Dear Rui, thank you
You have enlighten us the meaning of love & life,
In the miraculous moment of your birth,
We were truly born.
We promise to protect & coach you,
We promise to support you,
But never to rescue or doing it all for you,
We want you to live life to the fullest,
After all, it's not the destination, but the journey.
We want you to invite challenges and face your fears,
So you can grow up strong & confident,
We promise to live our dreams,
As we want you to live yours.
You arrived at home on 11h December 2010, 7.45pm. Feisty and curious
baby boy you are. It is our extremely well informed and educated choice to
birth you at home.
The first time we heard your heart beat, we trembled with emotion. When we
saw you wiggle and kicking through the ultrasound machine, we cried in joy.
Though the 1st trimester of pregnancy was not an easy one for me, as my
belly grew bigger and you grew inside me; the happier and prettier I felt.
I slowly learned that my happiness was overwhelmed with the feeling of fear;
fear of the famous labour pain. I’ve learn from everyone that the ‘pain’ is
unbearable, for the longest time I tried to avoid the thought of labour, but the
more I tried, the more I was afraid and stressed up. Never did I think that I
was badly informed about the birth process, with all the negative talk about
birth lead me thinking that I will have no doubt be needing all kinds of “help”
like epidural, episiotomy, suction and ending up with a C-sec and will
definitely experience nightmares after such “labour” and never ever want to
speak about it anymore. But somehow, the motherly instincts I didn’t imagine
I had surfaced after hearing over and over again from our 1st doctor that I
should take epidural as the labour pain is the most painful thing in the world.
He had never given birth before, so I questioned how would he know about
the level of pain? I decided to do my own research, somehow I believe there
is a more natural ways to birth. When I first saw “Hypnobirthing” appear in my
many hours of research on the net, I did not bother to click or read about it, I
dismissed a website I found accidently which offers gentle birth courses. To
me it was all nonsense, as there were no story I’ve heard around me about
giving birth being calm, easy and painless???!! In fact, I had already instilled
in my mind that my birth will be scary, painful, full of complications and
medical intervention is a MUST! But after watching from the internet where
many mothers gave birth in total serenity and in such joyful manner during my
research, I started to doubt what I knew all this while, was not the only answer.
The journey begins…
After reading Marie F. Mongan’s story ( founder of Hypnobirthing), I felt so
motivated and inspired, I started to believe and see the light at the end of the
tunnel.
HypnoBirthing, or Hypnosis, brings us into a deep state of concentration. It
allows me and papa to relax and stay calm. I repeated my affirmations and
visualize your birth every morning and evening. I read as much as I can about
birth and continue using positive thoughts to overcome negative thoughts and
comments, I ate healthy and worked out daily. I grew stronger every single
day and the fear vanished.
Papa and I followed Wai Han’s coaching using the Mongan Method diligently.
It is such a powerful feeling and the knowledge we knew had made us closer
and more intimate and loving. Me and papa felt so connected to each other
the way we never felt before. We fell more and more in love with you every
day, you are surely a blessing.
Mommy loves reading books that motivates and challenge us to look at things
from different point of views; I was especially inspired after reading this…
Imagine…..
A place where everyone
honours you and the work you will do in labour,
speaks quietly and moves slowly and gently,
Respects your need to be spontaneous –
to eat, drink, make sounds, move around, cry , shout , laugh,
Treats you and your baby as fully conscious and sensitive beings.
Giving birth is as intimate as lovemaking
You will need privacy and support and tenderness
Labour is not a spectator spot
Your partner is not a spectator “couch”
It’s the journey of a lifetime for your baby and you
Don’t settle for a typical birth
Find out more… home birth… birth canters
Safe alternatives to epidurals … seek out a midwife
Arrange for a labour companion/ doula to stay with you…
Protect you baby and empower yourself!
Reference: Suzzanne Arms , Hypnobirthing Book , Page 91
Unlike in other countries, Malaysia did not have any birth centres , or Doulas,
the only options for women to give birth here were mainly in the hospitals,
after visiting the hospital’s labour room and learning more about the hospital’s
procedures, I started to visualize your birth there, however, something just
didn’t seem right about it. When Papa suggested jokingly we should just give
birth to you at home, the idea stuck with me and then I visualized your birth,
and all of it happening at home. I discuss this again with papa and to my
surprise, he agreed with me to have a homebirth!
You would think mommy and papa are so heroic and fearless,
But we weren’t. We were just looking at things from the other point of view.
