#112 - counting game

Vanessa's Counting Game: Ready. Go.

10: Vanessa has ten chapsticks that enjoy being lost, forgotten, left in pockets or melted.

9: Vanessa has nine more days of classes left in her last semester of college.

8: Vanessa has eight pairs of socks that still have matches and that are white.

7: Vanessa has seven spools of yarn that desperately desire to be crafted into something useful.

6: Vanessa has six things on her list of things to do for tomorrow - - go to work, study for a test, take a test, wash her car, feed a friend, find a boise job.

5: Vanessa has five bills that she has to pay every month. All adult bills. Yes that's right - she said it.

4: Vanessa takes four pills every morning. Only for two more days though. After that, it's just her and her immune system. Go immune system, GO!

3: Vanessa has three more weeks of school left before she graduates. After that, she'll have to continue learning by teaching herself.

2: Vanessa won two contests in elementary school - - a math flash card competition in 5th grade (vs. scott temple... genius), and a spelling contest in 3rd grade.

1: Vanessa has one fancy thing that hasn't broken yet (the laptop is just slightly dented after dropping it yesterday... still works!).

0: Vanessa has zero dollars in her bank account. But she DOES have $0.25 - which is going to go towards washing her car tomorrow.

#111 - you it is i need

Basking. Took a break from basking; went to class. Thought about how I wish I could bask instead of trying to stay awake in class. Walked to work. Missed basking. Came home; felt productive for about an hour. Sat. Basked more. Made a list of things to accomplish today. Went back to basking.

I have been blissfully basking in my current music supply. I am comfortably content - - that is not to say that there still isn't over $200 worth of music I would love to have, but I am happy with all the perfect subliminality I can submerge myself in. Not only do I have the perfect assortment of mood appeasing tunes, but they all have been adequately organized and categorized, including congruent artist names and all properly capitalized. The trick is now, updating my some-odd-almost-hundred playlists to absorb my newly added gems.

It will change your world.

#110 - happy sad mad happy full

After some introspective ganderings, it has been established that I'm a little all-over-the-place. It is quite possible that this is the direct result of confusing boys, immediate future decision making, and my recent plaguesque condition. Weird feelings came over me today as I was walking from class to work, my books hanging the usual way on my back. I began to think, "wow... what am I going to do with my backpack after I graduate? I'm never going to be carrying books, walking on a campus again." An incredibly weird realization after having student life consume my everyday for about 20 years. Today I am happy though - happy my apartment will be move-in-able in a few weeks, happy my body is almost back to normal, happy it wasn't worse, and happy for the sunshiney sun. I'm stepping out of the midst of perceived mountains and seeing them for the mole hills they are.

#109 - of otter pops and other woes

Tonight I played Cinderella - - helping Liz and Sami curl their beautiful hair, helping them into their dresses, taking pictures, etc. We all would have been getting ready for the ball if it wasn't for my body fighting me so much. This would have been my only college dance and I was very excited! Timing is funny that way. My girls said that we could have a graduation party/dance of our very own so I can play dress up too next time. Tonight, I am home, trying my best not to scratch all over and turning to otter-pops for relief and support.

Last summer was a bit of an emotional roller coaster and otter pops were always there for me. One link of otter pops did wonders for a just finished fight. So now, if I feel itchy, I have an otter pop. If I feel sad for missing out on the ball, I have a green otter pop (those are much more satisfying).

#108 - hello, I am job

Rarely do I get sick. If there are warnings of freakish side-effects on medicine bottles, none of them apply to me. I am the mighty immune system lady; illness has no claim to my body. Yea, say that over and over again, boasting in health and wellness and you will end up like me - contracting every illness possible. It started a few weeks ago when I came down with the flu. Fever, nausea, vomiting, malaise, and dizziness were my constant companions for 3 days. Shortly following that wonderful experience, I got another " that'll never happen to me" happen to me. But today, today beats all. "I'm not allergic to anything!" she says boastfully and confidently. Enter stage left: Penicillin. Who knew this miracle drug would be my eventual demise. I started a new medication about a week ago that contained the antibacterial drug and everything was daisies and sunshine, until last night when I started to see a change. Now this afternoon, after checking myself into the ER; life is looking pretty grim. I'm supposed to watch my allergic reaction closely, as to not go into anaphylactic shock and die. Apparently, what can go wrong in my life, will go wrong.

