The RULES

I’ve been living the NoNewPlasticPledge for 8 1/2 months now. Some of you wonderful readers were there from the start, and others have discovered EnviroWoman along the way. From the emails I get and the comments you great folks posts, I thought it would be helpful to restate my rules.

Although originally posted way back on New Year’s eve, I was so plastic naive way back then, the rules weren’t that detailed so I’ve provided you with some clarification. And all the amendments to the rules I've invoked as I learn more about plastic.

Okay here we go:

Original Rule #1: I CAN NOT buy or accept products containing or packaged in plastic for the first 90 days of 2007

• Clarification: This INCLUDES recyclable and recycled plastic. Hey, it’s still plastic, so it’s a no no.
• Clarification: This DOES NOT INCLUDE any and all petroleum-based products. The magic word in my pledge is ‘plastic’ not ‘petroleum’. Yes, I know you can’t have plastic without petroleum. (But you can have petroleum without plastic.) Remember, I’ve taken the NoNewPlasticPledge, not the NoNewPetroleumPledge. My beef with plastic is that it’s everywhere, and it doesn’t degrade.
• Clarification: This INCLUDES plastic other people bring into my life. When my female kinfolk sent me a package covered in plastic tape, I had to accept that as my personal consumption and add it to my plastic shrine. If someone brings plastic packaged chocolates to work and offers me one, I have to say no. At restaurants I can't order something I know someone will serve to me in plastic which will be thrown out after I’ve finished with it, like water in a plastic bottle or a plastic glass or with a plastic straw. However, this leads into a gray area….because how far do you really take it…. If I eat at a restaurant or a friend’s place and they serve food that was once packaged in plastic, but not served to me in plastic then that’s okay because it’s their plastic consumption, not mine. Like I said, it’s a gray area…and I’m not always consistent in my logic but hey, they are MY rules, so I can do what I want.
• Clarification: I CAN touch plastic. Some people assume my pledge means I can’t even touch plastic. Now come on folks…let’s GET REAL.
• Clarification: I CANNOT get others to buy plastic for me. Several wonderful souls have offered “I’ll buy this plastic then give it to you, then it won’t count”. It DOES COUNT and it would be cheating. Even if you’rwe're talking chocolate….it’s still cheating. EnviroWoman doesn’t cheat.
• Amendment: The resolution was extended to the entire 2007 year
• Amendment: This INCLUDES not buying or accepting biodegradable plastic (which I didn’t even know existed before Jan 1st)
• Amendment: This INCLUDES anything which qualifies as plastic according to wikipedia like nylon, polyester, Teflon, synthetic rubber, acrylic, styrofoam ad plasticizers (though this last one is a hard one ‘cuz it’s hard to really know what has plasticizers in it). Let’s just say, it blew my mind when I read this wikipedia page back in February, ‘cuz that’s when it really hit me how much stuff I had actually sworn off. Like nail polish. Ignorance is bliss. Reality sucks.
• Amendment: I CAN purchase compostable bioplastic – because it’s not petroleum-based plastic (as with biodegradable plastics, I didn’t even know this existed before Jan 1st). I am well aware that this counters the logic of the second clarification point above. Here’s what I like about compostable plastics – they degrade way faster than petroleum-based plastics and into earth-friendly benign matter. Regular, degradable, and biodegradable plastics don’t.
• Amendment: This INCLUDES papers which obviously have plastic in them, like sticky labels and that foily shiny plasticy stuff all my fav chocolate bars come in. This amendment eventually leads into a gray area…because how can you really tell if some paper has plastic in it…
• Amendment to the amendment: This DOES NOT INCLUDE magazines and books. It did for the first 6 months, but now I just can’t live without them.
• Amendment: I DO NOT have to be uber-extreme at work. Work presents challenges. ButI have to admit I stick to my NoNewPlasticPledge guns about 99% of the time. Here are some examples…

A coworker noticed I didn’t have scissors and took it upon themselves to order me a new pair….which came packaged in plastic and had plastic handles. I graciously thanked my coworker for their thoughtfulness, accepted the scissors, but quietly returned them to the supplies cupboard so another coworker would claim them.

At a work sponsored conference I received a plastic binder full of wonderful paper stuff and accepted it graciously. Later, I returned the binder to the conference organizer but kept the wonderful paper stuff.

I don’t order office supplies for myself that I know contain plastic.

If I must order plastic stuff for others, I delegate it to a team member so I don’t have to break my NoNewPlasticPledge. It’s kinda cheating, but kinda not.

Here’s the 1% where I have to ease up on the NoNewPlasticPledge... when I order print materials which contain varnishes (that contain plasticizers).

• Amendment: I CAN purchase plastic on behalf of someone else if it’s for them and I’m reimbursed. DesignGuru at work asked me to stop by the local ArtEmporium and pick him up some art portfolios, which I was reimbursed for. That was okay. But when I needed a white sheet for a backdrop at a work photo shoot I was spearheading, I couldn't buy it because the sheet was packaged in plastic – so we used white paper instead.
• Amendment: I MUST re-gift plastic gifts. When a person gives me something, like a gift, which contains plastic or is packaged in plastic I accept it graciously, then re-gift it to someone else. (Hey, hang with me and you get lots of great plastic cast offs.) In some cases I return it to the giver. For example, the local phone company dropped off a new plastic-packaged phone book (which I didn’t request). By my rules, I have to return it to them, or accept the plastic as a MINOR SIN and add it to my shrine – I chose to return it.
• Amendment: I can only plead ignorance once. If I had been buying something which I honestly didn’t know had plastic in it, then I don’t count those purchases as SINS. But once I realize it contains plastic, I can’t continue to buy it without committing a MINOR or MAJOR SIN. This has occurred with soda pop, and tin cans, for example.
• Amendment: Food for TheBeast is an exception. When I started the no new plastic pledge I didn’t know most tin cans contain plastic. Once I did know, I stopped buying tin cans for myself. But I still buy them for TheBeast. Shes 18, has gum and tooth decay and can’t chew or stomach crunchies. So she’s on a diet of soft canned food. It woudn’t be right for her to suffer because of my pledge.

Original Rule #2: I CAN borrow or rent products that have plastic. So for example, I can rent DVDs, but I can’t buy DVDs.

Original Rule #3: I CAN continue to use or re-use any plastic in my possession as of Dec 31 2006.

• Clarification: When stuff gets used up, that’s when I replace it with non-plastic alternatives. Some people assume on January 1st, I threw out all my plastic stuff, and that I never use plastic. Again, let’s GET REAL. Plastic is everywhere, and in everything – I’d have to throw out most of worldly possessions. That would be totally disrespectful to Mother Earth, and would mean I’d consume a whole pile of new resources replacing stuff unnecessarily.

However, I will admit, moving to a new abode gave me a great opportunity to send alot of plastic to the Thrift Shop, or to storage. And I have given things up, or replaced things, like highlighters, and pens, and kitchen utensils before completely using up my non-plastic supply. All in an attempt to accelerate my transition to a NoPlasticAtAll existence. But, it’s gonna take a couple of years to get there.

In retrospect, this is a smart rule for anyone attempting to make such a big change in their life. It’s made the transition more bearable. If I had had to shop for non-plastic alternatives for ALL MY STUFF during the first couple of weeks, I’d have given up on this resolution way back in January.

Most of you are familiar with my plastic shrine which includes ALL the new plastic I’ve let into my life during 2007 which is now ready to be trashed or recycled. But I have a second plastic shrine, which graced these pages for the first time in January’s PROGRESS REPORT and will again in December’s PROGRESS REPORT. It includes all the plastic I had on hand as of Dec 31, 2006 which I have continued to use, and which is now ready to be trashed or recycled. I’m keeping it so at year end we can all get a good comparison of how much I’ve been able to reduce my consumption during 2007, in comparison to 2006. It’s not an exact comparison…but it’s still a good one.

Original Rule #4: CRUELTY-FREE takes precedence over plastic-free. If alternative products contain animal byproducts or have been tested on animals I'll choose the cruelty-free option over plastic-free. For example, since I don't wear leather, I'll always choose plastic 'man-made material' shoes over leather.

• Clarification: Shoes are an exemption. And it’s not because I’m one of those women who lives for shoes, which I’m not. It’s just that I knew I wasn’t going to find plastic-free shoes and I absolutely refuse to wear dead animals.

So I think that pretty much covers it. Let me know if you’ve got any questions and if you think I’m UberExtreme, or UberEasy on myself.

Plastic free: Motor Oil

Last year I took the pledge to take transit to work so MyLittleCar and I could reduce our CO2 emissions. From my new home, the commute to work takes 45-60 minutes via skytrain and bus, one way. But that’s okay, ‘cuz it’s better for the environment.

Secretly, I’m also hoping, that by taking transit I might be able to prolong the life of MyLittleCar who in car years, is quite ancient.

