July 2016

Is the month of the year again as I ask myself " what lies ahead of me?"
There are times where bad decision seems more darker and good decision does not even exist.
We are living in a world where we keep on checking our news feeds on Facebook, refreshing feeds on Instagram or just a random tweet.
We will stumble upon posts where people are living life that your want to live.
Travel the world, spending time at the latest events, have a leap of faith, or just silly in love.
Some of us might look at it with envy, jealousy and ask " what the hell am I doing with my life"
Some might just react to the post, double-tap at the post or retweet then they brush it off just like that.
Life is full of surprises, but some of the surprise are just bad.
Im not a strong believer, but I sometimes do think that God making my life as a comedy for his own entertainment.
Well, I guess comedy is not really enough for him that why he added tragedy, mystery, drama.

• 2 death within 6 months fulfilled the tragedy genre  
• Lost and found of precious items and gossips fulfilled the mystery genre
• Huge mental and civil war fulfilled the drama genre    

Is like god is sending a message as me to go faq myself with these.

Or I can blame on my horoscope cause it said I may look strong on the outside but I have tonnes of stupid issue inside of me.. 

My family had really sunk in deep in a sea of gloomy ocean.

We do not talk about it because we can still manage to catch a breath or two from the surface.

We do not really deal with it because we can still survive.

People look down on us, gaining advantages from us (especially me). 

Is just a big bad world we just have to face..

>Random rant because I cannot hold in anymore<

I hate people that are TOTALLY gaining advantage, especially im on the losing side.

My university mate are totally treating me as their chauffeur.

They car pool when ever they want without telling

They don't inform when they are not car pooling

Is not that I want them to return the favor 

Just a " can you give me a life today" or " We are going back later"

is enough for me.

Speaking in their mother tongue, laughing at their own inside joke, giving "friendship" gift

Is not that I envy or anything, I just DO NOT LIKE IT!

> That's all =) <

July-ING

V-LAINE

XOXO

一个人。。

因为家里只有五口，所以一个人在家的机率很大。

有时在家无所事事就到网上看看。

东看看，西看看，通常都会有新发现。

比如什么微电影啊，什么网上连续剧啊，剧情也蛮有趣倒不如就看看。
最近同性话题很红，网上下都在谈。

这世界里，已出现了很多不一样的“爱”。

但最被人嫌的是同性之间的爱。

现在那些小说啊，电影啊，动漫啊 都出现了这类的内容。

好像在告诉这世界，就算你们怎么嫌，这种爱依然存在。

其实说真的，同性恋情很可怕吗？
有的人说是恶心，有的人说是羞耻，有的还说会被上帝诅咒。
有的人还是接受不到这种新生活，但有的人为这种生活而拼命。
他/她们之间的感情，我们明白吗？
他/她们之间的烦恼，我们了解吗？
大家都有权利去爱，那为什么他/她们就没有呢？
有时他/她们比普通情侣更幸福，因为他/她们知道这是一份很难得的爱。

人啊，就是要拼！就算拼不出一片云彩，自己也不后悔。

爱也得拼，因为要拼出别人看了都羡慕的幸福。

不管是异性，同性还是双性 大家谈的都是一份叫“爱”

如果遇见了幸福，我们舍得让他/她走吗？

如果时间已成熟，我们就不是我们了吗？

如果这是缘分，我们有权利去更改他吗？

人们总是要从别人口中才知道自己其实是很幸福。

虽然是吵吵闹闹的，但还是过着幸福的日子。

朋友们都有伴了，吃饭都是双双对对。

自己是有点羡慕，就是在一起多久了，日子就算有多惨都有人安慰,

掉泪的时候，枕头棉被都不是受害者。

但单身也很好啊！

不必去理会他人的心情，不必为神马什么节日筹备。

不必讨好他人的感情，就自由自在的活在自己的世界里。

我们都在写着自己的童话故事，角色也一直在改变。

如果开心的时候，猩猩，老虎 和兔子都会是好朋友。

万一有一天猩猩就这样离开了，自己会找谁来代替猩猩呢？

老虎和兔子会喜欢这新朋友吗？

在自己的童话故事里，会出现的都是自己想要拥有的生活。

角色都是自己安排的，白马王子可能不会骑在白马上，

公主可能不会拥有华丽的衣裙，白马王子可能不会爱上公主，

动物可能会讲人话，花草树木可能会有感情，

这应该就是自己想要的童话故事吧。

感性-ing

V-Laine

XOXO

S.a.F (Single as Faq)

When you are as single as fuck.. it really gets you sometime..
The sudden wave of emotion that really drags you down.. down under..
Things and thoughts that are kept long enough will burst out as tears..
Seeing friends that are in relationship jealousy drive by..
They have people by their sides now.. as a friend you are still important but.. not that much anymore..
They have shoulder to cry on.. you have a pillow to soak wet..
They have people to laugh with.. you have the virtual world to state it..
You don't become a lesser friend to them.. but the responsibility had became easier..
You don't bug them as often..Afraid that you might disturb their time..
You became the awkward and the uncomfy one because you don't feel at ease among them..
and you always wonder when is your time to "shine"
your time to feel less awkward and more comfortable..
Putting up your game face as if nothing has change..
But deep down inside you felt that you are from a different dimension..
They welcome you.. introduce you to the new part of their life..
You felt happy for them.. you blessed them to have a strong relation..
But on the other side you felt that you are standing alone.. on the desert..
You feel like an outcast.. having to listen to their world..
A world that doesn't exist in your world..
You feel their present and they will always be there for you..
But you don't reach out to them..
You always tell them that you love them but they have the greatest love..
You always said you will be there and support them but they have their greatest supporter with them
You always tell yourselves that it's okay..
It's okay to be who you are..
It's okay to keep hanging out with them..
It's okay to give relationship advise..
It's okay to be an outcast..
It's okay as long as they don't know what are you thinking..
Paste a big smile and laugh at their joke..
Or even join to back stab some others..
Keep on telling yourselves that it's okay..
Keep the awkward feeling aside.. keep the outcast feeling aside.. try hard to blend in...
Be the one they always thought who you are..
Don't change suddenly or they might sense something is off..
Don't be less responsive or they might thought you are not interested with what they shared..
Tell yourselves they have found a better you..
They don't need you as much as before..
They will only come to you when they need extra support..
They are still loving you but a little lesser than before..
Don't be a stranger and don't be the weird one..
Keep yourselves at a steady pace and maybe situation will be a little bit better

PMS-ing

V-LAINE

XOXO

My Colour Pencils

When I was born I only own 5 colour pencils.

Then pre-school days are here, I gain and lost a few colour pencils along the way.

But the original 5 colours that I have is still with me.

Primary school is the next, it took me 6 years to gain a few more..

At this time I have around 20 colour pencils. Again i did lost a few along the way.

Secondary school is at 2007, i was form 1 that year.. i did gain some new colour pencils along the way but I didn't know that i have gain some important colours.

When I was in form 4 i too gain some new colours because of the changes in class.

but those important colours I gain when I was in form 1 are still with me.

As time flies those colour pencils were getting shorter and shorter and I was worried that I might finish my favorite colours.

But then i realize that I am getting a new colour pencil with the exact colour every year. Thus my worries are gone.

Secondary school ended with some amazing coloured pages that I colour with my colour pencils.

We went on separate ways after that, but I still have my favorite colours with me.

Form 6 is here and I gain another 6 colour pencils.

Even thought I don't use these colours I still keep it and guard it as if these are golds.

You will know when you earn a special colour pencil.

You will get worried you will finish these colours because you keep using it to colour your world.

but the thing is they will keep on providing new colour pencils with the same shade to you.

Till the state that you will actually own 10 same shades pencil.

Thinking back did i know that I needed these colour to colour my pages of life.

but now these are the colours that are compulsory for me to use. 

These are the colour of my life. Due to these beautiful colour pencils and more new shades to come I am now and in future will have an amazing set of colour pencils and some stunning coloured pages of my life.

Colour-ING

XOXO

V-LAINE

Filth (a movie)

Was browsing through the internet for movies.

I can say that I stumble upon this movie..

What caught my eyes were:

1. James McAvoy
2. Interesting story line
3. Scottish

I am always a sucker balls for James McAvoy.. especially those blue eyes.. *fangirling*

But then again this movie is really hard to understand and thanks to Google.. 

It kind of clear some of my thoughts towards this movie.

The main character is Bruce Robertson. A Detective Sergeant,applying for a promotion to 

Detective Inspector.

As he have this mental health disorder,feeling weak and disgusted about himself. He keep on telling himself " I am in-charged of me". 

He don't trust anyone.. no friends except for Clifford Blades.

Always have "the game" going on, to be the winner in every "game" he plays with his colleague.

"Same rules apply" is his tag line because to him he's the sole winner of "the game"

Eyeing the promotion and getting it is his ultimate goal because he believe that that promotion will bring back his family to him.

Later in the movie his drug addiction and drinking became worst, and was diagnoses with \

bipolar disorder.

So whiskey,cocaine,sex and feeling superior were the only things he need.

He then realize how deep shit is he in after killing and realizing that he dress up as his wife just to "keep her close to him"  

There are some parts of the movie that were too dark to understand.. even with the help of subtitles I'm still kind of lost.

Well in the end he was demoted and he end his life.

After the whole movie I don't bloody understand why he kill himself..

Google was kind enough to shed some light to this dark comedy.

From what I understand is that he is no longer the ultimate winner of "the game" that he is playing and "the game" that he is so good at started to back fire him.

His mental disorder too help as to why he decided to end his life.

