Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful day! Pictures to come, but I am still recovering from an exhausting day and over a foot of snow. Talk about a white Christmas! Here's our Christmas card that I didn't get around to mailing out to everyone.(sorry)

testimony boost

Sometimes I am not aware of the little blessings that happen on a daily basis, I know I am blessed I just don't always notice. Other days I catch myself thinking "I could sure use some extra ones"(selfish I know). This morning was one of those days I noticed.

I have been helping my neighbor who just had surgery. This means I leave my boys unattended for a few minutes(scary) to fill up her ice machine, hook her up to the equipment, or unhook so she can go to the bathroom etc. I'm happy to help but I can't bring my boys along, she just had surgery and I'm much faster if I go alone. There are lots of cords and such (items of interest to two very curious boys). I left this morning thinking after all the mishaps yesterday this won't be good. I knew I really needed to hurry. When I got back, no joke, my boys were sitting in the living room quietly playing with the same toys as I left them with. Nothing was out of place(that shouldn't be) no one was crying, and nothing broken. I could not believe it. I realized they had been little angels every time I have left to go help this week. It really goes to show when you are serving others the Lord really does send you extra blessings! I mean I could lie and brag that I have perfect little angel boys who are extra obedient-who would believe me anyway though? They ARE total sweethearts and they mean well but they sure are inventive!

If you need extra proof, read on. Yesterday I was quickly showering and the boys were watching Curious George. I have to leave the door open so I can hear what's going on. It doesn't take long for them to cause trouble. This technique can backfire and I end up having a shower party but most of the time they are too busy to care. I suddenly think I hear the oven door open. I run out dripping wet to find both boys INSIDE my oven. Thank goodness the controls are on the back of the range but nevertheless, IN my oven! I wish I took a picture but I was so quick to react and get them out, and into timeout,to calmly explain why the oven is not a toy. They know it's "hot" and were scared of it until recently when they found out sometimes it's not...well, hot. This is what happens in the blink of an eye when they are semi supervised. They cause a lot of mischief when they are totally supervised and entertained by a not-so-entertaining mommy. They can even get on the kitchen table without the chairs, that I cleverly put behind the baby gate for precaution to stop the table dancing(they are a little young to learn).

Now do you see why I'd be worried leaving them totally alone? That is when they are just fine and I am able to help someone in need. Don't get me wrong, I still worry and I don't leave them by choice. But I know with out a doubt that angels are watching over them.

* We have received sooo much snow and the boys can't get enough of it. I swear Gavin is immune to the cold. He would play out there until his nose fell off. I hope these colds we have go away(maybe we should spend a little more time inside...)Not a chance when all Gavin asks is "can I play in the snow again please?" He's so polite. Hopefully Andy will have time to get some pictures this week. It's hard to take pictures and keep track of my boys outside. (this excuse sounds better than admitting I am forgetful).

Let it snow!

I love the snow!
I love watching my boys play in the snow.
I love the cold!
I love hot chocolate!
I love homemade soup.
I love bundling up , the kids don't but they sure appreciate it(I think).
I love shopping any other time of the year when it isn't crowded.
I love Christmas!

It finally feels like Christmas now that the snow is falling.
Christmas is always going to feel incomplete. It will never be the same without Eric. But it is a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior and without him I wouldn't be able to see my brother again. That is where I find peace. Eric absolutely loved the snow and all the sports that come with it. It may sound silly but I feel he's much closer when it snows. Snow made him happy, so it makes me happy. I like to keep it real so I'm not going to lie, I am still very depressed that he isn't here with me and my family. I have my moments, some more often than others. I don't know how we got through the holidays last year but we did. Eric is watching over us. He knows how much we miss him and how much we love him. He will always be in our hearts. We have some really fun memories growing up together and I hope my boys set booby traps for Santa someday too. I try really hard to focus on the good, I don't want those memories to fade, that is all I have. He really was so much fun!

I am so grateful that I am able to see the excitement through my little boys eyes. It is simply amazing.

Wishing you all a great day!

A depressing weekend

I'm constantly trying to think happy thoughts as I go about my days. After spending about six hours in line outside Friday for Wicked tickets with Amanda(hardcore theater fans). We were unable to get tickets. The only option left was a Sunday show and separate seats. I would feel way too guilty breaking the Sabbath(though I must confess it was tempting after freezing for so long) and then to have to sit by myself...I don't think so. The phone lines were tied and the website crashed from an overload. I even spoke with a woman as we headed to our car. She had two extra tickets but wanted me to pay her extra, she was planning to sell them on ebay to some idiot who would pay 500.oo dollars a ticket rather than to someone who froze their butt off for about as many hours and desperately wants to go. No compassion, I offered cash!
Anyway, thanks to all the ticket scalpers out there,a lot of people went home with nothing. Some people! It's kind of the box office's fault for selling 8 tickets per person....it should have been a limit of 2. I will get over it but the nasty cold I caught from it is making me a bit bitter this weekend. I am making plans to go to LA instead. It will be a lot cheaper than a stupid scalper price and I can see it with a live orchestra and not sit by myself(hopefully). Can you believe people actually will pay that much for something when it only cost a fourth of the price???? There are still going to be radio contests and maybe some open seats closer to the dates...for now I am drinking my mint truffle hot chocolate and hanging out in my pj's.