Oh, I know, it would be even better for the environment if I traded in my 18-year old car for a ‘good-for-the-environment’ Prius or a SmartCar, but I’m also very conscious that a whole lot of Mother Earth’s resources go into producing a car. Is it ethical to get rid of a perfectly good car (that only has 150,000 kilometers on it) and use more of Earth’s resources just to have the ‘newer better’ model? One of my pet enviropeeves is the whole ‘trade up to a newer model every 2 years’ mentality. To me, it’s the ultimate symbol of excessive consumerism and our disposable society mentality that’s causing the devastation of the planet.

And truthfully, (hold onto your shorts, ‘cuz this is where, instead of sounding like a WhackedOutEcoFreak who has grown balls, as EnviroWoman often does, I sound like a WhackedOutCrazyLady who’s lost her marbles…) I LOVE MyLittleCar. I just couldn’t bear the thought of it ever ending up in the hands of some TestosteroneTwit who might use it for one of those crash-em-up car derbys.

MyLittleCar deserves better. It’s been a faithful companion through life’s adventures and transitions. Loyal. True Blue. Trustworthy. Dependable. So like an old race-horse, it deserves a nice quiet retirement in the parkade pasture, only being taken out for a ride on the weekends.

EnviroWoman is also hoping that MyLittleCar will last long enough that it can be replaced with an electric car when those become widely available and affordable.

In the meantime, I need to take good care of MyLittleCar. And I do. Every year it passes the AirCare Test with a wide margin so I must be doing something right.

Last weekend, when MyLittleCar accompanied me on an errand, it had a nasty knock in the engine. When I checked under the hood I discovered, not only did it need oil, but also a new oil cap. EnviroWoman had a FewFriesShortOfAHappyMeal moment and not returned the oil cap to it’s locked position the last time she checked the oil. Now it was gonzo.

This proved to be a blessing in disguise.

For months now EnviroWoman has been searching for plastic-free motor oil. All to no avail. I remember metal cans of STP motor oil years ago, but nowadays, all motor oil comes in plastic containers. Instead of continuing my futile oil search, it was now time to take action.

So, I phoned my trusted mechanic Jerry, and scheduled MyLittleCar for an oil change, oil filter, and new oil cap.

Now you might recall, when I took MyLittleCar to the autobody shop to get the dent from a HitAndLeaveANote repaired, I was told the repair and repaint wasn’t possible without using plastic. So I had to cancel MyLittleCar’s visit to the auto spa. It’s just gonna have to wait until 2008 to get beautified.

But, ya gotta love my mechanic Jerry, because when I told him of EnviroWoman’s NoNewPlasticPledge, and asked if there was any way he could do an oil change without using plastic he said ‘Sure, we have a big underground tank of oil, and that’s what we’ll use.’ (Ya gotta love people who get on board with a crazy chick’s New Year’s Resolution, don’t ya?)

And the HorseshoesUpTheAss good luck continued. Because Jerry even was able to find an all metal oil cap.

So now, MyLittleCar is all gassed up. And oiled up. With no place to go.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Motor Oil
SAINT: Jerry at Granville & Avery Autobody, here in LaLaLand. Not just a wonderfully honest and excellent mechanic, but a guy whose willing to cater to a WhackedOutEcoFreak. If you ever need to shop for a new mechanic, call Jerry. I've been going to him for 13 years
Price: More expensive than changing or topping up the oil yourself
Quality: The same
SINNERs: Shell Nautilus/Formula, Motor Master, PJ1, Troy Bilt, Quaker State, Mobil, Havoline, Autolab, Pennzoil, Castrol, Valvoline

Lessons Learned:

• The real problem isn’t the car. We like to blame others for the muck our planet is in. We point the finger at cars and say ‘There’s too many cars, it’s their fault.' We point the finger at car makers and say ‘They don’t make green cars, it’s their fault.’ We point the finger at cows and say ‘There are too many COWS, that fart, it’s their fault.' Some whackos even say ‘There’s too many people making and using plastic, it’s their fault.' Silly us…the real cause of global warming, and disappearing ocean life, and pine-park beetle ravaged forests, and endangered species and probably almost all the other ailments in the world….is that there are too many humans. And that’s our fault. What we really need to do, each and every one of us… is just stop breeding.

Plastic free: Grapes

When EnviroWoman first decided on her New Year’s Resolution back in December 2006, she intentionally didn’t give a whole lot of thought to what she’d have to give up. In a way, she wanted it to be a surprise. She limited her forethought to those things she really loved and didn’t think she could live without.

But for most everything else, it’s been a year of surprises. Chocolate – hmmm, big cramp in that addiction. Meat substitutes – a no go for all of 2007. Crackers – fewer carb binges in her future. C’est la vie.

One day in February, as she was hunting Safeway for one of her all time favorite foods, globe grapes, she came to another sad realization. Globe grapes were gonna be off limits.

Yeah, it’s freaky isn’t it? It’s fruit. The brain synapses don’t naturally link ‘grapes’ with ‘plastic’ do they? But the grape growers and supermarket produce guys sure do. Green grapes, red grapes, black grapes, and globe grapes….all come nestled in plastic packaging.

In a way, EnviroWoman can see the rationale of this. Unless tethered, those wee little fruit beauties have a tendency to jump outta shopping carts and wire baskets and do kamakze dive bombs to the supermarket floor. But rational or not, it bummed EnviroWoman out majorly to find out those ambrosial beauties wouldn’t be part of her diet for 2007.

And then, one day in August, as she was scoping out the produce market in her new ‘hood’ she came across red globe grapes - completely plastic-free. Stacked carefully in green cardboard containers with not an iota of plastic in sight.

So she stockpiled. Yes indeedy, MyLittleWireShoppingBasket did runneth over.

Now, word traveled fast that EnviroWoman had an abnormally large quantity of grapes on hand. And even better - she was cruelty-free too.

Because every fruit fly in LaLaLand, (whose population has multiplied several thousandfold above normal levels because of a 7 week long city-wide garbage strike) has been paying EnviroWoman’s new realm a visit. She can practically hear them pounding on the fridge door and demanding‘Let us in, let us in’ in that same 'help me help me' voice from The Fly. All smug and bold, knowing that no harm will come their way in her household.

Yuppers, those little drosophila darlings have it made!

Lessons Learned:

• Small victories and abundance must be savoured, relished, celebrated, and shared. Even with fruitflies.
• Life is full of surprises. Some nice. Some not so nice.

PROGRESS REPORT: Jun/Jul/Aug

I’ve finished month #8 living the ‘no-new-plastic’ pledge. It’s been a while since I reported on my progress. Been busy holidaying, moving, then unpacking. But still living the NoNewPlasticPledge (except for those couple of days visiting kinfolk…but more on that later).

As you can see, I’ve added substantially to my plastic shrine (which contains all the new plastic I’ve let into my life during 2007 that’s ready for recycling or the trash. To give you some context, the round dark brown thing is a coffee lid from Tim Horton's).

Actually, let me rephrase that….OTHER PEOPLE have added substantially to my plastic shrine.

Here are the most notable additions:

Brown Packing tape: nope, not from moving, but from a package sent in the mail from loving female kinfolk. Now, if you’re like most people, don’t ya just love getting parcels in the mail? Alas, not if you’re EnviroWoman. ‘Cuz EnviroWoman knows that they usually contain some wonderful little object wrapped in plastic, or in the case of this particular package – swaddled in packing tape.

My heart nearly broke when I saw that package arrive. Especially since the kinfolk knew I was living the no-new-plastic-pledge. But how can I expect them to be ever-conscious of how pervasive plastic is, when EnviroWoman has her own share of plastic-blonde moments? I’d look like a total a-hole if I sent it ‘Return to Sender’ like I do with most of my plastic packaged mail. So I had to keep it and claim it as my own.

And it gets worse. Inside that package were 2 lovely little jackets, both size zero (so hard to find)….one made entirely out of plastic (well ya know, nylon, rayon, polyester) with plastic buttons (a total, yet pretty, SINNER). And one, entirely 100% cotton with metal buttons (yippee a total, and pretty SAINT). One SINNER, one SAINT. The story of my life in 2007.

So the rule is, I gotta regift the SINNER so it doesn’t count. It’s a tad too small anyhoo. I’d bust a seam in no time. So a skinny-minny friend will get be to be the happy recipient of a ‘re-gift’

Clear packing tape: two instances occurred whereby OTHERS brought clear tape into my life.

