Tuesday, February 24, 2015

see ya

"Inspiration comes from vulnerability.
Epiphanies come from desperation.

When we let our walls down either physically, or emotionally, or spiritually, that's when we learn the most about the world around us and ourselves.

Let yourself be vulnerable. Let your weakness show. When falling to your lowest point, know that there will be space for something amazing to happen, to push you back up."
source: lebaroness

---------------

I'm not perfect. I'm not even close. There are so many things that I need to work on, but I feel a sense of peace. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies those who are called. If you think about it, the people in the scriptures that were called of God weren't perfect people. What they had, though, was a desire. A strong, amazing desire to be better, to serve God, and to bring people closer to Him.

I'm going to have to be really open and honest with myself the next year and a half. If I want to truly change, I'm going to have to allow the spirit to lead and guide me. I'm going to have to be humble enough to acknowledge my weakness and commit to change. I'm going to experience heartache and pain and hopelessness, but I'm also going to experience a lot of joy and growth and peace. It'll be incredible.

Life is really funny sometimes. I have been waiting forever for this moment - to leave on my mission. But now that it's finally here, I couldn't be more surprised. I really am surprised, this came so soon. I'm sitting here looking at my luggage, my scriptures, my outfit for the plane tomorrow... and it's so surreal.

Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do with my last day. I wouldn't want to spend today with anyone other than my family. They are going to be the hardest goodbye. I can't even... I can't even imagine how my heart will feel tomorrow.

But before that, I'll spend today with them.

I'll also be listening to every single song I possibly can. If you know me, you know that music is my life. Next to the people I will obviously miss, I'm going to miss my music so much...

My playlist for today:



And obviously...


I LOVE YOU ALL. Thank you for those who actually read this blog. For the next 18 months, my mom will be keeping up a blog for my mission. I'll post the link to it later today.

Remember that God has a plan for each of us. Trust in Him always, and you'll never be lost.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

farewell

Today I gave my farewell talk. Can't believe this is really happening.

----------

This life can be really hard sometimes, right? I think we've all had moments that just seem so incredibly overwhelming that we want to just give up. If there's one thing I've learned in my last 19 years it's how to endure.

Enduring to the end is the last principle in the doctrine of Christ. Jesus Christ teaches us 5 things that make up his Gospel.

1. Have Faith in Christ
2. Repent
3. Be Baptized
4. Receive the Holy Ghost
5. Endure to the End

Enduring to the end is the last principle for a reason. After we have accomplished the first 4, we need to never forget them and always live worthy of the blessings that we receive because of them. We need to always exercise our testimony of those 4. This is enduring to the end... it's a life-long process.

The first principle of the gospel is faith. Faith is vital. I have found this to be true more and more the older I've gotten. Faith in God gives us hope. Believing in something bigger and better really can get you through some rough times.

President Thomas S. Monson once said, "Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier."

Having faith is hard. But something that I have learned is that often the harder we have to work, the more blessed and better off we will be at the end. The struggles that we all face are a part of the stories we are writing. Trials are inevitable, but if we endure them and if we endure them well, we will be so blessed. We will find more strength and more confidence.

I think we have all heard the phrase, "God doesn't give us a trial that we can't handle."

I've thought long and hard about this, and a couple of weeks ago, I was discussing this with a friend and we both agreed that the phrase should actually say, “God doesn't give us a trial that we can't handle without His help."

If we were able to handle all of the things that life throws at us, we wouldn't have to turn to our Savior.

God loves us so much, He actually wants us to come to Him and He wants us to grow, so we should expect trials that we can’t handle on our own.

In Matthew 11:28-30 it beautifully says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me…for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Christ is speaking to those of us who are carrying burdens much too heavy for our own shoulders. And in that one verse he simply states the reason why we are given more than we can handle: It’s so we can come to him. It’s so we can trust him enough to hand over our heavy, crippling burdens and let him carry the load.

