Justice and Mercy

I came across this incredible quote while flipping through an LDS book I had on the shelf.

"I believe that in his justice and mercy [God] will give us the maximum reward for our acts, give us all that he can give, and in the reverse, I believe that he will impose upon us the minimum penalty which it is possible for him to impose."

  - J. Reuben Clark, Jr., Conference Report, October 1953, p. 84

This I can't get over.  As I grew up in the Church, I didn't hear enough of this perspective.  While it in no way tolerates or encourages sin, it also expresses the clear preference our Heavenly Father has for mercy while still meeting the absolute need for justice.

Other minutiae of today:

*I was diagnosed with rosacea.  My mother and aunt both had this problem, and it has a familial component, so there you are.  It is recommended that I avoid both the sun and stress...which I'm not at all sure is possible in this life, but I'll do my best.

*Hannah received a new book from Gaga that included a set of miniature Princess pets.  She hasn't stopped playing with it all day.  She creates an entire world around her toys and animals, and lives happily in it for hours.

*Hunter and I took a walk this evening while the girls were away at church and with Dad.  We just went around the block, and I suggested crossing Ruddiman to the overlook by Muskegon Lake.  He was so surprised I would think to cross a street!  :)  We had a great time.

*Helena went to Activity Days with her friend Brielle tonight.  Helena is so blessed to have lots of good friends at church, and a few gems at school, too.  She seems to be a natural missionary, and doesn't mind inviting Brielle every time they have Activity Days.  She is growing up rapidly, and easily looks like a twelve year old.  Also, she's started band and is the only person playing the clarinet in her fifth grade class.

*Dan took Hannah to the property this evening, but took my van instead of his Freestyle, thus depriving him of all the necessary tools he needs to get things done over there.  Instead, he spend most of the time jumping on the trampoline with Hannah.  Maybe that was better for both of them anyway.

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."  L.M. Montgomery

Reset - Out of Time

I've been in a really interesting mental space lately.  Days go by when it feels like I'm almost an observer, while simultaneously experiencing life as it happens.

Then, tonight, I sat down to do something for Hunter's school and put on R.E.M.'s "Out of Time" album, and it might as well have been 1991.  I couldn't feel the difference!  It made me think about how strange time is...and how quickly it passes...and how much I haven't appreciated it as it happens.

I'm getting closer to the midway point of life, and frankly, it won't do anymore to postpone goals or experiences, telling myself that "life is long," or "I will work on that in a few years, when the kids are all grown."  Hannah won't be grown for 15 more years, and...well, I'm not waiting to get going until then.  I can't actually say that I have some big goals or plans that I've been pushing off.  I just know that if needs doing, "Now is the best time of [my] life!"

This picture (from Fall 2013) perfectly encapsulates their personalities.

L to R:  Hannah (3), Helena (9), Hunter (6)

A Rumpled Life

I have this friend who is amazing in a thousand different ways. She is friendly, cheerful, intelligent, kind, and always doing loving and creative things for her children. Beyond that, she is gorgeous! No matter the occasion, she looks as though she stepped out of a magazine shoot, even after a workout or first thing in the morning. From every vantage point her life appears perfect.

Naturally, there is one vantage point that is invisible to me (or to the rest of the world): my friend's own, personal view. I don't believe she is unhappy, but like all of us, she has her own challenges, and some have been significant.

 At about this point in my reflections, I inevitably start comparing myself to this particular woman, and every other woman in my acquaintance. For some reason, though, this time I accepted the kind of gal I am - in a word, rumpled. Yes, rumpled! I don't spring out of bed with a smile on my face in the morning. Thanks to my lovely Mickey mirror (thanks, Dan!), I get to see the almost comic way my hair flips around when I wake up. After a workout, my hair is frizzy and my clothes are baggy and I am rank enough to turn heads. I am happy, comfortable, and ME when I am wearing a good pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, plus the Brooks running shoes that are a medical necessity these days. Even at those times when I am trying desperately to spiff it up a bit - weddings, church, family pictures - I can't quite get my hair to behave, or my clothes to lay smoothly and fit perfectly.

