not to sound old but I actually hate how social media platforms have shifted from its main core (people sharing harmless glimpses of their lives and connecting with friends and family) to algorithm, likes, engagement, trends, going viral, drama and cancel culture. and also you literally cannot scroll down a few posts without ads. and you have to question every cute photo/video you see because there’s always a chance of it being ai-generated.

(I try not to question things and just let myself enjoy cute animal contents, because if I fully let myself suspect one thing, I’ll suspect every single thing and that’s not how I want to relax and enjoy cute animal contents. so at this point I kind of give up and just enjoy cute animal contents and I make peace with knowing chances are that I’ve already liked and shared animal contents that are ai-generated without knowing it’s ai. and I know this may sound controversial but I refuse to let myself lose my whimsy by not enjoying any cute animal contents for fear of it being ai so whatever. the same goes for witch hunt when it comes to fanfics, I’ll choose to trust that if someone uses ai to write, they’ll tag it accordingly — especially because every ai telltale is something humans actually write and thus ai was able to mimic it — and every fic that’s not tagged as ai is human-made. which I know is not the case, but I also know that, unless the author themself says so, I can never know for sure if a fic is ai and I can only guess based on vibes. and I’ll never ever condone witch hunt, speculation or harassment, the latter of which includes fics that are tagged as ai by the authors. I may not agree with their decisions to let ai write for them, but I’ll mind my own business, I’ll never harass them and I respect that they’re honest about using ai by tagging their works accordingly. but we’ve already strayed farther enough from the original point of this post so.)

Jesus haunted

I have sat and prayed with demons from below

and have drank with the angels of the most high.

Summoned Dukes, Kings, and Princes all alike.

i have heard voices of wicked monsters and felt a deep cold through the hands of lifeless souls I have held.

yet, in this wicked home of mine.

I find every time that what I thought all along was right was just me avoiding the truth that I had felt.

I am not a man that is mocked by spirits

and taunted by demons.

but, I am haunted by a broken carpenters eyes that stare into mine.

I am constantly praying that the man of light in the darkest corner of this house of mine is just a vision in my mind.

Though I begin to question if the fear I feel is of him or of my pride unwilling to die

or if I am just cowardly in face of being saved..

-A Poem By Mothda

Like trying to water a burnt tree.

I for the life of me cannot get around to actually start posting short stores and other writing entries out there. I swear, its like every time I hop back on here I completely forget how to use the damn thing. I get REALLY locked into this site/app again for a bit, enjoying all the dope content, then i fizzle out and forget about it. I know i wish to upload my writings onto here, but i have been so dead locked onto my Instagram art page that i just forget about this. i come back and I’m still such a fckin newbie to this site that every time i try to come back and start doing the work on this site it just feels like I’m trying to water a burnt tree. Feels kind of pointless? Idk. I genuinely haven’t really used this site at all, though i have known about it since i was a kid. (I’m 25)

I’m deep in the shit when it comes to creative block or a feeling of mimicked burnout. or synthetic burnout? idk. I’ve had burnout before in my passions. Plenty of times. But, this feels like a force that is purposefully holding me back and making me sloth. I just really need to start just posting and writing again.

Dude i need a different tree.

:3