Jesus Christ is here for us. We all need him because we all sin and none of us are perfect. Maybe you are struggling with overcoming an addiction or you feel weighed down by depression and anxiety. Maybe you are struggling with finances, a relationship, or even your own testimony. Maybe you feel lost and broken and worthless. I have struggled with many of own trials for sure, but I know this to be true - Jesus died for us knowing that we may never love him back. That is true love. He did what he did because he knew we would need someone to turn to. It's there - his support, his encouragement, his guidance - it's all there, ready for us to take.

Ezra Taft Benson once said, "Those who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can." Because we are given trials we can't handle on our own, we are taught the beauty of humility. Being humble helps us not only to be able to hear the spirit but it also helps us to follow through with the promptings that we are given.

To receive guidance and peace, you need to turn to your Father in Heaven.

He wants you to know that you are loved, that you mean something, and that you have a purpose.

His love really is never-ending.

In relief society last week, someone shared something that was so beautiful and really hit me to the core. I had heard it before, but it didn't really click until last week. They said, "Sometimes the Lord calms the storm, but sometimes he let's the storm rage and rather He calms the child."

I truly believe that that quote embodies the very essence of our Heavenly Father. Of course He doesn’t want us to go through pain, but He knows that we need to grow.

Everything we experience is for our own good - Heavenly Father knows this. I know for a fact that I am stronger because of the trials I have gone through.

I didn’t really know what needing him meant until I had no other choice. You know, until I felt completely alone and in too much pain to bear any longer. Those moments taught me he’s not just a want or a convenient symbol of love or a reason to do good deeds.

No, he’s the very air we breathe.

And he’s the only one who can make it bearable when life is simply anything but.

I can't believe that I am going to be a missionary in just two days. This is something that I've always wanted, and it's surreal to be standing here, giving my farewell talk. I was asked recently what one of my goals was for my mission, and after thinking long and hard, I came to the conclusion that I just want to completely lose myself in the service of God.

Ezra Taft Benson, quoting him again, he said, "Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life."

This is what I want.

I want eternal life for me, my friends, and my family.

I just can't wait to be out in the mission field where I’ll work with the Spirit to bring people and their families closer to God and to eternal life.

I can't wait to meet and serve the people of Nebraska, and I am so grateful to be teaching and testifying in the Spanish language. I've been practicing my Spanish, so I'd like to bear a simple testimony of what I know to be true.

Doy testimonio de que Dios es real.
I testify that God is real.

Sé que Cristo vive
I know that Christ lives.

Y sé que esta iglesia es verdadera.
And I know that this church is true.

God is so good and true peace and happiness really are found within the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I so testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Monday, February 16, 2015

9 days

Since receiving my mission call back in October, I have felt God's presence more than ever. Sure, it has been the hardest couple of months, but I've seen and experienced some really neat things.

One cool blessing has been reconnecting with many old friends - best friends from elementary school. I've messaged them back and forth on Facebook or Instagram, finding out about their lives and how they've been the last 10+ years. This has been a huge blessing. These friends meant the world to me.

One friend in particular leaves on his mission to Norway this Wednesday. When I asked him how he felt about leaving, he gave the most honest answer, and I completely related.

“I feel like curling up into a ball and sobbing. But I haven't shed a single tear.”

It's really one of the weirdest feelings. I could not be more excited about serving a mission. I can't wait to meet so many new people, share the gospel of Christ, grow, learn, and experience so much. But at the same time, I'm terrified. I'll be speaking another language, living far away from my family, and going without a lot of the comforts of life I'm so used to. Even just typing that, I have this thought running through me head, "Oh, calm down, you'll be fine," but it's scary. It's a scary thing to give up a year and a half of your life.

