A Crash and Confusion

Around Christmas time our computer crashed.  Crashed hard.  As in we could only turn it on and then nothing.  Thankfully we have backup so we didn't lose anything...at least I don't think we did.  But this made us contemplate getting our old and outdated computer fixed or just buying a new one.  After debating back and forth for weeks (thankfully we had the iPad and Emma's school Netbook to keep us in touch with reality) we decided we would bite the bullet and get a new one.

Normally getting a new computer is fun and exciting and I know one day soon I will like it but I am having a hard time getting used to it.  I am a lover of change...except when a computer is involved.  My kids are making fun of me and it seems as if everything I have ever known about computers, which isn't much, has been tossed out the window.  

You see, this new computer of ours is a iMac.  Heaven help me.  We have had it for a few days now and I just today got on to check it out.  Meanwhile, Lee and the kids are already pros, of course.  I feel bad that I haven't updated my blog in a while.  I do have a lot to say.  I just need a little more time to get the hang of this new beast.  Bare with me...

Eleven

This was a very cool birthday year for Eva.

She turned 11 on the 11th in 2011 at 11:40pm.

We celebrated the whole weekend and she had a great time.

I am so thankful for Eva and feel honored to be her mom.  She truly is a special girl.  She is funny, beautiful, caring, considerate, obedient and respectful to name just a few of her amazing gifts.  Eva is one who leads by example, even an example to her parents.  She is goodness through and through and I love her to pieces!

Baby

We are pregnant!  13 weeks, to be exact.  I can't tell you all of the feelings going on in my head these days.  One minute I am super excited, the next I am terrified.  Feelings of "What have we done?" come and go.  For years now I have known there was at least one more baby to come to our family.  I tried so hard to ignore those feelings but couldn't any longer.  So here I am.  Knowing 100% we made the right decision, but still finding it very difficult to accept.  That may sound harsh, like I don't want the baby, which couldn't be further from the truth.  I am just so nervous!  Nervous to start over again, nervous about the 7 year difference between the baby and Ella, nervous about how busy we are and how the baby is going to react to basically living in the car, nervous about whether or not the baby is healthy.  Nervous, nervous, nervous.

Then there are times when I realize how selfish I am being to have such thoughts.  I need to be extremely grateful that I have the ability to carry a child and experience the miracle of it all.  So many women suffer from infertility, but I don't.  I have a loving husband who supports me in everything I do.  I have four wonderful children who are just ecstatic about the baby.  June 13th cannot come soon enough for them.  Remembering just how good life is washes away all the nervous feelings and I realize how truly honored I am to be able to bring another human being into the world, into our family.  What a blessing and a joy this baby will be to our family!  All the sickness and fatigue and everything else that comes with pregnancy will be so worth it once I get to look my little miracle in the eye.  Life is good!

Thoughts, Faith and Miracles

With Thanksgiving coming up I wanted to take a moment to share a couple of experiences that have happened to our family recently that I am so grateful for.  I don't wish to share them because I think my family is great.  I hope that by posting these very personal experiences I may instill a renewed sense of Faith and Hope to someone who may need it.


This past summer Lee was laid off.  We were not prepared for it.  Who really is?  We were still trying to recover from the past few years that have been a struggle for us financially.  We had no idea how long it would take Lee to find something else.  With the economy the way it was I feared the worst.


I immediately decided I would put a resume together and start looking for a job to help bring in some income.  I was scared, but excited at the same time.  All my kids were finally going to school all day.  I felt now was a good time.  I started to wonder who in the world would hire me, someone who hadn't worked outside the home in 13 years.  But I pressed forward knowing I had no other option.  It took me a week to put a decent resume together but I did it.  And then THE PERFECT job came along.  It would be working full time at a school as a reading counselor.  I LOVE reading!  The hours would be perfect.  I would be home when my kids got home from school!  I'd have the same holidays off as my kids.  It really could not have been any more perfect for me.


I was called in to interview for this position and I thought things went great.  It was almost too good to be true.  The principal told me there were over 100 people applying for 8 positions and she would call me within the next day or two.  I felt my chances of getting hired were slim but I remained hopeful.


That night, the more I thought about the job the worse I felt and I didn't understand it.  It was the perfect job!  Why would I feel bad about it?  Was I just worried about going back to work?  I wasn't sure.


I decided I would go to the temple the next morning.  I needed to feel peace.  While in the temple I had some thoughts...thoughts I know were not my own.  These thoughts were that I already had a job and I needed to remember that my job as being a mother is a holy calling, one that I should never take lightly.  I also thought that I had some room for improvement in this job.  Although I get to stay home all day, I still need to treat it as a job.  I need to plan my day, taking a lunch break, not wasting any time watching TV and eating bon bons.  I need to provide an environment where my children can thrive.


As I was having these thoughts, I thought to myself, "But who am I to not try to help my husband out during this difficult time?"  My answer was this...By magnifying this calling/job of being the best mother I can be, I will be helping my husband (and children) out far more than if I got a job outside the home, that this would be a blessing to my husband and he would see more success in the workplace because of it.


I have great admiration for mothers who have to work.  I am in no way suggesting they should stop.  I guess it just wasn't right for me.


As Lee and I drove home from the temple I told him my thoughts.  We agreed that I knew what I needed to do.  As soon as I got home I emailed the school principal and told her I wished to withdraw my application.  Apparently she didn't get the email because the next day she called me to offer me the job.  After I hung up with her I cried.  Was I doing the right thing by turning it down?  I had made my decision.  I now had to have the faith that all would be well.


