You probably feel lost, sad, or stuck while reading this.

Or maybe you’re experiencing something entirely different that you interpret as such.

Today, more than ever, we’re advised to care for our emotions, set boundaries, and avoid people or situations that affect our well-being.

While mental health is undeniably important, this widespread message traps us in our emotions, reinforcing avoidance rather than confronting the stressors that fuel them.

Importance of emotions

Emotions can be the driving force behind action or the brake that holds us back. That’s often how people get stuck, feeling overwhelmed or depressed.

“Emotions are recipes for action.” — Lisa Feldman Barrett

They are the foundation of our human experience.

Whether we’re deciding to pursue a goal, take a risk, buy a product, or even fall in love, emotion is the guiding force behind these choices.

• Motivation to pursue goals? Emotion.
• Deciding whether to take a risk? Emotion.
• Buying a product? Emotion.
• Falling in love? Emotion.
• Choosing friends and relationships? Emotion.
• Fear holding you back? Emotion.

And the list goes on.

The book How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett is the only book that I can confidently say the cheesy, cliché phrase of “this book changed my life”, because it did.

It’s the book that made me challenge my interpretation of emotions, and use my feelings to push forward.

But first, let’s differentiate between the terms “feeling” and “emotion”.

Feelings are the raw physical sensations that occur within our bodies, like a racing heart, sweaty palms, or butterflies in the stomach.

Emotions, on the other hand, are the brain’s interpretations of those sensations, turning them into a story about what caused them and why.

Constructed emotion theory

A common myth many people hold is that emotions like anger, happiness, or sadness are hardwired into our brains from birth, universal across all humans.

But Barrett presents a completely different theory: emotions are constructed.

They’re actively constructed by our brains in the moment, based on our personal experiences, memories, cultural influences, and the context in which we find ourselves.

Wow, right?

Wait, there’s more.

How do we “construct” an emotion, really?

The brain doesn’t react to events with preset emotional responses.

Instead, it gathers information from several sources:

• The body: physical sensations, like a racing heart, tight chest, or stomach discomfort.
• Past experiences: memories of similar situations and how we felt or reacted in those moments.
• Context: the environment or situation around us.
• Culture and language: the cultural background and the words we have available to describe our feelings.

With this data, the brain predicts what’s going on and constructs an emotion.

For example, if your heart is racing and you’re in a dark alley, your brain might predict “fear” based on past experiences.

But if your heart is racing and you’re at a concert, your brain might predict “excitement” instead.

Financial literacy is a thing, what about emotional literacy?

Your brain is like a budget manager.

It’s always regulating your body’s resources: things like glucose, oxygen, nutrients, and hormones.

This is the body budget.

Your brain’s primary job is to keep you alive, which it does by making sure you have enough resources to live, think, move, and handle stress.

Everything you do, whether it’s physical exercise or a stressful situation “spends” resources.

Rest, sleep, and good nutrition are what help “deposit” more into your budget.

When your body budget is low, your brain interprets this state as negative emotions like fatigue or anxiety. When your body budget is well-balanced, you’re more likely to feel calm and focused.

The impact of culture and environment

Emotions vary across cultures.

They’re not the same for everyone. They’re deeply shaped by the culture and environment in which we live in.

Each culture provides its own words, concepts, and social norms that influence how we experience and express emotions.

And language plays a powerful role in shaping emotions. For instance:

• German: The word “schadenfreude” describes the pleasure derived from someone else’s misfortune.
• Japanese: The word “age-otori” refers to the feeling of disappointment when getting a new haircut ends up looking worse than before.

If your language doesn’t have a word for a feeling, it’s harder to recognize or fully experience that feeling.

Get rich, vocabularily speaking

We haven’t developed our emotion vocabulary.

Emotional granularity is the ability to identify and describe your emotions with specific, accurate words.

This will help you pinpoint exactly how you feel: instead “sad” or “happy” to use words like “frustrated”, “disappointed”, “playful”, “optimistic”.

Understanding our feelings better, helps us manage them more effectively, make better decisions, and develop deeper connections with others.

Wrapping up

Understanding that emotions are constructed is a game-changer.

