Nothing's wrong with a little friendly rivalry.....

In case you didn't know it....there was a little game played in a little town named Auburn, AL on Saturday. It's kind of a BIG DEAL around here. You know, bragging rights for 364 days. Sometimes both teams have crappy seasons and this game is truly the state championship...sometimes my team (Alabama) is looking to ruin a good thing for the other team (Auburn) - a la last year....and sometimes my team is out to avenge a year long humiliation - a la this year. Anyway, the trash talking between AL & AU is a year round thing - but it grows to epic proportions in the week before the Iron Bowl. I find myself having to quell my propensity to trash talk like crazy because some people from the other team get their feelings hurt. Yeah, yeah, and vice versa, if I truly admit it. So...here's what went down on Iron Bowl week:

I worked last Monday. It was insanely busy, and my work is cracking down on cell phone usage, so I hadn't looked at it all day. I went into the lounge and began to heat up my tomato soup and thought I'd take a gander at my phone to pass time while my soup was heating. I had 3 texts, a missed call, and a voicemail. Now, I'm just not that popular. Ha ha. One text had absolutely nothing to do with this incident...but two of them, and the voicemail, did.

Text 1: a picture text. From my neighbor (an Auburn alum)

Text 2: From my neighbor: Who did this to your house? It wasn't me - I would claim it!
My reply: Holy crap!!!!! Idk!!!
Her reply: Thought you would be interested to know your house had been "vandalized" to you - however, I think the flag is a beautiful addition!

Yes. Her and her husband were added to the suspect list.

Voicemail: From a close friend - Auburn attendee. Husband is Auburn alum. Here's the gist: "um...hey, I stopped by your house to put something in your mailbox since you aren't home. I know we talked last week, but um, you didn't move or something did you? Because, there is an Auburn flag flying in front of your house. Talk to you later. Bye."

Yes. Her and her husband made the suspect list as well.

Text 3: From my neighbor: It happened between 10 and 12. I was running errands and it wasn't there when I left, but was when I got back.

This text provided an alibi of some sort in my eyes. Why would she admittedly tell me the time if she was involved? Hmm....

Mass text by me to possible suspects - AU and UA fans alike: Pic included of house with said flag flying. Our home has been vandalized....yes, that is an AU flag. Yuck!

Replies include:

•  Is there not a law against that?
• What kind of sick joke is that?
• Remove and burn.
• How ugly!
• Oh heck no!!! Those perpetrators must be punished!! Any idea who did it??
• Who would do that? I think there is a procedure when someone does that to your house, you have to burn it down or something.
• Burn it, take pictures. Post on facebook. You're probably facebook friends with whoever did that.
• This is AUful :( I hope you find out who it was.
• I'd burn it.

Yes. Some of these replies were from suspects. Especially one who's hubby drives for UPS in our area...and they know we're big Bama fans. Emm hmm. AND we had just had a huge conversation the day before with several of these peeps about our love for Bama....but, none of them were AU fans - they actually are ALL hardcore Bama, so deep in our hearts, we didn't think that these other Bama peeps would spend a dime on an AU flag. And, I ain't gonna lie - despite the hideous colors and ugly AU on it, it was a nice flag.

Text 5: to my husband: We've been hacked. Along with said picture.
Reply from husband: What tha???
Then husband commences to call out names of possible suspects.

Text 6: close friend - HUGE Auburn fan - after receiving text pic: Hilarious!!! Smart friends!!! Are you mad, or did you take it as a joke??
Reply from me: Did you drive to (fill in my city) and do it??? A total joke!! Although, Jimmy said they stole our USA flag, so that kinda sucks. Was it you?
Her reply: No, but I wish it was ;) Gave me some ideas...

Yes. She LOVES a good joke. She LOVES a good rivalry. We talk about it ALL the time. She's prime suspect....except the distance - she has a couple of kids - surely she wouldn't have driven ALL the way to our house in the rain to do it. Right??

That night, I did what any sensible person would do who is trying to solve a crime...I posted it on facebook with picture and explanation - AND, I did so in a loving manner so the perp would feel safe to come forward with an admission of guilt.

Replies include:

• That is hilarious
• hahahahaha
• hahaha! Best prank ever! Too bad I didn't think of it first ;) I think the orange and blue really compliments y'all...just sayin'!
• I think whoever stole the US flag is unAmerican. Let alone an auburn fan .
• Yes indeed, burn it!!!
• That's just not right!! Who would do such a thing??
• Burn baby burn
• (This is my personal favorite reply - from my sweet Auburn fan friend) - Uhhh Wow!! Calm down and back away from the situation and just hand over the flag :) No, really give me the flag!! - I replied that I was holding it ransom until my USA flag emerged - She replied: But, you're not going to burn it, right? I hope you get your American flag back and if they don't want the Auburn one remember I will give it a good home :) And if someone leaves me an Alabama one, I'll give it to you....deal?
• Put a Bama tag on their car. Can't say I've never done that!!
• Well, I for one, think the flag finishes the porch nicely!
• I hope whoever took the USA flag brings it back bc Ricky and I bought you that flag!!

