When Did Thursdays Get Hard?

 Man, I am beat and it is only 4:30pm'ish. I'll throw out why, and you can just call me lazy and wimpy.

Over a year ago, I started taking a edible gummy with about 10mg THC (or was it CBD?) to help relax me at night and help me fall asleep. These worked great for a long time, and because I didn't need to take one daily, it was affordable. My product was usually on sale twice a month for $18 for 2 bags (10 pieces each) so my normal order was 4 bags about every 5-7 months. Even though these seemed to work just over the satisfaction line, I did some looking for similar products that may be a bit stronger - not to "get high" or the munchies, but to put me in a deeper relaxation, or even knock me out. I found a bundle deal that these were D9 (some classification in the dispensary market) and stronger. So I bought them a couple months ago. Over the past couple weeks, I noticed I have been taking one almost every single night, late at like 12-1 in the morning, then another 1-2 hours for it to kick in... Now you see why I am up at 5am and just then trying to get some sleep - and end up sleeping most of the day away. So I have like 2 bags pretty full, and a third from the stuff from before, but I found another product to try. This one claims to be natural supplements. They only had strawberry (yuck) but it isn't strong. It says take 2 at normal bedtime routine. They also claim it is not a cure for chronic insomnia (which I am pretty sure I have some form of that). I slept last night from about 12am-8am. I still felt groggy and like I had not gotten enough sleep, but that's from days that I can't catch up on in one night. So now I have 4 cannisters of these new ones. They seem to work. Forty pieces per can, should last quite awhile.

Wow, all that to say I slept decent last night.

I did the morning rituals (pee, poop, wondered what day of the week it was) and sat at the computer. I have a morning routine I pretty much follow to the letter in regards to things I check when I sit here. If I have the time, I do emails (which can lead to other things to do) then FB real quick (try to avoid the Reels), then it depends on what I need to get done. Today, I had nothing on the calendar, so thought about what I was going to do today. Didn't feel like the Post. I know, I got RM's Eggs Ol's recipe, so I should do dinner tonight and make it. I put together a list of items that I know I needed to make it, then thought, well, I should go to Peoria Discount, too. So I did. The Discount is nice if you are able to find something you want/need, but you can't just go there like a regular grocery. After Discount, I called up RM, and went for a visit since I was on that side of town. Stayed longer than I meant to, but I was just tired, and was comfortable just sitting there. Finished my tea, and said I needed to go. Got gas, stopped at the Fry's for the food items needed. Texted the Wife, got a few more items to pick up for her (glad I remembered to text - she gets mad when I go to the store and not check with her). 

Then I went home. I unloaded most of the groceries. I have the box (Discount uses them instead of bags) with all the cold stuff out of it, that I will have Youngest bring in...whenever I see him. Not sure if he is sleeping or out of the house. Got everything for dinner, minus the baking powder. I could not find any at the store! And I WALKED THE WHOLE STORE!! Surely we have some here, as it isn't in many recipes these days. Or I'll just not add it and see what happens. I think it is to supposed to help the mixture rise better when baking, so it may be needed. Yes, I did buy snack foods for the Youngest and myself. I made sure I did not overdue it, but I had to get that bag of caramel something flavored Lay's chips, and the Cheeto's Flamin' Hot Dill Pickle flavor. They were out of my pickle de Gallo though. Thought I ordered some from Amazon, but I just looked and I did not, so need to figure something out. I got two bags of tortilla chips....

I'm worn out at this point. I just want to sit or lie down for a few hours - maybe a nap even. But, need to get stuff done. So I mowed the front yard (it needed it bad). By the time I was done, I was sneezing and dripping snot down into my beard. I guess so plant in the neighborhood near us, has some kind of  fuzzy spore and they coated a portion of the yard, then went flying into the air when mowed (like they should). Let's add in other pollens and dirt, and my allergies were to the point almost making it so I couldn't do anything. The trimming didn't get done. I was out of breath, fatigued, oozing snot, coated in dust and pollen, and sweaty (it is over 80 degrees here!). I put the cord and mower away, then got in the shower.

I never understood how people take those 30-minute or longer showers. I have always been a 'get in, get clean, rinse, get out. Today, it was different. I put it as hot as I could tolerate, did the wash/shampoo, rinse, conditioner, then I just sat there on my shower chair, letting that hot water rain down on my head, neck and back. I didn't want to get out. If I had a pool, and it was warm enough (the water) I would have just spent the rest of the daylight hours in there. That shower never felt so good.