It debunks all the advice of getting trapped in our emotions. Because it really shows that it’s the story we tell ourselves about our feelings. And that story can change. And we have the power to do so.

I do hope everyone gets their hands on this brilliant, mind-blowing book that will truly change their life for the better.

Favorite quotes from the book

1. “We are architects of our own experience”
2. “An emotion is your brains creation of what your bodily sensations mean, in relation to what is going on around you in the world.”
3. “You are not a passive receiver of sensory input but an active constructor of your emotions.”
4. “Your brain is always predicting, and its most important mission is predicting your body’s energy needs, so you can stay alive and well.”
5. “When you lose a close, loving relationship and feel physically ill about it, part of the reason is that your loved one is no longer helping to regulate your budget. You feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself because, in a sense, you have.”
6. “Your body-budgeting regions are like a mostly deaf scientist: they make predictions but have a hard time listening to the incoming evidence.”
7. “You slam that desk because your brain predicted an instance of anger, using your concept of “anger” and your past experience (whether direct, or from movies or books etc.) includes an action of slamming the desk in a similar situation.”

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

1. Bipedalism
2. Using language to communicate
3. Making tools
4. Having a house full of useless stuff
5. Getting annoyed by words
6. Drinking coffee and not comprehending that there are people who don’t drink coffee
7. Changing the TV volume to an even number
8. Having 50 tabs open and not a single one that’s useful
9. Looking for your glasses while they’re on your face
10. Walking into a room and forgetting why you came in the first place
11. Changing the amount of ingredients inside a hamburger, increasing its price and believing no one would notice
12. Scrolling on social media when bored
13. Buying tens, hundreds, thousands times the worth of something because it has a logo on
14. Looking up to check if anyone saw you as soon as you fall down
15. Entering a restaurant and everyone sitting looking at you
16. Closing the fridge slowly to see when the light would go off
17. Being so tired that you forget how the word “and” is written
18. Finding the perfect spot on bed and then needing to pee
19. Thinking that something will be better if it’s more expensive
20. Buying fake sale items on Black Friday
21. Postponing for months a task that takes 5 minutes to do
22. Believing you have ADHD after watching a TikTok video
23. Spending a fortune on a wedding
24. Listening to your favorite songs a thousand times a day until you hate it
25. Taking pictures of everything you eat
26. Liking alcohol for some reason
27. Having a doctor friend and asking them about your random aches
28. Wondering whether you locked the door leaving
29. Being afraid of the dark but not admitting it
30. Finding all the traffic lights on reCAPTCHA

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Liked the story? Join Sweet Publications!

Sweet.pub is a family — 💚 Short, 💙 Long, 💜 Niche, and 🧡 Deep.
Discover the stories that will make your 🤍 beat!

This article was published on November 26th, 2024 in Short. Sweet. Valuable. publication.

30 Things That Make Us Human was originally published in Short. Sweet. Valuable. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

1. White hairs are here to stay, and plucking them doesn’t help
2. Fine lines and wrinkles begin to show up
3. You can’t eat crap anymore and not have an effect on you
4. You begin to have random aches that have no origin story
5. You hurt your back while folding a sheet or while sneezing
6. Invitations for high school reunions start popping up, with people actually attending
7. You catch yourself thinking “teenagers these days”
8. Friends and family expect you to host holiday gatherings
9. Your summers are full of christenings and weddings
10. Night driving starts to feel a little stressful
11. Recognizing that doctors and teachers might be younger than you
12. People start calling you “ma’am” without a hint of irony
13. Catching yourself making comments like “they just don’t make them like they used to”
14. Realizing that technology you grew up with is now in museums
15. Suddenly caring about things like gut health and cholesterol
16. Suddenly flip-flops and turtlenecks are way too annoying
17. You can hardly make new friends
18. You now become scared of roller coasters and water parks
19. You start sleeping on the couch, while watching TV
20. Sick days now feel like slow death and way more existential
21. People suddenly get permission to discuss very personal topics like the “expiration of your egg cells”
22. You’re offered to try anti-aging creams at the airports
23. No one remembers your birthday anymore
24. You’re not sitting at the kids’ table anymore — you’re sitting next to the kids and their parents expect you to “keep an eye on them”
25. You’re 24/7 tired
26. There’s no excuse for acting stupid anymore
27. You can’t go to the park and play on trampolines without people thinking you’re a weirdo
28. Your 20s — which were supposed to be fun — ended, and you didn’t have that much fun anyway
29. You start to hear the phrase “for your age” way too often
30. You’re no longer eligible for the Forbes 30 Under 30 list

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Fitting in a box got us stuck and miserable.

It’s funny how we want to be unique, to make a dent in the world, yet we end up doing what everyone else is doing. Yes, FOMO plays a big part but that isn’t the thing here.

Take birthdays for example. It’s the same thing again and again: a birthday cake, balloons, music. Or take weddings. A white dress for the woman and a suit for the man, flowers, engagement rings, wedding multi-layered cakes, dancing, bridesmaids, honeymoon.

It’s predefined what you’re going to do if you’re getting married or having a birthday.

Even the path to living is predefined.

You go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, die. It’s as if there’s an unwritten rule that forbids you to do otherwise. It’s so established that anyone who slightly deflects from that path is a “loser”, a “misfit”, or there’s definitely something wrong with them.

Some don’t want to go to college, some are homeschooled. Some don’t want to get a job, they want to create their own thing. And some don’t want to get married or have kids.

The out-of-the-box thinking is like fiction when I hear it.

You know what it’s like being inside a box. It’s dark. Fitting inside a box is doing what everyone else’s doing, when your soul craves for something different. It’s the result of not questioning the path you’re entering, just doing it because “that’s how it’s done”. It means playing it safe to make others more comfortable than you are.

We love categorizing. And for people I had always been a weirdo. When I say that I don’t drink coffee everyone ends up with the same reaction “How do you wake up?”. As far as I know breast milk doesn’t have any caffeine in it and no one drank coffee for years until they learnt to depend on it. Yet, people can’t comprehend how it is to operate in mornings without coffee.

Anxiety is all around. People weren’t so distracted, or easily offended before social media. Women weren’t so obsessed with makeup and how they looked in photos. Procrastination wasn’t such a huge deal either. Yet, social media adoption and usage increases every year, instead of decreasing.

Looking around me I see people, fitting in boxes.

Fitting in a box is the easiest thing to do at the moment, but it’s harder in the long term.

Going out of the box is hard. You’d be called a misfit most of the time. People won’t understand you or like you, you may think there’s something wrong with you.

But fitting in a box is more painful than stepping out of it.

We lost our creativity to problems because every time we used it we were kind of punished by school, friends, and our parents. We ended up doing what others wanted to make their lives easier: the teachers, the parents, society, friends, strangers.

I mean we are all different. How can we want exactly the same things?

Yes, there are some basic human needs but those have absolutely nothing to do with the boxes society fits us.

How is it possible that most marriages happen before the age of 30? Have they all found their soulmate all at once? Or something (a hidden societal force) pushed them to do so?

We did it to be liked but we ended up hating ourselves when we actually had “everything”. This is what we want: to be who we are, do what we want without worrying about others’ approval.

It’s normal to feel stuck and miserable when all your life you’ve been living for others. Society is a set of rules that tries to make us all the same. “Be more ladylike”, “be more curvy”, “be more nice”, “smile more”, “be someone but not you” blah blah.

A set of rules, and a black hole of unmet desires. This is what fitting in a box is. Get out of it. The light is out. And you can only see when there’s light.

Don’t be miserable because you haven’t met others’ expectations of you.

It’s your life.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Conversations even with friends nowadays, need multiple filters.

You never know when they’re going to explode — just like an active volcano.

Just be daring enough to say the “wrong” word, and you’ll get ghosting or shouting, or both.

The problem of the easily offended

Relationships are built on trust.

The foundations of a good friendship lie on it.

Taking offense undermines this foundation. And a house can’t keep standing when you destroy its foundations.

The moment you get upset, you prove that you trust your ego, your unresolved issues more than someone who already showed you who they are in the past.

You could have asked what they meant, you could have assumed good intentions, or you could have smiled and moved on, but you chose to react.

And it’s okay if this happens sometimes.

The problem is when there is a constant misunderstanding in a friendship — the kind that requires the other person to over-apologize, to filter words and to say way more than needed, in order to avoid conflict.

The importance of hard-to-offend friends

Among the most valuable traits in a friend, being hard-to-offend is my favorite.

A good friend should know you or want to know you more. They should assume good intent, in text and in face-to-face conversations. And they should seek to understand without assuming offense.

Easily-offended friends are high maintenance, require constant filtering of words and even punctuation in texts, create drama over trivial matters, and when there’s nothing to find in words, they find it in your tone.

Constantly explaining ourselves, justifying our actions, and tiptoeing around potential triggers is exhausting.

We need people who bring out the best of us, who trust our intentions and don’t cultivate resentment, guilt and shame over words.

Being around easily-offended people forces us to shrink and filter our words and actions. And with a constant questioning of our intentions, we start questioning ourselves creating more problems in our life.

And a friend is supposed to make our life easier, not harder.

Friendships with good foundations should always assume good intentions between one another unless they’re not good-intent people, which shouldn’t have been your friends to begin with.

Cultivating a hard-to-offend mindset

The biggest contributor to getting offended is assumptions.

Before getting offended you assumed things. You probably assumed they meant something bad, probably something against you that got you to the reactive mode.

The problem with assumptions lies in trust.

When we choose offense over understanding, we’re really showing a lack of trust in that person. More significantly, at that moment we’re distrusting our own judgment in choosing good friends.

Cultivating a hard-to-offend mindset is about learning to read intentions before reacting.

Where are the hard-to-offend people now?

Today, the hard-to-offend trait feels like an endangered quality.

People are becoming obsessed with reacting fast without thinking.

They live in echo chambers that make it hard for them to hear a different opinion. They’ve gotten addicted to online validation — likes, comments, shares, and notifications. They get “triggered” by words like “brainstorming,” fueled by self-proclaimed “experts” who promote hypersensitivity to emotions.

Lacking patience and focus, people miss context and get quick on jumping to conclusions. And most importantly that impacts our relationships.

We don’t need that.

This isn’t to say that hard-to-offend people are untouchable or that they don’t care about anything, or that they get hurt but are too “cool” to talk about it. No.

The trait of being hard-to-offend consists of humor, empathy, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, resilience, and confidence — all necessary ingredients for good relationships moving forward.

Be a hard-to-offend individual. You’d be making your life and other people’s life better.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Liked the story? Join Sweet Publications!

Sweet.pub is a family — 💚 Short, 💙 Long, 💜 Niche, and 🧡 Deep.
Discover the stories that will make your 🤍 beat!

This article was published on November 6th, 2024 in Long. Sweet. Valuable. publication.

The Hard-to-Offend Trait of Friends was originally published in Long. Sweet. Valuable. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Money talks, but I don’t. I keep it low-key.
I won’t tell you my salary. It’s private to me.
Or what I paid for Cinque Terre’s view,
Or that smartwatch I bought just because it was new.
You’re asking, you’re curious, but here’s the truth:
I smell intention, and yours isn’t smooth.

When I’m getting married? Or if I want kids?
Those are my choices, not open bids.
Whether I want a family or not,
Shouldn’t come as your own thought.
Some questions aren’t friendly, they come with a price,
And digging for answers? Yeah, that really isn’t nice.

But here’s some advice, just to keep things steady
You, my friend, need a hobby already.
Tennis, swimming, or learning to dance,
There’s plenty to do if you give it a chance.
Because minding people’s business won’t brighten your day,
And it won’t make others want to stay.

Gossip and prying won’t make you look cool,
It brands you the one breaking unwritten rules.
People remember who digs and who pries,
And trust me, that’s not a great way to rise.
So let’s keep it simple, keep it polite,
Respect my choices, and we’ll be alright.

Unless, of course, you’re paying my bills,
Covering the wedding, or the baby thrills.
If you’re signing the checks, then ask what you please,
Otherwise, let’s keep our chats a bit more at ease.
No one likes questions that come with a sting.
Curiosity’s fine, but not when it comes with a swing.

Until then, my friend, let’s keep this real.
Find a hobby that brings you some joy and appeal.
There’s painting and CrossFit and swimming, you see
Anything’s better than prying at me.
Let people be, and watch your life improve
There’s peace of mind in giving others room to move.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Outta Juice

Ever find yourself thinking at a party “How long can I stay before it’s considered okay?”.

Enter Outta Juice, the app that has made social battery a thing.

Never blame yourself again for leaving a party so early. Never feel desperate of needing a day to recover from social interactions.

Outta Juice, the only app that gets you.

Invitees List

We know what you wished last time you were invited to a party.

And we have it right here.

Introducing the Invitees List, the full list of people invited to the party so you know if you’d be coming.

Dreamy? Wait.. There’s more.

YES or NO buttons to press if you’d going or not without needing to call for RSVP, and getting caught on weird phone conversations.

Yes, Invitees List was made for you.

Read the Room

Humans have come a long way.

Built tall buildings as high as 800m, fought monsters, built homes, built AI.

But there are still some things that are still difficult for him to understand and explain, like life after death or mysteries like the Bermuda triangle or the fact that the friend you just texted is calling you.

What’s going on in their head, really?

Well, we can’t still solve that mystery but there’s something we can do about that.

Download Read the Room, your AI personal assistant app that instantly messages people calling you after you messaged them “I’ve messaged you, you idiot. That means you have to reply in a text not call me. Why don’t you just text me?”.

And if they get offended, you can always tell them “It’s not you, it’s the AI”.

Shrug.

Can We Not?

Groceries would be the perfect outing for an introvert if there were no other people in it.

We feel you and that’s why we built Can we not? , the app that pretends to be a phone call when a person tries to talk to you in the supermarket or anywhere in public.

Can we not?, the only phone call, you answer right away, without waiting for it to stop.

Too Close

A bad breath simulator that emits unpleasant smells like garlic, rotten eggs, gym socks to your personal space invader who does not get the fact that you’ve walked half a mile stepping backwards to get some space.

You can also choose the intensity level, depending on how much they got on your nerves:

• Casual Stink (Mild)
• Dragon Breath (Strong)
• Biohazard (Overwhelming)

I mean, what were you thinking? Only ophthalmologists are allowed that close.

Hard Pass

Not into law but wouldn’t it be great if your friends knew what you hated, had it written so that when you ghosted them you had proof that they violated the agreement?

You know… Simple things.

Things like:

1. Not to invite anyone to your arranged 1-to-1 without telling you
2. Not asking you what you did on the weekend
3. To not surprise you with birthday parties where you’re the center of attention and everyone expects you to be crazy happy
4. To text, and not to call

Introducing Hard Pass, the app that makes that reality. Sent to everyone who’s passed the tests of friendship, and now knows how you drink your coffee.

Never feel awkward when they invite another person in your one-to-one.

…Because it would be their last.

Excuse Tracker

All that hype for second brains nowadays.

But no one bothered to build a useful second brain of tracking which excuses you used to which person to not go to an event.

Excuse Tracker, the app to help you track your excuses. Also, equipped with AI to help you come with new excuse ideas to look more persuasive.

Stop relying on your memory.

Say yes to excuses. Say yes to your saved spot on the couch.

Because you’re worth it.

Don’t Take your Peek

What if you could walk in a bra shop, trying on some and never worrying about the shop lady sneaking in?

Don’t Take your Peek. The app that fakes a fire alarm when the shop lady asks “How we doing in there” before she yanks open the curtain without waiting for a reply.

Turn “How we doing in there” to “I’m outta here”.

For the people that don’t get that closed curtains are there for a reason. And for the people inside the closed curtains.

You peek, you pay.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Gone, yet?

We know how good of an actress you are.

You pretend to like that Christmas gift you hate, you walk into parties smiling while you can’t stop thinking what time you’re going to leave. And you pretend you’re dead when someone rings at your doorbell.

But play dead, no more.

Gone, yet? is the new app for introverts that notifies you on your phone when someone’s about to ring at your doorbell. It also notifies you when they are gone, so that you don’t have to play dead and wait until they leave.

Draw the curtains, switch of the lights before the doorbell. Be proactive, not reactive.

Knock, Knock.

Irish Exit

Reminders are good.

And we love reminders.

We need to be reminded more than we need to be taught, they say.

For this reason, we built Irish Exit.

The app that reminds you every second how much of an idiot you are that you didn’t bring your own car and now you can’t leave the party whenever you want.

AGAIN.

Sign up for 30-day free trial of roasting.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Liked the story? Join Sweet Publications!

Sweet.pub is a family — 💚 Short, 💙 Long, 💜 Niche, and 🧡 Deep.
Discover the stories that will make your 🤍 beat!

This article was published on October 11th, 2024 in Long. Sweet. Valuable. publication.

Ten Extremely Useful But Nonexistent Apps Exclusively for Introverts was originally published in Long. Sweet. Valuable. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Oh, I finally get it

Hair salons are a torture.

I can deal with the blinding lights, the cacophony of hairdryers and the cloud of hairspray thick enough to be classified as a new atmosphere.

But that sink — the neck-twisting, soul-crushing stone they expect you to rest on like it’s a “relaxing” spa moment? Never.

We’re in 2024, AI is advancing, self-driving cars will be dominating, people developed meatless bacon, we have same-day deliveries and hair salon sinks have still stayed the SAME.

Ever wondered why?

Let me tell you.

A social experiment on your politeness under pain

An Ivy League university is running a social experiment to test how polite people will be while suffering.

That’s illegal you may wonder — no informed consent, no debriefing.

Yeah yeah, true.

But if they did tell you, you’d be fake-smiling, altering the results, right?

They test it with the sink, the cold water, the hot water, the hawk nails of the hairdresser tearing your scalp.

That’s why when they put the heavy, funny-looking towel on your hair they ask you to go have a sit and wait.

They’re noting down the results before they forget.

Duh.

A project sponsored by Greenpeace to train you to drink last sip without straws

Plastic straws created an addiction to drinking anything through straws.

The shift to paper straws has people grumbling, as they struggle to finish their drinks before the straws turn into floppy, useless noodles.

Hair salon sinks came to save the day by providing the perfect training to make your neck strong enough to bend backward (and getting comfortable looking at the ceiling) while drinking without needing a straw.

It’s the best way to finally break free from straw usage.

It’s a green, sustainable way.

Okay, not cruelty-free, but hey small wins.

Sky training check to maintain your survival

Remember when you felt lost and were looking for a sign from the universe?

How would you spot it if you hadn’t trained your neck to bend backward?

Imagine seeing a sign but not being able to look up at it — useless, right?

Or when you’re at a wedding, and the bouquet is tossed and you need to run away from it so that random people won’t come asking you when you’re getting married.

You already have the relatives asking you, you don’t need strangers too.

It’s too much.

Designed to keep you awake, so you won’t die of heart attack

What if you’re one of those people who sleeps in concerts and requires a bucket of cold water thrown into your face to wake up?

Well, hair salon owners thought about that.

They carried out tests, experiments, ran data on machine learning and found out the ultimate position to keep everyone awake.

Even those who’ve been awake for three days.

Imagine falling asleep in a hair salon, with all the noise and lights and the only way to wake you up was to throw cold water into your face.

What if you had a heart condition? What if your brother used to scare you in quiet places and now sudden movements trigger you? What if you died?

Picture the tombstone: “Here lies Aria — Killed by a hairdresser.”

Suddenly, hairdressers would be considered dangerous, and everyone would be cutting their own hair at home, having their spouse dye it. And everyone would be posting their bad hair days on social media with hashtags like #CancelHairSalons and #ICanCutMyOwnHair.

Horrible, horrible.

Supermarkets would run out of scissors, and there’d be a viral “Scissorless Haircut Challenge” showing people cutting their hair at home without scissors.

Influencers would go nuts, promoting hair dyes made from fruits, veggies, instant coffee, and soy sauce.

Ugh.

People would be traumatized by their DIY haircuts and triggered every time they saw hair.

Can you imagine?

Now you understand — hair salons are doing everything for your own good.

