1.Taking things slow -someone who is secure in themselves takes things slow. Because they have a full life, different sources that provide them emotional, nutritional value and are also evalualuating the other person for the prestigious position of being their long term partner

2. Mature vulnerability- secure people aren’t afraid of being vulnerable and putting their guard down but they also understand that showcasing all the wounds on the first date isn’t vulnerability but emotional dumping and oversharing..

3. Strong individual identity- while they are compassionate and kind human being they have a sense of right and wrong, aren’t afraid of disagreeing and standing up for their beliefs, values and principles.

4. They don’t prove their worth- while they understand that relationships require a balance of healthy give and take they don’t associate they worthiness with how much they can do for the other person. They understand that dating is about exposing themselves and looking for alignment, is not about impressing people.

5. They are the choosers- instead of stepping into the dating realm trying to get chosen by anyone who reciprocates interest they place a high value on themselves and look for a truly worthwhile partner. Instead of asking “ Am I good enough for them?” They ask “ Is this person good enough for me, my life and my well-being?”

6. They live in reality not fantasy — they see the other person for who they truly are instead of projecting their high interest on them and turning them into someone that doesn’t even exist in reality.

7. Direct communication- instead of resorting to poorest behaviours /passive aggression and expecting that their partner should just read their mind they are clear and direct about their needs, expectations and boundaries.

8. Power to walk away- they are ok with losing dating prospects, they aren’t ok with loosing themselves. They don’t run away at the first sight of discomfort but if the other person patterns continues harming their well-being they are not afraid to walk away. They desire to finding the right relationship is much greater than their desperation to keep just about any relationship.

credits: karolina

When it is healthy and productive, conflict presents an opportunity for people to learn about how others see and experience the world. It can also generate creative solutions to problems and help people grow.

None of us like conflict. If we had our way, each one of us would steer away from it and navigate towards the less painful, smoother waters.

You can experience conflict in any part of your life you have, be it with your partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or even a co-worker.

Lets understand the positive side of conflicts. Conflicts in different situations among different relationship plays important role in shaping our lives. Conflicts is important part of our way of living. Conflicts represent the growth in some way or another. To progress in our lives we must grow in different parts of our lives. Conflicts represent how fast we are growing in our lives.

Conflict is usually the stark differing of viewpoints, values, or vision. When we get outside of our views to see the other side, or as Stephen R. Covey stated “seek first to understand,” we will find out what the other party holds close to and begin to work towards a more common ground.

move fast and break things if things are not breaking you are not moving fast enough — Mark Zuckerberg

When you want to move in life, there will be a lot of things which will leave behind or break. But other side of the story is, things break so that they can be made in a new way altogether.

Growing makes us get out of our comfort zones. Let’s be realistic, avoiding conflict is simply staying within our comfort zone. Just like a baby chick needs to break out of its shell to grow, we need to smash our comfort zones as well.

You cannot control breaking of different things, be it relationships, lives, or your attachment to things which our most dear full to you in some point of your life. Things will break one way or the other, what we can make sure is to create them in a new manner that is fast enough.

We cannot stop conflicts in our lives, what we can control is how to handle those and get out of those situation stronger and powerful. Whenever you want to bring change in your live or in others or society nobody likes that. Majority people do not want to change all they want is stability. people want predictability.

But if some thing is predictable than it can be controlled. on the other hand you cannot control any unpredictable things.
For example, we cannot control nature. Nature can be very powerful and destructible at times. We cannot overcome the power of nature. Nature can conflicts with us and we can do nothing about it.

People want things to be predictable. But one cannot improve or grow in the world of predictability. If you want to improve yourself and bring change in your live you have to constantly try to create a conflict with your current self.

When we decided to change our lives or surroundings there are lots of people who try to down cast us. They will tell us this has to be done a certain way, What you are trying to do is wrong you will never succeed in you life. They might not know the exact reason but they will try to stop you. But it impacts you into a delusional thinking and you started doubting yourself instead of believing in yourself.

We must try to overcome some situation there will always be barriers in your way but the person who overcomes those make it in their lives. We need to convince our self than other what we want in life and why you want it the way you want it. Nobody can demean you from your actions.

Always trust your actions with yourself do not regret doing the things you want to do but you didn’t did because somebody told you otherwise. Have faith in your self and own your actions.

