grader I watched all of my friends with their cool Aunts and hip Moms run off to the NKOTB concert, while I was left behind. Ashamed of my lameness and the uncoolness of my parents, I lied about going to that concert. (A lie I later had to confess when two friends confronted me.)
Well I finally got my turn... and it was worth the wait. They were amazing, like no time had passed. It was by far the funnest concert I've ever been to. It was indeed a crazy night. I think I even screamed " I wanna have yo babies!" to Donnie Wahlberg. ...Luke knows. He's cool. I did after all spend years sleeping under his posters and stolen pictures torn from my best friend's Bop Magazine.

(Another Confession: I secretly loved Danny too, but I never told anyone because everyone said he looked like a monkey.)

10/15/08

I do actually have a 4th child

I was looking over my blog and realized that I have yet to mention my little Ellie. I guess it's because she's kid #4 and sadly she gets the leftover scraps of my attention. Poor Ellie. Being #4 has got to be rough. So here's a shout out to my baby. I adore that squishy little girl.

(Please ignore that my other children look homeless. On weekends I let them dress themselves and I don't do hair.)

10/07/08

And the Mother Of The Year Award goes to... not me

This week it was Raegan's turn to go on a daddy-daughter date. Luke took her to the Dollar Tree where she bought gifts for the entire family. When they returned home everyone was excited as they tore into the shopping bags to see what treasure Raegan had picked out for them. Then it was my turn. I reached into my bag and pulled out... a witch mask.

Thank you?

I made sure to be very gracious. I hugged her and told her that I loved it.

But truth be told... I do love it. Tonight Raegan kept messing around and sneaking out of bed, so I put it on. I sneaked up behind her as she was again out of bed whispering to Zach in the top bunk, and I yelled as deep as I could, "GET BACK IN BED!" She screamed and jumped back into her bed. I got her good. She was trying hard to act mad. As I walked out I said, "I really do love my present Raegan."

10/02/08

Boogers!

After their work is completed, the kids in Raegan's 1st grade class are supposed to sit quietly and draw on the back of their worksheet while the rest of the class finishes. This is what Raegan drew. I'm just proud she spelled boogers right.

10/01/08

Sweaty Hawaiian, likes pineapples

My friend Brittney emailed today me while she was at work. I think she's funny. This is what she wrote.

We are hiring a new drywall worker right now. So after they are done filling out the application I write a description of them in the upper left hand corner before I give them to the boss. It's fun. Some things I wrote about the different guys:

"Clean, but no spring chicken"

"Sweaty Hawaiian, likes pineapples"

" Creepy with wrinkles. Wouldn't want to see him in a dark alley"

" Tom Arnold look-a-like. Nice top teeth, has one bottom tooth."

I wish you could do it with me.

...Me too Brittney.

9/16/08

What did you say?

One night after having scripture and prayer, the kids voted to sing the song I Love to See the Temple. All was going well when I noticed something a miss in the last line. They were not singing the right words. The last line is supposed to be "...This is my sacred duty". I stopped the kids and asked them, "What does the last part of that song say?"

Zach: "This is my secret booty?"

9/16/08

Booty

Our 3 year old Kendal has the tiniest buns I've ever seen. It's Adorable. And since we don't breed little buns on my side of the family, I'm totally smitten by how cute they are. I'm constantly telling her how cute her little "booty" is. I can't help it. Needless to say she's picked up the word "booty" and started using it in her everyday vocabulary, and it's totally my fault. Examples:

After I told Zach he had to eat his dinner, Kendal added "Yeah Booty Head". (This is a little bit funny at home. Not so funny in public.)

That same night after getting all the kids settled and into bed, Raegan poked her head in our room and informed us "Kendal said Booty in bed."

After a couple time-outs she has stopped saying "booty". Now instead she's been saying "You old lady!". I have no idea where she got that... but it's funny, so it stays.

9/14/08

Spontaneous Water Fight

The other night Luke and I took the kids to a neighborhood park that has a fountain pad. I brought some red plastic cups so that the kids could put them over the fountain holes and watch them rocket into the air when the fountain underneath turned on. The kids were having a blast getting soaked in their clothes when I decided to fill a cup with water and throw it at Raegan. That sparked some sad attempts from the kids to get me wet, but I was too fast for them to really get me good. And then I saw Luke. Sweet dry Luke, tenderly holding Ellie and letting her play in a small fountain. I filled up my cup and threw the water in his face (something I've always wanted to do, preferably in a restaurant). Then as he stood up and tried to laugh it off, I filled another cup and threw it on his crotch. He again tried to laugh it off, but I could see he was getting irritated. I could barely walk I was laughing so hard. I got another cup of water, sneaked up behind him, pulled open the back of his pants and poured it in. Finally Luke put Ellie down, gave me a bear hug from behind pinning my arms to my sides, picked me up and held me over a squirting fountain until I was completely soaked. I got in a couple really funny shots, but he definitely won the fight. The kids said that night was the funnest time they've ever had. It was a lot of fun. And of course that wonderful evening of family fun ended with me yelling at the kids to get in the shower to go to sleep. I hope my kids edit those parts out when they look back on their childhood.

9/12/08

"Frenemies"

Why are girls so mean to each other? Sometimes I don't understand the female. Which is probably why I have few girl friends and spend most of my time with Luke; a calm, sweet, level headed male. Oh I've been guilty of some out of control female emotions, but those are reserved for Luke (once a month) and he deals with them like a Champ. What I'm talking about and what I've never understood is the cattiness, the insecurity, the insatiable need to compete with one another, to judge each other, to gossip, and to create cliques in order to exclude other females. It is strange behavior. I've seen it even between so called "friends". (I believe the actual term they use for each other is "frenemies." And what's unreal is that I've only heard ADULTS use this term. ???) Men don't act like this. Why are some girls so vicious?
9/11/08

Blogger

So I've finally joined the bloggers. I have some extra time this year so I'm going to try blogging instead of eating. I think that most people couldn't care less about my inner most thoughts and feelings or the daily occurrences of my life. I'm not that exciting. And thus I've decided to make my blog private. I am free to write whatever I want, vent when needed, have the most boring, uncreative, unwitty blog... and all without offending or caring what anyone else thinks. It feels good. To the few of you that I've invited to my blog, I did because I like you and I really didn't think this stuff would offend you anyway.

(...Blog is such an ugly word. I don't like it. It sounds like something you would cough up in your sink.)

9/11/08