Better After - the best of your before and afters

25 In Personal

Knock knock!

Who’s there? It’s me. Hi!

I just wanted to check in. It’s been … a while. You may be surprised to learn that it’s somewhat difficult to maintain a regular blogging schedule while managing eight kids, a new marriage, and a full-time job, weird huh?

But I was a little shocked when I realized I hadn’t posted since April, even though, to refresh your memory, that post SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. (It didn’t, but it did change several people’s minds about how they should be drying their sheets, so … basically same thing).

Have you tried it yet? My secret method for drying sheets that will change your life forever? Not an exaggeration. People have included me in their wills for sharing this secret. (Slight exaggeration.)

So let’s catch up. What’s new with you? How are the kids? How’s your mom? How’s that thing on your foot?

Things are CRaZy here, my friends. We survived summer somehow, I’m not sure exactly how because it went by in a blur and now everyone is trying to tell me it’s August? LOL.

Oh no wait, it is halfway through August.

Oh no wait, I wrote that a week ago and then had to stop and finally started again and now it’s August 22nd.

Me again. It is now August 23rd. Sigh.

So the kids are all back in school, which means we have two 17-year-olds starting their senior year, and two kindergarteners starting school for the first time. Not crazy enough? The rest are in 8th, 7th, 5th, and 4th grade, which gives us six kids attending the same school since our elementary school is K-8. Do you know how many recorder concerts I will be attending this year? More than you, unless you are perhaps a middle school music teacher. I can already hear the delicate strains of ‘Hot Cross Buns’ floating across the cafetorium now.

We are getting more and more in the groove of this blended-family business, but very much still figuring things out. With the kids all so close in age, it’s almost like having four sets of twins. Most of the time that’s a good thing and they seem to genuinely get along, but most of the time I am also standing motionless in the darkened pantry silently eating handfuls of chocolate chips before they find me. KIDDING, I am not! Only sometimes! I am definitely not in here right now!

As far as the house goes, it hasn’t really gone anywhere yet. We are more in chaos-control mode than fix-up-the-house-cute mode. Truthfully, it is a bit of a bummer for me, so I’m trying to find projects that I can complete when I have an hour or two and a spurt of energy. I’m also working on a couple fun unrelated projects I plan to share soon. So put your excited pants on for that.

And now here are some FAQs that no one is asking me but I am pretending they did:

Is everything ok?? (Actually people really do ask me this one a lot, especially when I drop off the radar for a while. You guys are so sweet. Thanks for checking in on me, seriously.)

And yes!! Things are really great. Life is crazy, but good crazy now. So good. Good n’ Crazy. I’m making that into a bumper sticker for the 12 passenger van we still need to buy.

Will this blog ever be the same?

I … don’t think so. I still love before and afters with all my heart, but after 10 years of writing this blog, I just don’t have the burning desire (or time) for delivering regular content on the topic. However! I still love writing for you my friend, so even though I may not be blogging about makeovers, nor as frequently as in the past, I truly do want to keep it up, in whatever form or topics it takes on from here. I’d really love to hear your input and thoughts on that.

The sheet thing. It sounds weird. Does it really work?

YES! Try it. You won’t regret it.

What are your best tips for blended families?

Well I’ve been at it for eight whole months, so don’t look at me. Give me YOUR tips, blended family folks! What is your best advice if you grew up in a blended family, or have been navigating one for at least … nine months haha. I’d love to make that into an upcoming post.

Alright, that’s all I have for now. And it is still August 23rd, how do you like that. Thanks for hanging with me. Say hi to your mom.

August 23, 2019 By Lindsey @ Better After

31 In Accessory Guide/ bedroom/ My House

The Best Bedsheets Plus My SHOCKING Tip for Making Them Last Forever!

Let’s talk about sheets babes. What’s your preference? Satin? Egyptian cotton? Whatever is clean and fits the bed? Are you hip to this so-called ‘millennial’ trend of not using a flat sheet? I must be like, so trendy, because I’ve been doing that with my kids for years. (It’s just easier and they don’t miss it. Or care, or think about sheets, ever).

While I consider myself a pretty easy-going person, I’m a drama-queen of the highest degree when it comes to the types of sheets I use. I absolutely can’t stand microfiber, polyester should be internationally outlawed, and jersey is basically the same thing as sleeping in a giant sweaty t-shirt. I said it. Flannel? I’d rather sleep on a bed of snakes.