Starting from 24th week of pregnancy, the new me had been born. A world of
promises opened up to me.
I am feeling all the joy and keeping us very healthy by eating right,
making sure you are at the correct position with daily yoga poses and
swimming. I know I am giving birth to you in the safest, cleanest and most
comfortable place - our home. Papa started to read more about the role and
responsibilities of midwives and ordered in cord clamps from the US. We even
learnt how to perform CPR on babies. I was very attracted to water births,
and ordered a home spa bathtub, which now has become your favourite
swimming ‘pool’ during your learn to swim sessions with papa.
I put us in the care of Dr.Chong, our 3rd doctor from Pantai Hospital. With his
believe in natural birth, he made us very comfortable and he has confirmed
that I am amongst the 95% of women with low risk pregnancy. We checked
with Wai Han regularly for her tips and advise. We were ready.
I told my self everyday that there’s 4 main things I wanted for your birth, One,
I want to be in total control, Two, I want to be at a place where it is private,
calm and comfortable. Three, I do not want any tearing, or any needles,
scissors, gloves, knife or machines surrounding me, Four, I want to be able to
spend the whole time with you chatting, glaring, cuddling and nursing.
You were 38 weeks, in position and very low. But our work started to get busy
during the holiday seasons, I needed to work at the stall front from 10am to
9pm, however I was feeling very energetic and excited even though it was
getting very heavy to walk or stand for long period. I was feeling ‘tightening’
regularly throughout the months, I’ve lost bits of my mucus plug on the 30th
week, I wasn’t worried as I knew I that mucus plug will grow back.
Before papa left for Singapore to Toy Convention on the 9th, we were kidding
around saying what if you decided to come early. Papa spent the whole day
talking to you telling you to wait for him.
Of course, all natural birth has a purpose of plan, who would think of tearing
open the chrysalis as the butterfly is emerging? Who would break the shell to
pull the chick out? Who would to say first birth must be later than the expected
date?
On Saturday 11th December 2010, I woke up at 6.35am after a strong
tightening. This special “waves” was like nothing I had ever experienced. I
took quiet, deep breaths and lay there savouring this unique moment of love
as you moves gently, I drank a big cup of warm water and went back to sleep,
I know that if this were practice labour, the “tightening” will stop, at 8.30am
I was awaken by the same strong tightening, I asked you if he is ready to
come and meet papa and mommy? You gently moved again. I sms papa to
inform him about the situation, he immediately ask if it’s the real thing and if
he needs to fly back as soon as possible. I told him to give me 2 more hours
to observe the situation.
By 10am, I was at the mall with grandma as she was worried about me driving
alone at this point; we went and open up the stall. After a quick briefing with
co-workers, I suggest to have Roti Canai for breakfast. I was very calm and
can’t seem to stop myself from smiling with every “waves” that came. As I
was walking towards the restaurant, I stopped and breath in deeply as more
surges came and went. By now, I am quite sure that you have decided to
come see us on that day. So, I text papa and ask him to get the air ticket now.
I can see grandma was a little nervous about the whole thing, but I manage to
stay calm; she thought it was just one of the “practice labour”.
I had 2 Roti Telur and a plate of fried meehoon ( somehow my body is telling
me to get ready, there is work to be done!) , By 11.30 am The surges was
coming every 5 min apart and lasted for 1 min. We walked back to the car
and it felt so good walking! I told grandma that I am taking a nap. Papa and I
kept our homebirth plan a secret from everyone ,except for our hypnobirthing
friends.
The ambiance of our room was perfect: it was calm, relaxation CD played as
I sat on the gym ball and concentrated on slow long breaths and welcome
each surge. As the surge were almost back to back and very intense. I moved
myself into the bathroom and started to fill the tub with warm water and light
up the essential oil. I called Wai Han on the phone and told her my surges
is at 2 min apart and coming stronger , she confirm that I’ve dilated at least 5
cm, I was very happy to hear that, but at the same time nervous about papa
not being able to make it to your grand entrance.
It was time to get into the water and it felt so good!
I was really conscious of my body and you. Nonetheless, I was able to fall a
sleep in between surges and lost notion of time. By the time I can remember,
it was already 2pm, the transition phase is a strong turning point and to
manage the intensity of the feeling, I tried my best to follow the surge with
breathing you down, to my dismay, I started to lose control due to the back
labour and started to panic when I’ve not heard from papa. As I was changing
different positions to overcome the force of the surges and the back labour,
the phone rang and I was so glad to see papa’s caller ID, I told him to quickly
come home as I am already in transition .After the phone call, I climb out
of the bath tub and started to look for food! I was so hungry! I had left over
chocolates and a bag of chips. I drank plenty of water to make sure I am
hydrated. But I was still very hungry... I etched myself a mental note to get
power bars ready for the next birth.