* On a cute note Gav has been getting better with praying lately. He is really cute. I love how he squints his eyes shut so tight. The other night he would whisper after everything I said "and go to Papa's house.... and go to Papa's house" It was really sweet. He's also working on his manners and says thank you for everything. Tank too for da ham, tank too for da juice, tank too for da dinner. Followed by your welcome"your come come" etc. He sure has come a long way with his speech-it is amazing! Max is also a talking machine-we really have to watch what we say because he will say it right back. It's hard not to laugh when we try and discipline because he sounds so funny ans says "okay okay" after everything.

Time to catch up

We just got back from a quick but really great trip to Seattle. I wish we could have stayed longer. We definitely need to go back. Ben and Brittney were great hosts, there house was great for the boys. Gavin got to feed goats, chipmunks and who knows what else. I think they miss Bow(the dog) the most-no offense guys. I forgot to take pictures, but Andy got some great ones.

The boys went on a wildlife trek. Brittney and I went on a much needed shopping spree.

It was a little chilly, but a binkie binkie can fix almost anything.

I think they saw every kind of wildlife except a caribou. It was a fun day for sure!

Can you see the beautiful eagle behind him?

Gav got in trouble for trying to pet the animals, that's how close they were.

This guy was so friendly, he was right up against the car.

We discovered the best gummi candy ever-they are gummi sugar plums and they are delicious! We should have bought more. There is a nightly Christmas parade at the mall. It was pretty cute(too bad our camera man left both cameras in the car, parked far away). They even made it "snow" with bubbles. Gavin danced right along with the live drummers, it was a litle crowded but we had fun. We also tried peppermint tootsie pops-you need to try them! They were passing them out at the parade.

Ofcourse we made time for Andy and Ben to do a little fishing too.

Don't worry, we didn't eat starfish for dinner. Can you believe how big this guy is? He must have weighed thirty pounds!

We brought the sunshine with us, it was great. The snow decided to follow us home though. This made a scary, long drive. The boys did great, even Andy. I was surprised we only had to stop and let them loose at McDonald's once on the way there and once on the way back. Maybe driving through the night isn't so bad? I think we will fly next time.

Before our trip we took the boys and the Polar Express at the Heber Valley Railroad. It was a blast. Gavin was in HEAVEN! I knew he loved trains but this was priceless. Next year we will have to go early so he can spend more time exploring the other trains. It was so much fun to ride in our pj's, eat cookies, drink cocoa and see Santa. Even my older brother sang along to the Christmas songs. It was fabulous! Max might enjoy it more next year too, it was a little too mong for him. All in all this will likely be a new tradition!

Gavin's eyes were enormous when he saw this engine!

Max didn't want to hold still for anything-too much to see , too much to touch, and too much space to run around. At least he was happy!
Meeting SANTA!!!
I think Jerett loved the ride.
Max went nuts. His favorite part was the hot cocoa though, he drank two full cups!

Jenny, Jeremy and Jerett enjoying our trip to the North Pole.

The whole gang, Max is hiding. I would definitely recommend the early ride. I don't know how people could do the later one. The boys were tired but very happy.
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I have to take advantage of Andy's more flexible schedule in the Winter. While Brad and Mercedes were in town we took the kids to Jungle Jim's. The Kids had a great time...me, not so much. It's not the cleanest place but germs mean nothing to my kids. There hapopiness should come first right.

Marshmallows!

I have a serious addiction to marshmallows. I know there are people out there that hate them or only like them in a cup of cocoa but then there are people like me that could eat an entire bag in a day and not think twice about it.

I love anything with marshmallows. I love love love Peeps, the chocolate ones are my favorite. I love to let them sit out and get kind of hard-that's the best. My hot chocolate consists of mostly marshmallowy goodness and a little cocoa. My latest guilty pleasure is making Mississippi mud brownies. My awesome neighbor made these all the time growing up. Every plate of Christmas goodies had them, they are so good. My mom makes them occasionally too. I knew there was a reason why I never made these, you will see. Chocolate coconut brownies with a layer of marshmallow cream and then a layer of fudge frosting. They are divine! This probably explains my urge to ride my exercise bike for an hour a day instead of half seeing that is all I ate for breakfast lunch and then more after dessert the other day. Then I can eat more brownies. I am pathetic. What is worse, when I open jar of marshmallow cream I pop the lid and indulge with a big spoon. The only real problem here is if I was supposed to make treats for someone and I just ate half the jar...then there isn't enough to make do. Same goes for a bag of marshmallows. There you have it, I am a marshmallow addict! Help! I am seriously sending Andy to the store for a while so I am not tempted to walk down the baking aisle and debate jar or bag...mini or jumbo? How about one of each.