Speaking of, we stayed at the cutest little AirBnb in California a while back, and everything was adorable and perfect until we got into bed and rubbed up against the roughest set of flannel sheets to ever exist on this earth. Like, they probably exfoliated my legs. To make things worse, the mattress also had this super-crinkly cover underneath, so it was literally like sleeping on a hot flannel diaper. I had nightmares all night, zero stars.

So when California Design Den contacted me to do a review of their 600-thread-count 100% cotton sheets, they did so at their own risk. I warned them of my sheet snobbery. They sent them anyway.

I expected something along the lines of those sheet kiosk things you sometimes see at a swap-meet or on the side of the road (maybe this is only a Phoenix thing? Please confirm if roadside sheet sales also exist in your part of the world?) I’ve never been tempted by these sketchy sheets, but I’ve heard that they seem impressive at first and fall apart after a couple washes.

Likewise, these new sheets also seemed great at first. Light, breathable cotton. Soft, but with a little ‘snap’ to it, like straight out of a high-end hotel. Deep 18″ pockets that had no trouble staying on our pillow-top mattress. But would time tell a different story??

I put them through a few weeks of washes to see if they held up, and was thrilled to see that they have, perfectly. They feel even better now than the day they arrived.

It comes down to the authentic 600-thread count. (Don’t be fooled by imitators. Not every claim of “XYZ” thread-count is accurate. Those ‘1000 thread-count’ sheets you bought at TJ Maxx for $34 are lying straight to your face honey).

Luxury sheets are typically around 400 – 800 thread count, and that number itself depends on the fabric of your sheets. Satin threads are thinner, so sateen sheets may have a higher number, but linen sheets of the same caliber could be lower, just because the thread itself is larger. If you see a number that seems too good to be true, it probably is. Flannel doesn’t even have a thread count because flannel is the worrrst.

Not only was I happy to find that these are truly top-quality sheets, I was also happy to learn that California Design Den sheets are made ethically, sustainably, and with environmentally friendly materials and processes. Each product is created in a socially compliant, LEED v4 certified factory that supports more than 300 working families. Sheets are measured individually and hand-inspected for perfection before shipping, so you’ll never get a wonky sheet, they guarantee it.

Is it worth it to pay more for quality sheets? Yes. One hundred percent. They’ll last longer, get better with age, and – I’m convinced – improve your quality of sleep. You spend so much time in contact with your sheets, why spend an extra minute with some less-than fabric like gross microfiber that suffocates your body and snags on your toenails and dry heels. You know the feeling. *fullbodyshudder*

But good news for everyone! I was surprised to see how affordably priced these sheets are too. So put back those liar-liar TJ Maxx sheets and spend just a bit more for true quality. I’m happy to endorse California Design Den and definitely give them my sheet-snob stamp of approval. Find them here on Amazon. (affiliate link)

And now, here’s my crazy tip for making your sheets last forever and feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven, and heaven is your bed like you suspected all along:

I put them on the bed, wet.

Shocking? Perhaps! I wash my sheets and they go straight from the washing machine to the bed. Obviously they are not soaking wet, dripping up the stairs, making my mattress a soggy cess-fest, but they are damp. I learned this trick years ago from the Pioneer Woman, and I’ve done it ever since for a few reasons.

First, it saves your sheets from the wear and tear of the dryer. In the past, I’ve had sheets go in the dryer a-ok, and come out shredded and torn. Most manufacturers actually suggest that you only lightly dry your sheets. You shouldn’t be putting them in there to roast on high for 60 minutes, what do you think you are doing, baking a cake? You are not.

So I bypass the dryer completely and put them right back on the bed. The fitted sheet, then the flat sheet (untucked), then I smooth the pillowcases out on top of that. This works for me in my desert climate, and my sheets are perfectly dry in a couple of hours. I understand that not everyone lives in an arid wasteland, so this isn’t possible everywhere. Too bad for you, because not only does it extend the life of your sheets, it feels SO GOOD.