Might I add that W was obsessed with the fact that someone stole our USA flag and put up a "yucky Auburn flag". She talked about it ALL WEEK LONG!!!!

Next day: My husband tracks the GPS systems of the guys that work for him to make sure they didn't sabotage us. They are all scot free. Also,  I receive a plus size catalog in the mail. I'm beginning to feel like someone is out to get me. Y'all know I got issues - go easy on a girl.

We left for vacation after that. Still no leads. Many people with alibis. Looks like this case has gone cold.

Iron Bowl 2011 happens. We know the outcome - yes, my team dominated. I feel like I should retype that word in all caps. They showed off. It was awesome. TRich made his case for Heisman and we're probably gonna have the "Rematch of the Century" with LSU in Nola. Yes...we're hunting for number 14!! Woot. Here's a pic of what happened:

                                                        Alabama kicked Auburn's butt.

Anyway, vacation ends. Case is cold. Our team won. Ha ha. Good times. Big laughs. We'll buy a new USA flag when we get back. We stopped on the way home to have lunch with Mama Trish and Poppa at Olive Garden. Lunch was great - they even have my seasonal fave - Pumpkin Cheesecake - get you some!!! :) And then, it happened....as we were about to drive off, we learned the truth. Even the most hardened criminal has to brag to someone. We found our perp. Are you ready for this!?!?!? After almost a full week of wondering, blaming, speculating, and finger pointing. There was a confession that rocked the nation:

No, not the sweet little girl in the arms of the perp....but here's the perp himself - it was POPPA!!!!! :) We laughed forever about how stinking funny it was!!! And, how Poppa told us. He was so laid back, he just said, "hey, I took your flag, dude. And I put up that auburn flag". HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What's even more funny is that he had placed our USA flag safely in a bag and hid it in our grill!!! Love it!!!! That's what it's all about - having fun and getting a good laugh!!! What's even more funny is that Poppa is a gigantic Bama fan himself. He just loved sitting back listening to all the talk and having Mama Trish read him all the hilarious FB comments! This is why I heart my family! AND...why I love the rivalry so much. Even Bama fans punk other Bama fans!!! So much fun!!!

Lastly, you will be glad to know, that I do have permission to pass that not-so-lovely Auburn flag to my friend who so graciously offered to give it a good home. Of course, I told her that I first must put some gloves on before I touch such nastiness ;) Ha ha!!!

ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!! :) TRENT FOR HEISMAN!!!! :)

Thanksgiving and Whatnot

Fall is my favorite time of year. I've made that clear time and again. In case you forgot - there it is to remind you. I heart Fall. As family oriented as I am, we just don't have any true traditions for the fall holidays. It's kinda sporadic. So, this year, we have chosen to spend our Thanksgiving at the beach. We arrived earlier today - and it's 11pm - I'm in our bed in a beach house with a belly full of crab legs, wearing my lobster underwear (don't hate - they rock) and a tie dye t-shirt - fan on full blast, blogging, and watching an old Law and Order. Man, I could get used to this!! Downstairs, my little love is brushing her teeth, wearing her new Hello Kitty nightgown, getting ready to go night-night with Lovie. My big love is watching Fox News with my Dad. AND....to top it all off, my sweet Dubya is laying beside the bed with his chew toy. This is the life.

We've been here for about 8 hours and I already am relaxing a lot and am having a little moment of clarity about something that I am undertaking. I'm excited about a few more days of this....and lots of football, dinner with Jimmy's bff...alone time...family time....all of the above. I am thankful that we did this trip this year. I do love Fall and Thanksgiving - and I totally think it's quite alright to watch the Macy's parade, eat some honey baked ham and then play on the beach with your little love. OH...and who needs Black Friday when you have the outlet mall??!!

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving...whether you are unconventional like we are this year, or if you are hanging at your Grandparents, or if you are like my sweet work peeps who are workin' hard for the money, or if you are spending 5 hours cooking for your family. I hope you all realize how blessed that you truly are - and think a lot about the One who gave it to you...all because He loves you :)

You know what time it is??!!!!

CMAs baby!!! Time for the scrub wearing, tempo shorts rockin', patagonia pullover princess to act like a fashionista and bust these folks down :) ha ha. Enjoy.

Nicole Kidman - I just really don't see the hype. I'm sorry. Okay, you have beautiful skin. You have admitted to Botox, so clearly, you've had some help. I also doubt she's ever lathered herself in baby oil and laid on the trampoline in the summer to get a tan or laid buck naked in a tanning bed with a heart sticker on her lower abdomen to see how dark she was getting. The hair looked stringy and her dress reminded me of a black racer snake. And a choker? For real?

Faith Hill - Needs a highlight job. Yeah, sorry, boo. I also think that there may be a smuggling of something under that hair. Maybe you used a bump-it....or a birdcage. And why are you wearing white after Labor Day?