Here's the recipe maybe you will be able to relate...

Cake-
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
1 cup melted butter
1 1/2 Cup flour
1 cup coconut or 1/2 cup nuts( you can do both I just like it better with plain coconut)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1 7 oz jar marshmallow cream( if you get the big jar you have left overs...)

Frosting-
1/2 cup melted butter 1/3 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla 6 Tbsp. milk
1 lb powdered sugar *combine and blend well with a mixer.

Preheat oven 350. In large bowl beat eggs until thick and fluffy. Gradually beat in sugar. Combine butter with flour, cocoa,vanilla, coconut,and nuts. Add to egg mixture. Stir well with a spoon. Pour into greased 9x13 pan. Bake for 30 min. Remove from oven and spread marshmallow cream over cake.
Prepare frosting and spread gently over warm marshmallow cream. Swirling for a marble effect. Indulge!

Gratitude...it's long

For my big 100...I had plenty of ideas, but with Thanksgiving I am just feeling really grateful for all that I have. I want all of you that take the time to read this to know how much your friendship and support means to me. You make me laugh, some make me cry(not in a mean way) others help me know I'm not alone, and many help me snap out of it and think twice before I hand my boys over to the gypsies or to the sweet couples during sacrament meeting that are so bored all they can do is snuggle, kiss and rub each others backs( those were the days...yawn) and smile while I'm chasing my boys around the chapel wishing I heard a fraction of someone's talk (mostly because I thrive on those spiritually touching moments and kids make that a little challenging). I love knowing that I'm not the only one still in my pj's at five o'clock, or feeding kids mac n'cheese three days in a row. There are other kids with staples in there heads or a black eye every time you see them. You help remind me that hands are washable, walls are washable and that memories will fade so enjoy the messes a little more.

I cherish my friends and think about you often, I know I rarely call-I still am horrible at it but know that I love you and think about you and pray for you. I love the fact that we can laugh until we cry about the most random things, we can enjoy a great movie without guns and violence, we can understand each other when we are crying so hard we need to be reminded to breathe. Thank you for still calling me. From far away I know that I can still rely on you for anything-well that is if I actually call and ask. But thank you for being you and loving me...or putting up with me.

I sure love my little family. My boys are so much fun. They are the reason I wake up each morning with a smile on my face. Okay I lied some mornings it's way to early to be smiling but eventually I cave and we laugh a lot.

I'm grateful for my sweet husband,even though he is a bit obsessed with Starcraft. He gives great back rubs, makes breakfast regularly,washes the dishes and will even clean the bathroom without rolling his eyes. He holds me when I am sad, is an amazing dad and finds little ways to make me smile. Most of all he puts up with my stubbornness and other quirks. We can laugh together, cry together, fight together and continue to move forward and make each other happy. I am truly blessed.

I have loving parents. My dad is the best grandpa on earth. He will drop everything to tend/entertain my boys or just take them for rides in his cool cars or make them laugh when they are ornery beyond belief. They have a special place in his heart as he does in theirs. My mom is great. She is so giving and so thoughtful. I never imagined my kids would be so spoiled! They love grandma's house so much. They know right were the treats are. There's a special Lightning McQueen bed for Gavin and her curio cabinet is now filled with cars instead of dolls and dishes.

This blog wouldn't be complete with out expressing my love for my brothers. I have learned so much from all three. Jeremy has taught me to look beyond the exterior and give everyone a chance. Some people need more than others. We have made a breakthrough. We get a long much better and there's an element of respect that used to not exist. He has an awesome wife and the sweetest little boy. I hope things can continue to get better from here.

Eric, I love him so much. I miss him like crazy. It is so hard living without him. I never got to tell him goodbye or give him one last hug. I have a lot of regrets but I am trying to turn those regrets into learning experiences. I don't remember the last time I told him I loved him. I hope it was more recent than what I recall(if ever, which will always break my heart). I don't remember the last time I hugged him...I sure hope it was long after my wedding day. I don't hug very often and that's another thing he taught me. He was always willing to give a hug or pat on the back even if he didn't want to. I'm getting better with hugs, I need them now...I used to think I didn't. I hope our last fight was forgotten and that it happened at least four years ago and never again...that's one thing I'm glad to not be sure of because I know it wasn't anywhere near his death. We had grown so close. We were and always will be best friends. He taught me to be more easy going and to be a better friend. He taught me to "lighten up". I pray that he left this life knowing how much I loved him, how much I truly miss him, and how anxious I am to give him a really big hug when I see him again. trust me it's going to be the best hug I have ever given. I hope I can become more like him.