Since they lay flat while they dry, the sheets will naturally ‘iron’ themselves out. I’m talking smooth as glass. Wrinkled sheets are a thing of my past. Every time I climb into bed after washing my sheets, it’s like I have a personal butler who quietly buttles around my house, concerning himself with ironing my sheets and such things. I feel so pampered. Really though, it’s a treat. There is definitely a difference in how a freshly flat-dried sheet feels vs. one that got deep-fried in the dryer and came out in a wadded up ball. And they still smell just as fresh!

The left side of these pics shows my damp, fresh-out-of-the-washer sheets, and the right is a couple hours later. Crazy huh?

I wish I had a super fabulous master bedroom to show you right now instead of wet sheets, but I’m currently at a stage where getting laundry done is a huge achievement, so lets just celebrate it for the win it is!

Tell me all your deepest thoughts about sheets, no really, I want to know.

Find more California Design Den products here.

April 17, 2019 By Lindsey @ Better After

35 In My House

Come to My House, I Will Show You Around

Hi friend! Would you like to hear a little bit about the house we just bought to fit our brand new family of ten? And maybe take a tour? You would? Fantastic.

(Fair warning: we have barely touched the house since we moved in. Give us a break man, we did a lot of big stuff like getting engaged and married and blending families and buying a house and moving all in a very short period of time. We are tired. So I’m just sharing some ‘before’ or ‘pre-move-in’ photos today, cool? Cool).

After we got married in September last year, Cannon moved into my rental house with me and my kids, though we knew we’d have to start looking for a bigger place right away. But we were stumped … should we rent? Buy? Build? Stay in my town? Move to the other side of the Phoenix valley and start fresh? We avoided making a decision for about a month, mostly because I am a world champion at Decision Avoidance. It should an Olympic event, because I would DOMINATE. I think. Most likely. Not sure. Maybe. No yeah, I probably could.

So we (I) waffled for a while, but we ultimately had to make a quick decision because his kids were moving down from Utah after Christmas to start school, and stuffing ten people just barely getting to know each other into a teeny rental house sounds like the premise of a reality show nobody wants to watch.

We decided to call a realtor friend to look at a few houses nearby. Fun times: since we started our search in my neighborhood, the first three homes he showed us were the exact same model of the house my ex-husband and I once owned. Ehhh. While I obviously liked that particular model enough to have chosen it once before, it was just too weird to consider. And also not big enough for ten people. And real weird.

Then we looked at a couple more homes that were big enough, but required so much work. Imagine if someone discarded a bunch of industrial-grade carpet, and someone else stole that carpet from a dumpster, then took the dumpster carpet and infused it with the stench of ten thousand cigarettes, then, using NASA-grade adhesive, glued it to every walkable surface of the house, (and a few walls) and then tried to get you to pay money for it. Girl, I do not have the energy.

So no, embarking on a brand new life with eight kids did not find us in the mood for a fixer-upper. (Unless that is a reality show people WOULD watch??? Call my people, we’ll set something up).

Then one afternoon our realtor called us. He said he had a house available and the owners were moving out of the country and were eager to sell. We hurried over to check it out.

I know it sounds extra-cheesy, but as soon as we walked inside, it felt like home. We both could immediately feel it … just a really peaceful, welcoming vibe. It was clearly well cared for and as I looked around, it felt to me like the home of a happy family. Well to my surprise, I later learned that I actually knew the family! I had never been to their house before, obviously, but I’ve known them for years and they are the sweetest people. I feel like that’s half the reason that the home had such good energy.

Better After new house in Arizona, tan stucco home

The other half is probably because yes, as fate would have it, it was supposed to be our home too. We were under contract in two weeks. Apparently we like to do things really, really fast.

But now that we’re actually moved in, we are taking things slow. Might be nice to catch our breath for a bit, you know? So other than repainting the walls white and the doors black, everything else is untouched so far. We don’t even have a dining table that fits everyone yet. (Side note, where can I find a table for ten that doesn’t look like something your great-grandma churned butter on, or cost several billion dollars? Need tips).

So! Enough rambling. Let’s take a peek inside! I wanted to share the MLS photos today, just to give you a glimpse of how the house looked when we bought it, (also, let’s be honest, we are only like 46% moved in and in no state to start sharing house pics yet and also I don’t even know where my camera is), and to serve as the before pics as we go about transforming this house to be more ‘us.’ Like I said, my friends had kept it so nicely maintained, but there are still lots of things we plan to tweak and change to reflect our style. So far, I think Cannon and I are on the same page style-wise. That would be a huge bummer if we weren’t. But remember, I already knew that about him on the our first date when he was excitedly showing me pictures of tile and faucets haha he’s so cute. Ok, I am still rambling, sorry. Here’s pics!

As you may know, any house built in the 2000s in Arizona comes standard in beige, brown, more beige, and maybe some tan to spice things up. These walls are now white and the doors are black. We plan to update the railing next.

The formal front room, strictly for use when the Pope or Oprah come to visit, or Poprah, as I like to call them when they visit at the same time. Alas, that happens less often than you’d think, so this will become an office.

I think this is supposed to be a formal dining room, but since we eat on paper plates while hovering over the kitchen sink (haha but really), we plan to make this a music room. We have a drum set, a piano, several guitars, two ukuleles, and a violin, so we’re placing our bets that at least one of these kids will become a virtuoso/rock star/one-hit-wonder and support us into our old age. It will totally make up for the UNENDING CHAOS that is having eight kids and a drum set, a piano, several guitars, two ukuleles, and a violin.

Dining area is a great size for a crowd. Current plans include deciding on a new light fixture, railing, and a table that doesn’t require us to eat in shifts.

The kitchen struggles a bit. It is not laid out very efficiently and the island is weirdly small and off-center. The oven door practically bumps into it when it’s open.

It will get a redo as soon as we can make it happen. I have dreams of physically removing that island with my bare hands and throwing it out the nearest window.

The family room is nice and roomy. As you can see, the previous owners had several large pieces in here. We currently have a single sofa, floating all forlornly in the middle of the room because we like to live like squatters I guess. However! We did just order a new sofa, our first big purchase for this house, so we’re coming along.

I’m most excited for this room. The previous owners used it for a bedroom, but it’s actually a large loft. The goal here is a super fun space where all the kids can play, read, relax, or watch the world’s most annoying YouTube videos at an deafeningly high volume at 6 am. (Is this just my kids?) Going to take some thinking to make this room happen …

Master bedroom is a blank canvas. The whole house feels like a blank canvas, especially now that all the walls are bright white. (There are like, bathrooms and stuff too, but who really wants to see MLS pics of that? Not me. MLS pics of bathrooms are the worst, like oh here is a toilet).

Wow, thanks for reading, this got long. Anyway. We’re just really really grateful that we found a house that fits the needs of this crazy bunch so well, and so quickly too. It’s overwhelming for sure, (I also dominate in the Olympic event of Being Consistently Overwhelmed) but I’m so excited to see where it can go and what we can create together. I hope you’ll follow along!

PS: title of this blog post is a favorite song by a favorite band of mine.

PPS: did you know I have a Better After Amazon page of all my favorite Amazon finds? Will you possibly be so kind to give it a quick visit? Amazon is threatening to to take it away from me for lack of promoting it. #badblogger But I’ve spent a good deal of time collecting some great stuff there, from hand-picked decor, to my tried-and-true beauty products, to my favorite books that I promise will make you snort-laugh, so please give it a quick click if you can! Thanks so much friend.

March 14, 2019 By Lindsey @ Better After

76 In Personal

Story Time: Part Four – The END??!

Hello again. So sorry to leave you hanging for way longer than I intended. I wanted to finish up this whole story before 2019 hit, but what the heck happened, we’re already more than halfway through January? Stop it! Anyway, how was your 2018? Mine was one for the books, as I’ve been sharing over the last few posts. Today I’m finally wrapping up the final (for reals this time) chapter of those recent real-life events, a story thus far filled with INTRIGUE and SCANDAL but mostly just CRYING! Catch up on part one, two, or three if you care to follow along.

Or, here’s a quick recap:

I got divorced in 2017 after my 15-year marriage ended and it was a walk in the park, if the park was on fire and I was on fire and everything was on fire. So basically, the worst. I coped by floundering around like a fish out of water for a long time. Just flip flopping all over the place, gasping for air, confused, lost, all bug-eyed and scary looking. (If you too are finding yourself in a floundering fish phase of your life, don’t worry. I have learned that it’s actually quite normal. It feels like forever, but it does end. You’ll flop out of it in no time, you cute lil’ fish).

Then some other stuff happened, such as: I met a man named Cannon, he is the best, and we ran away and got married. Sorry, that was not a great recap. You’ll figure it out, you’re smart.

