THE LANGUAGE OF WAITRESSES, 1979
by Valentina Gnup
I wear a red polyester dress
that laces in front
(think bodice or wench)
with a pair of ruffled underpants,
(think baby doll or can-can dancer).
I’m almost twenty-two and aware of my effect on men.
The bar is down a long hall—
I balance pink ladies and tequila sunrises
on a round cork tray while dodging drunk guests
and other waitresses.
I flirt shamelessly, an autopilot of smiles
and one-line comebacks.
I pretend to listen to every story and dumb joke
as I run through the list of specials in my head.
The manager propositions me,
he says sleeping with one woman
your whole life is like eating only vanilla ice cream.
I kindly decline then serve dinner to his wife and kids.
Tonight the fried chicken is underdone,
the line cook tells me to give the meat
a little radar love.
He tells me to 86 the halibut
and asks me to refill his Coke.
On my break, I eat the same salad from the salad bar
and stop a run in my nylons with clear nail polish
I borrow from Sharon, a woman
who has waited tables for thirty years.
She says you could do something more with your hair,
Sweetheart, and hints at the wisdom of push-up bras.
At the end of my shift,
I spend thirty minutes on side work—
marrying ketchup bottles,
filling salt and peppers, slicing lemons.
The busboy hoses down the rubber floor mats
under the fluorescent light,
the cook blasts Foreigner’s
Feels Like the First Time from the kitchen radio.
I clock out at 11:15 and drive home in my Plymouth Arrow.
I sit alone at the kitchen table,
my hair smells like greasy fish, my feet ache.
I count my tips—
I smooth the short stacks of dirty wrinkled ones,
I build my little coin towers.
~ from Ruined Music (Grayson Books, 2024).
*
When I was around 10, I told my mother I wanted to be a waitress when I grew up. It looked like fun — talking to customers, describing the specials, bringing out trays of delicious food that made hungry people happy. You got to wear a spiffy uniform, and if you were good at your job, customers even gave you sizable tips!
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