It has been a while since my last post here. In general, things are still cracking on. I am still sober 🙌 and my mental health and general wellness are good. The last three months or so have been exceptionally tough due to, what I am calling, a freelancing misadventure.

I have full-time employment again and have some more things on the side (more on this in a bit), but we are still digging ourselves out of a pretty deep financial hole. We will get there, but it takes time, hard work, and the support of people who care.

Something I have been doing for almost two years now is podcasting. And as with most things, I have gone a bit overboard because I enjoy it so much. 😃 I say that because I do not have just one podcast. Oh no, no! I am doing three.

The one I believe will be of most interest to some folks here is the Mental Health in Tech podcast. I am the co-host of this one with a friend, also called Schalk 😃, and so far it has been amazing. It might seem like a strange word to use but, being able to talk openly about topics that are still (we need to keep pushing to change this) taboo is freeing!

As with most podcasts, you can find the Mental Health in Tech podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, or on YouTube as audiograms. As with all my podcasts, I decided to stay audio-only to allow anyone and everyone to be a guest without the concern some folks may have about having their video published out there.

Below is the latest episode (at the time of writing) as a teaser. This one was a bit different in that we did not have a guest in the tech space, but another podcast host in a similar space. The guest on this episode was Russ Jones from ADHD Big Brother, and we are thrilled that we could have had this conversation.

Anyhow, I hope some folks find this to be a helpful resource and I apologize for only sharing it now!

Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and make the most of each moment.

• 👖 Join the community on Slack
• 🙌 Support the podcast on Patreon
• Find all the podcasts on Substack

I have been trying to juggle and plan my days and weeks around a seemingly never-ending list of tasks and projects for the longest time. I have even been strategizing with ChatGPT on how I can make all of this fit into a day and a week without losing it. Alarm bells should have been ringing already at this point, right?

Sliding in from stage left comes Oliver and says something like the following:

I think it’s fundamentally to do with facing up to the realities of one’s limitations, right? The degree to which you are limited by time, the fact that you only have so many hours in a day, the fact that you’re going to have a finite number of years in a life.

Instead of being in a constant struggle against this to try to somehow achieve escape velocity from your own situation, you’re working with it.

And then the kicker:

I think one of the things that means is getting more comfortable with working sequentially on things, being willing to neglect almost everything for large chunks of time.

While you work on a small number of them, it’s about being willing to neglect some things, perhaps entirely, because you understand that your situation is a finite person in a world of infinite possibilities, and that trying to get your arms around all of them, or get so efficient that you could do all of them, is kind of like a denial of the truth of what you are, which is a finite person in the world. Even though that sounds at first like a kind of defeat, right?

The only reasonable response to that is the mind-blown emoji 🤯 Am I right? And I totally get where he comes from with that last sentence.

Even though that sounds at first like a kind of defeat, right?

This has been the driving force of me not taking this path. In my head, I would hear a thousand angels sing about how I would not be living up to my truest potential. How I will be less of a human compared to this other person next to me and therefore leave opportunity behind, or money on the table, or just be a sucky human in general. To that, Oliver says:

It’s sort of like serendipity. So, I’m going to do fewer of the things that I’d dreamed I might do? But, it’s actually a way of really concentrating your energies on a few things, not being perpetually distracted and made anxious by the fact that there are all sorts of other things you could in principle be doing and sort of entering more and more fully into the state of being a finite human.

To that I say, and excuse my French, fuck yeah! And to those angels, I am sorry but, shut the fuck up. 😃

This was a short one, but I wanted to share it before the new year in case you, like me, have a list that is simply not possible to manage and introduces more anxiety than creativity, in turn increasing the likelihood of failure. Now, failure is to be celebrated as one step closer to success, but let’s be honest, we suck at celebrating failure.

So while we figure that one out, let’s increase our chances of small victories every day.

What follows is raw and unfiltered. It is my attempt to answer the question, “What do I care about?.” It might seem strange or odd, but it is my way, and I encourage you to find and share yours.

There is so much beauty in the world.

I hate the fact that I nor my family might ever get to experience it because of the continued destruction of our planet.

I feel deeply for others who struggle through life with mental illness and addiction, not knowing that there is another way, that there is hope, and that there is help. I hate that millions of people cannot access the help, support, and medication they need to live a life they can feel good about. I hate the judgment and stigma that still exists concerning mental illness and the use of medication and that there are still people who choose not to seek help out of fear of being labeled weak.

