A few nurse friends suspect it could possibly have been a pulmonary embolism followed by cardiac arrest, which I’ve read has a 95% mortality rate. They were unable to revive her. Maybe I’ll never know the chain of events. I just know that there’s a huge void where this one bright, shiny, happy and very loved woman once lived.

My heart is breaking and I’m in a complete fog. She was a dear friend as well as the best big sister a girl could have. She and I talked almost daily for many, many years and never a day went by without texting something funny, an observation, photos of our cats, typos on menus and tv screens…after our mom passed, she called me and said, “I used to call Mom every day when I got out of work (she was a copy room lady and substitute scheduler at Churchill High School in San Antonio), so now that she is gone, you’re it!” She did that for years until she retired a couple years ago, and then we could talk anytime we wanted!

I shared everything in my life with her, both the good and the bad, and she was such a good listener–always patient, never judgmental. We always said we loved each other when we hung up.

When our mother was battling ovarian cancer for 11 years, I visited a month each year to spend more time with her. After she passed in 2010, I continued to visit my dad, who passed in 2019. I continued the journey to visit Debbie and her family and my sister Kelley and her family. Debbie and Bill would host me for a month or more while I worked and played down there.

I had just returned from visiting right before the world shut down in 2020 and hadn’t seen her in four years. I drove down to Texas for two weeks this past August and am so grateful that I did. They built an above-ground pool with a beautiful deck and she was so happy that all her friends and family gathered often to enjoy it. They had done so many wonderful improvements to their home and I know Debbie was very proud of the results. Home was always my Mom—and then when she passed, home was Debbie.

She adored her granddaughter, Chandler Rae, who turns three in June. I’m most saddest for Chandler not being able to spend more time with her Mema (which was our mother’s name for Debbie and Kelley’s kids). I’m sad because Debbie won’t get to share all of Chandler’s milestones. I’m just so very sad and my grief is so, so heavy.

I’m sad because my niece Lauren and nephew Landen have lost their mother too soon and so unexpectedly. I’m so sad for Bill, who retired in 2020, and was so enjoying retirement with Debbie, and making plans to travel. My heart aches for all of them, and it aches for me, too—this loss feels so much greater than the loss of my parents, whom I loved dearly. Maybe it’s because they had more time on earth? Maybe it’s because their passing wasn’t unexpected?