Next time you’re leaning back into a neck-breaking sink, just remember —when AI takes over, at least you’ll be well-trained to look up and negotiate your survival.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Click here to subscribe to MuddyUm’s newsletter, ‘The Real Dirt’

Check out our links.

Four Plausible Reasons Why Hair Salon Sinks Are So Uncomfortable was originally published in MuddyUm on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

#2 Why can’t I just leave a party quietly?

Adulthood is the sum of awkward moments.

The more you have, the more adult you are.

Yes, there’s a percentage of adultness. I’ve recently turned 30 and there’s nothing more awkward than adulthood awkwardness.

“Hey mom, see? I get you now”.

Parking at the mall

Adulthood shouldn’t be when you turn a certain age.

It should be when you drive a car and go to the mall.

Park there, go inside, do your thing and come out and have absolutely no idea where you left your car.

And if you’re like me, every section in the parking looks exactly the same and “I’m sure we parked here” turns overconfidence into “I’m such a loser” instantly.

You know you’ve entered adulthood when you need to go to the bathroom, feel hungry, sleepy, and tired of seeing people, all while searching for your car.

Congratulations. Now find your car.

Party exit

Being an adult means having a lower tolerance to loud music, parties, alcohol, bad humor, small talk and talking to people you don’t like.

Thoughts bombard your mind, “Was music always that loud?” “Boy, my ears hurt”. “I can’t wait to get out of here”.

Everything seems like a bad idea and you can’t stop blaming yourself for not finding an excuse to not come to that party.

Trying to leave a party is a detailed evacuation plan.

You plan every path you’d take, what excuse you’d need to say to the host, where you’d look, what you’d say if somebody else stops you and practicing how you’d say it so you’d look persuasive.

“Leaving so early?”

“Yeah I have to go, it’s urgent” pretending you wanted to stay longer.

And you’d think the word “urgent” does the work but nooo, it’s the OPPOSITE.

When people in a party hear the word “urgent” they want to keep you longer, talk to you about useless things, ask you about your childhood, understand your traumas that made you want to leave early from parties, they’re even ready to instantly book tickets to Rome for an Aperol Spritz.

What part of urgent don’t they understand?

I just want to get out of parties, without anyone talking to me and having to say 289 goodbyes. Please.

Surprise with an expected guest

Friend comes with someone and they didn’t tell you about?

Body knows the meditation, breathing exercises, silencing of inner critic, stopping yourself it takes to fake the smile that everything’s okay when you suddenly see your friend bringing an extra guest to your gathering which took three weeks to plan.

Well, it does a pretty good job until you hear your voice going a little higher than normal “Oh, I see you brought company”.

And at that moment you start to question years of friendship “What was she thinking bringing another person?” “What can I say to leave early?”, “Can they say that I am faking the smiles?” , “God, I miss my pillow” “I can’t wait to get home”, “I think I’m going to cry”.

And then she comes with the question “Is that okay?”

And poor you squeezing a “not it’s not okay, you should have asked before bringing another person, now it’s too late. God what’s wrong with me always messing with the wrong people” into a “Of course it’s okay”.

For all the introverts out there, this is a crime in the introvert department. It’s an FBI (Friend Breach Incident). And it sucks. I understand.

The monster inside your stomach

Stomach is a villain.

It knows when to strike to humiliate you. It’s all cute and lovely to work with when you’re alone all day but when you’re surrounded by others in a quiet room?

“It’s my place to shine! Solo.”

You think it’s just hungry. No no no.

It’s taking revenge for all the crap you fed it all those years.

It’s screaming “Help, rescue me”. It transforms into a monster and talks in a monstery voice.

Stomach is angry at you. And wants everyone to know.

So don’t be surprised when people come to you and tell you “You’ve got a monster in your stomach”.

People know where a sound comes from, even if you pretend nothing’s happening.

Your credit card hates to feel “cheap”

Your card doesn’t like to feel you use it for just one purpose—to pay.

It feels cheap.

And a card that pays the bills doesn’t want to feel that way.

It creates a plan.

It makes you think everything’s great and well until it picks a time when there’s a huge line behind you to make a scene.

“Card declined”.

You panic, you see the angry faces of people waiting behind you, you hear the “pffs” but at that moment you appreciate your card. You see it’s value.