I hate that there are still people of all ages dying of hunger. I hate that there are still people of all ages dying of thirst or dying because the water they do have access to is killing them. I hate that so many people are still sleeping on the streets, hungry, freezing, alone. I hate that so many people still reach the end of their hope every single day. Who feel that the only way to stop the pain and the fear is by ending their lives by their own hands.

I hate that war and money are still prioritized over the well-being of all living beings. I hate that war and money are still prioritized over the health and prosperity of our only home. I hate that so many people are still controlled through fear and intimidation.

I hate that people are still being judged, ridiculed, and murdered because of their beliefs, for not believing, or for finding solace through a spiritual path all their own.

I hate the fact that so many people can benefit from technological advances but are excluded from it either through political agendas, exclusions based on where they live, their financial situation, or because they are not the “typical” user.

I hate that people have to do work they hate simply because they feel there is no other option. I hate that there is no, or very little, support for those who want to create something of their own. This includes starting a business, a startup, an idea, or following a dream. I hate that people feel it is always either a billion-dollar company or nothing. I hate that people are afraid to try.

I hate that I am afraid to try. I hate that I am afraid to fail. I hate that there is a gospel of success through failure, yet, the world seems to punish those who fail.

I hate that people are scared to contribute to open source or are unable to find a community where they feel welcome and safe. I hate that there is still no clear path to being an open-source creator. I hate that people still push back when those in open source ask to be paid. I hate that there are still multi-billion dollar companies benefiting from creators’ work without giving back meaningfully. I hate that there are creators who self-medicate so they can “push through” burnout.

I hate that people in developing countries are not treated and paid the same as those in developed countries. I hate that everyone is not paid based on the value of their contribution, irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, beliefs, or physical location on planet Earth.

I hate that there are people who do not have enough. I hate that so many people can seemingly never have enough.

I hate that being yourself is no longer good enough. I hate that being content is no longer good enough. I had that there is so much judgment. I hate that there is so much hate.

I hate that there is so much I hate.

I cannot fix it all. I might not even be able to fix any of it, but I plan to do what I can and hope you will do what you can. If all we have is hope, then let’s make it contagious.

A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that, when thinking about it, definitely had a very clear message. I have had dreams like this before, but this one was so clear I have to share it. I even sent myself a voice note when I woke up, so I did not forget.

The dream

To preface the dream, it is important to know that I have never seen snowfall in real life. I have seen a bit of snow on the ground, but that is the extent of it.

The dream starts with me walking on what seems to be ski slopes. I have no idea where this was, but it is beautiful. So many emotions are running through me as I see snowfall for the first time. I kneel down and pick it up to feel what it feels like. While caught in this new world, I noticed many people leaving the slopes. I ask someone what is going on, and they say that a storm is coming and we need to get to shelter.

As I walk towards our cabin, I pass some people whom I tell that a storm is coming. They do not care too much, which baffles me. I looked up and noticed these massive clouds above. It was beautiful, but the striking thing was how fast they moved. I have seen clouds move across the sky at fast speeds, but nothing like this.

The next moment I am engulfed in the storm. All of a sudden, it was all around me. I can hardly see, but I keep walking, not knowing whether I am even going in the right direction. After some time of fighting through the storm, it starts to calm down, and I can see the cabin a little way in front of me. Thankfully I was going in the right direction.

I return to the cabin, walk inside, and tell my family about what happened. They are grateful that I am back safely, and the storm picks up again just then. We all sit back, staring out of the window, and marvel at the beauty of it all.

The dream skips ahead at this point. Not sure if it was later on the same day or the next day, but the storm had completely subsided, and the sun was starting to come out. We all rush out of the cabin and start playing in the snow.

Conclusion

If you knew where I am in my life and what I am wondering about and struggling with, you would understand why this dream seemed so symbolic. The dream suggests that I am on the right path and that there is sunshine after the storm. It also suggests that I should not be scared of the storms. The storms represent the uncertainty, fear, and imposter syndrome I often feel. Fear of the unknown, the fear of trying something new, not knowing whether it will work out.

We will be okay if we stay the course and believe in our ability to overcome whatever life throws at us. Heck, we might even enjoy the journey, storms and all.

For the longest time, I have been struggling with motivation. There are several things I want to do, but for some reason, I cannot bring myself to focus for prolonged periods of time. I am not referring to hours and hours or working through the night, but even focusing for a few hours.

Another challenge I am facing is getting going in the morning. It takes me easily between two to three hours or more to reach any form of productivity. Even getting out of bed can take a while. I have also been struggling somewhat with general stiffness. This is even though I have a regular exercise routine and am probably in the best shape I have been in, in a long time.