And that's where the whole reason to serve a mission comes in. I'm not giving up my phone, my car, my computer, etc. for nothing. I'm not willingly leaving my family and friends behind with little contact for 18 months just for the heck of it. I am going to serve a mission because I love my Savior and because I love my Heavenly Father. I have a strong testimony of this gospel - I know it changes lives. I know that it has changed mine in so many ways. I can feel God leading and guiding me, helping me through confusion and pain. I know that everyone needs to hear this message, and that's why I'm choosing to serve.

I'm not being forced, I'm not going to make other people happy... I'm going because it feels right.

So yes, I'm scared and nervous and anxious and freaking out. But I'm also excited and ready and humbled and calm. All at the same time. Doesn't really seem like it's possible, but it is. Just so many emotions, and yet through it all, I can consistently feel God's arm around my shoulders, helping me and encouraging me.

Monday, February 9, 2015

lately: things that get me

A little thing about me. I kind of collect quotes. I have a notebook and a pen with me wherever I go. I thought I'd share a few that have really hit me more recently, or at least have made me feel something.

--------------------

“If you find parts of yourself missing, do not search for them in somebody else.
I swear you will find them one day; and if not, you will discover pieces you have never seen before.
You are not a simple work of art.
You are the entire museum.”
— Galleries by Ming D. Liu


“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”
— Gloria Steinem


“Be so full of love that every word out of your mouth will soothe the souls of all those who are around you.”
— Unknown (to me)


“A woman who wants best for you,
is best for you.”
— Tyler R.


“There is growth in pain, it may not be the growth we want, but it is growth none the less; So learn, feel, breath, go forward and know what it is to be.”
— T.B. LaBerge


“Teach your children
not only
how to love
but
how to be loved.”
— Michelle K.

----------------------

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

trying

Image

You know what's really cool? The fact that we are all trying. We are all trying to be better, in some way or another. There may be some people who appear to be trying harder than others, but honestly, everyone is just trying to find his or her own way in this world. People have tons and tons of potential. Do you realize how much you can learn from just one person? They have years of their own experiences, where they have tried and failed and tried again. So much learning.

"Know how to appreciate other people without being envious or jealous of them. It took me a long time to realize that you will always have room for love - it’s hate that takes up space."

We were pieced together by the most gentle of hands, and we have all been designed for something eternal. There's really no need for hate, no need for persecution, no room for any of it. There's no reason to tear another human down. God created each of us. Seek to find the beauty in others. Looking for the good in other people will never be time wasted. Learn how to give without wanting anything in return.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

fear & light

"Sometimes things disintegrate to build a path for much better things to be. You'll do such great things with your life. I'm not trying to sound negative or mean or anything like that but you deserve someone who won't give up on you. You're worth so much and you can't settle for just ok, you deserve so much love. So so much. And it's going to hurt until you find it but you can't settle friend and you can't give up on yourself or on it. And I know it's out there for you. I know God is saving you for a very special guy who will be everything you need. You are you and out of all the people the universe has let me encounter, you are one of the loveliest. There is no way in any dimension of this life that you will not find someone who will fall in love with you and love you just as much as you love them. God will not do that to you. You love him, anyone that knows you knows that. And he will not leave you to find your way in life all by yourself. Trust him, and believe in yourself just as much as you believe in him and he believes in you. He's got your back. Pray to him what you want to find and he will make it happen on his perfect timing. All will be well my friend."

A friend told me this recently as I was wrestling with my heart and feelings and such. I felt so strongly about what she said, I was impressed to share it. It may be directed at me, but honestly, it applies to everyone.

Maybe you aren't trying to fix your heart over a relationship like I am. Or maybe you are. Maybe you are feeling inadequate, or you are quickly losing hope. Maybe you are struggling with an addiction or stressing over money or trying to figure out your life and what to do with it.

Guess what? God knows. And God won't leave you behind. He will not leave you on your own. His timing is perfect, it really is. There is a rhyme and reason to everything. I promise. So just hold on a little longer. God will not let you go through this life alone - turn to Him, and let Him see your faith and allow Him to build you up.

Sometimes things disintegrate to build a path for much better things to be.

-----------------------