Whenever you want to change something that may result in some type of conflict with your self or with your family or with the society. Change is always opposed in society.
People around you are not stopping you. people are stopping the change you want within you or within your surroundings.

If we approach conflict not with trepidation but with a sense of anticipation, we can look expectantly to a more positive outcome in spite of the pressures we endure along the way.

J. Krishnamurti is an Indian philosopher and writer who want to make big change in the society by increasing peoples awareness and by teach them to take their life responsibilities. He doesn’t abide to any caste, creed or religion.
he is very rebellious and try to break any rules that are imposed on him.
His philosophy is to talk to you in a manner you want to listen.
He does try to show himself any superior to any of his peers.
He is very open to different perspectives and discussions.

Self Knowledge never ends : the much you know yourself the more you are clear Self knowledge is a never ending process. You never heard
someone saying they have achieved everything there is for self knowledge, or your self realization is completed.

We normally perceive knowledge as a limited process
that for most people ends when they leave their schools/colleges or to a max extent we perceive reading books is to get knowledge. But knowledge doesn’t have a starting or ending point. Whenever you want to grow spiritually you always gets to know the more about yourself or in a better way. Day by day to explore yourself. Each day you keeping growing by knowing new truth of life.

Embrace/Observe the Nature : This is a situation where your body is moving but you are have calm inside. Nobody teaches you to be alone.

Have you ever tried going alone for a walk. try an observe a leaf failing from a tree or the swirling in water or the birds chirping try to observe these nature sounds without any distractions. If you try to observe these things alone then you get to know new astonishing side which can’t be taxed or destroyed.

Don’t rely on your Mentor : Having a Guru/ mentor is good as he helps you explore yourself. But then we develop an expectation that if we ever stuck in any bad situation there will our mentor always to helps us figure our way out.
This type of thinking resists a person to take full responsibility for there actions.

A mentor is never to pull you out of the mess you created or the problems you are facing but to teach you how you can be more self reliant on solving you problems. Your mentor cannot walk in your shoes. This is your way and your are the one to walk on it. Therefore don’t sit around for some authority that some mentor will be always be there to save your day. Always learn and implement things and be responsible for the outcomes form your actions.

Be passively aware : Without being aware of your feelings and surroundings we cannot understand to act properly. Don’t try to judge every thought you have and also don’t try to label everything in your surroundings as good or bad.

The meaning of awareness is to observe without any choice, hatred or reason.
Awareness is the observation which helps us experience the truth.
We passively see all possible solutions and let it grow.

Separation breeds violence : whenever we assign our self to caste, color or religions we are creating a separation.
A separation always leads to violence. Any person who is on the path to peace he/she never assign himself to any caste, color or religion.
they focus on humanity as a whole and separation creates a division in humanity.

Be Free of desire : there is eternal happiness in not wanting, not becoming not desiring anything.
Everyone wants to reach somewhere, want to became something and even after getting what they want they never reach satisfaction. Every desire tie us down and we try to search for happiness and fulfillment outside in the open world
But you don’t make this path for yourself this is given by the world we living
Naturally every person wants to follow their own passion and interests but parents, teacher and society wants to follow a specific path and to play it safe.

Wanting love is not love : We always wants to be a person who is loved by everyone. But when we really finds ourselves in love our need for love ends and we stop thinking about if anyone loves us or not. Meaning the real love is not for a person but beyond.
But for us love is just physical attraction or psychological projection in which we are trying to fulfill our needs from the other person. In reality we are trying to find ourselves in the person we love.

To feel real love you don’t need another person, you just want to look within yourself. Physical love is present today but may not be there tomorrow after knowing something you may don’t want to hear and which leads to the failure of your relationship.Don’t limit your boundaries of love to just another human. Don’t try to look yourself in someone else. But try to find others in yourself and see what you may end up with.

Aggression comes out of fear : If everyone in this world stop fearing anything this will make aggression disappear in every form.A person not having a feeling of fearfulness is naturally free from any type of chaos in life.
We became aggressive in the situations which can harm us in any manner. This makes us defensive. It is seen people of aggressive nature are very fearful from inside.
Every type of fear originates from the fear of death. There fore to bring peace in the world is to accept the reality of death. The person who accepts this fact of death is the one in peace with himself.
As the reality of life is death itself.