And card’s mission is complete, you noticed it. Love your card.

So, when your credit card declines, your stomach growls in a meeting, or you get lost in a parking lot remember — you’re not failing, you’re leveling up.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Click here to subscribe to MuddyUm’s newsletter, ‘The Real Dirt’

Check out all of our links.

Five Awkward Adulthood Moments was originally published in MuddyUm on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Happiness is making us miserable.

We’re constantly pressured to be happy.

From “Happy Birthday” and “Happy Holidays” to “Happy New Year” and the “happiest day of your life” at weddings, the expectation is everywhere.

Our society’s obsessed with happiness and its show-off.

From a young age, we’re told to “live happily ever after”.

But our relentless pursuit of happiness is pushing us away from it.

The “everything is quantifiable” era

We live in a time where everything (almost!) can be tracked and measured.

So things that otherwise shouldn’t be quantified are quantified:

• Self-worth with the number of likes and followers
• Success with houses, money and cars
• Intelligence with grades and IQ scores
• Productivity with the number of hours worked

And now happiness is quantified.

According to pop culture, happiness is having a big bank account, hitting life milestones like marriage, homeownership, having kids, and climbing the career ladder.

Yet, people report being more unhappy than ever.

Social media has created a bubble where everyone feels the need to constantly prove their happiness.

“Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so“— John Stuart Mill

Why chasing happiness makes us unhappy

Our relentless chase for happiness is making us sick.

We’ve become addicted to cheap dopamine hits: endless scrolling on social media, binge-watching Netflix, junk food, gossip, and the constant craving for material goods.

We’ve spoiled ourselves, avoiding anything that doesn’t give instant gratification.

Instead of solving problems, we’re stuck in a cycle of avoidance, which only deepens our misery.

We’re thirsty for happiness all the time like a dry sponge soaking every drop of water but never being saturated.

If we’re constantly looking for happiness it means we’re not happy yet.

This makes happiness a distant pursuit, a goal that’s only achieved “once” something else happens. Consequently, we make happiness always being tied to something outside of ourselves, making it fragile.

If any part of the “algorithm” fails or changes (which it does, ’cause life happens) our happiness quickly dissolves, leaving us disappointed.

The more we chase, the more we reinforce the idea that happiness is something we lack, deepening our sense of inadequacy.

Happiness shouldn’t be a goal

The first rule to achievable goals is to be specific.

But happiness isn’t specific, and it’s not even measurable.

Happiness is an abstract metric that’s different for everyone. We’re trying to pursue something we haven’t defined, like a photographer trying to picture a moment in the dark.

In our constant chase for happiness, we ignore other emotions.

But happiness can’t exist without sadness.

You can’t grow without frustration, and you wouldn’t appreciate happiness if you never felt sadness. Like hunger makes food taste better, sadness makes happiness more meaningful.

Happiness is fragile.

It’s the sum of unrealistic expectations we use to cover our unmet needs.

It’s like a soap bubble.

Colorful, momentary, soft on your skin, uncatchable. We chase these bubbles, thinking one more will fill the gaps inside us, but each one bursts before it can truly satisfy.

Happiness Redefined

You can’t base your quality of life on an abstract idea.

We learned about happiness in kindergarten, but we haven’t redefined it since. We still believe it’s about constantly smiling and avoiding “negative emotions.”

But how can you evaluate your life on an oversimplified idea you learned when you were five?

Happiness isn’t a destination.

We weren’t designed to be happy all the time.

The real problem is believing that we should be. Just like you wouldn’t expect a car to sail across the ocean — it’s not what it was built for — we shouldn’t expect ourselves to be happy all the time.

We’re built to experience a range of emotions.

Copyright © 2024 Aria K. All rights reserved.

Liked the story? Join Sweet Publications!

Sweet.pub is a family — 💚 Short, 💙 Long, 💜 Niche, and 🧡 Deep.
Discover the stories that will make your 🤍 beat!

This article was published on September 3rd, 2024 in Long. Sweet. Valuable. publication.

How to Be “Happy” Without Happiness was originally published in Long. Sweet. Valuable. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.