3.45pm, papa finally made it back home, he started preparing the towels, floor
mat, medical items and helping me to fill up more warm water. Amidst all the
tub filling action I try to relax and go into my own deep relaxation, though I’ve
learn that there was no need to “push” during labour, but I was overwhelmed
by the powerful pushing sensation. It was funny, I remember telling papa that
I do not think I can give birth to you calmly and quietly, we both laugh. At one
point, I lost all control and just allow my self to push all I can with the
sensation; I was really vocal with every surge that came. Papa was my link to
a regular state of consciousness; he kept me calm & positive; he did massage
on my back; kept me hydrated. I felt your little head half way in the birth canal
with your membrane still intact. After what seems like a 100 surges came and
went, you were still at the half way mark. I started to question if you were ok.
Papa sensed my worries and called Wai Han on the phone, I cannot
remember what papa said, but I’ve decided to come out of the tub. I
immediately got into all fours hugging the gym ball, gravity helped, as next
thing I can remember was you crowning, I felt tension on the perineal and
was so happy at the same , Papa had Wai Han on the speaker this time, as I
heard her said ‘ Kai Xin, just relax your self, breath baby out and DON’T
PUSH! DON’t PUSH’ I calm down instantly, each surge of my body I met only
with my breath. I relaxed, went within and was surprised at how quickly I was
able to keep my self loose and just go with the flow of my body. It was utterly
amazing, I feel your head out with a surge. Now papa is already at his
position. He described the progress of your birth, his voice filled with
excitement. His emotion took over him and all he could say was, “he is so
beautiful! he is so beautiful !” His happiness strengthened me. Meeting you
was all I can think of by now, I waited for the next surge as you slides out with
more amniotic fluid. Papa was there to hold you and he said you have already
sneeze and spit out all the fluids when your head emerge.
It was love at first sight, when I turned around and met you for the first time,
you were red and still asleep, I pick you up from the towel and that was the
first time you opened your eyes and let out a loud cry. We hold on to each
other to celebrate the miracle of life. We could not take our eyes off you, papa
and I cuddle you up so that you know you are safe and with soft voice, we
introduce our self to you. You open your huge eyes and observe us and your
environment.
I felt so privileged to be participating in the magnificently intelligent process of
natural birth with you and papa. There were no bloody scene, there were no
shouting nurses, no traumatised baby, no machine hooking up to anyone, no
nurses running in and out , no bright intrusive lights , and no stitches, just the
three of us, as family for the very first time.
We waited for your umbilical cord to stop pulsating before clamping and
cutting it off with a sterilized scissor. Papa really took over like a pro. When
my placenta did not come out after 20 minute wait, I decided to go lay down
on the bed as I was really hungry. Shortly after, Papa asked about some sort
of dark-black stains he found around his forearms and thighs. We wondered
what that was at that time, but know now, that it was meconium, and you had
your first poop poop minutes after your birth. I came out to the room seeing
papa helping you with your first diaper. You complained loudly. Papa could
not take his eyes off you, as you him.
Finally I gave birth to the placenta after 4 hours of waiting. We made sure the
placenta was delivered in full. It is since buried at the entrance of the house
(in a secret location) for good luck.
I felt like I could run a marathon and was really energetic and ready to nurse;
I loved how the three of us spent the whole night together without anyone
knowing you had arrived. Grandma and Grandpa were in shocked when we
first introduced you to them the next day.
Giving birth to you was the most extreme physical and mind challenging
experience I have ever lived through. But it was also the most empowering
and both papa and I had an amazing sense of accomplishment and pride. I
cannot thank papa enough for his loving respect when he helped accomplish
this amazing journey of birthing you.
Your birth has given me outmost confident to free ourselves from fear,
judgments and pre-conceive beliefs of others. We’ve also learnt the most
valuable lesson about human capability and if we put our mind to anything
we want to achieve, you will be able to achieve it. One day when you are
ready, you will be a great father just like your dad, so you too can witness this
magnificent journey and be the first person on earth to hold the most precious
gift anyone can receive.
Love Mommy & Papa