1. Let me set the stage...it’s the end of July, and my little plastic shrine is pretty darn sparse. I’m busting with pride. I’ve even managed to go through my whole move without using hardly any new plastic (see #2)….so I get back to work from taking some time off to move….and discover my boss and her husband have sabotaged my work area – decorating it in a moving motif – the filing cabinets were all wrapped up in kraft paper to look like beat up moving boxes. There was a beat up box marked FRAGILE and one with HANDLE WITH CARE and another with ‘THIS SIDE IS UP’ written upside down. My phone was all wrapped up, as was my chair. There were ‘BOXED UP ENERGY’, and ‘HOPE CHEST’ and OLD TAX FILES – 1965 to 2003 (Hey I’m not that old!!!)….and even CHOCOLATE fake boxes. Even pizza coupons and a MOVING TO DO LIST which included ‘Remember TheBeast!’ It was an absolute hoot. I laughed myself silly for a solid 10 minutes when I saw it. Alas, they used scads and scads of clear packing tape. Now, I know THEY used the tape. But they used it for ME, so it counts as my SIN. And there’s no way I can ‘regift’ used packing tape. So there’s a big wad of clear packing tape in my shrine now as a memorial to moving. But ya know, Gotta love the boss (She is TheBestBoss). Gotta love the bosses’ husband.
2. As I mentioned, I made it through the entire move without using any new plastic – almost. Admittedly, I did use packing tape and plastic I still had in my life as of Dec 31, 2006 (that’s acceptable by my rules), but when that ran out…I had to use ‘plastic-free’ alternatives. This meant instead of using boxes that folded into shape and which required taping, I had to resort to:

• apple and orange boxes which came pre-glued and with a lid (very smart way to go for a plastic-free move – don’t require any tape or string, and most come with side holes for ‘save-yer-back’ picking up), or
• boxes that folded into shape, and instead of taping them shut, just folding the flaps in on themselves so they kept contents safe. Or so we hoped. Alas, the frozen food (one of the last things ya pack, right?) made it into one of these boxes. And the moisture and the cold made the box flaps unstable. I had warned the moving guys ‘WackedoutEcoFreak here has a new year’s resolution I expect you to abide by…no new plastic. This means you can’t use packing tape, and you can’t use shrink wrap. Only blankets, only string.’ Great guys that they were, they abided by the rules….except for that box of frozen food, which eventually gave way, and spilled frozen goodies all over the back of the truck. This occurred at the exact moment I happened to be looking at the truck from an upstairs window…and what to my astonishing eyes did I see…but MovingMan using packing tape to rebind the box. I wrapped on the window. He looked up at me doefully, caught in the act. Sheepishly in fact…then threw the tape into the back of the truck with a ‘who me?’ look on his face. So I had to claim the plastic packing tape from that box.

Plastic clothing hooks. Those who read EnviroWoman know that she purchased a new home. Alas, new homes have plastic. The previous owner had a love-affair with Rubbermaid plastic clothes hooks – those handy-dandy ones that use double sided tape to stick to the wall. EnviroWoman loathes them. They are ‘too-too plastic’ so she’s removed them from closets and bathroom doors. Because they can’t be regifted, they must be recycled, and so now live in her plastic shrine.

Good Plastic Fortune these past couple of months

Anyway, despite all of this here has been some good plastic fortune in the past couple of months :

• Moving into a new neighbourhood that has one fantastic fresh produce market (whose tellers thinks MyLittleWireBasket and plastic-free way of shopping is so eco-nouveau) and even better…two fresh produce farms (grow their own, and plastic free, gotta love that). This has lead to the discovery of plastic-free cauliflower and grapes. A cause for celebration and gluttonous feasting.
• Finding mascara that’s as plastic-free as I’m gonna find. Plus cruelty-free. And that the wee beady eyes don’t seem to adversely react to.
• Seeing others follow in EnviroWoman's footsteps. I think I was the first to go plastic-free, but now there are other fellow bloggers that have taken the pledge in the past couple of months. That’s kind of exciting. The start of a new wave of consumerism – begun right here in LaLaLand.
• Body lotion. EnviroWench had to travel to far away lands to find it, but she finally did, after months and months of searching. Her skin was getting pretty dry, so she found it just in the nick of time.
• Pileated Woodpecker. Okay, this has absolutely nothing to do with plastic. But I saw a Pileated Woodpecker in my new neighbourhood last week. I haven’t seen one since I was a kid camping in the Cariboo. I thought it was a Flicker when I first heard it calling in the forest….and then this prehistoric thing wafted out across the road. Could you hear EnviroWoman squealing with glee? What a fabulous new neighbourhood.
• Plastic-free chocolate. There are 2, count ‘em 2, places in the new neighbourhood that carry Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut bars that come packaged in the old fashioned paper and foil wrapping. EnviroWoman is in her glory. Like I said....What a fabulous new neighbourhood.
  

Plastic Challenges these past couple of months.

• Clothes. I put off buying new clothes for six months until I knew which fabrics were plastic-based (nylon, polyester, rayon, viscose, spandex, etc). And then I dove in. I managed to buy all cotton clothes except for a beautiful summer coat that was wool with an acetate lining (but no plastic buttons). I wonder if it will be as easy when winter hits.
• Visiting kinfolk. EnviroWoman TheVegetarian is hard enough for kinfolk to deal with. So she keeps her cruelty-free and plastic-free way of life quite quiet. Don’t want to make it too much of a challenge to have her as a house guest. So when visiting country cousins I had to throw a moratorium on living plastic free for a couple of days. I quietly practiced my ways, avoiding bottled water, and pop, and yogurt, unbeknownst to the relatives, but wasn’t quite as a-retentive as I usually am…there was that one bag of chips which had that plasticy-foily wrapping which CountryCousin was serving up that I guiltily enjoyed.
  

MINOR SINS for June/July/August 2007

I can’t blame all my accumulated plastic on others. Admittedly, I’m guilty of adding some of it myself:

• Soya sauce jar lid
• 2 toothpaste caps
• a little plastic gizmo they put in the center of pizza box to prevent the lid from squishing the toppings. I learned quickly when ordering to say ‘hey, can ya do EnviroWoman a favour and not include that little plastic doodad?’ And ya know, THEY DON’T. Gotta love the Panago Pizza.
• Plastic pour spout from an olive oil jar (wasn’t expecting that one, I thought I’d really lucked out when I found olive oil with a metal lid and glass jar, who knew the evil plastic was lurking under the lid)
• A plastic-foily wrapper that came inside a cardboard-packaged bar of Swiss chocolate. Damn! Even chocolate is turning against me!
• One little plastic cello doodad from a sandwich’s fancy toothpick
• Five little plastic t-thingys that attach sales tags to clothes
• Tampon wrappers - now some of you ladies don't understand this one....but I bought them way back in January and I gotta use 'em up before shopping for non-plastic alteratives.
  

MAJOR SINs for July, August, September 2007

• A new home and the crap-lode of plastic appliances, light switches, floorboard trim, shelving etc which comes with it. And those nasty clothing hooks.
• Paint scraper blades, packaged in plastic. Hey, I’m still desparate to get that fireplace glass clean. Nothing’s working. Not even the steamer.

Challenges ahead:

• Telephone batteries. My little portable phone is nearly dead. I can talk for about 10 seconds, then it craps out. Replacement batteries come packaged in plastic. I may have to become a recluse.
• Protein. My place for bulk tofu-buying has let me down. I discovered it’s not so ‘bulk’ after all. All they do is take a 5-pack, packaged in plastic, and break it apart. I’m not really saving any plastic buying it this way. I rebounded quickly from this disappointment and thought I had found an alterative - a fab fab FAB fresh edamame salad from the local mega-store deli that would fill up my corn-based-bio-plastic container from home, rather than using one of their plastic ones. They were cooperative several times, but turned me down ‘for health reasons’ the last time I made a protein pit stop there. I suspect I’m starting to get protein deficient now. I’ve been suffering with a cold and a lot of jaw pain (do I hear ‘root canals’) for the past two weeks, and don’t seem to be able to overcome either. But, I'm positive I'll survive another 4 months.

Plastic free: Body Lotion - Part 1

The Knight of the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable
A modern take on an ancient tale

Once upon a time, long, long ago, in the faraway kingdom of LaLaLandalot there lived a mighty ruler, King McDreamy. He was a handsome man with the bluest sky blue eyes, and the softest skin - velvety smooth like a new born rabbit’s. Just like his Mother’s.

McDreamy was much loved by his people. He was a benevolent king. Fair-minded. Charismatic in a self-effacing way. Visionary. And wordly. He believed in peace and harmony among all living things.

McDreamy’s compassion was borne of tragedies endured in his youth. When just a boy of ten, his father died unsuspectingly. And then some years later his brother, whom McDreamy loved dearly, fell to his death from the castle tower. Some whispered the brother had not fallen, but sadly, had jumped, unable to handle the pressures of the impending throne that was surely his.

McDreamy fell into such a deep despair upon his brother’s death that, despite still being just a young man, his hair turned frost white – as if magically kissed by snow angels. His mother, TheQueen, could not console him.

So, disillusioned and confused, McDreamy left LaLaLandalot, foresaking TheQueen and all who loved him, to seek the meaning of life and death. He hoped renewed joy, happiness and a sense of purpose awaited him beyond his own kingdom’s realm.

Instead, McDreamy only found more confusion, chaos, suffering, and despair. His travels took him to war torn impoverished lands, where people foolishly victimized each other for belonging to different tribes or different gods – even though they shared the same color of skin. He witnessed terrible injustices that man made against man, against woman, against animals, and against nature. So terrible that every recess of McDreamy’s soul screamed in revulsion.