Many things have changed for me over the last year, but none of the main themes should contribute to this. Well, that holds true if you exclude my medication. Somewhere in the last year, I started taking a drug called Dopaquel, also known as Seroquel. It contains the active ingredient Quetiapine. While it is most commonly used for schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, it is also used in combination with antidepressants in cases of severe depression or anxiety. The latter is the reason I was prescribed this combination.

With the goals I have set for myself for 2023, these struggles with motivation, focus, and getting going in the morning are a source of immense stress for me. Honestly, though, I experience this stress differently than one would normally think. It is more of an underlying concern just under the threshold where I would act on it immediately. Over time it has built up enough that I decided enough is enough.

I have watched some short-form videos on dopamine and its role in the human body, but I have never taken the time to dig deep into this. The reason I bring up dopamine is that it is central to our levels of motivation, energy, and drive. How I feel has made me think that the impact the Dopaqual has on my dopamine levels is at the root of all of what I mentioned before.

Today I sat down and watched the entire two-hour podcast of the Huberman lab, where Dr. Huberman discusses dopamine as it relates to the areas of my life I struggle with. What follows are my notes and takeaways from the podcast. With that said, I would highly recommend that you listen to the entire podcast, as there is just so much to absorb if this is something you are interested in.

What is Dopamine?

Dopamine is a neuromodulator (although you may see it incorrectly referred to as a neurotransmitter). A neuromodulator, unlike a neurotransmitter, is responsible for orchestrating an array of neurotransmitters. Dopamine impacts how we feel, our level of motivation, level of desire, our willingness to push through effort, and perception of time, and it plays a role in physical movement.

Suppose you have ever encountered someone that seems to have endless drive and energy. They most likely have healthy levels of dopamine. Suppose you have ever encountered or have felt like you had no drive and wanted to give up. This will most likely correlate with low levels of dopamine.

In motivation, dopamine is modulated through the mesocortical and mesolimbic pathways and can be disrupted through addiction to substances like methamphetamine, but addiction, in general, can have a negative impact on this pathway. Disruption of this pathway can directly lead to depression. Movement is modulated through the substantia nigra, which connects to the dorsal striatum. Regarding movement, it has been seen that people suffering from Parkinson’s disease show low levels of dopamine and a disruption of this neural pathway.

Dopamine is released in our bodies in a couple of ways. The first is local, also known as synaptic release. This is when it excites or activates closely related neurons to communicate. The other is what is known as volumetric release, which impacts a large number of neurons. There is also tonic release, which is how dopamine levels in the body are kept at a constant baseline. The other side of this is phasic release, when dopamine levels are pushed above the normal baseline.

Dopamine works through the slower but more powerful G protein-coupled receptors. This means its effects take longer to occur but can be much longer lasting and have a greater impact all the way down to gene expression. Dopamine does not work alone. The same neurons that release dopamine also release glutamate. Glutamate is a neurotransmitter that stimulates neurons to be electrically active. Dopamine is, therefore stimulating, making us more driven and excitable.

Also, we cannot do anything without epinephrine or adrenaline, the main energy drivers. In fact, epinephrine and adrenaline are manufactured from dopamine. Another interesting fact is that epinephrine by itself causes fear, mental paralysis, and the sense of being frozen by the fear. When dopamine is added to the mix, it broadly transforms this into excitement and drive. This clearly demonstrates why we often confuse excitement with anxiety or fear. They are extremely closely related on a neural level.

Addiction and dopamine

We all have a baseline dopamine level, but we also have peaks when we accomplish something or experience something that brings us great enjoyment. After this, though, dopamine will drop below the baseline and take a while (sometimes 2 days) to ratchet back up to our baseline. This, then, is what people often refer to as postpartum depression. This is not only experienced by women after giving birth. Runners also experience this after a marathon win, for example. Also, how high your peak was, determines how low dopamine will drop below your baseline.

Normally people do not pursue these enormous increases in dopamine that leads to big drops in dopamine. Some people do, and that is what is known as addiction. After the high, you experience the immense low that mistakenly leads people to go after the high again. Doing this repeatedly causes the difference between the peaks and baselines to narrow. This is why, over time, you hear people struggling with addiction saying they need the drug to feel normal again. When we are in this low state, there literally is not enough dopamine available in the system for it to be released. You can say that our body and brain have run out of dopamine stock, and this can lead to deep depression and even suicide.

To quote Dr. Huberman, “Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure.” Let’s take gaming addiction as an example. The person starts loving a particular game, so they play it more and more and more. Over time, the game is the only way they can experience joy. They lose interest in all other activities (progressive narrowing of pleasure). Eventually, they will also stop getting dopamine released from playing the game. This is typically when one enters a deep state of depression and cannot experience joy from anything in your life.

