© Ruth E. Thaler-Carter, Owner
An American Editor
© An American Editor. Content may not be recirculated, republished or otherwise used without both the prior permission of the publisher and full credit to the author of a given post and the An American Editor blog, including a live link to the post being referenced. Thank you for respecting our rights to and ownership of our work.
A recent letter in a New York Times “Business” section advice column made me think of both the multiple, ever-increasing ways to communicate these days and the resulting impact on our lives and mental health. The letter-writer said they hated their phone and the fact of being constantly contactable and contacted for both work and personal matters.
In the next couple of days, a conversation with a cousin over Sunday bagels focused on how draining and upsetting it was to be constantly bombarded with information, especially unpleasant news, via her cellphone; she admitted her connection to it was approaching addiction. A series of late-evening text alerts from family members seemed to fit right into both the writer’s and the cousin’s dilemmas, no matter how adorable the photos of our newest addition. A recollection popped up of a visiting friend who seemed to be glued to his cellphone constantly, often with the volume on (and up) as he doom-scrolled throughout the day and evening.
All of this made me think of something I had started writing, about the many avenues for communication these days and how communication has changed over time. First there was face-to-face and letters, initially hand-carried and then relayed by postal delivery systems. Then phone calls on landlines, starting with operator assistance, then party lines, then individual lines, then answering machines and services, and faxing. Then cellphones. Along came email, which was sufficient for several years. Now, FB, LI, Instagram, BlueSky; Zoom and similar platforms; What’sApp, Facetime and their clones/versions; Slack and Discord; Whova, SpatialChat; cellphone messaging, online messaging, etc., etc., etc. Every time one arises, at least one more pops up that’s similar. And all the beeps, bongs, bings and rings can be maddening.
A recent virtual conference used both Whova and SpatialChat for participants to communicate with each other. In the middle of a SpatialChat meetup, a message window popped up saying there was a different chat on the same topic going on at the same time. It was confusing, disrupting and frustrating — why two conversations about the same thing occurring concurrently?
It’s good to be reachable more than one way (even if sometimes it feels like too much to keep track of). If you don’t know how someone is trying to reach you, you don’t use the same program/platform, or your computer or cellphone is off for a while, you might miss an important message.
The NY Times advice columnist suggested getting a separate work phone with a different number from the personal one, even if that meant sometimes carrying two phones. Not a bad suggestion — but it didn’t really solve the issue of being reachable, and reached, all the time.
I sympathize with the letter-writer and my cousin, and I realize that for some jobs and some family situations, it might not be possible to control that constant access. However, I do try, and encourage colleagues, clients, friends and family to do so as well.
Like almost everyone on Earth nowadays, I have a cellphone. It’s a smart phone — although I don’t use all of its smart functions. I use it for phone calls, taking photos, some texting (reluctantly), occasional maps or directions. Unlike almost everyone I know or know of, I don’t use it for email or Internet activity. It does somehow send said photos to my Google Drive, so I haven’t had to figure out how to download my own photos, and I finally figured out how to move photos sent to my phone to my computer.
When I’m out in the world beyond my home and garden, I don’t want to get email, especially client requests; the one client that often has work for me outside of regular business hours has the number of my cellphone and knows to call if I don’t respond to an email request right away. Most everyone else seems to recognize that I’ll respond to email soon, if not necessarily immediately. Of course, family and close friends do have that number and know they can use it for calls and texting.
I recognize the convenience of using “Dr. Google” to answer questions and look things up as they arise, but rarely need to know anything so urgently that it can’t wait until I get home. There have been times when it’s been convenient for someone riding with me to use their phone for such moments, but even those haven’t been urgent.
The only way to create some separation between ourselves and our phones is, as the ad says, “just do it.” We need time away from our phones. We need quiet, and escape, and disconnection so our brains and emotions can relax and recharge. It might mean not answering calls or texts enough times for the message to get through that we aren’t available at certain times; turning off the phones so we don’t see or hear the demands on our attention; even leaving phones behind — at home, in the car — to remove the temptation of being constantly connected and available.
That can create its own little issue, of course; family members might worry or even panic if we don’t respond to our phones for a couple to a few hours, so it might be smart to let them know about a planned disconnection ahead of time, similarly to an autoresponse message for when we aren’t answering email for some reason or a voicemail message along the lines of “I’m not available for the moment. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you shortly.”
My cousin said she inadvertently left her phone downstairs for a couple of hours without realizing it, causing her sister to leave several increasingly concerned messages. She enjoyed the unwitting respite of being disconnected for a while, but felt badly about upsetting her sister. I have a landline as well as the cellphone, so friends and family have a backup way to reach me if I don’t answer the cellphone or email and they’re worried that something might be wrong (of course, if I’m out shopping or walking and forgot to take my cellphone along, they might panic unnecessarily).
While we can set boundaries with family and clients about when we can be reached, we can’t always tell employers not to call, text or message us at their whim. Not all employers take advantage of the power balance for such things, and some positions genuinely require almost constant contact. If it’s starting to impinge on mental health and comfort, though, it might be time to talk about how to manage that process better.
Like many aspects of life and relationships, bringing the issue out into the open can be almost magical in its impact. People won’t change how they communicate, or attempt to communicate, with us if we don’t speak up and ask for help or a change. As long as a change or ease in access doesn’t affect, for instance, patient care in a medical setting of some sort, it could be possible to adjust how much we’re connected. Then it’s up to us to limit how much time we spend doing the overload to ourselves.
It might be possible to schedule online time — an hour each first thing in the morning, as part of a lunch break, after dinner, just before bedtime, rather than being “on” all the time. Those with children do that (I hope) with their kids’ phone and internet time; we need to do it for ourselves as well. As with any addiction, we have to admit there’s a problem before we can take action to fix it.
We don’t have to be Luddites and go back to the “good old days” before smartphones, the web, social media, etc., but we do need to make an effort to manage this aspect of our mental health and ability to enjoy life, despite all the ugliness around us. Being connected is a good thing; being overwhelmed with connection is not.
How do you exert control, if at all, over the constant flow of information and access that we all face these days?
Ruth E. Thaler-Carter (www.writerruth.com) is an award-winning provider of editorial and publishing services for publications, independent authors, publishers, associations, nonprofits and companies worldwide; editor-in-chief and owner of An American Editor; and co-editor-in-chief of the Editors Toronto BoldFace blog. She created the annual Communication CentralBe a Better Freelancer® conference for colleagues (www.communication-central.com), now co-hosted with the National Association of Independent Writers and Editors (www.naiwe.com) and sponsored by An American Editor. She also owns Publishing with Flair (www.publishingwithflair.com; formerly A Flair for Writing), which helps independent authors produce and publish their books. She can be reached at Ruth@writerruth.com.