Many Odias claim that the answer lies in the history of Puri in Odisha, where this 700-year-old sweet dish was part of a ritual. The legend goes that Lord Jagannath offered the sweets to his consort Lakshmi, to pacify her for not being taken along during the Rath Yatra or ritual chariot ride. Known as khira mohana due to its almost white appearance back in the 11th century, it thus became customary to offer this chenna sweet dish to Goddess Mahalakshmi as prasad, especially on the last day of the Rath Yatra, also called Niladri Vijay.

How did the sweet dish reach out of the temple’s periphery given that temples kept their recipes well guarded is unknown. But folklore has it that it was one of the priests who began teaching people the art of milk curdling and making rasgulla after he saw villagers throwing excess milk.

Interestingly, for the villagers of Pahala (a hamlet in the outskirts of Bhubaneswar) this came as a blessing in disguise. This tiny hamlet was in fact home to more cows than humans, and milk was always in excess. With the villagers quickly learning the the method of making chenna (curdled cheese), Pahala soon emerged as Odisha’s rasgulla hub. The rasgulla produced here, brownish in colour due to hard baking compared to the white ones prevalent in Kolkata, are sold throughout the state.

Petha

The renowned city of Agra is known for its Mughal architecture, but tourists with a sweet tooth would agree that a trip to Agra is incomplete without digging into the delicious Petha that is almost omnipresent in the city! It is believed that Petha is as old as the Taj Mahal. In fact, the term came into existence some 350 years ago, when Emperor Shah Jahan ordered his royal chef to prepare a dessert that was as pure as, the white color of the marble of the Taj.

Its beautiful result came out in the form of ‘Petha’. This sweet was invented during the construction of the Taj Mahal in the Mughal Empire for the 21,000 workers who were involved in the construction of this monument. They were tired of consuming the same food (mostly lentils and roti) every day and upon hearing their plea, Emperor Shah Jahan shared this concern with the architect Ustad Isa Effendi. The architect requested the Pir Naqshbandi Sahib to address the concerns of the emperor. It is believed that Pir learned the recipe of making petha from God in a dream. He then taught the recipe to his group of 500 cooks so that the resulting food item could be sent to the workers.

Of course, petha was invented by the Mughals but, the biggest role in bringing it to fame went to Agra’s most famous petha brand, Panchi. Started over seventy years ago, this brand has become quite popular in the present day with a variety of uses in Mool Petha.

Dal Baati Churma

Baati (little doughballs made of wheat flour, ghee and milk) is believed to have originated during the time of Bappa Rawal — the founder of the kingdom of Mewar. Back then, the Rajputs were establishing their stronghold in the region and baati was their preferred war time meal. It is believed that the Rajput soldiers would break the dough into chunks and leave it buried under thin layers of sand to bake under the sun. On their return from the battlefield, they world dig out the perfectly baked baatis that were then slathered with ghee and consumed with curd made from goat or camel milk.

It was later, when traders from the Gupta Empire settled in Mewar, that the combination of dal and baati became popular — panchmel dal was a much-loved favourite in the royal court of the Guptas. The panchmel dal is a simple and nuritious mix of five lentils — moong dal, chana dal, toor dal, masoor dal and urad dal — prepared with a fragrant tempering of cumin, cloves and other spices.

Churma, on the other hand, is believed to have been invented when a cook of Mewar’s Guhilot clan accidentally poured sugarcane juice into some baatis. Realising that it had made the baati softer, the women of the clan started dunking the battis in sweet water (made from sugarcane or jaggery) in an attempt to keep the baatis soft and fresh for their husbands. This eventually evolved into churma, a sweetened and cardamom-flavoured mix of crushed baati.

Jalebi

Jalebi also known as “Zulbia“, is a sweet that sees a lot of love across countries in South Asia and West Asia. It is particularly popular in the Indian subcontinent where each state has its own variation. Even the names vary by region — jilapi in Bengal, jeri in Nepal, etc.

According to the Hobson-Jobson glossary of Indian words & phrases, the term ‘jalebi’ is an Indianised derivative of Zulbiya — the recipe of which was brought to the Indian subcontinent by Persian traders, artisans and middle-eastern invaders throughout the medieval period.

It did not take long for the delectable Zulbiya to weave itself into the Indian cuisine as the homely Jalavallika or Kundalika. By the late 15th century, jalebi had become a part of indigenous festivities as well as personal occasions like weddings or other celebrations. The dish even became a mainstay as Prasadam in temples.

