My e-bLoG

Everything and everytime, I wrote on D’s wall…
No reply..
Quite pissed off..

Like I’m..invisible…

So I decided to DELETE all wall post that I wrote..

It’s sad to say this…

Before I left M’sia for Perth..
I found sumthing in D that I never realize until my family told me.

I like D for his patient.
Of all the shit things I have done, the way I treat him..
He din’t even complain about it.
He keep it to himself.
WORST of all, he didn’t told me how much trouble I cause him, mentally and pyhsically.

It’s hard 4 me let go D.
Everytime I “think” of letting him go, my tears start rolling down…

I meet a friend, almost two weeks ago..
I realize that I treat her like how I treat D.
Now I felt bad about it.

Makes me think back, how D able to swallow down all the crappy things I cause him into.

I just realize I’m always moody,emo and sad.
I seriously can’t live by myself.

Currently, I’m breaking apart.
Cant tok to D.
Too expensive to call.

Perth never make me happy.

I SHOULD ENJOY myself..

I needa continuously slapping myself to remind myself that DON’T TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY..

I slept @2am
So many things run thru my mind…
I think about it, and plan not to play anymore…
Felt that there is no fun anymore…
Stick back to the old me…

I was awake by 9am++
Because I thought I was home, PUTRA HEIGHTS..!!

I don’t know what I dreamt about, I couldn’t recall it…
But I remember that the reason I woke up because I heard my mum’s vacuum sound, my mum’s voice, all the noise I hear at home..

Before I open my eyes, I was telling myself that ” I’M HOME”..!!
Exciting waking up realize, I’m still in Perth this small little room..

I’m quite emo now..
I don’t know why..
All things happen suddenly, and I don’t know how and what to do..

I think I will just let it be, see how it goes…
Just leave everything like normal thou.. =(

On Tuesday, baby msged me telling me his phone bill for August is rm500…
Nothing much I want to tell it out here thou..

Bye..

Tuesday, fload day..

My friend told me this, which makes me recall my memory because I remember I read this before.

” A gurl give attention either dun give… when give ..she give all”

2nd week in Perth…

Weekend the days I cant imagine how am I gonna get thru…

Boring as always, I’m HOMESICK at the moment…

When think of my family, and my boy…
Tears rolling down…
The saddnes that is soo hard to describe…

Just so you know, studying abroad is not glam as you though..
Somehow, I would describe it as…

Is a self torture..

So “farn” about my Perth transfer…

I hope everything will be good and FINE when I’m in Perth…

Just don’t know why..
I don’t believe that “Buat baik dibalas baik”
Help people instead people get better things than you..
WTF is this…

And I can’t win anything…
Join the competition for few days…
In the end, far related friend won it and is the 1st day she joined..
WTF is this, you tell me..!!

If I break down and cry right now just for something doesnt goes my way right now..
I really don’t how am I gonna survive when I’m in the land named Perth…

Going to PERTH to study is NOT FUN at all..
I’M NOT FEELING ANY FUN OR EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO PERTH, instead I don’t feel like going, rather go SINGAPORE…

Hope, baby boo go Pertih me…!!
T_T…

Hoping and praying not to owned something, you know is not a good thing due to experience…
In the end, I AGAIN found the thing you do not wish to have…

However, maybe is fate to keep on owning the similiar ones despite many attempts.

I wish I have like what others commonly have..
I always had the odds one…
Something people around you never had or experience before…
So why is it only me experiencing it…

That is why, I always keep it to myself…
It is so embrassing to share with others…
Because the one you have is the bad one compare to others that have the greatest one…

Only talk to people that had the same experience with you…
Only understands you…

Everytime when I tell people D and I meet each other once a week…

People just don’t believe…

Why is it so hard to believe…

On MonDay…
My last class of the day is 2-4pm…
Somehow due to the Topic is a presentation topic so the Malay lecturer say no lecture today…And ask us to discuss our presentation..WTF…

So my group leader, JJ discuss with us about our presentation about 20minutes..
We all left and I called D…
Earlier, He msged me that his class over, he in riley after double storey.

I called D as I walked out from the classroom…
Told him I’m hungry and I want to come find him in Riley…
D said “next time la, not today la”
I said ” What next time, how rare izzit our class end early and at the same time, and we able to meet up..Do u think there is next time that both of our class ends at the time again”
D: thinks and said ” okla, then you come la”
So I said I will pick him up in Riley

In the end I took the wrong turning and D was waiting for me at the roadside, under the sun…

It was a quick lunch and meet up…
He play with my fingers, reali makes my heart melt…
And makes me miss him like crazy when I’m home until today…

=D

We just had a little quarrel just now…

Suddenly, came to my mind…
I wonder how long do we actually quarrel/disagreement with each other…

D and I, sometimes I feel, we are kind of different in each other world sometimes..
He don’t understand mine, and I don’t understand his…

Due to the past, I learnt that I must pick up from my mistakes..
So everytime, when D and I talk about something I will try to correct it immediately…
I found that he feels that too..
And he changed immediately after I discuss with him for things we don’t like in each other.

D said “I’m fed up with all these”
It was kinda heart broken, in 4mths time he started to FED Up…
Fed up of me being his gf…

It’s just too fast for a bf to feel she makes him fed up…
It makes me realize how fast this coming to an end…
Mebbe I’m jz not goof enough for D

Wed went for briefing…
Need to hand in the application form by coming Monday…

These few days keep on thinking, can we go through this…
And I feel….

I have been in a super emo for the past whole week…

At the moment I have the feeling of going to college tomorrow and not coming home anymore…

I truly understands how Marianne feels…
When she told me sumthing like this
“I’m old enough that I could live by my own, I could just leave this house and rent a house/ room out there, and not coming back…”

This is how I felt at this moment…

I hope that I’m leaving tomorrow…

On the hand, having a bf is like not having a bf…

He knows I’m emo but he never tried to not going out or enjoying his life..
Instead of accompany me thru this emo shit I’m having now…

I just feel like he way tooooo busy to have a gf…
HE is busy when I’m not with him…

I just can’t imagine how our relationship gonna be and last when I’m away…!!

Nothing goes right, RIGHT now in my life..

Lastly, FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……!!