I am also eternally grateful for my Savior. I'm thankful for His love and His forgiveness. I know that He loves me so much He DID die for me. Not only did He die for me but for everyone I love. This is what gives me peace and comfort in those really dark hours. Family is EVERYTHING and without my Savior and the Gospel I would not be here right now. I still have my struggles. I am no where near perfection but I know that I am trying and that I am not alone.
Take time to do things you will be remembered for, you don't know when it will be too late.

thoughts

I'm coming up on my 100th post which is kind of exciting. Not sure what it will be about but I will have fun doing it. I mean I do love writing(that's why most posts are sooo long) and blogging is a slight addiction for me. I am not a journal keeper(tried and failed at age 8...tried and succeeded through a year or so of college but once I moved home and was engaged I was distracted (big surprise)and once we were married...well, failed again. I thought scrap booking would be great, they have way cute ideas and I like to be creative. I did Gav's first year (I did have a bit of time on my hands because he was such a sweet and easy baby). Now I open the closet every time I vacuum(at least three times a week) and look up at the shelf and think"someday Max...someday when you are not keeping me soooo busy I will get your first year done too and who knows maybe record the other 18 or so years that have flown by with you and your brother. By then you will be on your missions(hopefully, I also hold out a little hope that both boys will have sweet girlfriends that will put amazing books together for me so I can get caught up on the rest and make them look all cute and what not for posterity. There's looking to the future, shows how not perfect I am by contradicting my previous post.
They always say a great photographer captures personality...I hope you get a good laugh. I thought about sending this out for Christmas cards but Andy isn't in it. Darn!

Twilight

All right, so if you haven't seen the movie don't read. I would hope the title gives a heads up.

I went into the movie with low expectations. The movie is rarely as good as the book, most proclaim. I am not much of a reader my boys are a bit too distracting. I have enjoyed many movies though. I lost a lot of sleep staying up and reading the Twilight series and was torn when I heard there would be a movie. I became hopeful seeing that I have enjoyed the Harry Potter movies with out reading the books(insert loud gasp here...I will get around to reading them I hope). I liked Lord of the Rings. The Notebook is one of my favorite movies. The Secret Life of Bees was good,didn't read it either. I even liked PS I Love You. (I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to chick flicks.) My point is there have been a good selection of movies I've enjoyed based on books I haven't read and loved them. I didn't expect to be that disappointed. Life goes on and I will always have my book.

"You can't always get what you want....but sometimes you get what you need".

I thought the movie was just okay. It could have been longer,I would have sat through six hours if it had the content I wanted and meant they would evoke similar emotions from the story. It felt very rushed. I was surprised that Andy enjoyed it as much as he did because he hasn't read the books and there wasn't nearly as much action as I thought there would be. (He is all about the action, most guys are.) All in all I was a bit disappointed. You could tell it was a low budget film. Kristen was a horrible Bella. The rest of the cast did well. I wish they had more screen time. I became annoyed with almost every scene being a close up,weird. The flashbacks of becoming vampires was comical-not sure if that was the intent or they didn't know what else to do? The pasty caked on makeup was awful. If Vampires don't have blood and are as cold as ice then why did Edward(Rob Pattinson) have lipstick on? Seriously? I loved the baseball scene and wished it would have been longer. The fight scene with James was good(again, could have been longer). Edward looking like he was going to vomit at the beginning was a horrible interpretation. They showed him playing the piano...not much emphasis on it being "her" lullaby? I was bummed they didn't show Bella's heart monitor go through the roof in the hospital as Edward progressively moved up to kiss her forehead (her heart freaking out is a major part of the book). Did Bella seem too mature/boring/too old for her character to anyone else? Their first kiss was good. I liked the clips of James Laurent and Victoria. This helped those that didn't read the book have a better understanding. But if you haven't read the book please do! They announced a sequel-I am way excited and hoping fora bigger budget etc. etc. I think if I had read other books prior to their movies I wouldn't be as bummed. I would see it again, I didn't hate it, there are definitely things that I would have done differently...wish I was a screenwriter.

The journey may be short

Over the past few days I have had several people bring up President Monson's conference talk about Finding Joy in the Journey. As with every holiday it is a bittersweet occasion. I sure appreciate being able to enjoy those particular days through my boys shrills of excitement and laughter. I do my best to make the most of each holiday because I know someday I might not get the chance. I already have so many "wished I could have...should have done" type of regrets. I miss my brother like crazy. Every get together there is a feeling of sadness, not quite emptiness but more so that someone very dear to me is missing. I know it isn't emptiness because my boys and husband do such a wonderful job and making me smile and filling my heart with joy, they make holidays so fun. But I am definitely not feeling full of joy and excitement. The reality that Eric isn't going to show up is hard to face. He's not going to be there to wrestle with his nephews or get a wedgie from his brother or play computer games all day with Andy or tell me how tired he is or talk about girls. I try my best to go about most days as if he is just on a fun adventurous vacation and that he will be back soon but it's those special holidays that really give me a check into reality. But I am learning to cherish what I have left, that is what Eric would want me to do..and maybe try and give Jeremy a wedgie or soemthing for a little payback. Family is everything, do what you can to keep that perspective!