This is also related to feelings of burnout. The concept of work hard, play hard. Over time this constant chase after the peaks progressively lowers the dopamine baseline to the point where one no longer finds joy in anything. In fact, in these instances, unlike with addiction to drugs such as methamphetamine, the lowering of the baseline happens so gradually that it is almost imperceivable until the day comes around when, as previously stated, it feels like nothing brings you joy, or that everything is a chore.

There is some good news about lowering baseline levels due to addiction. Like so many aspects of our bodies, dopamine can replenish itself over time. One of the best ways to achieve this is to undergo a 30-day fast of the activity or substance that has led to abuse and caused lowered levels of dopamine. For some addictions, after 30 days, you might want to reconsider whether you even want to take up the substance or activity ever again.

Ways to increase dopamine

Most drugs or supplements increase dopamine levels via local and broad dopamine release. This problem can make it harder to sustain dopamine release over the long run and achieve the peaks we are all after when pursuing our goals. The reason is that if you are getting both local and broad release, the difference between your baseline and peak becomes narrower. To go one level deeper, how pleasurable or satisfying something is, is correlated to the difference between the baseline and the top of the peak. If the difference between these two is narrower, the effectiveness is lower.

The only supplements Dr. Huberman uses himself from time to time are L-Tyrosine and Phenylethylamine. It is also mentioned during the podcast that the use of melatonin should generally be avoided.

Not-so-healthy ways to increase dopamine

One way to increase dopamine levels is by eating chocolate. This can increase dopamine levels by 150% (1.5x), but it is transient, and the effects go away after a couple of minutes or even seconds. Sex, the pursuit or act, increases dopamine by 200% (2x). Nicotine, particularly when smoked, increases dopamine levels by 250% (2.5x), but this effect is very short-lived. Cocaine will increase dopamine levels by the same amount as nicotine. Methamphetamine will increase dopamine levels by a whopping 1000% (10x).

Other than sex and chocolate (if one does not overindulge), the rest are definitely not means to increase dopamine that would form part of a healthy lifestyle. So what other more healthy ways are there?

Cold exposure

Cold exposure, such as a cold shower or cold water immersion, can cause a significant increase of up to 250% (2.5x). The effect can often be maintained for up to three or four hours after cold exposure. Cold exposure therapy is nothing new, but Wim Hof, also known as the iceman, is especially well known for this.

Exercise

Exercise increases dopamine, but interestingly, how much it increases dopamine depends on how much you enjoy the exercise. One can introduce an aid to make the exercise more enjoyable, such as listening to music or podcasts or having a pre-exercise drink such as caffeine. Here are a couple of things to take note of. If you want to keep doing and finding enjoyment and benefit from the activity, you should intermittently exercise without aids. Dr. Huberman mentioned using a coin flip to determine whether you will use an aid. The reason is that over time, you will have to keep folding in more and more aids so that you do not lose complete interest in the activity. Intermittently skipping the aids will ensure that the aids will keep working and the activity be enjoyable in the long term.

Caffeine

Caffeine is an interesting one. While it marginally increases dopamine, it does, however, increase the density of dopamine receptors. This allows you to experience more of dopamine’s effects. The source of caffeine is important. While you can get it from an energy drink, this is suboptimal. Getting caffeine from coffee, tea, or yerba mate is much better. Especially yerba mate, as some studies, suggest that yerba mate has some dopamine neuroprotective properties.

Just as one should not focus on the stimuli introduced before the effort and layering in more and more forms of help, just the same should your entire focus not be focused on the reward at the end. When dopamine becomes truly powerful, we associate effort, hard work, and pushing through discomfort as the reward itself. This is not easy, but we have the neurocircuitry in our bodies to make this happen.

Intermittent fasting

Intermittent fasting is another natural way to improve dopamine. Still, dopamine release should not come primarily from the moment you can eat again but from the fasting process itself. There are things you can use to help here. This largely focuses on understanding the physical and neurological benefits you are gaining from fasting. Again, the process becomes the reward itself. By doing this, you will find that you enjoy the process more and more, and while the reward will still be enjoyable, it will become less of a focus.

Social interaction

Healthy social interactions that lead to the release of oxytocin directly stimulate the dopamine release chemistry. It is, therefore, key to ensure that we invest time and energy in nurturing these healthy social connections and interactions.

Update: In an Ask me anything (AMA) by Dr. Huberman, he answered a question from a listener about managing our motivation levels. He provided an excellent answer that I wanted to make sure nobody missed.