He saw barren, scalped landscapes where Natures’ bounty had been ravished by man’s gluttony. On the rare occasions when he spotted a bird or honeybee in flight, his heart leapt, overjoyed that he had been blessed with a glimpse of the phenomenal beauty of Nature. And at the same time, his heart would bleed in silent pain with the realization that these now rare creatures were ominous portends of impending doom to all.

He vowed, when he returned to his homeland, none of this would ever be allowed in LaLaLandalot. That he, McDreamy, would make LaLaLandalot an Eden, a Nirvana. Where Man and Nature lived in harmony. As it was meant to be. An example for all others lands to follow.

And so it came to pass, after many years of absence, he returned to LaLaLandalot. With a new level of appreciation for his homeland. And a devotion to protect LaLaLandalot from the outside forces of the world and the inside forces of man.

The Queen was elated. The people celebrated. Even nature rejoiced.

McDreamy’s return heralded LaLaLandalot’s GoldenGreenAge. For McDreamy set forth new laws for the land. Three simple laws in fact….that made all the difference.

FirstLaw: Equality for all.
SecondLaw: Cruelty for none.
ThirdLaw: Harmony with Nature.

And King McDreamy walked his talk. To prove the FirstLaw ‘Equality for all’ he established the Knights of the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable, where all men who sat at it had an equal voice in how LaLaLand was governed. And all men had an equal opportunity to become a Knight. Maybe even a King. Bloodlines didn’t matter. Deeds did.

Sir Bono became a knight after establishing a program that raised buckets of ducats for people suffering from TheDreadedDisease. Sir Paul’s knighthood was bestowed when he convinced the entire kingdom to adopt a BeastFreeDiet. Sir Al earned his chair at the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable for his brave attempts to pacify the GlobalWarmingDragons. Sir David was knighted for his heroic efforts to teach the people about TheNatureofThings….In all there were 12 Knights of the EcoFSC-Certified Round Table. All brave, noble men.

And there in lies the rub. ALL brave, noble MEN!

Now, this really was starting to stick in EnviroWench’s craw. Although she was merely a lowly kitchen maid in McDreamy’s court, she knew women were just as capable of performing brave, noble deeds that saved humankind and the planet. She believed a wench had every right to be a Knight. Maybe even a King.

But the only time EnviroWench, or any other damsel for that matter, came close to the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable was when they polished it, cleaned it, and removed the dirty dishes after those brave, noble men had had a night of revelry and feasting.

In the dark recesses of EnviroWench’s wishful-thinking, TheSecret-indoctrinated mind, she had been harbouring, for quite some time, the delicious dream of becoming LaLaLandalot’s very first female Knight.

But what brave, noble deed could she perform that would earn a Knighthood?

Then, by divine inspiration, the answer came to her.

And so, one day, when McDreamy happened to be strolling through her little treasured and wild part of the kingdom she hailed to him, ‘Noble King, will thou not rest a while in my wee cottage here by the river. I can offer thee a sweet drink of lemon-ale and the loveliest of honeybreads.’

'Ah, EnviroWench, thou art a temptress….only a fool could resist sweet honeybread.' replied McDreamy

And so, the two sat on the porch, feasting on EnviroWench’s delicacies, watching the river meander by, and TheBeast chase dragonflies, and the cedar waxwings feed unfortunate mosquitoes to their voracious nestlings.

A quietness fell upon them as they both silently revered Nature in its abundance. All was right in the world.

For a fleeting moment EnviroWench eyes strayed from the river, and onto McDreamy. ‘Up close, he really is a marvel of a man. Though not handsome, he is indeed striking. His eyes art as blue as the flax flowers growing in the sheep pasture. And his hair, so white, like the snow that settles in the valley in December. And his skin…no wonder why the women in the village whisper ‘He’s so McVelvety’ when he walks by.'

And at that exact same fleeting moment, McDreamy was thinking ‘Me wonders what the CourtCook is serving for supper tonight.’

And then the time was ripe for EnviroWench to be bold.

‘King McDreamy, why art there no wenchs sitting at the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable? Surely it is not because thou thinkest them incapable of worthy deeds. Afterall, thine own mother, TheQueen ruled LaLaLandalot quite capably for many years after the death of thy noble father, proving to all that the fairer sex is capable of great strength and wisdom.’

This boldness, coming from such a wee wisp of a woman, startled King McDreamy. Clearly she was leading him into dangerous territory. But he knew EnviroWench was a woman pure of heart. So decided to humour her.

'Thou asketh an excellent question EnviroWench. Me thinks of mineself as a SensitiveNewGoldenGreenAgeGuy. Afterall, did not I invoke the FirstLaw ‘Equality for All’. If any wench in LaLaLandalot, pray, thee for example, was to perform a noble enough deed, that wench would surely be considered for a Knighthood. What kind of noble deed do thou supposest a damsel could perform to earn a knighthood?'

The tables had turned. Now he lead her into dangerous territory.

‘Perhaps she could help rid LaLaLandalot of plastic. Afterall, ‘tis a blight on our kingdom. ‘Tis out of step with the ThirdLaw ‘Harmony with Nature’. The wench could seeketh out more Nature-friendly alternatives. And show the people how to live plastic-free. And cruelty-free. Surely Sir Al and Sir David would support that. Might even thee and TheQueen.’

McDreamy could not hold back his shocked laughter. This wench had balls! ‘Indeed EnviroWench that would surely be a deed worthy of a Knighthood! Thinketh of it. But how would LaLaLandalots carry squash, carrots and lettuce from the marketplace? What would dairymaids place milk, curds and whey in? And what of hair salve…and soap…and paste for teeth? What would the citizens buy? Why, what body salve would the Queen and I use to keep our royal skin so soft?'

‘Say the word King, and I am on the quest.’

'Then take up the cause EnviroWench.' replied McDreamy. 'Prove your mettle. Show thy King thee art worthy of a Knighthood. I challenge thee to go forth into the world and bring TheQueen and I back a plastic-free cruelty-free body salve.’

And so the next day, at the crack of dawn, with a heart filled with anticipation and trepidation, EnviroWench went into the garden and dug up the jar of ducats she had stashed there, put the leftover honeybread, lemon-ale and a few essentials into a satchel, grabbed her willow basket, kissed TheBeast goodbye, and set out upon MyLittleSteed to begin the quest of a lifetime….

Stay tuned for Part 2 of The Knights of the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable.

What do you think….will EnviroWench ever find a plastic-free body lotion?
Will she become the very first wench to sit at the EcoFSC-CertifiedRoundTable.
And….you know you’re thinking it..will she and King McDreamy fall in love?
Can you guess what will happen?
What misfortunes and perils do you think will fall upon EnviroWench in this epic journey?

Plastic free: Step Ladder

EnviroWoman is vertically challenged…cursed with tiny, little legs.

That’s why, in her new home with the high ceilings, and high cupboards, she needed help to reach ‘way-up there’ shelves and to hang pictures or wash walls. Usually she’d just hop up on a chair or a countertop to get the job done.

But she gave her chairs and table away before moving and she’s still hunting for plastic-free replacements which match EnviroWoman’s mod-but-funky design aesthetic. She thinks it’s gonna take a while to find ‘the perfect one’.

In the interim, she's living chair-free. So she started searching for a step ladder.

She had her hopes on finding a lightweight, all-wooden step ladder….because the longer EnviroWoman travels down the NoNewPlasticPledge road, the more she thinks ‘Buying only things that are entirely compostable are where the world should be heading’. Wood has a better chance of rotting into smithereens than metal or plastic.

Now you’d think finding an all-wood step ladder would be oh-so-easy, wouldn’t ya? Well, not so much.

Hellloooo….do they not make all wood step ladders anymore? Apparently not. Well, at least not in EnviroWoman’s new neck of the woods. She searched the big box stores, the $1 Loonie stores, IKEA, furniture and kitchen stores.

All she found were metal ladders with rubber or plastic slip treads on the stairs, fiberglass ladders, all-metal step ladders that came in a plastic bag (or that weighed tons) or worst of all...100% plastic Rubbermaid step stools.

I suppose EnviroWoman could have tried to hunt down the local Quaker furniture store (if it exists in LaLaLand) but sometimes ya just gotta make a purchase and stop wasting all your time (and using all that global-warming gas) hunting for ‘the perfect one’.

After 3 weeks of searching she found an AlmostLightAsAFeatherAluminum step ladder which didn’t come wrapped in plastic. It’s got a small rubber anti-slip pad on the bottom of each leg, but EnviroWoman can put up with that MINOR SIN. Being all aluminum, it’s certainly not an ideal choice, and probably will be hard to repair or recycle if or when that time comes.

But, at least EnviroWoman’s not feeling so vertically challenged anymore.