***

Ok, so this part of the story is where I wanted to tell you why we got married where we did, and I’ve written and rewritten it about 50 times and I just can’t get comfortable enough with it to share it all. I think it’s just so personal and special (and admittedly a bit crazy) that it’s best kept in my heart and not just flung out there across the internet, you know? So please forgive me for being mostly vague here. I hope you’ll understand.

Rewind to August. Phoenix in August, fun fact, is slightly warmer than a hellhole on the surface of the sun, so we took off to California for a quick escape. We didn’t have any big plans for the day, so Cannon suggested we check out the Griffith Observatory. I had seen it from afar, but had never been there. It’s on the hill east of the Hollywood sign so you can see the back side of it from all over Los Angeles.

(You are thinking, ‘I bet that’s where he was planning to propose yawnboringstory,’ but NO. You are wrong. You’re so sassy sometimes).

We didn’t get engaged there with some magical pre-planned picnic at sunset or anything. It was much weirder (and sweatier) than that. We drove up to the top of the hill and got turned away because the lot was full. Apparently LA only has six parking spots available at any one time, so we had to drive back down the hill and park literally miles away from the observatory. An impromptu hike back up the hill followed.

So it was there, under the glaring sun, panting and sweating heavily, when I finally walked onto the grounds of the Griffith Observatory for the first time in my life and [vague alert] was hit with the most unexpected, most unmistakably profound realization I have ever had.

I just stood there for a long time, completely, totally stunned. It almost felt like an out-of-body experience. Dumbfounded, but overcome with the most peaceful, surreal feeling, right there on the sidewalk surrounded by tourists and day campers and a boyfriend who probably thought I was having a stroke.

I can’t explain it, and I know it sounds 1000% crazy, but I suddenly somehow knew, deep in my bones, that all this time life had secretly been unfolding right on schedule, conspiring all along to bring us both exactly to this point. I saw it so clearly, so perfectly.

(Obviously the universe has a sense of humor. Could there have possibly been a more fitting location for planets to align than an observatory???)

A short time later we ran away to California again.

Did you know that weddings are not permitted at the Griffith Observatory? But elopements are! (That might not be true. We just made some assumptions and went for it).

At 6:00 am on a foggy Saturday in September, we made our way back to the Griffith Observatory, and said our vows, with our photographer acting as our officiant, and a janitor with a ridiculously loud vacuum as our single (uninvited) witness, in a $50 dress and a bouquet I made myself, and it was perfect.

Not long after my divorce, early in 2017, I wrote a list of qualities that would make an ideal partner. I folded it up, stuck it in the back of a notebook and completely forgot all about it.

Then, well over a year later – a month after we were married in fact – a little pink piece of folded paper fell out of that notebook. My wishful-thinking wish-list. Twenty-one qualities, written in green marker. I laughed until I cried. This man is twenty-one for twenty-one.

It would be really lame of me not to recognize this chain of events, and this incredible man landing in my life as what they are: gifts from God to a very undeserving but sincerely grateful daughter.

THE END

Just kidding.

This party is just getting started.

Because guess what else? That incredible man has four kids. And someone else I know has four kids too. It’s me. What I’m saying is we have eight kids. WE HAVE EIGHT KIDS. And it’s extra crazy because all our kids are almost the same ages. So it’s sort of like having three sets of twins. Two 17-year-olds. Two 12-year-olds. Two five-year-olds. And a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old. DID YOU HEAR ME ARE WE CRAZY WHAT ARE WE DOING?! (You can follow our blended family adventures on instagram at @ateam10)

ALSO, we just bought a house to fit this massive family of ten, and we’re about to move in in a few weeks and start fixing it up. Yay! Fun things to share on this blog again.

So yeah. You are all caught up. That is the status of my life. It is 2 million percent different than it was a year ago.

I wish I had some beautifully profound words to wrap all this up, but I’ll just leave you with this:

January 18, 2019 By Lindsey @ Better After

32 In Personal

Story Time – Part Three

Welcome back to the third (possibly final?) chapter of my story. Start at the beginning here, and don’t miss part two, filled with drama, bitterness, one swear word, and more!