Conclusion

Dopamine plays a critical role in our lives. It is also clear that my dopamine levels are not where I need them. I am also concerned about the long-term effects of suppressing dopamine, as there seems to be a clear connection between low dopamine levels and Parkinson’s disease.

I am not going to stop taking my medication. Still, I will talk to the psychiatrist about lowering the dose to see whether the anxiety symptoms remain controlled. I will also introduce some ways to increase and stabilize dopamine in my routine safely. I sincerely hope this will solve my current feelings of overwhelm, frustration, burnout, and lack of motivation.

I hope you benefitted from this article and would love to hear whether any of these methods have positively impacted your life.

I recently listened to a conversation between Rick Beato, Tosin Abasi, Tim Henson, and Misha Mansoor. Towards the end of the recording, they discussed how music, sports, art, and other areas have advanced at a dizzying pace in the last few decades.

An interesting idea was discussed that made me think. People are exposed to so much incredible talent. Our concept of what is possible is constantly challenged. It leads me to believe that there is greatness in all of us. The difference is what you believe is possible and the influences in your life.

If you are a nine-year-old and see someone play the guitar like Tim Henson, you can look at this in two ways. One version of this has become all too common. This version says that this person is a prodigy or “special,” so there is no point in striving to achieve what they have achieved. Should you flip over the same coin, you can see this as an example of what we are capable of and reframe it as a challenge.

This will lead you to believe that you can achieve the same greatness if you work hard. Is this a potential source of stress? Yes, it can be, but it doesn’t have to be. I think we are too quick to find reasons why we can’t reach the same artistry or success as someone else.

What if we stopped looking for excuses? What if we stopped believing that we are less capable than others? What if we saw failure simply as an indication that there is more to learn? What if we stopped labeling people as superhuman? What if we started to believe that just maybe we can be superhuman too?

I have done myself a disservice for a long time by believing I am somehow less capable. Of course, we all have our own unique skills, but I’m beginning to think we often use them as an excuse not to reach for greatness in other areas of life. It’s too easy to say, “I’m just not good at math,” or “I’m not a creative person.”

Our brains are incredible but also highly suggestible. If you repeatedly tell yourself that you cannot achieve a certain goal, why are you surprised when you never reach your goals? Over the years, you have been stacking the odds against yourself. In this age of unprecedented access to the collective knowledge of the entire human race, both the present and all of recorded history, are we not doing ourselves a disservice by saying we cannot?

The saying “the universe is conspiring for you to succeed” suggests that unseen forces work in our favor to help us achieve our goals. It implies that even if things seem difficult or impossible, there may be a larger plan at work that will ultimately lead to success.

It is often said that “if you cannot see it, you cannot be it.” This has two sides to it. On the one hand, it is important to see diversity in the careers, jobs, and success stories that are shared. This helps us to believe that if others like us can do it, so can we.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was a revolutionary show. It was not just about the comedy but the barriers it broke down. It featured an all-black cast that showed all walks of life, from the young rapper to the wealthy and highly respected uncle and many in between. It changed how many people thought about what was possible for them.

If we are made of the same stuff as the universe, and if we are made of stardust, then the entire universe is behind us, encouraging us to dream bigger.

After listening to this conversation and considering its implications, I think we are doing ourselves a disservice by not pursuing our dreams. I urge you to take a chance, look at what humanity has achieved, and believe you can be great too. Dare to dream big, dare to fail, dare to get back up, and dare to trust in your own potential. Then, take action and be a role model to others of what we can accomplish when we reject labels, ignore restrictions, and realize that our circumstances are not obstacles. Believe in your natural ability.

I look forward to hearing your stories of greatness.

Update: This talk came across my path just as I hit publish.

Mindset plays a crucial role in our overall health and performance. Our core beliefs about certain things, such as stress, can greatly impact how we respond to them. For example, if we believe that intelligence is fixed, we may not be motivated to improve our minds and memory or to keep learning.

However, if we believe that intelligence is malleable and can change throughout life, we will be more motivated to continue learning, be curious, and not give up as easily. Mindset can also change how our body responds. In this article, I list a few of the takeaways from this episode of the Huberman Lab podcast.

Diet

This concept was demonstrated in the famous milkshake experiment conducted by Dr. Alia Crum. The study found that when people believed that a milkshake was more nutrient-dense, their levels of the hunger hormone Ghrelin (the hunger hormone) were lower, effectively suppressing their hunger. This suggests that when we eat, adopting a mindset of indulgence and feeling satisfied with the amount of food we consume directly impacts our body’s response.