So now I am in my PJs, doing little bits of projects I have all over the house. Some I can't move forward on until I have something, or something else needs to happen. No, I am not making excuses. I know there are some stuff here that don't fit that criteria, but it just isn't happening today. I'm off to play Warcraft and enjoy my V8 Splash Fruit Medley on ice.

PeacE

Wasted Day Pretty Much

 I didn't make it to bed until about 4:30am, and thin I finally dropped off at some point after 5:07am. Which led to me sleeping in until near noon, as my body was just beat. Tonight, I am up all night, trying to counter-act the sleep issue. If I can stay awake for most of tomorrow as well, I should get back onto the night sleeping fairly easy.

So, seeing as how I didn't get out of bed before noon, not much got done today. I ended up heading up to the pub mid-afternoon. Had a pitcher of soda, then was off to the Post for our General & Aux. meetings. A friend there, S, had gotten in mood today, and ended up cooking a load of tacos. We are talking handmade, tortilla over flame, stuff it, mold it, serve it up with rice and beans. Yeah, well, she said she brought like 60 tacos, and she wanted me to take a plate of them home for the Wife and Son - so I did. I grabbed a mix of the chicken and beef she made up. They were so good! I had like 4 just while at the Post! Wife was happy as she did not have to worry about supper fixin's. RM sent over her Eggs Ol'e recipe yesterday. I glanced at it briefly, scanned the procedure, and went on my way. This morning I should write out the list of ingredients I will need to get, as I need to check what we have here. I never know what food, seasoning, anything at times, that we have here, as I don't do the normal, regular shopping.

Tacos got me ordering from Amazon tonight. S had brought up some sauces for people to use for the tacos, and one was a brand name of "Melinda's" and was a green salsa Verde sauce. I put it on my tacos to try, and it is the bomb! I found out it is her favorite as well. Walmart carries it, but I am lazy, so looked it up on Amazon. I had some other items sitting in the cart, so figured I would just round things out and get the order in. Added some Grillo's Pickle De Gallo as well. Most of the stuff should be here before Friday. I think there was one package scheduled to arrive in about a week, but it isn't food, so doesn't matter.

Over the past few months, there have been so many physical and chemical changes going on with me, that sometimes, I just don't know what to think about it all. Not sure how they are related, but I am sure there are some common factors going on. The first thing I noticed, was my reading habits. I just could not pick up a book - ANY book - and have my attention stay focused for more than a few minutes. I find myself re-reading sections, or having to turn back to recapture what I had read, and seemingly forgot in 30 seconds. Might be the encephalopathy. I have spoken of my memory issues, so could be. My moods swing precariously. I am able to go from extreme happy and carefree to 'want-to-kill-you' angry in a half-second. This is something I think I notice more from abstaining from alcohol. I'm able to catch the urge to shift moods, and do my best to avert it. Throw in the litany of nausea, fatigue, sleeplessness, cramps, a paracentesis once a week, and some old age, and I am a walking time bomb, I swear.

After the meeting tonight, I came home and the in the mail had arrived a billing statement from my PCP. Insurance hasn't paid yet, so I am not paying, but I went ahead and entered the DOS and billed amount, patient amount, etc. into the spreadsheet I am making. I whipped out the new Excel book, and actually found some information that is helpful, and I will use. There is a bit more in there that is more advanced than my skills at the moment, but that means I have about 1/3 of the book to learn new stuff from, and make my spreadsheets nicer. That Word book was pretty worthless. That's the problem with ordering without being able to put your hands on the book and look inside it.

Welp, I am going to get out of here, and go find something else to do. Lord knows there is a list somewhere of everything I need to do, and I hope I never find it....

PeacE

Advocating For Myself

 The Wife and I were talking last night, mostly about the medical stuff going on for me. Specifically the lack of the new prescription from the Liver Dr. and the fact that when I have a scheduled paracentesis, they aren't giving me the albumin per doctor's orders. It's sad when I have to advocate for my own care. I had to point out this morning about the albumin, which they apologized for, and of course, I received three bottles of dosage today. Nothing new on the 'scrip since I last talked to the lady at the office. For once during this whole liver debacle, I would like 30-45 days where my medications are all available, require no prior authorization or special orders, and would have a chance to work on my body! The last five months the dosage(s) has changed, or added more meds, or toke off meds, or .... Sigh. Just month and some for my body to know how the chemicals are supposed to work, and the doctor would be able to get a better "reading" of what is needed. Sometimes, I just feel I can't win.