Now, if she could just find an all metal measuring tape – her world would be perfect.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Ladder
SAINT: Lite Products Inc. platform ladder
Price: The same
Quality: Even better than the alternatives. It’s sturdy AND lightweight. Gotta love that
SINNER: Werner, True Balance, Eagle, Rubbermaid

Lessons Learned:

• Sometimes 'good enough for now' is as good as 'the perfect one'. This applies to step ladders...but not to people you may end up spending the rest of your life with.

Plastic free: MASCARA

EnviroWoman is cursed with tiny, beady eyes. That’s why mascara is a must have….she needs all the help she can get. Oh, she knows, mascara is nothing but toxic waste carcinogenic chemical crap - but hey, whatya gonna do when you’ve been cursed with beady eyes?

Before taking the NoNewPlasticPlege EnviroWoman bought her mascara from The Body Shop – the mecca for all makeup that’s cruelty-free.

But alas, The Body Shop’s mascara comes in a plastic tube, and even worse, wrapped in a layer of anti-wacko protective plastic. So Body Shop mascara was off limits for 2007. Nuts.

By June, EnviroWoman was living in desperate times….she had totally depleted the mascara she bought in 2006, down to the very very last drop. She literally was scraping the bottom of the barrel. As a result, she was starting to get eye infections.

Yuppers, it was time to go mascara a-hunting.

She dreaded this particular hunt…because my friends, she knew finding a cruelty-free mascara that was also plastic-free was going to be like finding ice-cold water in the sahara desert.

It’s tough shopping for cruelty-free cosmetics. Most beauty boutiques, when asked if they carry cruelty-free cosmetics, will say ‘all our products don’t get tested on animals’ because they believe a rumour that no cosmetic companies test on animals anymore. That’s bunk.

And when you probe a little further and say 'But, cruelty-free means it’s not testing on animals AND it doesn’t contain animal ingredients’…then they get a bit stymied. And when you pull out your handy cruelty-free cosmetic lists from The Leaping Bunny, Choose Cruelty Free, and the National Anti-Vivisection Society and ask ‘Do you carry any of these brands?’…they sadly have to answer ‘No’. Nuts.

Then, to top it all off, most mascara comes in that plastic tube, with a plastic wand and is sealed in plastic wrap. Nuts.

So EnviroWoman asked ‘The Secret’ cosmic forces to work their magic and bring a cake mascara in a metal case into her life. Was that too much to ask for?

She searched the beauty shops in LaLaLand. No luck.

Then she searched the world wide web and found one French brand, Longcils Boncza that had cake mascara refills that appeared to be completely plastic free. But could she find their corporate website to check the product out? NO. Could she find a supplier that carried it locally? NO. Could she find a mail order company that could guarantee it wasn’t packaged in plastic? NO.

So EnviroWoman had to cross off cake mascara from her list. Nuts.

She then e-searched known cruelty free brands…looking for one that didn’t have plastic. Nope.

The hunt turned to homemade recipes. But, no luck. None seemed doable, or they called for plastic-packaged ingredients.

She searched the ethnic shopping districts in search of kohl. But never found any. And even if she did, could she be guaranteed it was cruelty-free when she couldn’t even read the writing on the package?

Ever the optimist, EnviroWoman turned to Sephora. She had such great luck with Sephora’s CARGO Plant Love lipstick, which is packaged in a compostable bioplastic tube made of corn, that maybe, just maybe, she’d luck out and find they had cruelty free mascara that was also plastic free. Rumour had it they might. Alas they didn’t. Nuts.

(But EnviroWoman had to give major points to Sephora, they sent her the best response she’s ever received to one of her email inquiries. It’s so good, it’s included at the bottom of this post.)

It was starting to look grim. So she headed to Capers, the local mecca of all things organic and healthy. They carried one brand which she finally had to settle on. Dr. Hauschka.

It’s not a perfect solution because, although it comes in a metal tube, with no plastic wrapper, it does have a plastic wand. But it’s cruelty free, and as plastic free as she’s gonna find in mascara. It doesn’t have the best staying power, and ooeeee – it costs $30. Yikes.

But at least EnviroWoman’s beady little eyes aren’t looking so beady anymore. (Yeah, like who is she kidding?)

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Mascara
SAINTs: Dr. Hauschka
Price: As expensive as the high end brands.
Quality: Not as good, but at least it's cruelty-free
SINNERs: Body Shop, Cover Girl, L’Oreal, Maybelline, Marcelle, Annabelle, Lise Watier, Clinque, Quo, Almay, MAC, Estée Lauder, Kiss Me, Fresh, Elizabeth Arden, Philosophy, DuWop, Cargo, Urban Decay, and all the other drugstore brands.

Lessons Learned:

• Sometimes The Secret cosmic forces don’t answer your requests. Nuts. Like what’s up with that, anyhoo? I mean, we’re living in the 21st century…surely, somewhere on this planet there really is a completely plastic-free, cruelty-free mascara.
• There's a price to pay for vanity. Sometimes it's animals in cages that pay that price. Always it's women who get suckered into thinking that somehow, a $30 tube of mascara is really going to make beady eyes bigger.

As promised, here is Sephora’s answer to EnviroWoman's email request. Notice how they too confuse 'cruelty-free' with 'not tested on animals' but even so, there's alot of great info below they were happy to share:

Thank you for contacting Sephora.com

Sephora.com is a retailer for over 250 brands. Our private label brand, Sephora Collection, is cruelty free (meaning, the products have never been tested on animals) (Note from EnviroWoman: Cruelty-free is more than this, the product should also not include animal ingredients), but I cannot guarantee that every brand we sell is. Due to public outcry in the 1980's, the vast majority of cosmetics companies stopped animal testing.

Other than the CARGO Plant Love lipstick I don't know of any other lines that we carry that are entirely free from being packaged in plastics.

You will want to look for any of these logos: (Labels can be deceiving, so be careful. No specific laws exist regarding cruelty-free labeling of products, so companies can take liberties.)

• "No New Products tested on Animals"
• "No Animal Testing"
• "Cruelty Free"

Here is a list of a few lines that have never tested on animals:

Organic: The FDA does not regulate the term "organic," but these brands follow strict internal standards for their organic products: all active ingredients are grown without chemicals and pesticides.

• Juice Beauty
• CARE by Stella McCartney
• L'Occitane
• Dr.Hauschka

Natural: Products made without the addition of certain synthetic additives like chemical preservatives, or non-natural fragrances and colors.

• Phyto
• Boscia
• Skyn Iceland
• Caudalie Jonathan Products (100% vegan)
• Decleor (Their Aromessence Oils are organic and preservative-free)
• REN Clean Skincare (free of petrochemicals, sulfates, parabens, synthetic fragrance, and color)

Botanical: Made from naturally derived ingredients and essential oils, these products harness the full power of Mother Nature

• Ole Henriksen
• Carol's Daughter (paraben- and sodium laureth sulfate-free, and also free of petroleum-based products)
• TESS(Teen Everyday Skincare System)(Made with fruit and botanical extracts, essential oils, and vitamins)
• Ojon
• Rene Furterer
• Korres Natural Products (created at the oldest homeopathic pharmacy in Athens, Greece)
• LaVanila Laboratories (free of petrochemicals, synthetic dyes, sulfates, parabens, and phthalates)
• CARGO Plant Love

Also cruelty free:

• Anthony Logistics
• Stila Cosmetics
• Benefit Cosmetics
• Bourjois Cosmetics
• EI Solutions
• Urban Decay
• Hard Candy
• Too Faced Cosmetics
• Bare Escentuals
• Sue Devitt Studio

If you would like more information regarding Animal Ingredients and Companies that don't test or ones that do check out these websites:

• www.leapingbunny.org
• http://www.peta-online.org/mall/cc.html
• http://pw1.netcom.com/~axleplus/stuff/hotstuff/company.html

The best place to retrieve or purchase Vegan/Animal free cosmetics would be: www.animalfreecosmetics.com

Again, thanks for contacting Sephora.com and if we can assist you further please feel free to contact us at www.sephora.com

Best regards, Sarah R. Sephora.com Client Services

See, wasn’t that a great response from a company? Sarah R….whoever you are….I hope one day Sephora promotes you to upper management.

MAJOR SIN #4

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 8 weeks since my last confession.

Well, well, well, my child. It’s been a long time since you’ve graced this blessed sanctuary. I’m going to take that as a good sign, and assume you’ve been leading a plastic-pious life since I saw you last.

I’ve been giving it the old college try, that’s for sure. But Father, if I had been completely plastic-chaste, I wouldn’t be sitting here in the confessional today, would I?

Good point. So then my child….what is the SIN you have to confess today. No, no, let me guess…..you finally succumbed and bought plastic-packaged mascara, didn’t you?

Oh Father, now you’re making me feel really guilty. I wish I had sinned over something as worthwhile as mascara. Remember my last SIN was so much bigger than mascara – I had bought a new home.

Yes, I remember.

Well the SIN I have to confess today is on the exact opposite end of the spectrum Father. It’s actually quite minuscule in comparison to buying mascara.