Where were we …

Despite life sucking the life out of me and leaving me a half-functioning shell of my former self, I decided hey, why not venture into the world of online dating? It didn’t seem like a great idea, but I was fresh out of great ideas. Truthfully though, like I said yesterday, I felt really compelled to download a particular app and give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen? I wake up in a bathtub filled with ice missing my kidneys? Fine. I could use an ice bath anyway, it’s hot here.

I matched with this cute Cannon guy who was brand new to Phoenix. We casually texted for a little while, and he seemed like a normal human person who probably wouldn’t kidnap me and sell my organs on the dark web, so we arranged a real-life date. I asked him at this point for all of his info so I could make sure he wasn’t wanted for murder in 17 states. He said, ‘nope only 15,’ so it was a go!

I chose the date, a moonlight hike in the mountains a couple miles from my house. I gave him a convenient meeting point address that was … about 20 miles away. For safety. Can’t let some internet weirdo know what town I live in, you know? Also, it sounds romantic, but there were literally 500 people on the same hike. SAFETY!

Everything went pretty well … conversation was nice, he seemed really smart, he pretended not to be too scared off when I passionately launched into a detailed rundown of my favorite conspiracy theories. “Do you think Beyonce is a victim of MK-Ultra?? Of course she is. What are your thoughts on Pizzagate??” (GREAT topic for lightweight first date banter, by the way, can’t recommend it enough).

It was a pleasant time, but I can’t exactly say sparks were flying. He was recently divorced and very new to the dating scene and kind of came off like … a co-worker? Slightly distant, very professional. Not flirty or touchy in the slightest. Not that I wanted to be groped or anything haha, obviously, but maybe an arm brush or two would have been nice? A pat on the back? A firm handshake? I left the date wondering if he liked me at all, even though the evening had flowed really easily and we seemed to have a lot of common ground. Was it the Beyonce thing? Dammit Lindsey, it was definitely the Beyonce thing.

Two weeks later, I knew without a doubt that he was my future husband.

TO BE CONTINUED

Kidding! Just kidding! Keep reading …

We went out again, and then again, until we were seeing each other every single day. I even eventually told him where I lived! We had so much in common that bonded us immediately. We were raised in really similar LDS households where we were the oldest child, we both had four kids: three boys and a girl, and our kids ages even lined up almost exactly. We had both come out of long marriages that could best be described as … a trial (to leave a LOT out of the story and put it REALLY nicely), we liked all the same music (that seems like a really inconsequential tidbit, but I was surprised to see how great it was to not silently grit my teeth in mental musical agony) and then there was the whole aspect of work too.

Remember how part of his job is overseeing remodeling projects? I kinda knew he was a keeper on our first date, because he got really excited talking about faucets. Haha, but seriously. For a while he would text me pictures of his renovations and ask my opinions, which was basically the equivalent of sexting me. (Sorry mom these are jokes). ‘Yes baby, show me that tiled fireplace, you know what I like.’

Beyond our commonalities, there was just something so calming and comforting and solid about him, something that felt like coming home. I had been having these gross spells of anxiety every single day, for so long that they felt like old friends, old stupid friends that stay over uninvited and fart on your futon and won’t leave your house, but they stopped after I met him. Just disappeared one day. Oh my gosh, I could finally breathe again.

Then, we both had some really, really personal, confirming experiences that could have only come from a higher power. I know exactly when and where mine happened; it hit me like a bullet in the chest, and when it did, I just started laughing and LAUGHING. (Is nonstop laughter an appropriate reaction to feeling feelings? Help I am not sure). It was a feeling that I don’t know how or even want to try to put into words. But I just knew. I don’t think Cannon knew quite yet at that point. (It was literally two weeks after our first date). But I did.

That was around the end of July. By the end of September we were married. And now please call an ambulance because I am currently typing this from a bathtub filled with ice I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

Kidding kidding. So far everything has been so so very good. Um, why didn’t you tell me sooner that a relationship could be like this?? Pshh, rude.

Well kids, that’s it for now. I’ll wrap this up tomorrow, with a little more about our elopement, so come on back if you’re into that. And thanks so much for all the kind and loving comments you’ve shared here and on Facebook, it really means SO much to me. I wish I could hug you all right in your cute cute face.

November 29, 2018 By Lindsey @ Better After

21 In Personal

Story Time – Part Two

Hi! Thanks for coming back for part two of my DRAMA FILLED LIFE SAGA! Not really, but kinda. Catch up on part one if you missed it here.