Moral of the story: do not boast in your health and immunity. Immunity will become mad at you and attack you until you hurt so much you want to literally crawl out of your own body. Dedicated to Alexander Fleming. Why do you hate me so...

#107 - eminent death

I'm used to the normal warning symbols, found on every product and appliance ever made (we need a lot of help when it comes to safety evidently). Choke warnings, burn warnings, electrocution, etc. that usually come with the same generic symbol. I was doing laundry at work the other day and my eyes focused on the warning label on the washing machine. Freaked. Me. Out! These were the most horrifying warning symbols I've ever seen. I know now not to linger around the washing machine, and for sure, not to crawl in, which I have been tempted to do numerous times. Actually, exploding looks a lot more painful than simple death... and even twisty arm.

#106 - future and to-day to-do's

Since the thing that has been occupying almost all my time and mind space is coming swiftly to an end (exactly one month from today 'till graduation) I figured it was time to dust off all the projects I wish to tackle eventually today someday. These somedays are not in any oneday order. They just are.

First: Accompanying me to devotional, religion classes, firesides, and all things that in them are "church" is a notebook. As I have been participating in these feverish-note-taking events all my life, so needless to say, the notebooks have stacked up. I was thinking, originally, of typing everything up and archiving them that way, but after reflecting on the fact that 1- there are a lot of them and 2- every other thing contained within the "journal" spectrum is typed, I decided that it would be nice to have something personal with my handwriting, doodles and comments made by the people sitting next to me. So now, the mission is to number the pages and create a "topic table of contents" so that I can quickly flip to a subject and know what is in each notebook - - thus making my stack less useless.

Second: I want to take all my loose recipes and do essentially the same thing. Either type them up (less important to hold on to personalized vanilla and flour stains) or stick them in a binder with an index or course tabs.

Third: I need to make a budget. An honest to goodness budget. Maybe official looking on the computer... Historically, my budgeting consists of mentally estimating how much my expenses will be at the end of the month and trying to make that as close to my income as possible - - always taking me right up to the wire, if not strangling myself with the wire. At the end of each month, I whip out a "budgeting post-it note" and write down all my bills, add them up, and subtract from my meager checking account. As my mother has informed me, this simply will not do. I need to start saving money (really saving, not just saving for 3 weeks until I have to pay bills again).

Fourth: I want to start crafting my way to a house of my own. Crocheting pot-holders, sewing an apron etc. I want to start putting things together now that I can use in my house so I can buy less things. I also want to learn new skills, like knitting, widdling, and... I don't know, other crafty things.

Fifth: ROCK ON MY GUITAR AND HARMONICA and earn the luxury of owning one of those harmonica-neck-holder-so-I-can-play-the-guitar-at-the-same-time things, like the greats.

Today someday, these will just be gold stars on the chart. done.

#105 - sweet cuppin' cakes

A connoisseur of cupcakes! Tonight was a double friend birthday party with the evening's main event being: cupcake decorating. Mixing the colored frosting and switching out the colored baggie tops; flowers, leaves, and polka-dots... my favorite. I think I much prefer decorating the cupcakes than eating them. Take that back - - I enjoy licking the frosting as well.

#104 - a day for the dads

I love my daddy more and more and more every day! He shows such interest in my life and is always there to listen if I need him and offers loving advice.

Oldest favorite memory:

While in Texas, our monthly 'daddy-daughter date' to Dairy Queen for ice creams and playing on the playground. I remember feeling so special and loved. I felt like I had the greatest dad in the world. One who would spend time playing and loving his little girl.