Carrie Underwood - your body is bangin'! I need the workout regimen that you use to get those legs! Dang! However, nothing says 'diva' like a wardrobe change - and it looks like you had several. The gold sparkly dress was gorgeous - mainly bc it was Reem Acra and that's who I wore for my wedding, so I have a soft spot in my heart :) The coral colored get-up with the big tulle bow looking thing on the hip reminded me a lot of Peaches and Cream Barbie. Y'all know how I feel about that tramp, Barbie. And, for the record, I didn't own Peaches and Cream Barbie. I played with her at my friend Ashley's house. Thirdly, the white Judy Jetson getup. Fail.

Taylor Swift - I still wanna hang out. If we did, we could maybe look at some different hairstyle ideas for the next awards show. You kinda do the same thing over and over again. It works, so maybe that's why you do it...I don't know. Your gown was a really neat color - kinda minty, wintery gray. I'm not sure about that thing at the bottom. What happened when you had to go potty? I hope the floor wasn't sticky and you had to drag it around onto the sticky bathroom floor. Yuck.

Reese Witherspoon - Hey. So, we're twins - everyone says so. Therefore, I can't bash your looks, or I'd be essentially bashing myself. I heart you and am glad that you didn't die when the old lady hit you with the car while you were out running.

LeAnn Rimes - Forgive me for this one, really. The mere typing of your name disgusts me. Your homewrecking butt looked ugly - not once, but twice. That first ruffly silvery dress thing looked like something out of the 80s and the black lacy number looked like someone trying to dress up as a slutty witch. You're not pretty enough to have your hair slicked back like that, either. Put that on twitter. Boo-ya.

Laura Bell Bundy - pssst....Halloween is over...you can stop pretending to be a peacock. There was no good reason to hold the chiffon of your dress out like you were flaring your feathers. Or since you're retiring from music, you're trying out for a vegas showgirl. Hmm...that's what I'm going with...You are very pretty, though :) Everything else rocked!

Ginnifer Goodwin - who? Am I supposed to know this person? I have a sneaking suspicion that I am. I like these colors together - like on a piano or a domino or on a dalmatian. Maybe just not this dress or if you put a streak in the front of your hair, it would kinda remind me of Cruella de Ville.

Jennifer Nettles - Love this look! I'm a fan of the sage-y color and the messy fun hair. Looks pretty and not like you tried so hard that you boardered on failure. Like it. Makes me even kinda forgive you for that song that said "all I wanna do-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-o-o".

Sara Evans - being that you are the wife of Jay Barker, I have to heart you. Roll Tide. I get nervous about the asymmetrical sleeve look. Maybe b/c I'm a little ocd and like equality and symmetry - maybe it's my issue - or the fact that I think it makes me look like a linebacker. The dress is just okay for me. Pretty color - really, it's brown, you can't jack up brown- pretty necklaces - nice shiny hair. I'll take it. I've decided that the bottom line with these award shows is: you just gotta get out without humiliating yourself.

Kellie Pickler - another potential hangout buddy. I bet she's hilarious! Lost some poundage - that's good. Kinda needs to fix that hair though - I think that the spray tanner, makeup artist, and hairstylist used the exact same color formula. Ouch. Monochrome is never cool for those things! Dress was another reminder of the MHS Beauty pageant....or Prom 1995.

Miranda Lambert - I think you're pretty :) Nice dress. Cute husband. Good singer. Seems pretty down to earth and regular. Maybe you can do my makeup sometimes. Yours looks good!

Meghan Linsey - Okay. So, I have NO idea who you are....but, I have one sentence for you: You are the blonde Snookie. This, my friend, is not a compliment.

Martina McBride - oh, I'm crying. I love you so - therefore, let's pretend like this night never happened and you didn't wear the heinous black bedazzled pantsuit and the dark matte 90s throwback makeup and that your pants weren't wrinkly at the crotch. Okay. We'll never discuss it again. Promise.

Lauren Alaina - I didn't watch American Idol, so I have no preconceived notions. Your dress reminds me of Barbarella though. I think you tried too hard.

Kimberly Perry - I. Love. You! Love your band. Love your songs. Even am kinda okay with the white (gasp), doily-esque dress. Mainly bc it's you and I'm proud for you. Love, Amy.

Kimberly Williams - Paisley - pretty color, pretty dress, cute husband, nice figure, pretty hair, seems nice. Yeah, the whole package :)

Hilary Scott - another Reem Acra...so, I'm automatically biased. Anyway, it's a pretty color and you look pretty. I just don't have anything fun and exciting to say about it. Next.

Reba - stop. just stop. You were awesome back in the day. Fancy was the bomb and I went to 2 of your concerts (don't hate, don't judge). You went so downhill with your tv show and the pitiful acting that my dad and I would joke on every week. Then you tried to make that clothing line that my work friends were joking on on Wednesday. Now you come out in this green velvet dress with sequin backpack-ish straps that are putting a half Nelson on your breasts. Retire, honey. Always remember: retirement before humiliation. I half expected to see a pair of Bass Bucs on your feet :(

Natasha Beddingfield - what are you doing there? You haven't sang anything since the song "Unwritten" in 2006. And, bless your heart, you were underdressed. That sucks.

Hmm....I didn't have much nice to say tonight ;) Ha ha. I will follow them all up with a "Bless Their Hearts" - that totally negates everything bad when you're a Southern girl!!!