The "rumples" extend into my habits and behavior, too. I've tried meal planning, schedules, cleaning rotations, and 30 Day organization plans, pinned hundreds of fantastic ideas onto Pinterest, and made calendars and posters of varying cuteness. Unfortunately, life never cooperates with the above list, so the house gets cleaned (mostly) on a needs-based schedule, we eat when I think about cooking, and the pins are waiting patiently in cyberspace for my future use.

The good news is, I'm only three decades into this life. A little neurosis goes a long way, so I'm never fooled into thinking I'm too close to perfection. In fact, my own imperfections give me plenty of opportunities for both forgiveness and improvement.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

In My Only Dreams

I had the most unusual experience this last weekend. I can only describe it as a waking dream, and it was so vivid, emotional, and real I feel compelled to put it down in writing. Or typing.

I was sitting in Primary, enjoying a lovely talk during Sharing Time, when all of a sudden, I was walking along the concrete path to my Grandma's back porch door. I pulled on the screen door, which gave a familiar creak, and stepped up onto her enclosed porch. My feet must have been bare, because I could feel the cold gray linoleum. She had her big table all set for a casual family dinner. The table was covered with a vinyl cloth over the edge. I ran my hand along the ledge underneath the table and examined the offerings. There was potato salad in the big, heavy blue bowl with a flower made of cut vegetables on the top. (Grandma always makes things look as good as they taste, I thought). A relish tray with cut vegetables, pickles, and olives sat to the side. Her plastic Tupperware salt and pepper shakers were right in the middle of the table. Someone (maybe Christina?) had made fruit salad in the glass bowl. I stole a grape and looked around the room, to the floral chandelier above and the floating white curtains lining the bedroom on the other side of the porch. I made the big step into the kitchen and heard, "Hello, Beth!", as clear as if Grandma were right in front of me now. It seemed natural to open the cupboard next to the sink and pull out the plastic dishes and some silverware and put it out on the table, while I told Grandma about how church was and how our Primary kids were doing, how Hunter was almost asleep and Helena always brought her pink purse to church (even though she isn't feminine in the least!). She was glad that Hannah was able to stay in Nursery today by herself, without Dan.

And then I realized I needed to go back to Primary, and it was over. I haven't been to Grandma's since shortly after she passed away, but this Sunday, I was there - and so was she.

Occasionally I wonder if I'm doing everything I should be with my life, my time, and my energy. I consider whether I should be working outside the home, doing freelance writing, acting as an officer in the PTA, or joining the Disney Moms Panel. I think about whether my life as it is is worthwhile, if it is lived in so small a sphere. But then, Grandma's sphere was small, but her heart was enormous, and after all, that's the main thing.

Still might hit that Disney gig, though.

"There is no sister so isolated, and her sphere so narrow but what she can do a great deal towards establishing the Kingdom of God upon the earth.” - Eliza R. Snow

An Adams for a Parent

The first two quotes are from Abigail Adams to her son, John Quincy Adams, who later became the sixth President of the United States. They were written to him at two separate times in his life: first, when he was about ten years old and preparing to cross the Atlantic on a diplomatic mission with his father; second, after he had returned from that first trip and an additional one where he served as personal secretary to the U.S. Ambassador to Russia.

"These are the times in which genius would wish to live. It is not in the still calm of life or the repose of a pacific station that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues. When a mind is raised and animated by scenes that engage the heart, then those qualities which would otherwise lay dormant wake into life and form the character of the hero and the statesman."

"If you are conscious to yourself that you possess more knowledge upon some subjects than others of your standing, reflect that you have had greater opportunities of seeing the world and obtaining knowledge of mankind than any of your contemporaries. That you have never wanted a book, but it has been supplied to you. That your whole time has been spent in the company of men of literature and science. How unpardonable would it have been in you to have turned out a blockhead."

This quote comes from John Adams (later second President of the United States) to his daughter, Nabby.