So to recap … my 15-year marriage had ended and I was emotionally/mentally/physically/spiritually frozen, for a good year and a half. Even my hair stopped growing during this time. (I also had a real fun case of adult acne, see how I finally got that under control here). (Still looking for tips on the hair thing).

I learned a lot of things during this period, I wish I could remember what they were, haha. I was very numb. One cliche I learned, and I’d bet anyone who has gone through a divorce will say the same, is that you really do find out who your true friends are. So many people that I considered to be my close friends just went completely silent. The majority of them, in fact. It hurt bitterly, and still hurts, and those friendships will never be the same, not to me. There were a steady few who checked in, or did little thoughtful things, got me out of the house once in a while, and those kind gestures meant the world.

It was very surprising to see who took the time to reach out; most often it was quieter ‘background’ friends and acquaintances, not the people I thought I was closest to. I was really, really disappointed in my church family too, I’ll say it on the record. As a freshly-divorced single mother of four, there was next to nothing by way of support from an organization that prides themselves on caring for the sick and ‘afflicted.’ I’m not talking about financially, I’m capable of providing for myself, but just to feel cared for, loved, and noticed. Outside of a trusty handful of kind souls, you would have thought I had a communicable disease. As a church, we are awesome at taking casseroles to new mothers or helping people who need to move furniture, but wow, severely lacking in the ‘bear one another’s burdens’ department. On a positive note, I truly am thankful that it opened my eyes though, because I could have been accused of doing (or not doing) these very same things too. I’m not perfect by any means, but I do try to be much more aware now.

When someone goes through a difficult time, we often say “Well, I just don’t know what to do. Maybe they want their space. I don’t want to bother them.” I have learned that this is total bullshit. Do something. Like, take ten seconds to send a text. I bet you can think of at least five people right now who are going through SOMETHING. “Hey, how are you holding up? I’m thinking about you.”

(Sorry, were you expecting a happy-ending funtime story today? We’ll get there, I promise!)

I also got a lot of “Wow! I had no idea you were struggling! You seem so strong!” I don’t … really have an answer for that one. Thanks? I am so strong that tearing my family in half and turning my life completely upside down has had no effect on me? Everything I thought I knew has been ripped out from under me, look at me go with my bad self? I don’t even know. I DO know that most people don’t have bad intentions. We’re just all a bunch of human beings running around bumping into each other, making messes and trying our best.

Annnnnyway. I’m not calling out anyone in particular, just some thoughts I needed to share. Thanks for letting me get that lil’ rant off my chest. The moral of the story is … never be satisfied with doing nothing. Never do nothing.

(Seriously, sorry that this took a dark turn, I don’t have a plan for how I’m structuring this story, I just start typing and that’s what we got today).

Let’s go back to that hunky Cannon guy, back to the time where I was simultaneously frozen and a hot mess. A special talent that I have perfected, don’t be jealous. Great time to try some online dating, huh? No, but for some reason I felt very compelled to download a particular LDS dating app and give it a shot. One month, that’s it, I told myself.

Oh boy. It was … interesting. Someone needs to teach a class for single men on how to take a selfie that A) isn’t an up-the-nose extreme close-up, B) does not make you look like a serial killer, C) probably shouldn’t contain guns as a general rule, D) wasn’t taken at your dead wife’s grave (WHAT EVEN), E) the serial killer thing again just to really drive it home, F) are you … are you wearing a Scooby-Doo costume?

Ruh-roh.

There was one particular guy who seemed to have his act together. He seemed super nice and was capable of stringing together more than one sentence at a time, so things were looking up. He had a cool job, that wouldn’t you know, was all about overseeing high-volume remodeling projects. I told him about this blog and he actually seemed genuinely interested. We texted for a while and then decided to meet in person, for a DATE! Evidently this is a big deal in the world of online dating, where typically there is a period of fast and furious texting followed by never ever hearing from that person ever again, ever.

Shoot gang, that’s all the time I have for today! So sorry!! I probably should have written the whole thing first and published it all at once, but well, too late now. Come back tomorrow? More happiness less ranting, I swear!

TO BE CONTINUED…

UPDATE: Read part three here

November 28, 2018 By Lindsey @ Better After

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