As I read over President Monson's talk it has really helped me prioritize the day to day moments. After losing Eric I was stuck. It has taken a long time to get myself to where I am. I am able to get out of bed and start my day with kisses from my boys, lots of hugs and lots of tickles. I am able to relax a bit more(I'm still very ocd and particular but I'm much much better than I have been). I am finding little things to laugh about and enjoy. I want so badly to remember more moments like this with my kids that I let pass by because of my depression. The most important people in my life are my husband and my little boys. I don't want to live with more regrets. I want them to remember me as a happy, healthy fun, caring mom who enjoyed taking them to the park and playing outside. I want them to remember that I let them eat popsicles and get all sticky and it's okay to eat with their fingers and just be a kid. Hands are washable, walls and clothes are too. If I could only teach my kids one thing,it would be to just be happy-that way they would spread their happiness to others and with happiness you are able to love often, laugh often and not stress over the little things. Some of you know I am on medication to help...and well the rest of you know now. My point in sharing something so personal is that I hope that this might help anyone else who is feeling out of sorts with their life, that they might get help. It isn't fair to your loved ones to watch you wither away. The world makes it seem like postpartum depression is a weakness or makes you a bad mom. They are so wrong! Add severe grief on top of that and you find yourself buried alive. This is when hopefully you or someone you love gets you the help you need. I will always miss Eric, life isn't the same without him. I know I will still have hard days, moments etc. but I want to live with him again so I need to keep going. Live life to the fullest. A good piece of advice I received from a special friend is that no matter where you go or who you meet everyone is going through something difficult-it's not fair to compare but it is possible to have compassion and forgiveness. Most people don't know what you are going through but they DO care about you. Everyone says something they don't mean at one time or another. I know I have and still do. But most people mean well.

Acknowledge life WHILE you live it! Be thankful for your blessings! I am doing my best to do this now. I am so blessed and so happy to have so many people that I love and cherish. Thank you for putting up with me. I'm not 100% yet and may never be but I'm sure going to try. Life sure is great through a child's eyes.

So big!

We have had a fun several days and now we have colds AGAIN. It is awful. I have never done more laundry, EVER! Everything is covered in slime and I have been trying so hard to keep it clean. It is so hard to keep two runny noses under control when all they want to do is carry on as they do every other day. Being sick doesn't phase my boys. There is no down time. ( I sure need a heck of a lot of down time when they are sick and up all night. ) I fall asleep thinking they were up all night so surely they will be tired and lazy the rest of the day...so not the case. I don't know how they keep going. If I still had my secret stash of Dr Pepper I'd have a clue but even the Halloween candy is gone-Andy took care of that quickly! Being active and creative is a good thing, at least they are constantly learning and having fun. I must admit that they fill my home with laughter a good 95 percent of the time. It is so worth it! I love my booger buddies! Oh and I just started a new job. I'm working at Aerie in the mall. I'm excited to get out of the house a little bit -not to mention an awesome discount!
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*Max is Eighteen Months!
It is amazing how time flies. He is such a busy boy. He loves to climb, dance, sing and destroy everything. He is such a social bug and loves attention. Giving high fives are a favorite and he shouts "ah right" every time. I'm grateful for the moments he still needs his mommy and wants to snuggle (this is mostly at night when Gav is already in bed, then Max knows he's not missing out on anything). He loves his books and likes to point out everything he knows in the stories. He loves to "keyiss and hug hug" most of the time too.

We sure know how to put our kids to work! Max has an obsession with things that are significantly bigger than him, he's a good helper when it comes to raking leaves etc. We have to watch out when we are at grandpa's house with all the "cool" tools.

He is learning to hold his own with Gavin so I get to hear the phrases "no, my turn" and "mine, mine mine!" over and over. My least favorite phrase is "stop it!" Max is really good at copying what you say and it sure frustrates Gavin. Max has the most personality I've ever seen in a little boy. His facial expressions are hilarious. He is overly dramatic but easy to please with a box of raisins or crackers. He still loves his "binkie binkie" I'm not sure how I will go about that breakup... I'm not ready for the added drama. He is still trying to find a way to put two in his mouth at once...good luck buddy! He is so funny in the mornings. He always wakes up with a lot to say. Then he has to climb into our bed and jump. Lately he likes to climb on the nightstand and sit and chatter away while drinking out of my water bottle. There isn't anything he can't climb on or into at our house now except the gate...yet... hopefully never! There is always at least one bruise on his forehead, I think he may need a football helmet or something.
He is becoming pickier and pickier about his food. (I'm going crazy, and running out of ideas on how to be sneaky.) We sure love our energetic sweetheart, even if he won't eat his dinner. I look forward to Max filling our home with more laughter and all the other craziness he and his brother come up with.