Jalebi — the Indian version of the dish became popular over centuries in Northern India, while in Southern India it is mostly pronounced as Jilebi. Be it the Bengali Jilapi served at a country fair on Rathayatra or the Gujarati jalebi consumed with Fafda on Dusshera, jalebi has been essentially intertwined with the gastronomic demography of India.

Journaling is among the most beneficial kinds of writing.

A journal can become very precious in no time at all. It only takes a few memories, experiences, and very personal thoughts to make it utterly irreplaceable, and to help you start enjoying life’s journey more deeply every day.

Daily writing can be a challenge if you’re new to it. Much like meditating, it requires patience and commitment. But if you stick to it, it can improve your life in significant ways.

The great thing about journaling is that there are no rules at all. You can write as little or as much as you like about any topic of your choice.

Whether you’re feeling hopeful or sad, trying to find meaning and purpose in your life, or just wanting to capture memories — a journal will always be there to listen and to give you a safe, non-judgmental space to share your thoughts.

What are the benefits of journaling?

A journal is a powerful tool for learning and development

If you have specific goals or ambitions that you’re trying to reach, then keeping a journal can help you to monitor your progress and work out what work still needs to be done. When you reach your goal, it can also be rewarding to look back on your journey and reflect on how much you’ve achieved. This can give you the courage and motivation to move towards your next goal.

It can improve your problem-solving skills

When you encounter a difficult problem, removing the situation from your mind and putting it down on paper encourages you to look at things from different angles and brainstorm several solutions in a more organized manner.

Keeping a journal can help to improve your mental health

After the loss of her husband, Lourey said she couldn’t survive reliving the pain of the tragedy by writing down her thoughts and emotions. “I needed to convert it, package it and ship it off,” she wrote in a column for Psychology Today

“Emotional upheavals touch every part of our lives… Writing helps us to focus and organise the experience.”

Keeping a journal can also help us to keep perspective, regulate our emotions, and improve our sense of confidence and self-identity. All of these things can boost our emotional wellbeing and happiness.

Tips to get started with journaling and make it a life habit

While some can write for hours at a time, researchers say that journaling for at least 15 minutes a day three to five times a week can significantly improve your physical and mental health.

If you’re new to journaling, the easiest way to begin is to find a time and place where you won’t be disturbed and just start writing.

Each entry can be on absolutely anything at all — for example:

• Something you’re grateful for that day (it doesn’t matter if these things are small).
• Your feelings about the day ahead, or the day that has just passed.
• Thoughts and feelings about someone else.
• Write about what advice you’d give to your younger self.
• A list of things you want to achieve that day.
• A hobby or interest, such as art, travel, or food.
• Dreams — some people find it helpful to write about their dreams as soon as they wake up, before they forget them.
• Write about 10 things you wish people knew about you.
• Write about 10 things you’d say yes to and 10 things you’d say no to.
• Write about a current challenge you’re struggling with and possible solutions.

At the end i would like to add is, its okay to miss on days and coming back to journaling. Don’t make it an obligation. Try it and see how it effects you in your daily life.

It will definitely help you discover your personality which will eventually help you in your life.

To Start journaling you can stick to most basic a pen and a dairy method or if not there are various app use can you on your mobile.

Hope you like this!!!

Happy Journaling, Peace ;-)

How in shape or out of shape you are? How happy or unhappy you are? How successful or unsuccessful you are? A result of your habits.

What you repeatedly do (i.e. what you spend time thinking about and doing each day) ultimately forms the person you are, the things you believe, and the personality that you portray.

The Science of How Habits Work

The process of building a habit can be divided into four simple steps: cue, craving, response, and reward.Breaking it down into these fundamental parts can help us understand what a habit is, how it works, and how to improve it.

The cue triggers a craving, which motivates a response, which provides a reward, which satisfies the craving and, ultimately, becomes associated with the cue. Together, these four steps form a neurological feedback loop — cue, craving, response, reward; cue, craving, response, reward — that ultimately allows you to create automatic habits.

We can transform these four steps into a practical framework that we can use to design good habits and eliminate bad ones.

1. Start small nudges.

“There’s no such thing as 21 days to start a new habit,” Charles Duhigg,

B.J. Fogg, a Stanford University researcher and author of the book “Tiny Habits,” notes that big behavior changes require a high level of motivation that often can’t be sustained. He suggests starting with tiny habits to make the new habit as easy as possible in the beginning. Taking a daily short walk, for example, could be the beginning of an exercise habit.