I did have the paracentesis this morning, and the total drained today was 13.2 Liters (approximately 30 lbs.) and I weighed in afterwards at 266.0 lbs. I'm down three pounds since last Monday. I know I overate quite a bit this last week, too. Had potluck dinners at the Post Friday and Saturday, and you know you don't go home hungry from them! Plus, just at regular meals, I might have an extra snack during the day, or get seconds of dinner (if available). I was surprised to see it was actually lower. So, now I need to concentrate on food portions, and types (to eat healthier) to get the weigh to keep coming off.

I'm up on an all-nighter it seems. Tried to lay down around 11pm, but the body and mind just were not having it. I passed on taking an edible, as I don't want to make my body start to rely on it each night. It is an assisting aid, not the main thing. Played some games. Watched a couple episodes. Decided to write in here to get it out of the way for the day. Have a General Aux meeting tonight, so thankfully no agenda, nor minutes, need be done by me. But I do need to work on the Riders for next Monday.

No idea for plans today. It is Tuesday. I got RM's Eggs O'le recipe yesterday, and I may go to the store and get the stuff I don't have, and try to make it tomorrow night for dinner. I have a Prime Rib in the freezer I need to use before it gets freezer-burnt, too. Need to look up a crock pot recipe or something. Thinking about actually grabbing up that book on Word and seeing if it has anything I could use and learn in it.

PeacE

'Never Too Old To Learn' ...

 ... it's what "they" say. I don't know who "they" is, but I do know I have had to learn quite a bit of new things, out of my comfort zone, in just the last handful of years. When I was doing data breaches, it was ways to learn how to use excel better, to parse out information that is clumped together, and other things, like getting proper format for SSN, or zip codes, etc. Very few formulas involved - most were just tools in the program, but I had never been taught excel, and was learning as I went. I have used the program, but most times it was only replacing information in one spot, to print out another tab for like inventory labels. I didn't have to create anything. I know RM has mentioned many, many times about her reluctance to HAVE to learn something new. I think in her case, it was dealing with how to use PowerPoint and creating slides, etc. She had never had to do it before, so why now? But, in the end, it seems we end up learning something new.

My tale gets a little boggling from there.

A couple days ago, I knew I needed to get some sort of order with the medical bills and payments. I hadn't filed taxes yet, and thought with the major costs from September through year-end, maybe it would be worth filing for the medical. So I had a pad of ledger sheets (literally, like from the '70s - it is colored from age) and I started with what paper bills/receipts I had handy. Normally throughout the year, I just pay online to my PCP, and I don't keep receipts for the prescriptions (as a rule) and then there was the slew of email receipts, balance dues, etc. I don't see a dentist regularly, and so I have no dental this last year. Wife does, but she didn't save her receipts, as we don't usually spend enough in medical to even consider using it. I guess with us getting older, we need to do better. So, I'm slogging away, mostly through emails showing payments made. Trying to guess DOS is near impossible. I have hardly gotten any EOBs to match up to any kind of DOS. My notes and columns on this ledger sheet were just all over the place. I got frustrated. What could be a better way?

Excel. This is one example of what the program was created to do, but one small problem. I don't know how to create the type of document I want, with formulas to do a running total, and a final total, headers, note areas... I know I am not going to sit through hours of searching on Google "In Excel how to ...".

A couple, maybe three, years ago I had purchased a volume on how to use Excel. It is called " Excel 2019 Bible The Comprehensive Tutorial Source" but this book was $35 of door stop. It's almost two inches thick but the content is so far over my head... This book is for the advanced, advanced user. I'm talking pivot tables, and more. It never helped me out at all. So I am leery about these 'help books'. But I found myself on Barnes&Noble.com looking at what is out there, and trying from a description of the book only, to determine if it truly is going to have what I need. That, is basically a walk-thru from newbie, then to regular user. I found something that might work for what I need. I thought, well, since I am at it, I could use the similar in Word, with all my minutes and agendas, plus policies, it could be handy to know how to do more than orient center, left, right, and underline, Italics, bold. 

The books came Friday. For $38 I got two books to teach me something new. Update maybe later  this week.