After the next couple of weeks or so I began to doubt.  Lee wasn't going to many interviews.  Maybe I should have taken that job.  Deep down I knew I made the right decision, I had to continue to have faith.  One thing I have learned through our trials in life is that no matter what, we can get through it.  Surrendering my will over to my Heavenly Father and letting him take charge makes my burdens lighter.  I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father knows our situations and wants the best for us.  Because of that knowledge I am ok with going through some yuck in order to get the life my Heavenly Father wants me to have.


I think it was a month or so after Lee was laid off, we as a family decided to fast for Lee to be able to find a job.  I need to explain something before I go on.  Fasting is hard for us, especially on the kids.  They would rather be tortured...in fact they think fasting IS a form of torture.  We explained to the kids that we needed their faith in this fast.  I think Heavenly Father hears and answers the prayers of our pure, innocent children faster sometimes than us stubborn adults.  We took a giant leap of faith and told them that if we all fasted and prayed for Dad to get a job that week, and had the faith that it could happen, it would.  Even little Ella agreed to it.  I know it was so hard for her.  I think I wanted this to work more for my kids to be able to gain a testimony of fasting than Lee actually getting a job.


That week Lee had more interviews than ever.  One particular company called him back three times and the week ended with things looking really promising.  That next Monday, Lee was offered the job!


I do a lot of things wrong as a mother, so I am especially thankful for experiences like this.  My kids now have a testimony of fasting.  While it is still a challenge for them, they will never deny that their prayers were answered that week.  Not only did Lee get a job, it's the best job he's ever had with the most potential. 


I have no doubt our Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers.  We just need to remember to have faith that through Christ, anything can happen.  Miracles didn't cease to happen in biblical times.  They continue to happen every day...even to simple folk like the Ziebarth family.

Would You Still Love Me If...

My family has this ongoing little joke.  It goes like this... Someone will say "Would you still love me if I looked like this?"  And they proceed to make the most hideous face they can come up with.  Some of these faces might look like this...

...or this...

...or this...

...or even this...

Sometimes I struggle with the answer like when the face they make is extra hideous.  But when all is said and done, I would love my kids no matter what!  This little picture is perfect for our ongoing family joke and it just might become my new response when someone asks me, "Would you still love me if I looked like this?" (imagine a hideous face)

Scouts

Ben LOVES Scouts!

 It's all so very new to me but I am trying to be a supportive parent. :)

 Ben scored this sweet fox...thing...at his scout auction.  He loves it.  Personally, it scares me but I am glad he likes it.  :)

Posting this reminds me that we have a lot to do still before he can advance.  We had better get busy!

It Doesn't Get More Random Than This Post

Emma is loving being in Beehives.  They do all sorts of fun activities.  One activity she particularly loved was the cake decorating class.  This is her cake and I think she did a great job for her first time ever decorating a cake!

 We got a dog.  Yes we did.  A very kind family in our ward overheard me talking about how I would love a dog someday.  Well, they thought now would be a good time so they gave us one of their puppies.  Isn't she cute?!  Eva named her Lulu.  She was a very good dog.  Unfortunately, the cats didn't think so and I was not emotionally prepared to take on the responsibility of caring for a new puppy, so after 4 days we gave her back.  It was sad but we all agreed it was for the best.  We will get a dog one day...when we are ready.

 Even though we gave Lulu back we decided to keep the crate that we had purchased for when the kids are naughty.

 Eva actually got stuck in it and we had to take it apart to get her out.  It was pretty funny.

 One morning I sent the kids off to school and saw this.  It made my day!

 Eva made this spooky little witch out of paper mache for her circuit project at school.  She hooked up two light bulbs to the eyes and her eyes glowed.  I thought it was a very creative little project.

 I was in charge of dessert for our Young Women In Excellence Meeting.  The theme was "Young Women:  A Pattern for Motherhood".  We decorated with a lot of sewing patterns and notions, etc.  I decided I would make fondant buttons to put on mini cupcakes for the dessert.  I made over 200 buttons in the colors of the YW values.  It was the first time I had made/worked with fondant.  It was SEW easy...I can't wait to work with fondant again! 

Halloween 2011 - Boohumbug

I was not feeling Halloween at all this year.  I just wanted it to go away.  But I have to say that I do regret not taking more pictures.  I loved the kids costumes this year and you can barely see them in these pictures.  Emma was an 80's girl, Eva a nerd, Ben a headless glow stick guy and Ella was a witch.

 Even Lee got in on the fun and pulled out his awesome Napoleon Dynamite costume this year.

I think the reason why I wasn't excited for Halloween like I usually am is because I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Now that Halloween is done with we can focus on the good stuff.  I have just been CRAVING family time and togetherness lately and there really is nothing like Thanksgiving and Christmas to bring families together.  I can't wait!

The Last Surviving Soccer Player

Ella is officially the last member of the family still in soccer.  The other kids have decided they like other things just a little more.  I told Ella that this would be her last year being able to do both dance and soccer.  She will have to pick which she likes better for next year.  She didn't have to think very long about her decision.  It looks like we will say goodbye to dance next year.  She can't get enough of soccer.  It's out for the winter right now and she doesn't know what to do with herself.  Spring can't come fast enough for her.

Park Day

These days we don't get quite as much time to spend together as a family so we are learning to enjoy every moment, even if it's just a day at the park!