I started Sable Stone Stories with the intention of showing up as my authentic self. Without going into the long list of conditions and stressors in my life, I have a body and energy system that needs a lot of maintenance and care. Sometimes things get hectic, and I must go into the shop for repair. When that happens, I dedicate my time and focus on much-needed rest, recovery, and rejuvenation.

In the past, I would ignore my body’s needs and push past my limits to accomplish my goals no matter what. Ultimately, it always led to burnout and a LONG rehabilitation process. Now, I pay attention to when I start feeling sad, disconnected, and unable to express myself creatively. This is usually the sign that I need to slow down, withdraw, and seek within myself instead of outside of myself. I am in this space now.

Yes, I am still going to post a little here and there. However, I have a grander vision for my work, with new ideas and plans whirling in the background of my mind. With my health being in an unbalanced state, I do not have the energy to form that vision into reality. As I re-align myself, they are taking shape in the fantasy realm and will be shared when they are ready to emerge.

I send this message out to all those who need rest. To all of those who need the time to just be while life settles around them. I know we have responsibilities that need tending to. Just make sure one of those responsibilities is attending to your own needs. ❤

Find what nurtures you.

Find what gives you peace.

Find what FEELS you with energy.

The world will still be there when you get back.

Or, if you’re lucky, you’ll come back to a whole new world. 🌍

11 IDEAS for Rest, Recovery, & Rejuvenation

• Take a walk outside
• Watch your favorite movie
• Enjoy a cup of tea
• Meditate (sit & breathe)
• Listen to soothing music
• Cuddle up in bed with blankets and pillows
• Take a long bath or shower
• Read a good book
• Watch the clouds or Stargaze
• Go to a river, lake, or ocean
• CREATE: paint, write, draw, sing, dance, mold, and play

This is not for the faint of heart. Please do not continue reading if you are easily offended or triggered.

I used to hate the word bitch, but now I have fully embraced it. Here’s why…

Growing up, I was a shy kid. A quiet kid. A nice kid. A “good” kid. I put other people’s needs before my own. I wanted to please everyone. I tried not to upset anyone. I did my best at school. I said no to drugs. I went to Sunday school. I prayed to God every night. I wanted world peace (still do). I didn’t understand war (still don’t). I cried for the homeless, the poor, and the starving. I empathized with others’ pain and suffering. I gave my entire heart to anyone who would have it. I had no boundaries. I was a doormat.

This lasted from childhood, through my teen years and continued on as I became a young adult. So what did all of this get me?

Yes, I did make some good friends, my teachers were very fond of me, and my family members adored me. I won’t discount that. But there was a dark side to all this never-ending cycle of giving and niceness.

I was emotionally abused and neglected. I was abandoned by those I loved and who loved me. I was anxious and depressed at a young age. I developed several chronic illnesses. I was bullied. I had my heart broken multiple times. I accepted toxic relationships. I was manipulated. I was used for my body. I stayed at really shitty jobs. I self-medicated and self-harmed. I hated myself. I wanted to die. I was never enough.

And worse of all, I dimmed my light and lost myself along the way.

Countless years of therapy, mindfulness practice, psychology study, new-age spirituality rituals, and self-help books later, I was still trying to be good, and I was still miserable. Then, at 31, something clicked. I realized all this niceness wasn’t getting me anywhere…

So I decided I would be a bitch ( gasp!). But do you know something? For the first time in my life, I felt free. I gave no fucks.

I needed to take a closer look at the word bitch. What did it actually mean? Was it really so bad? I used to hate the word and never used it, even jokingly with girlfriends. I actually ended a relationship with a friend in high school because she called me a bitch (sorry, ex-friend! 😅).

When I looked up the definition and thought about its meaning, I realized it wasn’t that bad. Here’s what I found…

The definition of bitch from the Britannica Dictionary is:

1: a female dog
2: informal + offensive: a very bad or unpleasant woman: a woman you strongly dislike or hate

Let’s break down the “offensive” meaning first…

Bad = I’m bad. I break the rules. I curse. I question authority. I ignore the status quo. I say things others wouldn’t dare say. I’m like Maleficent, baby, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Unpleasant = Oh hell yes, I’m unpleasant. I’m not concerned with playing nice for your comfort. I will speak unpleasant truths because they exist, and something must be done about them.