2. Do it every day.

Success is a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. — Jim Rohn

The lesson is that habits take a long time to create, but they form faster when we do them more often, so start with something reasonable that is really easy to do. You are more likely to stick with an exercise habit if you do some small exercise — jumping jacks, a yoga pose, a brisk walk — every day, rather than trying to get to the gym three days a week. Once the daily exercise becomes a habit, you can explore new, more intense forms of exercise.

3. Make it easy.

Make it so easy you can’t say no. — Leo Babauta

Dr. Wood, author of the book, “Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick,” calls the forces that get in the way of good habits “friction.”

In one study, researchers changed the timing of elevator doors so that workers had to wait nearly half a minute for the doors to close. (Normally the doors closed after 10 seconds.) It was just enough of a delay that it convinced many people that taking the stairs was easier than waiting for the elevator. “It shows how sensitive we are to small friction in our environment,” said Dr. Wood. “Just slowing down the elevator got people to take the stairs, and they stuck with it even after the elevator went back to normal timing.”

The journey of building habits is all about consistency. Therefore, it’s best to keep a habit tracker along the way. However, tracking habits might be more complicated than it seems — picking the wrong companion might hold you back from reaching your destinations.

Lastly, don’t forget to be compassionate with yourself as you embark on this journey toward more thoughtful routines, and hopefully, better habits. Any long-term change is going to take time. That’s just the reality. There will be ups and downs. But you are capable, and if you’ve made it this far, you are also prepared.

If you think you’re hearing the word “empathy” everywhere, you’re right. It’s now on the lips of scientists and business leaders, education experts and political activists. But there is a vital question that few people ask: How can I expand my own empathic potential?

So what is empathy? It’s understanding how others feel and being compassionate toward them.

The word empathy comes from the German word “Einfühlung”, coined in the late 1800s, which might broadly translate as “feeling into”. Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives.

ONE death is a tragedy. One million is a statistic.

You’ve probably heard this saying before. It is thought to capture an unfortunate truth about empathy: While a single crying child or injured puppy tugs at our heartstrings, large numbers of suffering people, as in epidemics, earthquakes and genocides, do not inspire a comparable reaction.

Many of us believe that if more lives are at stake, we will — and should — feel more empathy (i.e., vicariously share others’ experiences) and do more to help. empathy is dampened or constrained when it comes to people of different races, nationalities or creeds. These results suggest that empathy is a limited resource, like a fossil fuel, which we cannot extend indefinitely or to everyone.

A final downside of empathy is its sometimes-incapacitating emotional impact. The philosopher Susanne Langer once called empathy an “involuntary breach of individual separateness” — and this seems to apply particularly when we observe someone suffering, such as a loved one.

Empathy is a “parochial, narrow-minded” emotion — one that “will have to yield to reason if humanity is to survive.”

Goodness in being empathetic

When someone gets a big win on the sales floor, empathetic leaders are happy right alongside them. If someone struggles with a stressful situation, we may feel sad by their side.

• Empathy is the capacity to understand what the other person is experiencing from their situation.
• Empathy is the capability to experience vicariously and share the emotions, ideas, or opinions of someone else.
• Empathy is the ability to tune into and share another’s emotions from their perspective.

Not So good in Being Empathetic

There is an unhealthy effect of empathy you may not know. Having too much empathy can kill your relationships.

Since empathy is more about understanding, so if a couple is into a distressed relationship (‘on the rocks’), one partner can accurately gauge what is going on in their companion’s mind.

Empathy is not curative, as love is. Love can cure, but empathy cannot.

Any line of work that requires a high level of empathy, can cause a person to develop empathy fatigue, and lead to burnout. Burnout, in turn, can cause depression and anxiety, extreme physical and emotional exhaustion, and a dread of going to work.

Empathy fatigue appears to be quite a common experience among “high touch” professionals from fields as teaching, journalism, nursing, medicine, law, and other settings where there is high work-related stress.

Arguments against empathy rely on an outdated view of emotion as a capricious beast that needs to yield to sober reason. Yes, there are many situations in which empathy appears to be limited in its scope, but this is not a deficiency in the emotion itself.

empathy is only as limited as we choose it to be

Whenever we feel motivated and we our full of energy and power to do something, then we make are goals and start working towards those goals.