Have you ever found it strange that some people live a healthy long life eating a diet you might consider horrible? Could it be that their beliefs about food, the social aspects, and the placebo effect plays a role here? That is not to say we should abandon what science clearly shows as healthy and not, but our mindset about what and how much we eat plays a role we cannot ignore — for example, the stress and anxiety about not eating healthy and our beliefs about the impact of stress can potentially make us less healthy.

Later in the episode, Dr. Huberman brought up influencers and their impact on our perceptions of diet and health. For some, this might seem a good and inspirational thing. We may have created a personal bubble into which the algorithm is feeding. When looking at this topic objectively, the reality is very different.

The norm focuses on unhealthy, high-sugar, highly processed, high-fat foods. The language and imagery accompanying this also revolve around excitement, danger, sexiness, fun, etc. On the flip side of the coin, when talking about healthy food, the language is more around depravity, nutritious food being boring and a necessary evil.

The study further found that when analyzing the nutritional content of the food, 70–90% of it would not pass the legal requirements for advertising what is classified as healthy food in the UK.

Medicine

The placebo effect is also a powerful example of how our mindset can affect our health. Commonly a drug is deemed beneficial if it outperforms the placebo during trials. Dr. Alia suggests that we should nonetheless not discount the placebo effects role. What we know about mindset clearly shows that the placebo effect, what we believe about the drug’s efficacy, social feedback, and our body’s ability to heal itself all play a role.

Exercise

This concept also applies to exercise. A study conducted on hotel housekeepers produced some interesting results. The workers spend most of their days climbing stairs, pushing trollies, cleaning rooms, making beds, and other physical duties. These workers were more than likely getting more than the recommended 30 minutes of moderate exercise daily. However, when asked by the researchers how much exercise they believed they were getting, a third said they were getting no exercise. On average, study participants reported a three on a scale of one to ten. Again, this is a clear example of our mindset working against us. Our general belief is that work and exercise cannot happen simultaneously. It could also signal something much deeper. If we do not enjoy our work, we cannot associate it with anything healthy, like exercise.

Based on this, the study randomized the workers into two groups. The one group was the control. The other group was informed about the benefits they should already be getting from the exercise and how it measures up to the surgeon general’s guidelines on exercise.

After four weeks, they surveyed the participants again. Those women who were informed of the benefits of the moderate exercise they were already doing lost weight, lowered their systolic blood pressure by an average of 10 points, and reported feeling better overall.

It is, therefore, important to be mindful of how we motivate people to exercise. We need to acknowledge what they are already doing. There could also be a benefit in measuring activity in relation to one’s peers rather than a single generalized measurement. So, be active, but also take care of, and be aware of your mindset in relation to exercise.

Sleep

To briefly touch on sleep and mindset. For some people, using a sleep tracker can be beneficial and act as positive reinforcement. Again, we need to be careful here. If the data we get from the tracker causes stress and anxiety, it might be better to self-report based on how you feel when waking up in the morning. If you generally feel tired, demotivated, or groggy upon waking, look at factors contributing to this and make some adjustments. The one adjustment you need to make might be your mindset.

Stress

Stress is another area where the messaging is often focused on the negative. However, our bodies and minds respond differently if we view a stressor as a challenge rather than a threat.

In South Africa, we have a failing power grid. This has led to load shedding, a situation that has presented South Africans with immense challenges, stress, and anxiety about the future. With that said, what if we reframe it as a challenge or, dare I say, an opportunity? A challenge to find out how we can be less dependent on a single source for all of our electricity needs. For some, this is not an option as they have financial constraints. Can we be creative and find ways to create local shared utilities that a community can use? How can we do more offline when internet access is impacted by load shedding? Can we work together to identify and report fraud and vandalism? These are some of the topics that spring to mind when we change our mindset around the stressor.

A similar topic was discussed in the podcast (recorded 11 months ago at the time of writing) that is very relevant to the current situation regarding layoffs, especially in the technology sector. A study looking at the impact of mindset on workers facing layoffs found that those with positive coping mechanisms and who embraced the potential for post-traumatic growth experienced less stress than those who were only presented with the negative impacts of stress and losing one’s employment.

The study was done by splitting the participants into three groups. One control, the second was shown 9 minutes of video footage on the negative impact of stress, and the final group was shown a video on the positive effects of stress. As mentioned, the final group experienced less stress, fewer body aches, and were experiencing less anxiety overall.

Interestingly, for the second group, nothing much changed. In other words, the videos that showed the negative impact of stress did not worsen their response. The hypothesis here is that it is because that is the general messaging already out there in the world. So, the brain treats it as just more of the same.

This demonstrates the importance of being mindful of our beliefs, the messaging we receive about stress and change in life, and how it affects our behavior. By adopting a mindset of optimism and positivity, we can improve our mindset and enhance our overall well-being. The language used to describe stress, or any other emotion is also critical. Dr. Huberman caught himself asking the question, “How do we cope with stress better?” and reworded it to, “How can we leverage the effects of stress for our benefit?”. Reframing the question results in a vastly different set of outcomes.

When asked the question, Dr. Crum had a wonderful answer. We experience stress about things we care about, not things we do not care about. She outlines the following three steps to embrace stress.

1. Acknowledge and own the stress.
2. Welcome it because it is inherently related to something we deeply care about.
3. Utilize the stress response to achieve what we deeply care about instead of wasting our energy trying to get rid of the stress.

When I heard this, Dr. Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation method immediately came to mind. RAIN is an acronym that stands for the following.

1. Recognize
2. Accept
3. Investigate
4. Nurture

Children

Dr. Crum puts it very well when asked about instilling a better mindset in our children. Most of us know the dinner table story: “eat your broccoli, or there will be no desert.” If you objectively think about this, what does it tell the child? It says that the delicious, fun, indulgent thing is the desert, and the broccoli is this terrible thing you must push through to get to the good part.

You can see how this does not instill a very good mindset around food, particularly healthy food. This demonstrates another example of how the language we use shapes our mindset and, in return, shapes our choices and what we enjoy and do not.

Conclusion

In conclusion, our mindset can significantly impact our health and performance. By being mindful of our beliefs and how they affect our behavior, we can take steps to improve our mindset and enhance our overall well-being.

I hope you found this useful. I highly recommend listening to the entire episode as there is even more great advice and insights not captured here. Let me know what you think about mindset, how we talk about stress, food, and exercise, and what has worked for you.

Super short personal update

For those who have been following my story here on Medium, thank you! It has been a long time since I last posted anything here. I am doing well, life has its ups and downs, but I have come to accept most of it. Nobody is perfect. 😁

In terms of sobriety. I am today 337 days sober.

I write about mental health, addiction, sober living, and living your best life. If you find value in my writing, consider buying me a coffee ☕️

Every morning at 8 AM I get a reminder from the I Am Sober app to do my daily pledge. Even though counting days does not mean that much anymore, except for the big milestones like 100 days, the pledge is still meaningful to me.

I thought I would share in case it could be helpful to someone else.

NOTE: You can now listen to this in a affirmation meditation form on Insight Timer

The pledge

I want to live a life of purpose and meaning.

I will not use my energy to worry. Instead, I will use my energy to believe, create, learn, think, and grow.

May I be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.

May I be safe and free from injury. May I be free from anger, affliction, fear, and anxiety.

I love myself unconditionally because it is essential to my happiness. I love the person I am, and I do not need other people’s approval to fully love myself.

I welcome the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone, and I do not let myself be guided by fear.

I will stay free from that which does not serve me today.

I write about mental health, addiction, sober living, and living your best life. If you find value in my writing, consider buying me a coffee ☕️

I love this quote from Rupi Kaur,

When you’re feeling that low, every part of you, to its very core, tells you you will never, ever, ever feel better. And it’s hard to disagree with that gut because I’m somebody who trusts her gut very much. Because of my gut, I followed my dreams, I wrote poetry, I got on that stage. So when that same voice is telling me that I’m going to be depressed forever and never be happy again, shouldn’t I trust it? I had to realize through therapy and reading and learning, that that’s kind of what depression does. It’s this manipulator, and it just makes you think that its voice is your voice.

You can just as easily substitute depression with alcohol in the above quote, and it would be as accurate. It has been quite some time since I last posted anything. However, through a combination of therapy, medication, meditation, and changing my mind’s wiring just a little every day, I can today proudly state that I am 100 days sober.

I remember the struggle when I look back at posts like this written in January last year. The quote from that post still rings true:

In other words, fear doesn’t go away. The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity, which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day. — Steven Pressfield

At 100 days, the battle does not feel won, but it feels like less of a daily struggle. Don’t get me wrong; there are days when the urge still arises out of the ashes. Days when events occur that feel unfair. Days when all that life demands feels like too much. Those days are fewer and farther between, and I now have a new set of tools to better deal with these inevitable events.

To be entirely honest, I am not sure my tools would have been so finely tuned had it not been for all the years of struggle, failure, and pain. Of course, I do not wish what I went through on anyone, nor myself, but I do feel stronger not despite but because of my experiences. Am I saying that you have to go through this to live a life of purpose and meaning?