As a child he was always the "other one", family blame him for this brother's death and the feeling of inferior in him keeps on growing and growing even he tries to suppress it.

Plus his wife leaving him and not letting him go near to her daughter is too another reason why he has lose in "the game"
So the only solution to his life is death.
To free himself from illusions, self-abusing, loneliness. 

It let's me think of the society now. People are doing whatever they could either one way or another to get what they want, or to be the ultimate winner.

We do have "the game" playing in the society.. is either you join or you ignore it.

Winning "the game" of cause will boost up your confidence level especially if you compete with higher level management.

But then again, is winning "the game" important? or it is just a invisible game that society create to see how you carry yourself or how well you play or how far you are willing to take the game to or how you handle the pressure?

It's all mental game that you are playing.. as why one of the comment said

"Same rules apply = no rules= all system go"

This movie have lots of part to think about.

Love is cruel so do Life.

Movie-ING

V-LAINE

XOXO

What's New

It's the end of semester 2 and well I can said that I have a group of uni mates that I hang out with..

During semester 1 was devastating as was not familiar with my surrounding,

*crap, I sound like a lost child*

I skip the whole orientation program because I thought it was unnecessary for me to attend.

Then next thing I know is that I'm alone in a total new place and I need time getting used to.

By the end of semester 1 I have this bunch of new friends and all came from different backgrounds.

I realize that I have a group of friends that are total different races.

Thus my Chinese was sinking deep into the ocean *until I pick up Chinese E-novel*

My Bahasa became better and they told me I speak in a funny way.. *good way i guess*

I was retaking subjects that I've already did when I was completing my STPM.

But one thing is different.. in University the teaching medium is English.

I kinda struggle to make myself comfy with the medium and was happy where I am now.

Lectures are like friends or tutor or yes parents..

They guide with their own style and pace and try not to spoon feed their students.

Nagging, life lecturing, stating out the obvious were part of their teaching syllabus.

Getting close to one of the lecture was not in my plan..

Well, thanks to my new friends we are now actually spamming one of the lecturer notification.

We ask from the dumbest question to anything general.

People are always curious about ones past or the first impression they gave when first met.

But what amaze me was the experience to study aboard, especially the States.

I always keep my American dream alive by watching American drama or if there's a human with some US experience I would wanna ask..

But curiosity sometime touches something so personal and the best way to answer it is to ignore.

Am really looking forward to the following semester as people I know is getting more and more lovable.

Whatever you have now cherish it and don't ever let it replace the old ones.

New memories are amazing but is the old ones that makes you who you are today

Till Then

Finals-ING

V-Laine

XOXO 

MID 2015

It's almost the mid of 2015 and i kept on reflecting what I have done for the past few years.

So,

January was nothing or i think i was struggling with my semester 1.

February was a Jakarta, Indonesia month before the CNY.

March was a the Sekeping trip with the GIRLS.

April was a Bangkok, Thailand month with sprained ankle.

Backstreet Boys was my "opening act" for the month of May.

June is going to be my second semester break

July is going to be a long 3 months semester with legal age approaching.

August till December I have no idea what's coming.

That pretty much sums up my 2015. If i don't have any plans to add in.

Jakarta was okay for me because we travel by bus from Jakarta to Bandung.

It was such a bad traveling by bus experience as all you can think was TOILET.

Toilet was such a demand more then supply in that trip because we were traveling by bus.

With the sun hanging high up in the sky,drinking liters of water is common.

But if you are traveling by bus and is practically doing the city bus hopping then think twice before drinking in liters of water. By the time you are screaming and trying not to pee your pants you are stuck in the Indonesian traffic jam.

Bangkok was like heaven to me.

Even with my sprained ankle I still manage walk the streets of Bangkok.

I was obsessed with Bangkok since my last trip there it was like what 2 or 3 years back.

With Google Street View traveling is so much easier.

I googled my way from Pratunam to the 4 faced Buddha, and it didn't let me down.

I was amaze by how Bangkok city is, even with the traffic congestion people still walk like they owned the road.

Food was not a problem to me and there was this amazing cultured milk that was produce by them.

It was simply amazing, and I have discovered rather something new to me that is Thai Ice Tea.

Thai Ice Tea or they called it Chai-Yen.

An amazing beverage that will help you with the oven like weather in Bangkok.

The rich black tea taste with a good combination between condense and evaporated milk served with Thai style crushed ice. Irresistible.

I did not manage to try Chai-Yen along Bangkok street, I ordered them when I was snacking at Erawan Tea Room of Grand Hayatt Erawan Bangkok Hotel. Gwad I can't forget the taste of it.

Okay I need to plan my next trip to Bangkok!

Ladyboys there were to bloody feminine i cried a little for myself because they are even more ladylike then me.

OH BANGKOK, how I missed you so much.

Till Then

MID2015-ING

Vi Laine

XOXO