Wow, that was some drivel to work through, huh?!? It's Saturday night (actually early Sunday) and I am awake again. Edibles don't seem to be helping me get relaxed to sleep like before. Today I was foggy-minded again, and it just made things irritating. I had gone up to the Post tonight for a Celebration of Life. I noticed a couple times in conversation, I'd lose my thoughts. Often the one I notice is starting to do something, and forgetting what it was. Then I spend five minutes trying to recreate what I was doing for the thought to pop in my head again. Doesn't always work. The Wife makes fun of me when I am like this, when we are talking. I will pause and start searching my head for the word I wanted, and so I start saying things related towards what I am thinking, and eventually it comes to me. But she just giggles at me as I struggle to find the word. She knows if she were to jump in offering up words it would just frustrate and anger me. 

So the mind fog issue is a bother right now. That was the purpose of the two new prescriptions I got last month - to kill this ammonia-creating bacteria and help clear the ammonia from my system. But, as I know I said in a previous post, it's now been two weeks without one of them (the main bacteria killer from what I understand). Last week a gal from the Liver Dr.'s office called about this prescription. She was having issues with the insurance. I think I covered this previously... either way, she calls me up on Friday late afternoon, to ask me if I ever got an answer from my insurance about the issue. I explained to her I left her a voicemail last week, and I also messaged the information to the office through the patient portal. She hadn't done anything this whole last week!! Says she is going to try some other pharmacy, but I have no clue what the heck she is doing. Ins. said submit the 'scrip to the pharmacy, they will contact insurance. Sigh. More time without medication that is supposed to be helping me get better...

Speaking of getting better ... damn it, I just lost that thought. Give me a minute. Okay, so all these paracentesis procedures I get done (once a week so far this year) I found out that my doctors orders are for therapeutic purpose (for my comfort) but if more than 5 liters are drained, I am to receive a treatment of albumin, which I have NEVER received through one of my scheduled appointments. The only time I received it, was when I would go through the ER, because they saw the doctor's orders. So, albumin:

Albumin keeps the fluid part of your blood from leaking out of your blood vessels (the tubes your blood flows through) and into other tissues. If you don't have enough albumin, fluid can leak out of your blood and build up in your lungs, abdomen (belly), or other parts of your body. Albumin also helps carry important substances throughout your body. These include hormones, vitamins, and enzymes (proteins that speed up certain chemical reactions in your body).

So last week when scheduling called (again to verify all my info - really) I asked about the albumin. She confirmed it was in the orders, so I thought fine. I asked her to make sure it is noted to have that treatment ready for me. Monday: no albumin treatment. In fact, when I asked, I was told it had a not to NOT give an albumin treatment. <facepalm>. Scheduling called yesterday (for Monday's appointment) and we did the verification of info dance, we tangoed about what is my responsibility to pay as my deductible is surely met, and by my calculation, my out of pocket is almost maxed as well. Anyways, I forgot to ask about the albumin, so will need to do it when I go in Monday morning. If I can't get it this week, and the ruckus I may need to raise about a hospital being unable to follow a doctor's orders, doesn't get them to give me one, I'm going to be angry. Hope for the best D00d....

Well, my fingers are starting to cramp up again. I am getting tired of cramps all over as well. I used to drink pickle brine, and it actually works! But the doc has me on a low (or no) sodium diet. But I still drink some every now and then.

PeacE

Does It Truly Get Better?

 As I sit here at this early hour, I wonder if things truly get better. Or do things just fit into our plans the way we want, so we are happy - and sad when they don't. I don't know. I have been up all night unable to sleep. The encephalopathy is doing the mind fog stuff again, I guess. After all, the prescription I was just prescribed, given a week's worth of samples, and haven't had for over a week now.... you know, the one that is supposed to kill off the bacteria in the stomach that is creating the ammonia that is getting absorbed into the blood, and straight to my head. Wow, that was a long sentence.

After I finish here, I suppose I shall go lay down again, and see if sleep will come. I need up as the Middle Son is FINALLY coming over, so we can get the title notarized, and I can call Kars 4 Kids to come get it out out of the drive. Ugh, that will leave me with little excuse for not de-weeding that section between our drives. Before it was out of sight out of mind.

It's been a day. I started it off heading up the road to Sam's Club. I think I explained in a prior post, she is having me get the extra card on the account. I got in there, and had no issues getting it taken care of. Then, I had mixed feelings. I wanted to sort of 'walk the store' to look at what brands/items are in bulk, compare prices to what I remember seeing last I was at a regular grocery and yet, not really wanting to walk around that much. I walked. There was some of both good and bad, and the overall feeling is a CostCo with a different name. I did make mental note (oh! I should write it down now before I forget) of what pickle brands and types they had, and a few other things (see, already forgetting what they were).

From there I started down the road, and decided I would check a couple other grocery chains about the Boston creme pies for the Riders dinner. I ended up at Safeway (where I "read on the internet" they have it all the time) nothing was out on display. I asked, and they only make them if ordered. I ordered two for next Thursday (maybe). Of course, I walked around this store as well, because I was looking to see if they had the pickle salsa like my regular grocery. They didn't, but I found some spicy hot dill chips for a good price. Then had to check hot sauces (I'm on my last bottle). I grabbed a couple to try. And since I passed them, a jar of pepperoncinis ended up in a bag, too. Plus two bags of tortilla chips (already had them in hand when I found no pickle salsa).

Had the House and Entertainment meetings tonight. Went home after. Did a 'create your own' for dinner. Took an edible, but I have not felt any effects from it at all tonight. Bad piece? Doesn't mix/react with certain ingested foods/drinks? I dunno....

PeacE

Messed Up Sleep

 Sunday night I did not sleep well. Around 1am, I even took an edible, but it seemed to have no effect in helping me relax, or feel sleepy, like normal. In fact, I ended up watching TV shows until shortly after 4am, where I tried again to sleep, and finally getting there. Only to waken at 7:30a to get the day started. Needed to do the pills, measure the BP, the Glucose. And be at the hospital by 8:30a for my 9am Paracentesis. I wonder if that is the main reason I could not sleep - being uncomfortable. My abdomen was feeling more internal pressure than the past few weeks has been, and it was not comfortable rolling over, or any movement at all it seemed. This evening, I thought was planned out well - I was having trouble keeping my eyes open by 8pm. At 10pm I called it, and went to bed. I was out pretty quick. Then something woke me - suddenly, and made me wide-awake. 

I had to pee. So I get up to take care of this business, and realize just how awake I am. I go into the office, and realize it is barely 11:45pm. I slept maybe an hour? Oh, I'm feeling tired again already, but not the sleepy kind I was earlier. This is more of a 'realized fatigue' knowing my mind and body has to go through this sleep issue crap.

I have been trying to help out more around the house lately. Seems since all this medical crap started back in September, I have been doing more around the house: cooking, cleaning, yardwork. Most of it I leave to the Wife and the Boys, as I just don't have the energy (or the desire, or both). I did spend quite some time this late night perusing clips of crockpot meals. Some I want to try, so are just yucky looking, and others, I wonder why people would even make something like that.... I suppose now that I have a couple easy fix ideas, I may do a crockpot dinner again this week.

Speaking of food, I need to get to Sam's Club. RM and I were last talking about memberships, and she decided to cancel PT's card, and put me on under her account (he never uses his card anyways). So I need to get up to the one by my house and see if they can get my card issued to me, without RM being there in person. This would be nice for some of our dinner ideas and whatnot for Riders meals, as well as home stuff. The only negative towards it, is the more "bulk" items, which also means higher prices, and me with no room to put the extra "bulk" (especially if it needs to be frozen of refrigerated). Maybe I can get up there today, as I have nothing going on until my meetings tonight....

I have been trying this last week to get out into the yard to get some of the yardwork done, but have failed. Between appointments, not feeling well, and other events going on, I just haven't had the time. Maybe I can try to get out there this morning if I don't sleep in too late from being up late.

PeacE

And The Winning Lottery Number Is ....

 ... 12.2 Liters, because that was how much they drained out of me today. Roughly 27 pounds of fluid, floating around the abdomen cavity. Sigh. I weighed myself after as well, and my weight has gone up the past couple weeks. Today is 267.8 pounds. I admit, this past week, I had more days that were good ones, and I know there were more days where I wasn't so nauseous, that I could, and did, enjoy maybe a little more than I have been able to eat. But now it is back to watching the portions and foods. Having the Doctor basically put me on a low-sodium diet, has really brought out my attention to the foods we eat, and what is in them. We really need to get rid of all these chemical preservatives, colors, flavors, and whatnot... Another argument for another time ....

Not much on the calendar as of this point for the week. House/Ent. meetings tomorrow night, then this Friday is the graveside services at the VA Nat'l Cemetery for Marty R., whom I knew from the Post. I won't go for the service. But they are doing the Celebration of Life on Saturday evening at the Post, and I am planning on making an appearance, though am not sure how long I will stay. Don't care for the crowds.

Welp, it's short, but here.

PeacE