As he pushes his belly against mine in a strangely intimate gesture
His face puckered sour, growing red, spewing invective
He’s gonna’ head butt my teeth
Smash my face through my head, head and…
Because he knew he would have the strength to kill me
The moment he set foot on my doorstep
He spits in Lawnboy Alabamese and the beery universal vernacular
Trying to get me to hit first because he’s got a witness and what have I got
Because I’m just some faggoty ass writer
or whatever else he can manufacture to goad me into hitting him
He’s angry I’m reminding him of
Whatever he’s thinking I am at the time
He’s so close I could kiss him
Or grab him by an eye or a nostril and make him scream like the day he was born
For an insane second, I consider explaining everything
I think I can see him in the sulking in some corner, behind a doorway
Listening to screaming he couldn’t stop from someone he loved
He’s so proud that he just isn’t gonna’ take it anymore
Not like he’s taken and taken it his whole life
From me, who he’s meeting for the second time
From life, and I’m a good enough prop for now
Wanting whatever ghost haunts the periphery of his bleary 20/20/20/20 vision to be proud of him too
Proud for once, before the day he dies
I’m just a prop
With the misfortune of understanding a little
I came over in sweat shorts and flip-flops
Men my age can smoke on their back porch unmolested
But go to jail when they hurt people like him
I’m not even mad
Vitriol rolls off in unpleasant lukewarm droplets
Till his roommate pulls him away from my face at last
###
I’m not mad till I’m in my own basement
And he is whatever I think he is
I can’t help but wish I hadn’t taken it this time
Like I have my whole life
From this person that I just met for the second time
And whatever he happens to remind me of at 2AM
The aching crush of the tyranny of men too pathetic to be evil
I clench my fist and smash out the dog end
In the curtain of smoke that forms the privacy of my basement
Hoping sleep forgives me in time for work tomorrow