"Daughter! Get you an honest man for a husband, and keep him honest. No matter whether he is rich, provided he be independent. Regard the honor and moral character of the man more than all other circumstances. Think of no other greatness but that of the soul, no other riches but those of the heart. An honest, sensible, humane man, above all the littleness of vanity and extravagances of imagination, laboring to do good rather than be rich, to be useful rather than make a show, living in modest simplicity clearly within his means and free from debts and obligations, is really the most respectable man in society, makes himself and all about him most happy."

Excellent advice, and well put.

An American Tune

I'm always grateful for the Sabbath. After the first couple of hectic, wake-up-and-get-everyone-ready hours, I slow down and enjoy the one day during the week where we've actually been commanded to rest and think on spiritual things. Today was like that. Church was great (wonderful lesson Megan!), it's always good to see my church family, who I really do love, and the weather was quintessentially autumnal. The drive home was divine. I laid down while everyone else was napping and read for a little while, then made an apple pie. And while I did that, I listened to one of the finest songs I think I've ever heard.

American Tune

Many's the time I've been mistaken,
and many times confused
And I've often felt forsaken,
and certainly misused.
But it's all right, it's all right,
I'm just weary to my bones
Still, you don't expect to be
bright and bon vivant
So far away from home,
so far away from home.


I don't know a soul who's not been battered
Don't have a friend who feels at ease
Don't know a dream that's not been shattered
Or driven to its knees.
But it's all right, all right,
We've lived so well so long
Still, when I think of the road we're traveling on,
I wonder what went wrong,
I can't help it
I wonder what went wrong.

And I dreamed I was flying.
I dreamed my soul rose unexpectedly,
and looking back down on me,
smiled reassuringly,
and I dreamed I was dying.
And far above my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty,
drifting away to sea
And I dreamed I was flying.

We come on a ship we call the Mayflower,
We come on a ship that sailed the moon
We come at the age's most uncertain hour
And sing the American tune
But it's all right, it's all right
You can't be forever blessed
Still, tomorrow's gonna be another working day
And I'm trying to get some rest,
That's all, I'm trying to get some rest.


Here's the iTunes link to my favorite version from "The Concert in Central Park" (one of the few experiences I'd time travel for.)

Click here

Take Your Own Advice, Beth

I'm not feeling very happy today. Plenty of reasons...

But here's the thing: My reasons to be happy more than outweigh my reasons to be depressed.

I taught a lesson today in Young Women, focusing mostly on being positive and how that can lead to success. Perhaps I should take some of my own advice?? Because gratitude puts us in a more positive frame of mind, let's examine some reasons to be happy.

I'm grateful because:

1. My cousins from Utah visited this summer. We don't get to see each other nearly as much as I'd like, but that makes me all the happier when we are together.

2. We have a new cat, named Bobby Handsome (Helena's choice), who is very loving and is fitting in well.

3. Helena started kindergarten and loves it! Except the Pledge of Allegiance.

4. When Hunter talks on the phone and is ready to finish his conversation, he doesn't say "bye" or "I love you" - he kisses the phone and then hugs it, with a big grunt to emphasize the effort he's putting into that hug.

5. Our attic is nearly completed. Thankfully, it's completed enough that there's no more noise, and not too much dust. It still has a little more work before it's really usable space. But there's so much potential!

6. Helena learned how to ride her two-wheeled bike overnight and loves to take extra-long bike rides.

7. Hunter also got his first "bike," a plastic, toddler-sized deal. It has pedals, however, and he figured out how to ride it immediately.

8. We've decided to go to Walt Disney World just after the Thanksgiving holiday, when Christmas will already be in full swing at the resort. We're excited to go one more time before...



9. The thing I'm happiest about: We're having a baby! He or she is due Feb. 24. Better than anything else was being able to feel AND see the baby kick yesterday. We'll find out if we should expect a boy or a girl on Oct. 12. I'm just hoping for a healthy baby, with an easy disposition :)