Being productive for the first few days/weeks and we complete a lot a work but slowly as the time goes there are days where we don’t feel like to work, and sometimes we try to skip our work which leads to fall in our consistency. This leads to the same point from where we started working towards our goals.

Majority people spends there life in a similar manner. Highly motivated and hard working for few days and then return back to our old habits. This is the reason we need to know how to be consistent. The one trait that can beat talent and any other advantage is consistency.

Even American author and speaker John Maxwell also says :

Motivation pushes you to start working towards that goal of yours but Discipline gives you the power to keep working towards your goals

This is called the law of consistency.

This doesn’t matter how much talented you are nor does how much opportunity you got. If you want to grow and change your life then be consistent. That means we should focus on being discipline and not consistent, because a disciplined person always do those things which are important.

Being disciplined means you work towards your goals and to that task of your even if you don’t feel like doing it. This is the most important trait to achieve success in your life, that you produce quality work specially on those days where you feeling like giving up or skipping that task of yours. Because this is the trait that makes you different from majority of the peoples.

Where some peoples look for comfort and became lazy. You have a vision in front of you that pull you towards itself and the haunts to not achieve your goals motivates you towards your goals.

“If you don’t change the direction you are going, then you’re likely to end up where you’re heading…” ― John C. Maxwell

To be consistent, always feel motivated and being disciplined means you want to get out of your present situation and want to achieve that big goals which makes you emotional and you want to get it. When you understand this, then every task becomes easy for you because you can’t think of anything else than to work towards your goals.

You are aware of the fact that to make your life better you have this shot and anyhow you want to reach your goals. This is the same story of every person that starts from zero, as he not happy from his present situation and starts working hard to get out of it. He had a dream in his mind which wakes him and keeps him motivated and after lots of struggle he achieve his goals.

We should also behave in same manner to became motivated and consistent in our lives. This is the point where your motivation peaks.

In comparison to those people who are not hard working and look for comfort after achieve small wins in their lives. They make excuses because they are stop being consistent. These are people who think they have achieved what they have born for and are in their comfort zone and not want to get out of it.

If you truly feared failure, you’d be very successful. — Barbara Sher

The Secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fight the old, But on building the New.

Let me give you an example, a personal example.

A very recent incident that shaped my own thinking and growth. Long ago sometime in 2003–04 i was part of a training group. There was a conflict in the group and blame was thrown around. Unfortunately i was at the receiving end of it. There was one person in that group. someone i new from outside the training group, a friend. Through the process she decided she has nothing to do with me. In the group as well as outside the group. The relationship we shared was severed from that moment on. Last week out of the blue this lady reached out to me. Her tone was warm and caring. it was like an eraser of the past for her. She wanted to felicitate our trainer of the past, and so she was re-connecting with all of us trainees in the group. Now this was the sudden call when i least anticipated it. I was surprised, overwhelmed in that moment, i agreed to write a note for the felicitation of the trainer. I kept pushing it by the few hours, by the few days. I didn’t realized where the reluctant was coming from. I experienced an unsettling feeling in my stomach in my core. This is my gut.

Now my stomach or gut is the place i experienced chaos and discomfort when i have to do something that doesn’t agree with me. i experienced this chaos for a few days until one morning with a start but with the realization. i did not want to write that note. My gut and every cell within me was resisting this. I decided to use the people and principle approach on myself. What was my unconscious intent, i had agreed to write the note. my conscious intent to go along with the ask. i realized i was trying to belong to the group and to the end, i was willing to be a people-pleaser this is the rovan of the past. the early rovan that belong to the group and fit-in seamlessly. but what was my conscious intent.

My conscious intent recognized that the rovan of today of 2021. Do not want to be in group that i don’t thrive in. my unconscious was tell to listen to my gut to my chaos and to make meaning to that and my unconscious reminding me of one of my most important value, the value of authenticity.

As i grow older authenticity is becoming more and more important to me in my self and in others. For me authenticity is being true to myself. Being true to my experiences and being true to what my body is telling me. I had compromised my values for the sake of acceptance. This was really insightful for me. So i decided to choose authenticity which i had to listen to the part of me that realized my need of belonging years ago, that person is not me now. I have moved on from that relationship that group. i have become stronger and more anchored . I have met so many people and i have work so hard to became this person i am today. I embrace who i am today.