I'm excited!

I don't know about you but I am getting so excited to see this movie! I can't believe I didn't have to beg Andy to come with me or see it with the girls(I will most likely see it again anyway). He is actually interested, (probably because even his brothers have read the series, or he is smart and knows how much I love the series) I am so happy because he got tickets-yay! I just hope it is good!

boys!

I have a really bad habit of forgetting my camera. I need to fix that. If Andy isn't there....it usually means no pictures. It's not that I don't like to take pictures, I think it's fun, I just forget. The boys and I have done some fun things and yet there aren't pictures to enjoy afterward.

We have been back to the zoo- no more encounters with psychotic people. I'm glad we can go whenever we want, it's nice when it isn't busy. * I need to bring gloves and water proof pants next time. Gav climbed in a boat that's part of an exhibit and fell right in the sludgy melted snow...he didn't complain about being wet or cold and jumped in puddles the rest of the day so I saved the spare pants for the ride home. Reni was lucky her boys stayed pretty clean and dry. She has a few pictures on her blog of the boys chasing the peacocks. Gav was so funny, before I knew it he hopped the fence and was in with them running around. It was hysterical! On the way home Gav kept asking "where Cole go? he still at the zoo?" Me ,"no Gav, Cole went home to his house with his mommy and Max." Gav, "no he's at the zoo". It was cute.

Gav got his staples out and was so brave, he didn't even cry. I'm so glad that was as easy as it was. Now Max is back to collecting goose eggs on his forehead...don't know why? I don't know that I could handle any more bloody incidents for a while.

We have been raking leaves and cleaning up Grandma's yard. Max loves it,Gavin would rather play in the mud and puddles of melted snow. We have now had several days with wet, muddy pants from both boys. Thank goodness it has yet to be from an accident...Gav's just following his urge to jump in puddles and Max is pretty curious. I knew spare clothes in the car would come in hand.

*Anyway, my mom is finally off on her humanitarian trip to Africa. I hope she has a wonderful experience. I'm really glad she got the opportunity to go. It has been such a great distraction for her and it's something Eric would have done if he lived long enough to have the chance. So many people have been unbelievably gracious in their donations from money to clothing and school supplies. Our local elementary school collected about twelve hundred dollars, (in mostly change) it was a great donation. They chose to buy a cow, a corn grinder and other supplies that are desperately needed in Kenya with their money. Way to go!

A confession and a fun Halloween

I am still in my pajamas and I really should shower. This time change really throws me off. The kids wake up way too early,they are so tired and ready for bed too early too and I some how manage to stay up way too late anyway...only to be woken up really early again. I need to work on that.

We made french toast for breakfast/brunch. Gav loves to help me in the kitchen, it's cute. Gav ended up with a little toast a plate full of syrup.
* Note to self, new bottles of syrup are really easy for kids to pour excessive amounts when you are busy flipping the toast over in the pan, and the only signal you get is the sound of "YUM YUM YUM! it's sticky mama."
Max managed to fall onto a chair face first and cut up his lip pretty good this morning. I promise I watch my kids, they really are that clumsy, bless their hearts,their bumps seem to happen when I'm right there. I am tempted to get rid of my chairs... This delayed my attempted shower and before I knew it, it was time for the munchkins to eat.

For lunch we ate left over Mississippi mud brownies (so yummy! so not healthy for lunch, dumb mommy after all of that syrup from breakfast) and the toy box looks like it exploded all over my house(most likely consequential to the sugar high children). I think the anxiety and stress from Gav this weekend finally caught up with me, not to mention a fun and busy weekend with 17 super crazy nursery darlings wired from excessive sugar and the time change. I need to find that cleaning fairy's number, or some motivation to do it myself. I think I'd prefer the fairy...

It was nothing serious, thank goodness! He fell off his chair backwards while eating breakfast and landed on the a chair behind him. Andy was finishing up the crepes and I was in the other room. I heard the fall and ran. I saw blood. I didn't have time to freak out, I just knew he would likely need stitches. Head wounds bleed a lot, so I wasn't sure. I was so glad Andy was home! We rushed to get dressed and cleaned up. My dad watched Max while we took Gavin in.

Before, but cleaned up and numbed. Stupid chair!
When the nurse separated the cut it looked even worse than I thought and she said he would definitely need staples. They numbed his skin(which took half an hour to work, so we distracted him with candy) then we had to hold him down while they doctor put staples in. The first one didn't go in very well so they had to take it out and start over. Gavin tolerated the pain and circumstances really well considering. He was eager for his sucker when he was finished. It looked awful but as it has started to heal it's not too bad. He hasn't even touched it. I'm really glad it isn't bothering him. I'm not looking forward to getting them removed...yikes.