Now you have me intrigued my child, do tell, what is the SIN you’ve committed?

I bought replacement razor blades for my paint scraper.

HUH?

You know, those little razor blades that fit into the end of one of those flat metal paint scrapers. I know Father, it so stupid isn’t it! But all my blades were dull, and I was desperate for new ones. But they come packaged in this stupid little plastic case. I searched Home Depot, RONA and the local hardware shops and none of them had a plastic-free option.

And Father, I really, really, really needed these blades. My new home’s gas fireplace door has a thick layer of white mineral gunk which has accumulated over the years. I don’t think it’s ever been cleaned.

Father, you can’t even tell there’s a fireplace behind the glass, it’s that bad. So I bought the blades so I could scrape the crud off.

Oh my child, we use a special cleaner here in the rectory to clean our fireplace glass, couldn’t you have just bought that.

I could have Father, but all those cleaners come in plastic bottles. I was trying hard to not commit a SIN. In fact, I tried vinegar, lemon juice, toothpaste, baking soda, erasers, and even some CLR I had left over from the pre-plastic pledge year of 2006. I even borrowed a professional steamer. And nuts, none of them worked. That white mineral crud is stubborn stuff.

So as a last resort I bought razor blades. I figured the little bit of plastic in that stupid razor blade plastic case was better than all the plastic in a bottle of fireplace cleaner.

I mean Father, I have to think of my plastic shrine. Did I want a big white bottle in there, or a little tiny plastic case? I opted for the plastic case.

Well my child, it sounds like you did give it the good old college. Did you at least get your fireplace glass clean?

Well, the sad truth is, the scraper blades didn’t work either. So I committed my SIN needlessly. But – looking on the bright side - at least I can use my paint scraper blades when I start painting my new home. So I’m hoping my MAJOR SIN will be worth it in the long run.

This sounds like it’s got the making of a sequel to The Deodorant Debacle.

I am so ‘there’ with you Father. This one has the making of a saga for sure – maybe we’ll have to call it The Fireplace Fiasco.

Well, my Child. I’m going to go easy on you this time and suggest you say 5 Hail Al Gore’s. Let us pray for divine inspiration. And if that doesn't work, I’ll let the women in the lady’s auxiliary know about your challenge. Perhaps one of them has a magic recipe that will get your fireplace glass clean.

Thank you Father. I must admit, I'm praying for a bit of a miracle on this one myself. I really, really want to get my fireplace glass clean. I'm trying so hard not to resort to buying that fireplace glass cleaner in the plastic bottle. But I hear it calling to me....luring me to commit another MAJOR SIN just to have a clean fireplace.

My Child, you must be strong! Do not let the plastic demons lure you back to the dark side. Mother Earth is depending on you.

Plastic free: Juice

It’s summertime. And it’s GlobalWarmingHot in LaLaLand.

If that isn’t bad enough, EnviroWoman has been travelin’. By car. By cab. By bus. By skytrain. By airplane. Confined within four walls and four wheels for hundreds of miles at a time – sometimes crammed in with other hot humans - making the heat even more unbearable.

Naturally, EnviroWoman has been thirsty. But since taking the NoNewPlasticPledge soda pop is outta the question. Milk has also proven to PlasticProblematic. And plastic-bottled water just has MAJOR SIN written all over it.

So EnviroWoman headed to the juice aisle to quench her thirst with liquid joy.

Ever the optimist, EnviroWoman was half-hoping to find the PlasticFreePromisedLand there. But truth be known, EnviroWoman is also a hard core realist and half-expected to find plastic, plastic everywhere and not a drop to drink.

The realist won.

Almost everything is packaged in plastic on the juice aisle. Makes sense....lighter weight....less breakable.

And if juice isn’t in plastic bottles, then it’s in tetra-paks, which contain a layer of plastic. Even cans of tomato or pineapple juice have a thin interior liner of plastic laquer. (You know, the whole ‘plastic lining inside’ thingy is really starting to get tedious isn’t it?)

Even EnviroWoman’s absolute fav, fav, fav, powdered Good Host Lemon Iced Tea (which ironically, is best served hot), has a plastic lid crowning the glory of its cardboard and tin container.

The situation was starting to look grim in the juice aisle. Even most jars of the family standby, Welch’s juices, were made of plastic. But like a beacon of hope, they still offered one - White Grape Juice - that came in a glass jar with a metal lid.

Alas, under that little cap rests a thin plastic liner which acts as a seal, so Envirowoman would have to commit a MINOR SIN to buy it and be prepared to add the liner to her plastic shrine. Bottles of Ripena blueberry juice, SunRype, and Hero juices were packaged the same way.

And then there was Crystal Lite, which looked so promising in its pretty little box and paper/foil pouches. Plastic free and low-cal to boot. But aspartame is EnviroWoman’s migraine-inducing nemesis, so even Crystal Lite was off limits.

Fortunately, not all was lost. ‘Cuz lookie there…Koolaid. The packages appear to be paper and foil. Let’s cross our fingers there’s no plastic lining lurking deep inside. Have to research that one. Wow, EnviroWoman hasn’t had Koolaid in years. She’d feel like a kid again. ‘Goodbye Oil of Olay, hello Koolaid!’ Yuppers, Koolaid might really be a plastic-free possibility.

Undaunted by her trip to the juice aisle, Envirowoman hoped she’d find juice crystals at the bulk bin mecca.

So she whistled to her trusty steed, MyLittleCar (who looks slightly sadder and neglected nowadays with that dent in the door), and made the long trek to SuperStore. It was there she hit the plastic-free jackpot. There, in all their BulkBinGlory, live 5 assortments of powdered juice crystals. So she filled one of her handy-dandy reuseable Chinese Take Out boxes to the brim with powdered pink lemonade and rode off into the GlobalWarmingSunset on her mighty steed.

Now discovering powdered juice crystals in the bulk food aisles may be slightly less momentous than the opening of an umbrella in your own life. But for EnviroWoman, who is deeply steeped in the NoNewPlasticPledge, discovering a completely plastic-free alternative is…well…a small victory.

Now, you may be also thinking….'EnviroWoman why not just drink tap water!? ‘Tis true EnviroWoman doesn’t have the mental capacity to split atoms in her spare time, but SweetCheeks, drinking water IS an obvious alternative - even to EnviroWoman.

But sometimes she just wants…a tincture of juicy bliss.

Now, I’ll let you in on a little secret. EnviroWoman is going through a major HorseShoesUpHerButt phase right now. 'Tis true. This could even have the potential to be a lottery-winning lucky streak if she plays her cards right.

And here’s an example of this good karma in action….while holidaying in July, EnviroWoman visited her CountryCousin. When CountryCousin heard about EnviroWoman’s NoNewPlasticPledge she jumped on the no-plastic bandwagon and presented EnviroWoman with an antique juicer. It happened she had three, and even a CountryCousin only needs one. The third one had come into her own life just days before when an uncle had ‘downsized’ during a recent move.

It was sitting there on her kitchen counter, just waiting for a new home. And in walked HorseShoesUpHerButt EnviroWoman.

It’s a big chunk of LittleHouseOnThePrairie metal that serves double duty as a juicer and as a bicep-toner. (Oh my gawd, there may be a new infomercial fitness product in there somewhere. Step aside Suzanne Sommers). It works like a dream, is easy to clean, and let’s EnviroWoman concoct her own homemade juicy delights. Completely plastic-free.

Martha would be so proud.

I mean, really, how karma lucky was that little interlude?

Gotta luv the CountryCousin. Gotta luv my LittleHouseOnThePrairie juicer.

So there you have it. EnviroWoman is all set to quench her thirst.

Hey MomNature, you can bring on those hot summer days now. EnviroWoman is all ready. But please, don’t burn up any more forests.

Anyhoo, here’s how things add up:

Category: Juice
SAINTs: Fresh fruit magically morphed by the LittleHouseOnThePrairie juicer, Powdered no name juice crystals in the bulk bin aisle, potentially small packages of Koolaid, and even Crystal Lite (if you’re okay with aspartame), and if one is willing to commit a MINOR SIN – Welch’s White Grape Juice, Ripena blueberry juice, Lakewood, and SunRype and Hero juices
Price: about the same
Quality: Admittedly, the powdered juice crystals are a bit sub par, but all other options are the same quality as their plastic-packaged counterparts
SINNERs: Nestea, Lipton Iced Tea, Tang, large containers of Koolaid, Country Style Lemonade, Safeway juice crystals and tetrapaks, Sun Rype, Nestea, Minute Maid, Cereo, Dole, Simply Delicious, Just Cranberry, Allen, SunnyD, Ocean Spray, most Welch's, Clamato, Heinz, Simply Nutrious, Santa Cruz, My Organic Bag, Triple Juices, R.W. Knudsen, Bremners, Fruit D'Or, Biota, Kiji, SoNu, Wild, Mornin Glory.