Favorite middle memory:

I remember one night, when I was about 5 or 6. I couldn't sleep and snuck into my parents' room right next door to see if they were sleeping. Maybe mom would sing me another song or let me sleep in their bed. I crept in and saw mom laying in bed while dad was sitting at his desk next to her, working late into the night. I asked why he was still awake and mom said that he was working hard for his job. She took me back to bed, but as I walked away I stared at him, looking so tired, but typing away. I remember thinking what a hard worker he was and how he was doing it all for us. I laid in bed trying to think of ways I could show him how grateful I was for him taking care of our family. I didn't want to tell him I saw him working because I thought it was a secret; like he didn't want us to know so we wouldn't feel bad.

Another favorite middle memory:

Every saturday, while I was in elementary school, my dad and I would either walk or take our bikes up the road to the junior high - high school. He would play tennis with me, teaching me everything he knew and helping me practice. Engrained in my mind are the words, "close your racket" and "follow through". He was always so patient with me and would just throw tennis ball after tennis ball over the net, giving me chance after chance with encouraging words. He was so good at taking time out of his day to make me feel special.

Most recent favorite memory:

I was home on break and dad took the day off of work to spend with me. We drove down to Portland for the day just to tour around and spend time together. We talked the whole way down and had a perfect day - - going out to a fancy restaurant, getting lost, visiting museums and window shopping. I love when I get my dad all to myself and get to make my own memories.

To the best daddy in the world! We love you a lot a lot!

Love,

Girly-man

#103 - monday tuesday thursday wednesday

For being the girl who couldn't swallow a baby aspirin if her life depended on it, I seem to be quite the pill pusher.

Growing up, I would try to swallow pills, only to fail miserably and have to resort to having my mom crush them up and sneak them into orange juice. Looking back, it tasted so much worse that way. I unnecessarily put my self through flavor misery, simply because I was unable to check my gag reflex. I realized that I couldn't continue through life this way and eventually, there would come a time when I'd have to down one of those horse pills. I practiced, wading into the pill swallowing waters by taking the sacrament bread without chewing; just swallowed it whole. From there I went onto swallowing jello in large chunks and finally I could tackle the teeny tiny pills (like Dramamine).

A few years go by, and by medical circumstance, I'm now taking multiple pills morning and night. Only temporarily, but it doesn't prevent me from feeling like I'm 50 years old with one of those days of the week pill boxes, filled with 15 different brightly colored medications. I refuse to cross that line, so instead of using those convenient containers with the handy lids, I have revolutionized the sandwich baggie. I'm not sure if I should feel proud for my swallowing capabilities, or be depressed that I have a need to do so.

#102 - moist and brown

We have been dumped on by the rain for a few weeks now and my schedule has been such that I have been able to avoid getting wet. I'm either at home watching from the coziness of my couch, in class listening to it pounding on the roof, or at work watching soaked exercise enthusiasts persisting through. While I'm walking to and from, the rain takes a break, and usually as soon as I'm safe inside, it hits again. This courtesy has been noticed and much appreciated, until today. There was no escaping the walk across campus to my home, and then a bike ride quickly to work. Being wet isn't so bad (being in the rain is wonderful when you don't have an 11 hour shift that follows), the only problem for me was I was speeding on my bike to get to work on time, causing a sundry of mud speckles to line my back and butt (because I was foolishly standing up while I rode to avoid the water from the wet seat to seep into my pants). So now I'm here, at work, with a large brown streak up the middle of my behind. Right now I am far too envious of those who invest in the bicycle splash guard.

#101 - in my blood

Finally I'm allowed through the gates. It's the same kind of feeling when you are late to Sacrament Meeting and they already have the doors closed to keep the reverence. You just peek in the window, wishing you could participate. Peter Pan, starring longingly in from the cold at Wendy and what a loving family is like. Being on the outside, looking in, is never a fun feeling. I've been outside looking in to new.familysearch.org for sometime now, and as of yesterday, I was allowed to log in. The servers weren't prepared for the rush of users, so they postponed Idaho, Utah and I think, Arizona for last. With Sami by my side and my mom, readily available for chat help, I was excited to get started.

The first step is to link your name and account to your line already in the system. I began searching for my grandpa. I got too excited and selected the first Donald Grant that was married to Anne Grant. Wrong Grandpa. Now this stranger-man was unintentionally invited to my awesome family! I'm sure he's a very nice man, but not the one I want in my family forever and ever. I had a hard time deleting him, even with the assistance of my mom because, "[she] had never had that problem before, of adding the wrong person"... Course corrected, I found all the work my family has done already in our family tree.

