To Be a Child

So...  after much struggle (yeah, no thanks to procrastination), exams pretty much ended (with much relief). After exam, my friends and i went to the Scottish Highlands to enjoy the scenery. 

At the mountain top Old Man of Storr

After that, it was time to move out from our halls and right now am currently living at my friend's place (yeah i know, complicated relationship -.-)

                                                  

Currently, i am undergoing a one-month research placement at the London School of Pharmacy. Pretty much excited about it thought it has its highs and lows. I figured it would be a great way to get myself exposed to the weird weird world of academia. Together with my supervisor, Dr Wei, i am learning and working on X-ray Diffraction techniques on Napthalene Diimide stabilized G-Quadruplexes structures.

                  

The other day i was in church early (surprisingly!). As i was sitting there and just observing around, i saw a bunch of kids running around the church chasing one another. They were obviously fearless and oblivious to what others would think about them. And more importantly, they were having fun ! Then i saw this boy. While he was chasing a girl half way (i think they were playing tag), he tripped fell down to the ground. Judging by the fact that he was running close to the speed of light, i guess he would get a pretty bad bruise. As i wait and prepare to cringe for the loud wailing sound of a kid crying...

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I mean like, seriously, no crying, no 'ouch!', no 'boo hoo' stuff.. just..nothing.. He just sat on the ground for a while, grinned mischievously at the girl he was chasing before, picked himself up from the ground and started running again. And THAT got me thinking...

now where and when did we go wrong when we were growing up ?

Remember the times when we used to be indifferent of other people's opinions about how we act, how we dress, how we talk, how we walk ? 

Remember the times when all we know is about having fun in life, even if it means falling down and hurting ourselves ? 

Remember the times when we still know how to pick ourselves up from the ground, looked around for a while, then laughed at ourselves before continuing running around and just having fun ?

now where and when did we go wrong when we were growing up ?

As i grow older in life, i realized that i became more and more conscious of what people know about me. In the hassle of pleasing others, i lost my freedom. In the worries of people's opinions, i forgot how it feels and how it is to just go out there and chase after my own dreams. Instead of doing what i think is right, i always think about what would make people happy. Instead of having fun in life, i was frantically running in a rat race always trying to be the top. Instead of chasing after my own dreams, my own ideals, i give in to other people's 'it is impossible. it cannot be done' speech. 

Thank God for showing me that now and i can now understand better what was described in Matthew 18:3 "And he said:" I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." 

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Life is not meant to be deprived of freedom to achieve your dreams. No one has the right to judge others because no one will ever know what one's battles are in life. Everyone is unique in his and her own ways. Everyone is beautiful in God's eyes because we are His masterpiece. 

We have a children in us, it's time to let it reign one again in our soul =)

Far Too Long

It's been quite a while since i last updated my blog, partially because i got so caught up with the excitement of studying in the UK and trying to settle down with the current life.

Praise God indeed that i have great friends around me who i intend to learn and grow with in life.

Tonight's just another normal night but reflecting on the past  6 months here, i realized that i am not the same as i was before i came here, for better or for worse. But definitely, somehow somewhere i have changed. Although it's yet to be clear what have, the journey of self reflection will definitely show them up one by one.

Feeling exceptionally tired recently. After examining the past few weeks, i suddenly felt a strong pang of fear, burden and tiredness. Too much going on in life, too little time to take a breath. There are so many things wanting to be done, and yet, so many wanted things to be done. In light of the problems that some of my friends have, i realized that it's really not an easy journey life is.

Prayer is indeed most needed now. I once heard from my friend, "God always answers prayers, but sometimes, not in the way you want to". And i believe so. Although it's been tiring, i can't give thanks enough to God for His blessings. In fact, compared with so many others, i really don't have anything to complain about. I am so much more fortunate to the people around me, even just seeing the sun rising each day sets me apart from a lot of people.

I am blessed and i am indeed highly favored. I like the quote that "unless you learn to die, you will never learn to live". I remembered that there was this one day that i had a throbbing pain in my chest (possibly a muscle tear after swimming) but i seriously thought that it could be a symptom of heart attack (call me paranoid !), and i just prayed that i will wake up the next day as i lay down on my bed. That moment really made me realize that there are so many simple things in life that we take for granted, and so many blessings in life that we fail to give thanks to God for.

God only have three types of response to prayers:
1) Yeah sure ! Tell me what is your plan and we can work this out together !
2) Hmm.. yeap, going to give it to you, but can you just perhaps wait a bit longer, please ?
3) I see.. well.. tell you what, scrap that thing you want, i am going to give you a bettter one !

Hahaha.. gosh, felt so much clear headed now. I think God put me in life at this place here, right now for a reason. I did not make it into Oxbridge for some reasons, and i am not doing medicine or engineering, definitely for some reasons. Whatever that reasons, i will learn each day to trust in God that whatever happens, He will always supersede my expectations !

Just because i can't see how my situation currently fits into the big picture, doesn't mean that it is not a major part in God's framework of life for me =)

Although sometimes i have yet to understand nor grasp the idea of what God wants for me, i pray that everyday i will continue to live the life that God has given me to the fullest ! =D

Life is Like a Cup of Tea

Faith

This morning i had one of the most enjoyable teaching experience in my life. It was an extra chemistry class in school for Form 4 students. Not only was it eventful 'cause halfway we were asked to move tables back to the meeting room (after the teachers' day celebration), we were also treated to lunch as well. It was extremely fun and we joked here and there. In between the class, we even stood up in the dark and they started singing. We also danced to the tune "一切歌颂赞美", a Praise and Worship song by a Christian band. The best of all, they were attentive when lessons were going on.

