WeyChii

Monday, September 12, 2011

start of something new

tomorrow is the submission day for my final piece of university work. finger cross for the printing to go well so that we will have our book submitted by 2pm. have to say this is not what i have been expacting it to be, no pin-up and presentation this time. and that's all. that's all for the 7 years of serious hard work (insisting on this because i still havent picked up much clues on ways to work smartly), some hard time and some enjoyable time.

almost everyday throughout the entire year there was always something that im rushing for or somewhere that im rushing to. think i was caught in my own worry, the worry of falling behind. and i had to keep pushing myself, go on weychii, just keep going. there is a resonance in my mind most of the time. 'after this you still have that to do, then you still have that, that, and that'. i felt taking a break is a luxurious. so i started not enjoying the moment, rather i forgot how to live in the moment. nobody is given extra energy and time for expression of emotion when stress out or fed up. and i know i should be able to handle this. slowly my emotion became numb.

so why cant i just sit back and relax for awhile or stay calmer a bit? i understand this about myself. i (think i) can only do well when i'm being supremely focus that i cant spare little of my attention on other things. bla bla bla...needless to explain all but guess you roughly get this. and now when everything ends, i can barely sit still and i even cant stand myself for doing nothing a moment. trully there is a sickness there.

at this moment, even though everything becomes abruptly slow as i need not to rush for this and that that that, i still feel myself experiencing the inertia of 'being in rush'.

need to stop this now. from now on, i have no reason not to stop for awhile and appreciate the joyness of little things in everyday life. and i must remember i can choose what to take in and what not to. i deserve to be a little happier now;)

yellow and blue, mellow and true.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

2 years now

just clicked into his fb page (we are not even friend in fb, lofl) n realised he is continuing study in other country. he attempted to talk to me once last year (before we really never see each other again) but i refused (ok more like im being timid). i wasnt ready and willing to face him even after a year. i hated him. what i chose was to ignore and forget about what had happened. i did it. all the way i kept reminding myself with the reasons how wrong it is that we are together. so then i will feel better with my decision to give up, to leave. after all, he didnt really give me the answer i wanted. i was certain that time my decision is right, the decision was well supported by some close friends too.

of course now the feeling of hatred is not as intense. n some part of the good memories (those that i were once thrown away from the memory) sneak in. i should not feel regret to be in love with him that time although i would still make the same decision if theres another chance. there were still some beautiful genuine moments we once shared. no matter how bad he had been described to me by friends, how bad he is when he always made me to help him to do the essays for submission (while i need to rush my own submission) or how bad i had to smell the second hand smoke from his cigarettes. in some (maybe little) way, he makes me a little better person. i dont remember what it was that made me that little better though.

a hk drama reminds me of this (dont laugh la): you need to face your fear to overcome it. that waasnt really a fear but something similar. to describe that maybe like...something that your trying to pretend its ok and think you have moved on but your actually confined. maybe this is something that halts me. i was and am still confused with what is good for myself and to the person i love.

maybe i will get to find the answer from someone one day...

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Chasing Cars -Snow Patrol

Monday, June 20, 2011

a day

chatted with dad this morning.

Dad: your sister said she might want to come home for summer. but she is going to be quite busy since she signs up for an extra lesson on web design in july, finished within a month and her school starts in sep. she might also look for a holiday job in the university.
Me: i was thinking to go back too but the air ticket is too expensive.
Dad: oh..then dont come back first, since it wont make much difference as you will be back after finishing this. i told your sister it is ok, she should go to travel around even if she didnt get any job at the university. (i tears)
Me: was thinking at least one of us to be at home to get mom busy on stuff, so that she will be distracted from the worried (i thought at least to let her know that everything will be ok)

even at this kinda moment, when the family needs me and my sister, he still let us do things that we want to do and not to worry on stuff. i didnt remember today is Fathers' Day. whether or not, this is beyond the words for the wishing.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

the dew of June

in the garden of the the Cawdor Castle, Inverness

Time for a good update (right!)

First of all, my apology for being away for too long, there are simply too much things happening throughout this academic year, good and not so good.

The slow me has to spend extra time n efforts than others to absorb as much information as possible, to figure things out and to make decisions (that includes what to eat for dinner;). Perhaps im here standing at the changing point of life and things are seen in more layer of spectrum. Part of the reality is many wont be bothered to really listen to what you say as everyone has their own standpoint and priority in life. Realise also sometimes lies sounds more real than the truth and you cant do much about that. Frivolous and fragile. But there is something that makes you smile, those who see the 'not so good' side of you and have faith in you. This describes the best: love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.
Besides busying on my final project like a bee, I have been working part-time in a restaurant. It is a challenge i throw to myself other than earning extra cash. I trully enjoy it for it has given me a little timeout from my ever expanding urban design mind. Also it strengthens (ok not much actually hah) my decision making in categorising things into the 4 boxes: more important and urgent, more important and less urgent, less important and urgent, less important and less urgent. One thing i realise after years graduated from high school and now soon-to-be another worker contributing (time and taxation) to the society, bits and pieces i learnt at that period of time comes into practical.

Another thing not to be forgotten is to go out and breathe different air=) im lucky enough to be more able to travel and explore the world this year, with friends who are really good in organising them and willing to give good advices. Highlands, Venice, Liverpool-Manchester-Leeds (study trip, not too much fun though), Northern Europe, Newtonmore, Western Isles. Another apology comes because I have not been able to keep my blog updated on each of the trip=s There are plenty to be shared, hopefully will get them posted one day;) And I miss the time spent with those who are not here this year, without you there is some fun missing Feli!;)

3 months left to complete the study and i have no clue where i will be after that. hope to spend maybe just two weeks at home but doesnt seem to be possible=(

anyway, be bright and we will see! =)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

time machine

if it is not too late for a birthday wish,
i wish to have a time machine so that i can be there for my dad n my mom anytime.