I am excited to start finding new names and cleaning up our records. Only problem is, my exuberant family (mostly mom) has already found records back to the late 1600's. I was hoping I could easily discover a great great grandparent or something. Not so much - - now all that's left is adventure things, like flying to Ireland, finding a fossil with a finger print engrained from 1613, matching it to a sketch of an ancient ancestor found in a time capsule buried in a basement of a old cottage. Oi.

At least I'm starting and can hopefully make some sort of difference in the lives and memories of my ancestors and future generations. I've already had a few miraculous family searching experiences, thanks to my mom taking me along on her family-finding sessions, to get my momentum going. The only discouraging part was its cheeky comment right before I logged off. Next to my name, like all the others in the program, it gives the choice of adding or finding a person.

"Vanessa - Add or Find a Husband!" ... thank you.

#100 - c-h-e-e-s-e, that spells smile

Welcome to my one-hundredth post!

After 8 months without, I finally bought a new camera. I did it all - - looked at consumer reports, compared prices/features and such. I found the one I wanted last Thursday at Best Buy. It's perfectly tiny, and a plum purple color. The coolest thing about this camera though: it has a mind of it's own!

Two of the coolest functions I didn't know exist is the smile button and the eyes button. For the smile setting, you just point the camera at your subject and as soon as it detects that the person has smiled, it snaps the picture. The other one, to prevent blinking pictures, it takes two pictures right after the other and then saves the one where the subject has their eyes open. Amazing, I know!

I just like it so much...

I decided I needed a camera sooner, rather than later, because I am nearing the end of my last semester at school and really need to bust out the picture-taking. Get ready to have my camera in your face, everyone, so I can remember you forever!

#99 - a tale of a hair

I once had my hair described to me as "leathery brown, like autumn leaves" or something along those lines. I've never dyed my hair; professionally or otherwise. There have been a few times that I have wanted to; I get all the way to the check-out counter with my drastic "darker brown" or "lighter brown" and then wuss out at the last second and switch to purchasing orbits gum. I've dyed other people's hair - - one roommate in particular; I helped dye her hair at least once a month, and I've died a few boys' hair. To return the favor, my virgin hair (un-colored, un-highlighted, un-permed and the like) is turning on me.

I think I remember my first gray hair in the 6th grade. It was a stressful semester for this little 11 year old. Pictures to color... friends to make... getting over the trauma of mistaking a girl for a boy my first week at a new school (she had masculine features and really short hair!). Ever since that year though, those gray ones have been out of control. I don't know if it's a vendetta, or they just want to enjoy the sunshine and air like the rest of my hair. I pluck them out as I find them, but sometimes one gets away and it's just as long as the rest of my hair. That lone grower remains until some 'nice' gentleman says, "Woah! What is that? Is that a gray hair? Sit still... I'm gonna get it." How embarrassing...

It is because of this, that my streak of all natural might be

squashed as soon as those unwanteds take over. I refuse to go gray until I'm good and ready (45 maybe? 50?). I'm going to either ease into the grays through dying less and less, or keep it going until I decide one day, that it's okay and dye my hair white or something. It's interesting - - even though I've never done anything to my hair, it likes to mix things up on it's own. I've been red (worst look ever!), auburn, dark/black almost, and the usual "leathery brown".

I guess I'm thinking more about hair today because today is the day I ventured out and am sporting the pigtails. I wasn't sure if that was allowed, so after a quick reassurance text to a male friend of mine asking, "Am I allowed to wear pig tails?" and his affirmative response and advice to just watch out for pedophiles, they were up and I was off.

*Thank you Irish Italian heritage... for my random reds and early grays*

#98 - dearest

Dear Gossipy Friends at the fitness desk,
Your failed relationship is surprisingly interesting to me. If you wouldn't mind, please talk a little louder so I can her what your ex-girlfriend did that was so terrible. Don't give up on dating all-together though, I'm sure there's someone less crazy out there for you.