Just before the staples...sucker in hand. Poor guy.

As my older brother would say, "scars attract the ladies" sure...
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Halloween-
We took the boys to my parents for Halloween-they go all out. When we got to their house Gav got out of the car and paused, then he ran back to the car screaming. I was surprised. He doesn't really get scared. It took some coaxing but once he got to sit in papa's really cool antique Viking(car) and help with the horn and fog machine he was happy.
We also went to a party at Jessica's house. Max loved playing with the other kids. We had a great time, Thanks Jess! Their neighborhood was full of kids which made it nice for Gav to "a treat treat please"as he would say. He was hesitant, but once the candy started coming he would hurry up to the doors, set his bucket down and ring the bell(a few too many times). He'd say something close to "trick or treat" and thank you. Then he would just stand there and smile (a little awkward for the person at the door. They would eventually wave goodbye and Gav would leave). As people put candy in his bag he would reach into their bowl and get his own. It was a long and fun day. Andy convinced me to stay up and watch dumb scary movies-so I scored a really nice back rub.

*Amanda and I got out for some much needed girl time Saturday night and saw The Secret Life of Bees. It was good. We also enjoyed some yummy Marble Slab ice cream.

Family pictures and Gardner Village

We finally had time to get some family pictures. Andy hasn't had time to edit them but they turned out pretty good (considering there was running water everywhere). I still don't know how both boys stayed dry-but I am sure grateful! Here are a few.

One of the only pictures Max didn't have a cracker in his mouth, and Gav wasn't playing peek-a-boo.



My little buddy

Silly, happy boys



So handsome

We know how you feel buddy
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We enjoy our yearly tradition. I'm glad my boys love Halloween and aren't afraid of witches etc. It sure makes this fun!

The disadvantage of Andy being a photographer, he isn't in a lot of photos.

This face is priceless!

Gav and his daddy

I am still amazed he kept his costume on, even the hat. He embraced his inner monkey.

So sweet.

The witch

Riding with a witch...the boys loved it.

the cousins

Now we need to get our pumpkins carved...such slackers.

Run in with a psycho at the Hogle Zoo and venting

-Quick version-

This week has been insane. I am grateful for happy, almost healthy children, a warm place to live, yummy food to eat and fabulous family and friends. Pardon my selfish rant, novel more or less, but I am ready to explode.
Max has been to the doctor for a sinus infection, we have been up countless hours with him. The antibiotics have made his poop...you know. Gav has been going through some pattern of nightmares, so I have been up with him too. Grandpa passed away Tuesday, bless his heart. Family is in town. While playing outside my boys managed to find a huge mud puddle to fall in and get, well, muddy. Max peed on the bathroom floor as he was getting in the tub, I wouldn't care but I had just cleaned it after Gav's miss guided launch on the potty. As well as Gav going through two rolls of toilet paper in less than 48 hours. We are working on the "how many squares are necessary" and I have given in to my ocd about which way the roll faces. Supposedly the roll doesn't unravel as easily when upside down...I am going nuts but we still have a fairly fresh roll and it's day number two. Yesterday was Andy's grandpa's funeral and it was a beautiful but a very long day. I am still not comfortable with funerals. My emotions are so raw and fresh still. I don't think anyone gets used to funerals, I'm not going to try. Anyway, I am happy that all is calming down and getting back to what I delude myself into believing is normal.
We made plans to go to the zoo a while back for the special trick-or-treat day. Gav has been anxiously waiting. I was surprised he wanted to dress up. We were up early and ready for a great day but that didn't happen. Details below.
It was an exhausting excursion with a zoo packed full of crazy impatient unhappy adults,screaming children, grumpy teenagers, long miserable lines. I like to see the glass half full but seriously, we had bad timing today. Parking was a nightmare. I was nearly rundown by an impatient aggressive mother, who didn't care that I had my 86 year old grandma with me, for a stupid parking spot. Some people????
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Long version, I really don't expect you to read. I'm just mad.