Lessons Learned:

• Life was greener way back when. Ma and Pa Ingalls never had plastic in their LittleHouseOnThePrairie. So if you still want ‘modern convenience’ sometimes rooting around an antique shop can provide you with plastic-free alternatives. Or in EnviroWoman’s case…visiting a CountryCousin.

MAJOR SIN #3

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 3 months since my last confession.

I’ve been expecting you, my child.

YOU HAVE???

You shouldn’t sound so surprised! For an old guy, I’m pretty tapped in. The Word on the street is vanity insanity was tempting you to walk on the dark side.

HUH?

The parishioners organizing the rummage sale have been gossiping for weeks that your no-new-plastic pledge was headed for another disaster all because of mascara.

Oh no, Father. That’s not the sin I’ve committed. My MAJOR SIN today Father is much, much bigger than mascara. With far greater implications to the planet and especially to my plastic shrine.

This sounds serious. Go ahead and confess your MAJOR SIN child, so that I may absolve you of your guilt.

Well, Father, to be honest I feel absolutely no guilt. Not one iota. And Father, I confess my no-new-plastic pledge was not even a consideration in my decision to commit this sin.

Oh Father, isn't that horrid. Hypocritical. Perhaps I have been tempted to the dark side!

MAYBE BEELZEBUB IS NOW MY MIDDLE NAME.

Here, let me check if I can rotate my head 360 degrees.

Saints be with us! Hang on while I grab some holy water and my copy of ‘Exorcism for Dummies’.

Father, the SIN I have to confess is…..I have bought a new home.

Oh my child, how can buying a new home be a SIN?

Think about it father. A home has lots of plastic in it. In the refrigerator, the dials on the stove, the plumbing hoses and washers, the toilet lid, the bathtub, the dishwasher racks, the closet organizers, the switches in the fuse box, the eavestroughs, all the wiring, lighting fixtures and electrical outlets, even the carpet. Even the paint!

Hmmm, this IS serious.

Yes, Father it is a whopper of a SIN. It’s PurgatoryWorthy. And it’s sad to say but ‘plastic-free’ never even made it onto my list of PropertyCan’tHaves. I was more concerned with re-sale value, square footage, location, and if I could still commute by bus instead of use MyLittleCar to get to work.

I guess I knew it would be impossible to buy a plastic-free home.

And Father, it gets worse. I have intentionally bought a home that needs renovating. There’s paint, and flooring, and new appliances to consider. New counter tops and faucets and landscaping.

This one SIN leads me perilously down a road fraught with the potential for more SINs.

Child, why do make it so hard on yourself? You really should see a shrink about that.

Well, Father, I guess I feel up for the challenge. I am fearless. Because I am the new consumer. It’s my mission for 2007 to help others chart the course to a greener future in my own little humble plastic-free way.

You see Father, I intend to try to renovate using no plastic and seeing if I can find eco-friendly products that are also plastic-free. That in itself will be a huge challenge. Kind of like finding plastic-free mascara that is also cruelty-free.

That IS going be a challenge. Why don’t you go easy on yourself and just make a new rule for your NoNewPlastic Pledge that says anything you buy pertaining to your renovation and home is exempt?

But Father. That would be cheating. That would be like taking a vow of celibacy but having an unholy union with a choir......

Okay, I get your point. It would be cheating.

And so candy-ass. I am way braver than that.

The tough part is Father, my rules say that once any plastic I buy gets used up it must be placed in my plastic shrine. How am I gonna put all that carpet into my plastic shrine?

Well, my child, I guess you’ll just have to get a bigger shrine.

Perhaps. But Father, do you think if I am able to donate to charity, or sell, any of the items I will replace, for example the fridge, or the carpet, that I may not have to put them into my shrine? I do have an existing rule that says if I am given plastic as a gift, and then regift it to someone else that plastic doesn’t count.

Well, that could be a possibility. I tell you what, why not ask your fellow parishioners what they think and let them help you decide.

Ahh, Father, you are a wise man. I will ask them! If I am able to sell or donate any of the plastic filled items within my new home, will those items have to appear in the plastic shrine!

In the meantime, your penance today, my child, is to say 1,000 Hail-David-Suzukis, 1,000 Hail-Al-Gores AND 1,000 Debbie Travis’....And you must kiss my rosary.

Father, remember, I can’t it’s made of plastic….

Oh, you're right. I keep on forgetting. Okay then, just go forth and stay true to your pledge....Flip This House Plastic-Free!

Plastic free: CFL Light Bulbs #2

I know, I know…you’re thinking…'EnviroWoman haven’t you already found plastic-free CFL bulbs by NOMA that come packaged in cardboard rather than that annoying and uber-evil blisterpak stuff.'

Well, I said it once, I’ll say it again….life is full of ironies. And this is another one of them.

And we’re not talking an itsy-bitsy-paramecium-sized irony. We’re talking a big, honkin’ Godzilla- Meets-Tyrannosaurus-Rex-sized irony – the Sequel.

Yup, get ready for it….you know what’s coming….CFL light bulbs contain plastic.

Yup, even the one’s that come packaged in cardboard.

Sad but true, there’s a big, bad wad of plastic at the base of each bulb. Disguised to look like porcelain…but evil plastic to the core.

And EnviroWoman cannot take any credit for making this discovery. Nope. It’s a fact Jack. Her brain capacity can really be quite itsy-bitsy-paramecium-sized at times....as she is so humbly discovering through this whole no-new-plastic year.

‘Cuz it wasn’t until Kevin commented on EnviroWoman’s blog about CFL bulbs containing plastic that EnviroWoman had the ‘No Sh#@ Sherlock’ revelation. As soon as Kevin's words registered with EnviroWoman's defective synapses she leapt from her laptop, made a bee-line for the storgage closet, delved into the stash of unopened CFL bulbs she had bought just days before, peeked inside the box….and there it was…plastic.

Crap, crap, and triple crap. Absolutely unbelievable!

But believe it just the same. NOMA’s CFL bulb is a veritable wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Plastic in something so eco-friendly. Ironic isn’t it? And guess what….they all have plastic bases, even the CFL bulbs packaged in blisterpak. A little plastic-zone in the CFL end-zone.

By now you’re probably thinking…'Holy crap, EnviroWoman is gonna have to commit a whole new category of eco-sin afterall, and buy the lowly standard light bulb.’

And the answer to that would be…does the Pope have a balcony?

Indeedy my sweetie, EnviroWoman headed back to Canadian Tire with her eco-tail between her eco-legs, so she could exchange her NOMA bulbs for plain old General Electric LongLife General Purpose light bulbs (with no iota of plastic in them.)

You do know what this means? When EnviroWoman peruses all those 10 Things you Can Do to Save the Planet lists she’s not going to be able to proudly proclaim ‘Check, got that one covered’ for all ten items, ‘cuz Switch to CFL bulbs is on every one of those lists.

Rather, to avoid committing a plastic SIN, she must commit an eco-SIN.

Doesn’t that just drive a plastic stake through EnviroWoman’s little green heart.

Oh well, let’s look on the bright side….by not buying CFL bulbs, at least she won’t be contributing to any mercury leaching into her local landfill.

Lessons Learned:

• Assume nothing. Peek inside the box. Even though you look like a freak opening every lightbulb, toothpaste, and face cream package (just to name a few) to check if the contents contain any plastic…ya got to. When you make an eco-pledge, looking like a freak comes with the territory.

Plastic free: Rice

Uncle Ben has always been one of my all-time favorite uncles.

When EnviroWoman was a kid, World’sBestMom made sure he was a regular guest at the family dinner table. ‘Cuz he was such a high quality refined kinda guy.

No matter what World’sBestMom was serving, it seemed only natural Uncle Ben was there. There was Spanish Ben, Shrimp Creole on Ben, Chicken Cordon Bleu with Ben, Curried Ben, Steak with Ben, and EnviroWoman’s absolute fav Fav FAV food of all time….Chicken Parmesan with Ben. (Yeah, I know, that seems a bit odd for a vegetarian to claim, but 'tis the truth)

No doubt about it WorldsBestMom was WorldsBestCook and part of her secret was her love affair with Uncle Ben. Funny, Dad never seemed to mind.

When EnviroWoman fledged the nest, she carried on the family tradition, inviting Uncle Ben to her own dinner table for vegetarian feasts. Despite being a meat sidekick all those years, Uncle Ben adjusted well to tofu, beans, and veggies. Such a versatile lovable Uncle.

So, EnviroWoman was a bit worried when she took the no-new-plastic pledge. ‘Cuz she always remember Uncle Ben dressed in a plastic bag.

But what can I say, Uncle Ben is a stand up kinda guy because EnviroWoman found him in a cardboard box among all his friends dressed in plastic. Phew.

But hunting for a plastic-free Uncle Ben reminded EnviroWoman there was a whole ‘nuther world of rice. The wonderful thing is, there’s lots of great varieties to fit her every mood.

So, when EnviroWoman is feeling elegant, she goes for the pearls. In an exotic mood – indian basmati. In a granola-kinda mood – it's brown. And on occasion – EnviroWoman even goes wild.