Dear Sweaty Guy in the weight-room,
Just because you are wearing a shirt that is two sizes too small and you saw me look at you lift weights, does not mean that as soon as you are done, you should ask me for my number. I'm going to say no, because I already said no to one sweaty guy tonight and it does not make you more appealing. Try maybe finding me out side the cliché of the gym.

Dear Flirty Couple behind me,
Stop it. Just stop it. Go love on each other somewhere else and not directly behind me. You keep running into me. Focus and stop it.

Dear Rexburg Weather,
Please stop crying. It makes my bike seat all wet and thus, my pants when I sit on it. I do love the rain, but would appreciate more days when I can sit outside, bake, and read.

Dear Girl,
I wish oh I wish I could help you with your woes. Let me ponder more and if anything glorious or grandiose comes to mind, I will be by your side with loving advice.

Dear Boy,
You should probably step up. I'm a very nice girl and you might enjoy spending more time with me.

Dear My Last Senior Semester; Summer 2009,
Where did you go!? Why are you leaving so fast... don't give me to boot yet. Maybe linger a little longer so I can still find time to go camping in Yellowstone, take a trip to California, bond enough relationships so they will continue after I leave, and especially don't end before I can find a new job. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Dear Olympia,
I miss you dearly. Maybe not certain unmentionable things, but most defiantly the warfy, fishy smell that drifts in in the middle of the night, the deliciousness downtown and two plus-somes just out of town, my flatwin hero, and your calming, understanding mistiness.

Dear Health Science Faculty,
You can stop asking me about my relationship status any time. It's always going to be the same answer: I'm not sure about things right now, but we'll see. I'll let you know.

Dear Taco Bell in my tummy,
You made me sick. Why did you do that?? I thought I was hungry and wanted you... big mistake. Owiee

Dear Family,
I can't wait to see you all in July (and the rest in August)! Thank you for supporting me and coming out for my graduation. Athough I am less excited to actually "walk", I am excited to see you and take happy pictures. Thank you thank you! And I love you.

Dear Brittany,
When will I see you again? Can you come to my graduation? I need more of your crazy to rub off on me - I'm still going strong, but I feel it fading. I miss your face!

#97 - count backwards from one hundred

One more lie... caffeine has no effect on me. Apparently whenever I drank soda in the past, I happen to avoid doing so right before bed. Last night, around 12:30 a.m. I went to Ramirez Mexican Restaurant for, a perhaps a bit late, dinner; Mountain Dew accompanied. It didn't feel any different than the times I drank it in the past, but about 15 minutes later, I found myself lying in bed. Heart pounding, mind racing. I laid there for roughly 30 minutes, trying to calm my breathing and relax; the vision of drifting off into a sound sleep my apparently unrealistic goal. Laying and focusing on breathing was defiantly not doing the trick... plan B:

Maybe if I switch positions... left side... back... right side... stomach... back... left side... back... left side...

What if it's my pillows (never mind the fact that they have never failed me in the past)? one pillow? fold in half? between the legs? no pillows? pillow over the head? switch out pillow?

Maybe It's my pajamas - I all of a sudden feel very uncomfortable - roll up my pants - roll up my sleeves - socks off - outside the blankets - back inside - sleeves back down - pants off.

Initiate the uncontrollable mind wandering - -

The last time I remember not being able to sleep was when I was little, when I was little I had my mom to sing to me, I wonder if she ever has a hard time sleeping, I wonder what side she sleeps on, maybe she had a hard time sleeping when she was pregnant with me, I wonder if the whole time while she was pregnant she slept on the same side and now that's the only side I can sleep on, she should tell me what side that is, maybe I could call her, no she'll be sleeping, I bet everyone is sleeping but me, maybe some of my friends aren't sleeping, I should probably text them, unless they'll get mad, I don't like being mad, I don't think I'm going to be mad anymore, what else shouldn't I do anymore, too many things, I have a lot of things to do tomorrow, I hope I can fall asleep soon so can do all those things, soon I won't have anything to do, I'll be so bored in Boise, eh, probably not, I'll be living downtown, they'll be plenty to do, yea, I'm going to text one of my friends, he won't mind, and if he does, it's not my fault, I'm too tired and can't think straight, my ceiling isn't very straight, why is it so crooked, they should fix that, but that means that the managers will be in my house again and I don't like them, well I like them as people, I suppose it's just managers in general that I don't like, I'm thirsty, really thirsty, I need a drink, but then I'll have to get up, what if I get up right when I was on the verge of falling asleep and then

it will take me even longer to fall asleep, who am I kidding, I'm not even close to falling asleep...