Heck no! If you are willing to learn from the mistakes of others, there is no need. I am saying that a life of struggle, failure, pain, and uncertainty does not make a wasted life. You can, and must, fight the battle anew every day, for we all deserve a life we can be proud of.

“What fear does is deprive you of power by making you think you don’t have any. If you don’t believe you can do something, it’s not only unlikely that you can do it, it’s guaranteed that you won’t even try.” (from “Courage Is Calling: Fortune Favours the Brave” by Ryan Holiday)

What is different, you ask? A lot.

The most striking emotion I am feeling is optimism. Even at 46 going on 47, I still feel like I can make my dreams come true. Especially today, with all the advances in medicine, and all we know about living a healthy life, 47 is the new 37. 😁 That leads me to something else I am experiencing. I feel younger, healthier, and generally have more energy. In addition, I have embraced my night owl🦉 nature, making a massive difference in my productivity.

While there is never enough time for all the ideas that fill my head, I have grown my business more than ever in the last 100 days. I feel confident that I am creating something of lasting value to myself and my family. Being able to build something that could end up providing career opportunities to my kids is gratifying.

My business is growing, inspiring my wife to pursue her dreams of building her own business. The extra income is great and offers some more certainty and freedom. With that said, I am working harder than ever. This is not a “flex,” as they say, but a statement of fact. When one is in the early days of building a business, time off is something you have to put on the back burner to improve your chances of success. One is not yet able to outsource, delegate, or employ others, so most everything rests upon your shoulders.

It is a fact that I would never have been able to do this while still in the grips of alcohol. Although, I have to admit that I sometimes get angry at myself when I realize this. I wonder whether I could have had this growth and success earlier in my life. Could I have provided a better life for my family earlier and not have put them through all of the things I did?

Thankfully I have grown enough emotionally to know that this is not a path I want to go down. Instead, I now see that it is a path of self-pity that only leads to guilt and self-loathing. And where does that lead? To the bottom of a bottle of pity juice. 🧃 To a life of anxiety and regret. No, thank you, I have had more than enough of that. So I choose a life of meaning and purpose instead.

Looking back over all of the posts I have shared over the last few years, I can genuinely say that I am proud. I am proud of never giving up. I am pleased to have shared so openly and so freely. I am proud of where I am today.

In closing, I want to leave you with the following poem by Rumi.

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi

Love yourself not despite your mistakes but because of them. Love yourself because you are still here, fighting the battle anew every day. I guarantee you that your loved ones love you because of this. Never give up. Stay safe, everyone. ✌️

I write about mental health, addiction, sober living, and living your best life. If you find value in my writing, consider buying me a coffee ☕️

In today’s world, it feels like our every move, word, and even our thoughts are being judged. The way we look, what we have and have not is constantly being measured against some artificial standard. The constant judgment, feeling like we have to prove ourselves over and over again. Our very being placed on the altar and sacrificed to the gods of commercialism. Our sense of self is being stripped away and replaced with an artificial shell of materialism. It is all so emotionally and physically draining.

You can now also listen to this on InsightTimer

But this need not be so. This should not be so. Instead, we need to find our own unique voice and say loudly for all to hear, “Not, not me!”. We need not be paralyzed by the fear of being discovered to not be as perfect as the picture we paint. Don’t paint the picture in the first place. Instead, paint with your true emotions, with your true colors. Do not let your sense off self, your uniqueness, your very identity be made less. As Rumi says:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

If we give in to this unseen pressure, we grow small, and we retract. Instead, Rumi says:

“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.” ~ Rumi

And if a may paraphrase a little,

“Stop acting so small. Everything in the universe is within you. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” ~ Rumi

Often we silence our voice, whether that be our physical voice, the written word, our art, our passion, or our love. To this Rumi says:

“I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.”

Do not hide your gifts, share them freely and widely. Do not hide yourself, step out into the world and invite and embrace abundance with open arms. Speak your truth, live your truth, be unapologetically you. Because you know:

“There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?” ~ Rumi

Why hide behind a mask made for you by someone else? Or as Rumi says:

“Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?”

When you feel judged, when you feel like no one understands, when you feel like wearing your mask just one more time, do not. Do not let the world demand of you but instead demand of the world and say,

“Study me as much as you like; you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.” ~ Rumi

Be strong my friends. Be courageous, be true, be a hero to yourself. Be like a mountain standing steadfast no matter the weather. Do not let unseen forces determine who you are. And with that, I will leave you with the following from Rumi:

“You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.” ~ Rumi

And from Florence Nightingale:

“Rather ten times, die in the surf, heralding the way to a new world, than stand idly on the shore.” ~ Florence Nightingale

Be unapologetically you.