I really enjoyed the two hours spent on them this morning and i totally love the feeling of mingling with them !

Acting Left4Dead Scene

Gobbling up the food

Just now spent the night chatting with a friend at Jiang Mama cafe. We talked about spiritual stuff as well as some Boys' Brigade matters. He made me realize a fundamental truth that i always find myself violating. This is what he said to me,

"要是我们要行神的旨意,首先要歇掉我们的自我思想. 不要以为凡事都只是靠自己的能力. 要明白我们都是借靠神的力量来完成我们的施工. 先求神的国,神的义,神必定大大祝福你!"

I realize a lot of times when something is successful, i'm proud of myself; and when something goes awry, i'll blame it on myself too. I've forgotten to submit all that i have to God and leave the results in His mighty hands. I've always known the phrase "seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things SHALL be added unto you." but i've rarely practised it, always trying to do things in my own ways and by my own strength.

My friend made me realize that if we follow God, He will bless us mightily in ways that are unimaginable. I hope i'll never forget that.

So far, i've still left with a lot of things undone and books that i must read before i go off for further studies and time seems to zooming past me. I hope, with God's Grace and His Strength i can finish all that i endeavor before going off.

Just now i also watched a movie about a Knight Templar fighting for freedom and he said this to a squire "only the weak fight in battles as who they are as men"

Only the weak fight in battles as who they are as men

God grant me the strength and Grace to do everything i can in my life to achieve His purpose for him.

Thank you God.

The Two "Yi"

Last night i went to a banquet in Kingwood on the invitation of Nicholas for his granddad's birthday. The MC gave an anecdote which i find really meaningful,

One day, there were two person in the cafe shop talking about a 亿万富翁 ("yi wan fu weng" which means billionare).

"Wow.. i really admire that billionare. I wonder how he manage to do it..." the first guy said

"Cheh... so what ? He has one "yi" but i have two !" the other replied.

"What !? Impossible!"
"Nope, he may have one "yi" (a billion dollars), but i have 得意 (de yi) and 回忆(hui yi) !"

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

It was really something that stuck in my mind because barely that morning i was thinking of the same thing too. After the extra Chemistry class in school, 7 of the students and i went out to the cafe adjacent to our school and we were chatting and discussing about their friends, problems and other teenage stuff. The feeling was great because they were open about what they think and although i am older, i don't feel secluded. It was a great time.

Then after i went back, i wonder if i would be able to recreate the same environment when i become a teacher one day. Will my students, see me, not as an adult, but as a friend as well and talk to me as though i am one of their peers ?

It was really a good time and one that will last in my memory and i grateful for that opportunity. On another brighter side, through the two weeks, i have finally found something that i am good in in which i am willing to do for free ! I hope the passion continues and through this two weeks, i am pretty much reassured that that's my area of strength and that's where my future lies =)

But then, i realize i have very poor time management. Ended up with a lot of undone things such as unread books which i am SUPPOSE to have finish by now. I guess i gotta take some time off later to rearrange my priorities. A bit stressed this weekend because of the sudden request to perform in a church orchestra for the upcoming concert and i was busy preparing myself for the practices. Being out of practice for 6 months and the fact that i only performed a few times in a symphony orchestra does not sit well together lol.

"But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

But i thank God for the opportunity. Initially, i rejected the request because the past performance was stressful and there were upsets. But after that, i changed my mind. I've always thought that we need to put our past experiences behind us after learning lessons from them. They should never be a chain that ties us to the ground and prevent us from soaring high. I guess it's time i put what i always tell people to practice and i am excited about it this performance.

I pray that God will grant me strength for this one and that i will have his Blessings to do the best i can. And i hope, with my best, that's enough for all.

One of the Orchestra Pieces

尽力而为

对不起, 我不能保证满足你的要求,
但我只能向你肯定我会尽力而为.

Join Me

Laid on my bed for 45 minutes trying to nap but to no avail. Spent my morning in Chemistry extra class and afternoon with BB Enrolment. Tired as i am, i can't sleep. Too much things on my mind.

朋友们, 这个星期很开心和你们相处, 感谢老师应许我入班做助教.

我心里好多话要告诉你们,可是, 又不懂要如何和你们开口.
我这几天都一直在强调,一直尽力肯定你们的能力. 我真的希望你们会明白.
有时, 作答时, 你们一看到题目长或复杂, 你们就一口说, "不会做.." 然后就一直摇头.

我真的很想问你们, "你干吗这么怕犯错?"
我从来没有要求过你们给我一百分, 只是要你们尽力做.
我要你们虽然不会, 不过至少尝试作答. 这样, 我就满意了!

你干吗这么怕犯错?
有谁不是从错误中学习的?
有谁不是跌倒后才学会爬起的?

我其实放假有很多东西等待我去完成. 我有很多学院朋友假期来玩.
但我愿意为你们每天免费早上七点去学校到放学时间, 下午给补习到五点, 然后回来为你们预备科业上的资料. 我每天都大概两点睡但我觉的很值得! 超级久没有这种感觉了!

为什么我要这样做? 因为我在你们身上看到了钻石!
我仍然对你们抱着期望!
我仍然对你们抱着信心啊!
我真的很想看到你们成功!

我觉得开心你们会找我给补习班. 但这是第一步罢了.
朋友们, 别的老师看不起你们, 没关系;
别人觉的你们懒惰, 无所谓;
别人可以瞧不起你们, 但你们没有放弃的权利, 只有迈向前进的选择!

协助你们是我七月分的目标.
我真的很希望你们加入我梦想.
我们一起努力, 一起成功吧!