Quietly sneaking in the dark, as to not wake up Sami, I made my way to the kitchen for something to drink. The idea crossed my mind of making some cookies, or maybe a sandwich. That might be too loud though, and I wasn't really hungry. So, bad idea. I went back to my bed, but that lasted only a minute. I texted a friend and after no response, I got out of bed again to see if the Internet was working yet. Surfing the web might make me sleepy.

Laying on the couch, upstairs, now brings me to you. Blogging might do the trick. Maybe if I relive the past few hours of my insomnia, it will put me right to sleep. I have no Internet connection right now though, so you will have to receive my distress call in the morning after I've already fallen asleep... hopefully. Oh I hope I hope. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense; It's now 4:30... 4:31... 4:32... 4:33. Someone please take my brain out and cut off my legs. Maybe that will give me a restful sleep. Alright, I'm heading back to bed now... everyone better be sleeping double to compensate for my misery.

Please. Kill. Me. Now.

#96 - attractive ankles

"Men are men are men are men and I am one. A man that is... but men are also human... humans are people. And somewhere out there amongst the people is a person. And that person makes skinny jeans popular. " - Joseph

It is a freak phenomenon... my attraction to skinny jeans. I've tried them on my own body and would go crazy in them... and I've never dated a skinny jean wearer... and on some guys with emaciated legs, I don't think it looks good. So under what circumstances do I like them and why?? I think that it's less the jeans themselves, but the personalities of the guys encased within the persona of the skinny jeans. And it could also be that I am simply an admirer from a distance and not wanting to get too close; hence my track record of never having dated one of these wearers.

Story 1

the girl's dressing room

Pro SJ: So, do I look good in them? I think I like them!

Anti SJ: Well, I don't like skinny jeans and don't really understand them so...

Pro SJ: Yea, but do I look good in them?

Anti SJ: I really don't think I'm the best person to ask... your ankles look thin... is that what you want?

Story 2

one skinny jean guy and one non skinny jean guy walking in front of us on our way to the gym

V: Wow he's cute.

S: I know! I think so too...

(Sami and I have never had a problem with liking the same guys...)

#95 - fifteen lies

-I'm not afraid of moving to Boise
-When given the choice of any other beverage and tea, I choose tea
-My spaghetti tastes just like Mom's
-I'm working on being less bitter and cynical
-I can picture myself happily married and successful
-I'm counting down the days 'till graduation
-I haven't cried once this semester
-One day I will see the Beatles live in concert, and faint profusely
-I can eat whatever I want and won't gain weight
-I can get a guy I like to ask me out with out being blatantly obvious
-Pie and cookies are good for you
-I workout at the gym for 1 hour every single day
-I'm over it
-Something amazing and magical will happen to me this semester
-I never lie

#94 - dedicated to the brain-eaters

A few months ago, I was perusing Barnes and Noble... something I often do while pinning away for books I can't afford. I was with a friend who headed straight for the comic book section. While we were there, he came across a comic book (sort of like the Avengers) where all our noble superheros are fighting alongside one another. What made this version different, however, is whenever one of the heroes would kill a bad guy, he would then proceed to EAT HIM! Yes, that's right, zombie superheros. The caption for the book is, "An alien virus has mutated all of the world’s greatest super heroes into flesh-eating monsters!" The pictures were super gross and I was very sad to read about what these 'good guys' were doing.

OH BUT WAIT! It gets better. I was looking on Amazon for a book and came across this:

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennett is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy.

I think what I like best is how, despite this ridiculous crisis, she is still distracted and swooney over Mr. Darcy. We women are so silly... FOCUS! There are zombies that need slaying!!