Dislike/Hate = Go ahead and dislike or hate me; it won’t bother me none. If you don’t like what I’m saying, then leave. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodnight!

If you’re still with me, let’s continue…

The original meaning bitch is a female dog. Well, dogs are loyal, energetic, intelligent, and loving beings. Dogs make excellent companions. Dogs can sense whether someone has good intentions or not. Female dogs incubate and give life to adorable baby puppies. I fail to see the insult.

Yes, dogs are animals, and if you are offended by being called an animal, you must have skipped science class. HUMANS ARE ANIMALS. If you don’t believe me:

The Scientific Classification of Human Beings

Species: Homo sapiens 
Family: Hominids 
Order: Primates 
Class: Mammals 
Kingdom: Animals 

[From "The Human Animal" article]

If more humans realized and accepted that we are the same as every other life form on the planet, maybe we would have no endangered species, no overharvesting of our oceans, and no inhumane factory farms and slaughterhouses. Perhaps the global warming crisis wouldn’t exist because we would live in harmony with nature. We would treat mother earth with respect instead of abusing her abundance by taking without regard and using her body as a dumping ground with all our useless shit.

But I digress….

I am a big, bad, bitter, black, beautiful bitch.

I am a big bitch. Big on values, morals, honor, strength, and compassion. I am not small or weak, and you will not walk over me.

I am a bad bitch. Bad bitches handle their business…period.

I am a bitter bitch. I have learned some tough lessons in my young life, which have left their mark on me. History that is forgotten is destined to repeat itself, and I say: Never Again.

I am a black bitch. Fuck tha police, the patriarchy, the system, and most of all fuck white supremacy. I love my Black people, men, women, and children. BLACK LIVES MATTER!

I am a beautiful bitch. From the inside out. My soul is pure. My spirit is light. My heart is warm. My body is my temple. My mind is my paradise.

Call me a bitch all you like. My feelings won’t get hurt. I AM a bitch; you’re just stating facts.

Originally published at https://sablestone.works on October 27, 2022.

trapped inside an anxious and depressed mind
unable to see the light of day
unable to breathe, think, or say
my heart's true desires
unable to act on my wants and wishes
unable to cast reality into my dreams
i am stuck,
frustrated and afraid
unsure of what my future will bring or
or what i'll become
unsatisfied with living
but not interested in death

solo i travel through the melancholy 
of everyday
unable to give myself the happiness
i so often seek
so willing to lend a helping hand to a neighbor
but myself i can't comply
when i look into the mirror 
i see only hollowness in my eyes
a loneliness in my soul
a hole within my body
an aching sorrow at my core
my very being's worthless
my house is not a home
the rest i’ll just ignore

i’m incomplete and doubtful
fulfillment only comes within my words
i’m blessed with a broad vocabulary
i’m a literary bomb
 a linguistical genius
when it comes to expressing my feelings
or understanding emotions and their meanings
i can write a poem almost instantly
and cause my audience to cry
and pry into their forgotten memories
make them think without their brains
they consume the words i’m speaking
they congratulate my skill
they claim to love my style
says my writing makes them feel...

but inside
only an empty little girl resides
unable to grow up
or experience joy
shes sullenly
and unsuccessfully tries to escape
the anxious and depressed mind
the twisted semi-suicidal mind
that scrabbles and distorts reality
so that the sufferer cannot break free and live
but is constantly held down by misery
no matter how many fake smiles
and false laughter
she managed to create
at the end of the day
she's drawn back into self-pity
self-disgust
and self-hate

unable to find the beauty that lies
underneath the anxious and depressed mind
the frightened and suppressed mind
the beaten and oppressed mind
the fatigued, guilty, and regretful mind
the deadly and cancerous mind
the destructive mind
that is mine

*Note: this poem was written a while ago, but the feelings still ring true for what it feels like having depression and anxiety for me. I have been on a healing journey for many years now, and although I still have good days and bad days, I have come a long way. I feel that sharing this poem and others is the next step along my healing path.

If you have had similar thoughts, know that you are not alone. We are all in this together. You are so worthy. You are so loved. 🖤*

What’s in a name?

Sable Stone: the artist formerly known as Safire Lady.

I have always been obsessed with names. Maybe it’s because my own name is so unique and can be hard to pronounce, but names have always been a big deal to me.

These are some examples of the first few questions and comments I typically receive when people first learn my birth name:

• Did I say that right?
• What a unique name!
• How do you pronounce that?
• What does your name mean?
• I’ve never heard that name before!
• How did you get your name?
• Did you know there is an Irish version of your name? (fun fact it’s Saorise)

Whether it is because my name drew so much attention to me or because it’s killer to write in cursive, I didn’t have the best relationship with my name growing up. I eventually learned to love it, but I spent a lot of time fantasizing about having a different name.

It changed the game for me forever when I started to get more into reading and learned about writers going by pen names. I knew I would go by a pen name when I became a published author. (I mean, I painstakingly look for, and research all of my character names but have no say in my own name? I think not!)

So, I wanted a pen name, but what would it be?

As a teenager, I was big on writing poetry and performing spoken word. I was also coming up with the concept of Life of a Renegade. I wanted a pen name with some connection to my real name, so I began playing around with my initials, S.A.F.

The first thing that came to my mind when looking at my initials is the word sapphire, cleverly respelled as safire. Even back then, I was drawn to the word stone, but Safire Stone is just too gimmicky (yes, even for me!). I decided to embrace my femininity and classiness and thought that lady would be the perfect finisher.

Thus, Safire Lady was born!

I still am attached to the name Safire Lady, but over the years, the name moved away from my artistry and writing and instead became my avatar in video games and on social media. I even created and lived life as her in the Sims! Her image is clear in my head of a red-headed beauty with green eyes. I must have made the character Safire Lady hundreds of times on various platforms.

But that’s precisely what Safire Lady had become, a character. Fun to play, but she was not me. She had truly morphed into an archetype of femininity more than my real self could realistically be. I needed a new pen name. Something a bit more polished and professional. Something fit for a best-selling author ;)

I knew I wanted an S name. My birth name begins with an S, so did Safire Lady, and let’s be real, some of the best description words, in my opinion, start with S:

• Sweet
• Smart
• Strong
• Sexy
• Sassy
• Sophisticated

All qualities I strive to embody!

It took some searching, but eventually, I traveled back to my childhood to a time that I believe was the birth of my writing career. Growing up with my older brother, I would watch him play all sorts of epic storylines and visually stunning fantasy role-playing games. I never wanted to play, only to get lost in whatever world my brother chose that day and follow along with him on his journey. It was a cherished time we spent together, and it opened my mind to vast imaginary worlds.

I remember a game he played with a character named Sable, a pretty magical cat girl who could also be ferocious in battle (who doesn’t love a badass cat girl?). I loved her and her name so much that I remembered her all these years later. Plus, by ditching Safire, I could use the word stone unabashedly.

Alas, the pen name Sable Stone was born!

Further delving into my new pen name just solidified it eternally for me. The definition of Sable is very dark, black, or a heraldry color used on coats of arms. The definition of Stone, of course, is a hard earthly matter in the form of rocks or precious gems.

Essentially the name Sable Stone means a precious black gem (#blackgirlmagic), and that is precisely the energy I want to embrace in my writing. It took me diving deep into my darkness, living in it, and embracing it to give birth to the artist inside me. Further, when you think about seeds being planted in the soil or a baby growing in a womb, all new life begins in the dark.

In blackness, without light, is where the most beautiful and treasured creations are made. I would like to view my art and writing the same way.

So now, I can say with all honesty:

I write the stories that need to be told.

I AM Sable Stone.

Coming out as bi-sexual, I received prejudices from both the straight and queer communities. As a younger adult, it was painful for me to be confident and finally free enough to explore my sexuality, only to face hate and find no real community acceptance.

Well, I say no more! There is a B in LGBT for a reason. Don’t try to discount me or kick me out. I’m staying, baby, and I will stay attracted to and loving whoever the hell I want. ❤

I am not confused.

I am not greedy.

I am not a slut.

I am not a cheater.

I am not asking for a threesome.

I am not going through a phase.

I am not defined by the gender of my partner.

I am not trying to hide that I am actually gay.

I am not trying to hide that I am actually straight.

I am neither.

When I am in a relationship, I am committed to that person. If I date a man, it doesn’t make me straight. If I date a woman, it doesn’t make me gay. I remain bi-sexual no matter what because it is MY sexuality, NOT my partners.

I may have individual preferences here and there. I will say I find myself drawn more to a masculine aesthetic since my personal experience comes mostly from dating cis men and masculine women (a.k.a. studs). Of course, I find cis or trans women, trans men, and non-binary people attractive as well; honestly, it just depends.

I am attracted to attractive people.

Being so inclusive does move me closer to the pan-sexual side of the spectrum. I am okay with that identity since I genuinely believe I could love anyone. Queer is also a blanket term I strongly identify with, mainly because it is simply easier to say. I also love reclaiming the word that was used as an insult as a symbol of unity and power instead.

In reality, I identify with the original definition of queer, which means different and odd. My love of drag queens, men with long hair, shonen-ai (boy’s love) manga, and kink all told me I was a weird one early on. In fact, watching RuPaul’s Drag Race in my early twenties is what got me really questioning my sexuality. Watching cute boys transform into beautiful women? A true bi-sexual’s dream!

For me, the way I see it, Queer is to Bisexual as BIPOC is to Black. I will use both terms interchangeably on my website, blogs, and social media posts. However, I understand that the main reason I adopted using queer in the first place to describe my sexuality was because of the negative responses I received and society’s perception of bi-people.

*Update* I recently discovered the term bi+ to include bisexual, pansexual, and queer! I will happily be adapting and using bi+ to describe myself. 🥰

So although queer, pan, and bi+ are all acceptable terms, I’m working on using bi-sexual more to fight against the stigmas associated with that word. I will no longer hide in shame. I am bi-sexual and proud, got damn it!

Sable’s Curated Dictionary:

• Queer: originally pejorative for gay, now being reclaimed by some gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered persons as a self-affirming umbrella term. (urbandictionary.com by dijjn )
• Cis: cisgender; noting or relating to a person whose gender identity corresponds with that person’s sex assigned at birth. (dictionary.com)
• Stud: a “stud” is stereotypically used to describe a black masculine lesbian, as most white masculine lesbians are considered “butch.” (urbandictionary.com by Lia’)
• Pansexual: refers to the sexual orientation of someone who is romantically, emotionally, or sexually attracted to people of any gender identity, gender, or biological sex. (dictionary.com)
• Bi+: bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer-identified, and unlabeled people. (glaad.org)

i am no longer a doormat to be walked upon
i am stronger than that
i am not frail and defenseless
i am stronger than that
i will not cry over spilled milk 
i am stronger than that
i am not afraid of lions
i am stronger than that

i am women
   bringer of life
i am black
   keeper of faith
   survivor of pain
i am artist
   creator of wealth
   protector of health
   defender of self
i am human
   receiver of knowledge
   communicator of language
   grateful of privilege
   flawed by weakness, ingrained in me
but i am stronger than all that

i've felt heartache, loneliness, disappointment, and fear
i've been frustrated, confused, betrayed, and hurt
i've seen poverty, destruction, disease, and death
i've experienced a cosmopolitan of despair
  but i am even stronger than that

the brawn of a soldier, a warrior, and a knight
the power of the president, the emperor, and the king
the beauty of fire, water, and wind
  i am stronger than that

because... 

although i'm surrounded by hate
   i got love in my heart
even through i am sad inside
   i can still smile and laugh for real
when all i can hear is lies
   i speak the truth
as i make mistakes
   i look at my life and feel no regrets
   i grow stronger with every breathe
every step
every second i live
   against the world that wants me dead
every success
   outweighs my failures
every joy
   lessens my pain

cause once you've lived in hell
every moment on earth
feels like an eternity in heaven
   and strength becomes limitless
all you need is confidence
   and kindness
   and just of touch or craziness
   and the world is yours

stand up strong in your power and fight
   for peace
   for love
   for healing
   for the planet
   for each other
   for life

🖤 Sable Stone 🖤