And here’s the real sidekicker…most of them are available in the bulk food bins section. Yipee.

She’s had to make quite a few dietary adjustments in this no-new-plastic life. But not when it comes to rice. It’s still a staple in EnviroWoman’s diet. One small victory in living plastic-free.

And even better, Uncle Ben is still a frequent guest at her table.

So here’s how things add up:

Category: Rice
SAINTS: Uncle Ben’s Converted (boxed), Delta (boxed), any rice from the bulk food bins, Kraft Minute Rice (bleck!), Uncle Ben's Classiques, and Rice a Roni and Casbah depending on what the seasoning package is made of.
Price: Same
Quality: Same
SINNERS: Lundberg, Uncle Ben's bagged and Fast & Fancy and Bistro brands, Sun Rice, Safeway, Kokuno Rose, Canoes, Plantation, Liptons Sidekicks

Lessons Learned:

• Bulk Food Bins Rock!!! I bow down to their glory. They sustain me. EnviroWoman will never go back to ‘regular’ shopping again.
• Uncle Ben Still Rocks!!!
  

Plastic free: Pretzels

Hello, my name is EnviroWoman and I’m a plasticholic.

‘Welcome EnviroWoman.’

It’s been 5 ½ months since my last plastic-packaged pretzel. And not only did I give up pretzels when I took the no-new plastic pledge, but I also gave up crackers and chips and rice cakes and popcorn…in fact, all things crunchy and salty.

‘Way to go EnviroWoman!’ says a voice at the back of the room.

Everything was going along tickety-boo. No shakes, no withdrawal symptoms, no saturated fat lost-weekend benders. Nope. No junk food for a whole 260 days and 18 hours. (Not that I was counting.)

To be honest, I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t 72 pounds - all those calories saved by being plastic-sober. It must have been all that chocolate I was eating instead. Which of course, as we all know, is SO NOT junk food!

Anyhoo, I think it was the moment I realized I was only 3 weeks away from my 6-month plastic-sobrietry pin that I started to get serious salty-crunchy cravings.

‘Stay strong sister’, says that same encouraging voice from the crowd.

Your encouragement is appreciated, brother. When I could feel my will power slipping, I spent some time in quiet reflection reviewing the powerful and inspiring Twelve Steps of PlasticHolics Anonymous. I’d like you to all join me in reciting them.

The group declares in unison:

We as plasticholics:

1. Admitted we were powerless over plastic — that our recycling bins had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that we had the Power and the Responsibility to restore the world to eco-sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our lives over to the care of Mother Earth as we understood Her.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our plastic-filled lives.
5. Admitted to Mother Earth, to ourselves, and to other blog-reading human beings, the exact nature of our plastic-wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to take the no-new-plastic-pledge.
7. Humbly made steps to remove plastic from our lives.
8. Made a list of all areas of Mother Earth we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct steps to choose plastic-free wherever possible, except when to do so would cause death or harm to animals.
10. Continued to take a personal plastic inventory and when we made wrong purchases promptly admitted it and changed our ways.
11. Sought, through refusing plastic, to reduce our eco-footprint on Mother Earth as we understood Her, hoping that by doing so we can help restore her to her former glory.
12. Having had an eco-awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other plasticholics, to help them practice these principles in their own lives.

I’m proud to say my resolve was renewed, and my willpower restored. I had resisted temptation.

‘We knew you could do it sister’. There it is again, that same deep baritone voice from the crowd. (Hmmm, note to self, check that guy out after the meeting, he’s kinda cute, in a plastic-deprived sorta way).

Thank you brother. I have to say, the world works in mysterious ways. While I was shopping the bulk-food bin section at SuperStore this weekend I came across, wonder of wonders…pretzels.

And not just those runty little stick pretzels, but those honkin’ huge 5-inch loopy suckers – that have crunch galore. And salt galore. It couldn't have gotten any better if they had been chocolate coated!

At last, EnviroWoman had found plastic-free junk food!!!

Needless to say, I’ve been on a pretzel binge all week long. So please join me at the back of the room after the meeting for pretzels and coffee.

‘Meeting adjourned’ yells cute, plastic-deprived guy.

There's a stampede to the back of the room and the crunch-fest begins.

So here’s how things ad up:

Category: Pretzels

SAINT: No name brand in the bulk food bins at Super Store

Price: Same

Quality: Same

SINNERS: Rold Gold, Old Dutch, Humpty Dumpty, Benzels, Kraft, Snyders

Lessons Learned:

• In moments of weakness, review your 12-step pledge. Mother Nature is depending on you to commit, body, mind, and soul to overcoming your addictions to plastic, oil, consumption, food, and all things un-necessary and planet un-friendly.
• Pay attention to those who cheer you on. They're in your corner. They want to see you succeed, 'cuz they're hoping when you do, you'll in turn cheer them onto success too. Kinda like an Eco-Quid-Pro-Quo.

Plastic free: Milk

EnviroWoman was having a MarthaMoment. And the recipe called for milk.

Now, EnviroWoman has never been a big milk drinker. Maybe soy milk on the rare occasion when she’s baking. ‘Cuz drinking milk…well, it’s as natural as morphing into The Incredible Hulk when the sun goes down.

Oh sure, it’s natural while you’re a wee babe still dependent on mumsy ….just like it is for all mammals. But once you’re weaned and noshing on cheerios and strained bananas, Mother Nature intends for you to answer ‘Got Milk?’ with a big fat 'NO' from then on….no matter how good the ad campaign is.

And drinking the milk of another species is…well…a biological abomination. Yeah, yeah, sure, in some artificial situations you’ll find some kind hearted female with heightened maternal instincts willing to nurse a furry little orphan that would never be part of her own litter. But that is so, so rare.

Nope… drinking milk (especially a cow’s) when you’re an adult human is just not natural. Of course, neither is wearing clothes, driving cars, religion, flying in planes, marriage, painting toenails, wearing makeup, pets, cooking and lots of other things…including plastic. And yet we think all these things are as natural as breathing air. Yup, we’re one OuttaTouchWithNature species aren’t we?

Anyhoo, the recipe called for milk.

Now you might be thinking 'EnviroWoman, this one’s a no-brainer. Milk comes in wax cartons’.

Oh my sweets, you should know the drill by now….there’s plastic in them thar’ containers. Yeah, ‘tis true. You think its wax, but it’s really plastic.

And, if milk isn’t in those waxy-plasticy cartons, well it’s in a plastic jug. Or in a tetrapak which also has a layer of plastic deep inside. And even milk in a glass bottle comes with a plastic lid nowadays.

So, EnviroWoman headed to the baking needs aisle to hunt among the cans of evaporated milk for boxes of powdered skim milk. No luck…all packaged in plastic bags. She tried all her usual haunts, including the bulk bins at Dan-d-Mart. Still no luck.

So she donned her ruby red slippers, jumped into MyLittleCar and made the long trek to the land of Super Store.

Now it’s not often her ruby red slippers touch down there, ‘cuz SuperStore is a harsh reminder how decadent our society is. I mean, is all that stuff really necessary? Is all that choice really necessary? Hell no!

But they’ve got bulk food bins coming outta the ying yang.

And when EnviroWoman asked ‘Got Powdered Milk?’ they answered ‘Yes.’

Now, if you’re a regular reader of EnviroWoman you know several weeks ago she commented that she had a ‘there’s hope for the planet afterall’ moment at Safeway when she realized more and more people were starting to shun the plastic grocery bag and bring their own cotton bags.

Well, I gotta say, all hope is now in the crapper.

EnviroWoman was standing there in the checkout lane at SuperStore with her trusty wire basket and reuseable chinese take out boxes filled with bulk bin treasures….looking at the throngs of shoppers around her. And all their stuff. Most of it unnecessary. With all that packaging. Filled with all those animals. From deep in the ocean. From factory farms. Shipped from all around the world. Responsible for all those green house gases. All at the expense of Nature.

All those ignorant people steering our planet to disaster. Even EnviroWoman.

It made me so mad….I almost morphed into a green-eyed monster!!!

Anyway, so here’s how things add up:

Category: Milk
SAINT: Powered skim milk from bulk bins
Price: The same or cheaper
Quality: Hmmm, not as good
SINNER: Island Farms, Naturel, Natura, Valley Pride, Rice Dreams, So Nice, Dairyland, Lucerne, Beatrix, Olympic, Caper's Organic, SoyDream, Vita Soy, So Good, Avalon

Lessons Learned:

• Hope for the best. But prepare for the worst. 6.3 billion people will not be able to wake up and change their ways enough, and in time, to preserve life as we know it. So ditch the beach-front property. Buy heritage seeds. And a little plot of arable land...way inland. Start building the eco-bunker. The times, they are a changing. But people aren't.
• EnviroWoman should stay away from Super Store. And if she needs to go there, to partake of the bulk bin treasures, she should wear loose fitting clothing. Just in case she gets so angry she morphs into The Incredible Eco-Hulk.