We woke up early and went to the Boo at the Zoo. Both grandma Karla and grandma Great came along, Andy had a wedding shoot(surprise surprise). Gav even let me paint his face a little and he ran around the house practicing his "rooooooar" on Andy and Max. The entire drive to the zoo he would not stop roaring. The boys and grandmas were excited until we got to Sunnyside Ave. it was lined with cars and packed. I thought we would get there early enough that it wouldn't be a problem. Well,it was. The line was sure to die down as people start to leave, so we tried to find a spot in the lot so Grandma wouldn't have to walk very far. Apparently a million other people were trying the same strategy.
We drove around the parking lot and had several spots stolen(not sure if stolen is the correct term since they are not assigned),spots we were signaling for and other cars snuck in, used gestures to claim it or physically stood in the open spot for someone else. Considering we were at a family function one would think some common courtesy and patience might be found. It was ridiculous! I saw a family heading to their car further away so I hopped out and went to wait in it while my mom came back around. I normally think this is dumb when people do it but if you drove around for an hour you'd probably resort to it too. We were testing Max and grandma great's patience already. As my mom comes around the corner a woman in her big SUV starts to turn into the spot-right where I am standing! She started yelling at me from her window telling me she was parking here no matter what. She pulled forward. I'm not an idiot, and really didn't feel like being run over, you may think "ya right...she wouldn't really hit you". Well she did! As I was moving so I could share a kind word with her she continued to pull in and managed to hit me with her mirror and front tire. She really wasn't going to stop/swerve or anything. Pretty aggressive and pathetic. It happened pretty fast but I was ticked! She rolled her window down and was yelling. Not sure what made her think she had the right to yell when I was the one being run over?
If she would have said something to the extent of "I'm sorry but you can't save spots, would you mind moving?"...(not that there is a written rule anyway) or maybe..."do you mind moving, I am going to park here" or I have a disability and can't help my aggression, I also have no patience or the desire to walk and burn off some of my excess fat today. Maybe even just asking me why this spot was being saved? No, she didn't she just had to chew me out...for standing in a parking stall and run me out of the way. When I kindly told her about my grandma being 86 and just hoping she'd have enough energy to walk through the zoo, that I didn't want to push my grandma too much when we haven't even gone in yet...she didn't care. I really was still calm when I first spoke to her-surprisingly. She continued to yell, and call names. I so badly wanted to call her a moron or something worse but I refrained and started to walk away, she kept talking/yelling, I was livid-she got her spot by aggression so I think she should shut up and go get her free candy. I didn't look back but did something my impulsive spit-fire side has done a few times and showed her a special finger. I feel dumb now, because I stooped to her level, and her kids saw it, at the same time her kids also saw their mother try and run over an innocent stranger(I'm sure they have learned to use their own fingers by the characteristics their mommy has anyway). I don't know the last time I did that, I advanced to giving thumbs up when people are idiots instead. I was still shaking, I was so upset and startled from her hitting me. I walked back to our car and was trying to relax and forget about it. I saw a guy walking with his kids and asked if they were parked nearby, he let us follow him and have his spot. So both grandma's with arthritis were content and both boys were hungry and sick of the car. * My grandma got out and waited in this spot while we pulled in...no one messes with her!
As we were walking in the parking lot the same moron had the nerve to come up to me and spout off some more. Technically I could call it aggravated assault, she hit me...but I really don't care, I just wanted to have a fun time with my family at the zoo. I can get over the fact that some people are just senesless idiots but she was ready to duke it out. I wanted to laugh but I was mad. I just kept walking, I probably rolled my eyes, and told her to grow up, again. Seriously? I am more so upset at the fact that she was relentless in running me over, didn't care that she hit me, and had the audacity to come after me again as if she had something to prove. Since when do you have the right to run someone over? Another note. Her kids were out of diapers and probably ten or so...fully capable of walking and she was as larger than I thought. Maybe she missed her morning nap too.

I have really struggled most of my life with a specific female personality. I was bullied in junior high different girls I was shoved into lockers( not inside), rumors spread, hair pulled, had items stolen and even my back pack thrown in the dumpster. Now if I was loud, obnoxious,or bratty I would be more understanding. But I am really shy and quiet, unless I am really comfortable. I am overly tolerant. Being treated by a stereotypical judgment really bugs me, always has. If you have a problem get the facts and reassess your thoughts before you overreact.
My point is I am still upset about the situation and feel like if I were larger, I would have been more intimidating and this woman wouldn't have done this to me. There were several other people holding spots, most of the spots were closer than where I was...they were all of larger stature and probably more intimidating than me. I know I am short, if Andy had been standing there she would have passed by and looked elsewhere.
I will not be attempting to take the kids to the Boo at the Zoo event ever again...so not worth it. It was waaaaaay too crowded and no one was smiling. Everyone there was lacking patience. If I want to endure crowds I will go to Disneyland, at least people are smiling there and those lines have more to offer...like a ride. Halloween is supposed to be fun, kids events are supposed to be fun, and when trick-or-treating, you shouldn't have to stand in line for ten minutes to get a dum dum. At least we didn't go for the candy, all the more reason to go any other day of the year but the zoo event days. In the end Gavin got to pet a turtle and an owl, he wore his costume and roared the cutest roar. Max sure made the cutest monkey at the zoo too. My kids had smiles and that made my day.

My monkey!

The Golden Lion Tamarin monkeys must have thought Gav was one of them. They came right down and played infront of him until we left.

The turtle. I couldn't get a picture of the boys with him because Max was done with the zoo for today and Gav wouldn't cooperate, he just wanted to follow the turtle.