I realized i couldn’t be inauthentic just belong or to be seen as a part of a group. I decided to remove my self from the group. i wrote a note to the lady and wished her well. i communicated my desire to not belong to the group anymore as if on queue my body relaxed. My mind was silent now. the tension that had been plaguing me for the last few days suddenly evaporated and again i felt free. my value of authenticity was so important to me that i was able to give up my need to please and superficially belong to group of people. I listened to my conscious intent within me. I acknowledged it and that gave me a sense of freedom, a feeling of liberation. This is how the people and principles theory play out in real life in simple interaction most often we don’t even account for.

How can each of us apply to our relationship to our lives or to situation and issues that cause us internal chaos

1. Listen to your body, our body give us queues to our physiological well being and uneasiness. Fatigue, headaches, uneasiness and backaches all very often are reflection of our emotional state. The discomfort in my stomach was indicating the bigger physiological chaos in my mind. It was telling that my emotional brain, my amygdala is activated. It was in flight, fight or freeze mode. when our amygdala is triggered into such a response we go into the mode of surviving and not into thriving. If all can i contribute to the group was surviving in it, why was i even their was belonging to the group is going to evolve as a human being or was i going to devolve.
2. Our survival mode is an emergency reaction it is not are normal mode, it helps us fight of danger we anticipated. it keeps us anxious, uncertain and agitated.
3. To ease and calm our amygdala out of the survival mode takes self care. it takes emotional soothing, which comes when we engage with people which gives us hope, joy and positivity.
4. The more we engage with relationships in conflict with our values, the more chaos and confusion we are feeding into. May be its time to reflect back into your relationships, which relationships in your life our harmonious and which one cause chaos and drama. what are the underline values that you hold dearly, and what is the pattern between your values and relationships.
5. Maybe its time to invest in relationships that helps us evolve, we owe it to ourselves. do some of your relationships promote inequality, racism, hate violence, marginalization or even silence. if you are silent then you are bystander which value is more important to you.

Hope you like my People and Principle perspectives.

Do let me know if you have any inputs/comments. Give a clap to this. So medium lets others like you to read this P&P.

[book reference] The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Theory of peoples and principles

Like most people i found that the lock-down turn my schedule around. My morning gym which is been a ritual is out of question now, i need physical activity which enable me to feel contained, anchored and positive. so i decided to replace the exercising in the gym with an hour walking this was my quite me time. one element of self care.

My quite me time is very important to me in this time. as i found my self in reflection of various experiences that help me make meaning and i learn from these experiences. It was one of these morning walks where i develop this theory of peoples and principles.

As i look back it holds true for most of the conversations i had with peoples. This theory combines both psychology as well as philosophy and it impacts every day living and the choices we make.

Principle is a deep concept in philosophy and principle is a lofty word. a word not often used in conversation.

so lets break it down.

The oxford dictionary defines principles as a fundamental truth or preposition that serves as a foundation for a system of belief or behavior or a chain of reasoning.

what does this mean?

Principles are deeply rooted in our set of values. Each of us have some deep seated values. the ones we hold on to strongly and subconsciously fight for. These values are foundation of our fundamental truth and this truth forms the bed rock of our behavior. So what does it got to do with people. Our values don’t exist within us in isolation. All of us human being are relational animals. we need people to survive to built human connect. We seek relationships that engage people who nourishes us emotionally and helps us find our sense of purpose. Human to human contact is an existential need a survival need.

During this period of lock-down and social distancing we are looking for newer ways to engage with people consciously and unconsciously we are looking out for a primal need for survival. So each of us have a value system that determines are principles and all of us are looking for relationship to survives and thrive.

What happens when their is a conflict or difficulty in a relationship, this is when one of the two either the person or the principle takes precedence over the other in such situations we learn to prioritize the one the person or the principles. the decision we make in a split second in a conversation or interaction has a huge impact on our own well being both physically and emotionally. This is the theory of people and principles.

We can truly begin to see the impact of our principles when we became aware of are conscious intent in a relationship. This can be either with an individual or a group of person. Is the relationship conflicting with are deep values and in the process of destabilizing conflicting and causing chaos within us. to understand our relationship we need to understand our underline values driving our outward behavior.

I have an interesting story coming up for you.

Do read my People and Principles -2

[book reference] The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma