Bread for the road and evicting the gremlin

 I found this quote on a board in the dorm I'm staying in this weekend - who would have thought

that Joan Chittister would meet me here and greet me, just when I needed it the most.

St. Benedict's is a Benedictine Monastery that I visit regularly and it just so happens to be her home community. Coincidence - I think not. :) Here is a short video clip to see what kind of ministry these amazing ladies are active in every day...

Bread to take with me...

This week I'm in Dubuque, Iowa at Wartburg Theological Seminary for a weekend of intensive study in the area of Lutheran Worship. The work week has already been very full after a fun overnight with the Shared Lutheran Confirmation Youth on retreat, planning for an upcoming Youth Sunday, and getting ready to hit the road, and air today at 4am to head west to Wartburg. This bread may not be well thought out, but these things are the ones I take with me for the adventure ahead - I hope this "quick bread" is a blessing to you as well.

There have been many references back to last weeks' bread to "Keep, toss and donate" since last week's 

Sleeping with Bread. I've had a few opportunities to share it as a devotional prompt and have been thankful that it has resonated with some folks. That in itself has been some good bread for me.

What I've continued to leave behind is the nagging feeling of not quite making the cut in some academic terms. No one has told me this, except the gremlin in the back of my brain. But that nagging has held me somewhat captive in taking steps to write, read, and move forward on some school assignments this week. I know I need to press on, and will - but naming this gremlin just might be helpful in requesting it's quick exit.

There are some other amazing encouraging people out there: folks from Cohort B and C from the Princeton Seminary Youth Ministry Certificate Program. This group of folks have been and continue to be bread in my life in so many ways. My family has been fantastic. They have worked out work schedules, made meals, bought laundry soap and put up with my occasional grumpiness about what "Needs to be done!" Oh my, what a drama queen going back to school can make me at times. They are good at keeping the "queendom" rolling along.

For the last few weeks, a small group of folks have been meeting at lunch time once a week for conversation, scripture reading and discussion of moments where we take notice of God's presence and work in our lives and the lives of others. This sharing - especially the time of prayer has been uplifting to my heart.

What bread are you carrying with you this week? Can you pack it into a carry-on easily? Is it giving you life?

Can I give you a suggestion?

Image found at Bing Images

If you have a gremlin on board as a stow-away, tell him to make a quick exit prior to reaching 30,000 feet - or else!

Grace and (A little gremlin booting) Peace,

T

What to Keep

Image found at: herecomesthestork

There is a distinct difference in what I actually need and what I want. And if I'm honest, I know that all the seeking after the 'wants' can prevent me from digging into the needs I actually have.

The last week has been a whirlwind of want/needs. When I pause to look at what I'm most grateful and least grateful for - I'm pointed to the spaces of need and the thin residue of want that often gets in the way.

So, if you will bear with me - I'm going to do some thoughtful sorting this week in SWB. It may be a process that will take more than this one post. But the sorting has to start somewhere, right?

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If you have ever watched those remodeling shows on TLC - you'll recall the keep, throw away, and donate piles that are necessary to come to a place of elbow room and change to whatever space is being reworked. If I were to remodel my interior life - what would I keep, throw or donate?

This metaphor has a great deal of possibility - so here's whats in my pile of "What to keep" for this week:

Patience with self and others: Transition has been a key word for me this fall. Seminary classes have started, re-working programs and work related roles is an ongoing process, and coming to terms with this is challenging. In this transition, some things have come to the surface that are needed more than ever. 

Thoughtful and life giving conversations: My husband, Ian, and I love to have deep conversations. We like to dream, to ponder, and puzzle with each other over so many things. It's been especially helpful for me to talk out some school-work questions, dream some vocational dreams and have his support and partnership in this process. This kind of conversation with Ian, makes me desire greater depth with my interactions with others as well. 

This week at work, there was a great deal of this activity as Paul Sparks from the Parish Collective came to discuss mission and 'weaving a fabric of love and care in our community." Over lunch, over dinner and walking around Jamestown - this quality conversation happened all week long with many members of the community. 

Openness: Over another meal with friends this weekend, a woman came up to our table and asked us - "Are you all on a team together?" The friends gathered were a mix of family, new acquaintances, old friends and mission workers. We all attend different churches, but the one thing we all have in common is our faith in God. So, we responded, "We are all friends, but I suppose you could say we are on God's team." 

The woman's eyes filled with tears and she said, " I want to be on God's team - I NEED GOD!"

Her honesty took me off guard, my friend got up and embraced her. We listened to her profess her needs. By the end of the meal, she had a glimmer of hope in her eyes. The next day, my friend took her to church with her and got her connected with a supportive faith community. 

This account may seem unreal, but it was very real. Thankfully, the group of friends assembled were open enough to welcome this unpredicted conversation.  What if this sense of openness invaded everyday life? What kinds of unexpected "Bread" would be born into the common?

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"What to donate"

The "what to donate" is becoming a little clearer. What that revolves around is discerning what to say yes or no to, but also involves bringing some more partners in holy mischief alongside to help with what is to be. There are some cool things I have on hand, but they might be better used if I placed ownership in others hands. More to come on this.

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"What to toss"

If I sort carefully, the 'what to toss' comes down to a central theme: self-imposed limitations that are kept in place by fear. 

I came across this quote earlier this week: "The key to change is to let go of fear." Rosanne Cash

There seems to be so much change that needs to come about. Sometimes I get in a hurry and other times I bog progress down by living into fear instead of living into the promise of hope. I need to uncurl my clenched fists to allow access to that key of change or ask God to help me become free of fear.

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All the things I desire to hold on to are a part of that unclenching process: patience, caring conversations and openness. 

What do you need to keep, donate and toss this week?

Blessings on your bread baking and sorting - 

T

Camp and connections

Dreamcatcher image from Juror 2 - exceptionally curious t-shirts website.

I love looking for, finding and observing connections in life and today's focus for Sleeping with Bread is exactly that - defining where connections are and aren't made.


I don't know if you ever had the chance to see the TV program "Connections", with James Burke - the science historian; but it is one of my favorite documentary series". James makes his way through the world, exploring the how, why, and what of things that have come to be from the perspective of 1978. I love to find out the way things work and how what they do connects people. I love studying connections!
(If you would like to watch some episodes of Connections, you can view them at Top Documentary Film's website.)

SWB Meme prompt: Where did you feel the least and the most "Connected" this week?

There is some crossover for me this week on where I've felt the most or least connected. If you have ever been a part of summer camp as a kid, or even more so as a staff person as adult - you will understand what I mean when I say "Camps" (especially church camp) have a particular culture and feeling about them that is incredibly consistant, no matter the camp.

Summer camps have a tender place in my heart. I grew up going the Camp Burton from the age of seven, until I became staff at the age of fifteen. When I worked with the Salvation Army, I spent ten summers transporting children and teens to camp as well as leading a few teen week camps along the way at Camp Longpoint. Now with my work in the Lutheran Church, I spend a great deal of time working and attending Lake Chautauqua Lutheran Center with summer camps, retreats and special events. This last weekend, I had an opportunity to visit another local camp as I was the guest speaker for Mission Meadows Jr. High fall retreat.

Within a few minutes of my arrival at camp on Friday night, I was reminded of the consistency of camp culture. From the squeaking screen door at the camp office, to the dining hall filled with bouncing campers and a full coffee maker, the beautiful chapel for worship, the red boxy cabins sprinkled across the surrounding hills and the bell tower that held the camp bell - I felt at home.

In some ways, it felt like a parallel universe. The was the friendly camp director, the college-age kitchen and support staff, the counselors and the hopping schedule full of things like chapel, meals, photo relays, 'free-time', snack, crafts, outdoor games and kids - you can't have camp without the kids! So much was the same, yet all the faces were different! Besides a few folks I knew from previous ministry contact, I was part of an entirely new community.

I was welcomed into that community at an amazing pace - that is the way camp works. Within 24 hours, it was as if I'd been a part of the group forever. Folks knew my name, included me in their conversations, meals and activities - again I felt at home.

I think that from my perspective, the only way I felt dis-connected is that the faces and names were different. There were kids and staff that reminded me of other kids and staff at other camps - but they were still very new to me. I don't know if I'd really call it feeling dis-connected, but maybe a little melancholy for the faces I did know. I keep remembering childhood camp memories like: singing around the campfire, going to canteen and making art in the craft shack. As an adult I was remembering: moving worship services, crazy games of shaving cream wiffle-ball, and hours driving to and from camp - as well as the deep conversations with campers along the way.

There is one thing that is always consistant for me about church camp culture: I always have butterflies as I drive into camp and I always feel a sad gratefulness as I drive away. Camp had always been a place for me to connect with people, but even more importantly - with God. This Friday and Saturday were no different, and I'd like to thank the team for inviting me to be a part of that community.

Camp is the place (even though this one was new to me) that I feel very connected to God and where I'm reminded that God has an amazing way of bringing us into faith community - even if the sign on the driveway is different than the one you are used to.

The names of the camps that I've been involved with may be different, but what the sign communicates to me is: Camp ________________: a place to connect with, serve and love God and people.

Thank you God for camp and for helping me make the connection with you and some new community this weekend.

Lessons from an old tree

Photo of me loving a huge tree on the coast of Lake Chautauqua on the grounds of Chautauqua Institution.

Lessons from an old tree

"Encased in marble, the letters were old.
The spelling was odd, but not to far off to be told.
The "U's" were exchanged for the letter "v" -
the reason for this is far past what I can see.

Discomfort, confusion, frustration and fear
are fellows that hang around letters hard to hear.
Their message is odd and hard to grasp;
like something that made sense in years that have passed.

Moving down a path where the shade is just right,
the breeze is blowing and still-green leaves dance in sunlight.
A fountain flows freely in the midst of this place,
with Lilly pads floating in a pool of water with incredible grace.

At the end of the path there was an enormous old tree,
with branches reaching high even with all the age we could see.
It stood proudly there in this place it had grown,
half-facing the water and half-facing the stone.

This tree has wholeness in the place that it stands,
even though it's surroundings are half-water/half-land.
Fullness, beauty and purpose can be found;
in the spaces of paradox and unpredictable ground."

T.L. Eastman September 11"

Sleeping with Bread is a Monday Meme. Pick one of the examen prompts listed and write on that topic in regard to the last week of your life. You are free to post a link to your blog post here in the comments at the host page "Sleeping with Bread".
Here is the list of prompts to choose from: You can also phrase the question in any of the following ways:

For what am I most grateful? Least grateful?
When did I give and receive the most love? The least love?
When did I feel most alive? Most drained of life?
When did I have the greatest sense of belonging? Least sense of belonging?
When was I most free? Least free?
When was I most creative? Least creative?
When did I feel most connected? Least connected?
When did I feel most fully myself? Least myself?
When did I feel most whole? Most fragmented?
In this photo, the marble sign has the u's replaced with v's - If you know the reason, leave me a comment. Thanks for helping to solve this mystery.

Letting go with Casados flavored bread

A few years ago I saw the band Casados play at Labyrinth Press Co. in Jamestown, NY. Labyrinth is a local gem that hosts wonderful musicians from all over the world (really!) and tasty vegetarian food and coffee and tea delicacies.

In the midst of the shifting passage of time, I'd almost forgot about this beautiful song I heard played there called, "Letting go."

There is something so bittersweet about letting go.
Letting go can be a difficult task, but one that is required in order really hold on to the things that matter. In light of this monday meme's practice of letting go of some things and holding on to others, I thought this idea might be helpful.

I've been holding on to something for a while now, and I think I've come to a place that if I ever hope in the hope to see it come to pass - that I need to release it. A wise teacher once told me, "You can push the river."
It's when I think I'm in charge, that I find I'm really not.
I need some time to wade in the waters of the river, instead of trying to direct it my way, in my time.

Why did it take me this long to see I've been trying to push the river?

I'm in my canoe, the canoe is in the water, but truth be told - you can't push the river.
(My adaptation of the Polish proverb, "Do not push the river, it will flow by itself."
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Take a listen to Casados - may they help you let go as well. You can order/download songs here.

Tangled strings weave knots into my soul
Twist and turn they fail to un·rav·el

Feel the pull
Take its toll

[chorus]
Cut this rope that’s holding us together
Years from now I’m sure we will see better
What’s so good it couldn’t last forever?
letting go, i know it will be better

Ashes formed, post embers burn out slow
From the fires that once inspired me so
And let me go, (this hand to fold)

[chorus]
Cut this rope that’s holding us together
Years from now I’m sure we will see better
What’s so good it couldn’t last forever?
Letting go, I know it will be better

Naked, there’s no more for you to see
Good and bad, you’ve seen all sides of me
Let you be. leave slow·ly

[chorus]
Cut this rope that’s holding us together
Years from now I’m sure we will see better
What’s so good it couldn’t last forever?
Letting go, I know it will be better

Wearing summer thankfulness all year round

(Image from Petco)

Last night while waiting for my daughter to get done with work, I heard a chorus of geese singing as they were flying overhead. They were working on migration practice runs over the lake.
This morning, I went out for my usual morning trek, and found that I needed to keep my sweatshirt on throughout the whole jaunt. The foggy chill this morning was one I haven't felt in a while.
In these bittersweet moments ( I love the sounds of fall as well as cosy sweatshirts), I realize just how quickly this summer has rushed past me - and I feel as if I did not have the opportunity to be outside enough to take it all in!

There are moments in life so sweet and full of warmth that come too quickly and are gone too fast - just like this summer. This Monday Meme is an opportunity to think upon what need to be let go of, and what need to be held close. If I could, I'd attach all the lovely things about this swift summer to my cosy sweatshirt, just so I can 'wear' those balmy, sun-filled days - even in the midst of February's-multi-layered-clothing-just-because-of-the-gray-chill. Yes winter is coming, but not before the beauty, color, and crunchy leaf walking fall has it's bold and glowing say. There are loves and dislikes to every season.

So summer, the things I'd not attach from your season to my cosy sweater are:
temps so high that sweat runs down the back of the leg and into the crook of the knee, days too busy to get outside and play, fear of the unknown, a month without rain and then weeks full of rain - a little variety is good, saying no to time at camp because other work needed to be done, no time to read good books, rolled ankles that keep jogging at bay, and tiredness that won't go away.

The qualities of summer I would attach to my cosy sweatshirt are: s'more making with white chocolate, having a weed pulling race with my youth group, family adventures in day trips to art parks, reading a few wonderful gems of books, time with new and old friends, hunting for and finding that winery I'd been looking for, floating in Gram's pool and gazing at the puffy clouds in the sky, courage to keep going, a dog that is just as happy with long walks as fast runs, scrabble with twizzlers, and tiredness that finally says 'Uncle' to a good nights sleep in a night just chilly enough for wrapping up in a comforter.

Seasons may come and go, but an attitude of gratefulness and recounting what to be thankful for has the power to warm the heart in all sorts of weather, especially with the right cozy sweatshirt to wear.

Even breadcrumbs can make a difference

Matthew 15:25
"But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me." He answered, "It is not fair to take the children's food and throw it to the dogs." She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus answered her, "Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed instantly."

It is hard for me to read this account of Jesus. I can't recall him, in any other case seeming to put someone off that needed his help. Some may say it was a test of faith for the woman or that there was more to the background of this relationship that we are not aware of.

It's also hard to read this account is that I've been feeling a little "crummy" recently. Somehow my bread box is feeling rather empty. If I only have crumbs left, how can I keep on keeping on? Recently though, in reading my Sacred Space prayer book, I came to a expository question that helped me to better grasp what might be going on here.

"What Jesus is having a light bulb moment here, and suddenly realizes in a very practical way that he is not only called to minister to people from his own race and background - but to all people from all backgrounds."

It's also hard for me to imagine Jesus not being fully aware of being called to minister to everyone. However, I find it more believable that Jesus' perspective needed to be broadened, instead of him speaking to anyone in need in a dismissive manner.

This lesson shows me - that all us, including Jesus, need to be reminded of a need to have and develop a broader vision for misson with and to all humanity.

The perspective I have is limited and tweaked to the experiences that I have had in the past. My point of view is not whole. In fact my perspective is very much like the breadcrumbs that a mentioned in the reading. How often after thinking I have something all worked out, someone can say "Hey, what about trying this?" and their perspective illuminates a whole new way of seeing things.

When their bread crumb and my bread crumb get together, we have a greater chance of gaining fuller perspective and doing something further reaching than if we reserved our bread crumbs for ourselves. When all our bread crumbs come together, all those gifts, abilities, resources, skills and imagination can make a huge difference to the person needing our help.

Alone, we can think that our impact for good isn't very eventful, but even so that should not keep us from sharing what we have. Together, we can make a greater impact and that impact is one that can become the fulfillment of needs that are powered by broadened vision.

Prayer:
God, help me to be willing to see things from a new, larger perspective. Show me how to partner with others who are also willing to help all people with our many breadcrumbs.